grecian Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Why do men wait for the woman to say I love you before they say it?? I'd like to have an honest feedback from the guys out there.
oaks Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Why do men wait for the woman to say I love you before they say it?? I'd like to have an honest feedback from the guys out there. That's a generalisation that doesn't stand up to scrutiny, and it isn't my experience with my own relationships where I've said it first whenever I've been in love. I suppose you're reflecting your experience (as I am mine) so does it say something about you (or me) and the people we fall in love with?
Euclid Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 They dont? Maybe you should date more confident men.
CluelessGuy1986 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Ive been seeing a girl for a few months and I am crazy about her, if its not love then I dont know how else to describe it. However, I am really hesitant to tell her as I wonder if its too soon, will it scare her off, etc... ?
2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 My own opinion is that women seem to be taking this emotionless role more and more so most guys do not want to say the love you because they fear it being turned on it's head and being accused of being a wuss and also shifting power to the woman. 2011
Ricl Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I say it when I both feel it and are sure of my feelings. Why rush it?
yessy21 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Don't tell her, wait until at least a year. A YEAR?! nooooo wayyyyy... thats toooooo long.... i say 4 to 6 months is u really feel it.
carhill Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 OP, accepting that men have unique and differing styles of feeling and communication, the nearest parallel I can draw which might speak to you is to examine why and how you decide you wish to have sex with a man who's pursuing you romantically. Examine those thought and emotional processes and their relevance to your history and resultant psychology and I'll bet you'll get some insight. Observe the man with those he's demonstrably loved for many years/decades, like close friends and family. How does he express his love to them? Myself, I see love and its expression as a gift I give freely to another. What they do with it and how they react to it is completely their choice and out of my control. In my relationships and marriage, I always was proactive about showing and speaking to that love. As always, YMMV.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 in today's day & age, men (in a dating context) aren't required to admit their love, nor should they. for the ones that understand what you give up by saying it and decide not to, it looks to women as though the man is "waiting" to say it. I would warn all men that the sooner you say/admit you "love" them, the sooner you relinquish much of the mystery/subtle conflict involved by being together and not saying it. a woman will ask herself what she isn't doing, or what she has done to not get you there... she won't ask, immediately; instead, she'll likely bring her A-game. bottom line: guys, if you're in no rush to get married, please don't even think about uttering such taboo. you're better off if you don't.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Why do men wait for the woman to say I love you before they say it?? I'd like to have an honest feedback from the guys out there. For the same reason most women wait for men to propose marriage before women do. (whatever that is) It's just too daring to be the one risking it all when in danger of jumping too soon.
Fondue Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 My question is, why does it matter? Why can't the woman say it first?
jane100 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I think its usually pretty clear when a woman is in love - or starting to fall in love. I think it is less clear with men. Thats perhaps why many people think a man should say it first... (But no hard and fast rules, like everything)
Fondue Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I think its usually pretty clear when a woman is in love - or starting to fall in love. I think it is less clear with men. Thats perhaps why many people think a man should say it first... (But no hard and fast rules, like everything) Not to sound ignorant or anything, but how exactly is it clear when a woman is in love?
jane100 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 This is what I read elsewhere on the net - tell me if this isn't true?!: "And the truth is, it often takes men longer to get there than it does for women. Men process their emotions more slowly, they're usually more cautious about taking their feelings and relationships to the next level. So what happens if you get there first and you say it and he's not there yet? What happens when your "I love you" is met with a "thank you," or worse, a deer-in-headlights look? Well, it stings, sure, but more than that, it can stop a perfectly happy and healthy relationship in its tracks before it's even too far from the station." hmmm...
carhill Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Not to sound ignorant or anything, but how exactly is it clear when a woman is in love? When she's holding his hand and looking with tear-filled eyes into his eyes as he dies. Everything else is a mystery. Been there done that, heard the words, seen the actions, watched the light switches. Accept the mystery, albeit sometimes a painful one. IMO, time and distance in life is the measure of one's love. Continuity, breadth and depth measured over a lifetime. Those realities do not impact my personal style of expressing love, but reflect my acceptance of the realities and the potentials. They are what they are.
Fondue Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 This is what I read elsewhere on the net - tell me if this isn't true?!: "And the truth is, it often takes men longer to get there than it does for women. Men process their emotions more slowly, they're usually more cautious about taking their feelings and relationships to the next level. So what happens if you get there first and you say it and he's not there yet? What happens when your "I love you" is met with a "thank you," or worse, a deer-in-headlights look? Well, it stings, sure, but more than that, it can stop a perfectly happy and healthy relationship in its tracks before it's even too far from the station." hmmm... And this is exactly why men might not want to say it first. It isn't a one way street, ma'am.
jane100 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Men are usually more cautious in developing and expressing their feelings, have more commitment issues and so forth, is the point that was made first, so it is best to "wait" for them, generally speaking? I am not saying this is black and white, just up for debate. Don't be another man on LS who takes it personally pls!
kurisu Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 So far in my experience I've only come close to saying "I love you" to one person. In that particular relationship the only reason I held off saying it was for fear of scaring her off. I was waiting for some sure fire response showing that she felt the same way. Probably not the smartest move but the only one I could think of at the time. There may be different reasons the men in your life have been hesitant to say it but thats my own opinion on the matter.
Ross PK Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Maybe we don't want to be seen as some 'nice guy' and drive her away to an alpha male.
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