Should I contact him and say I forgive him for what he did? Or keep quiet about it?

[dressing up]

This is the backstory http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t262480/. I've decided to quit the platonic friendship after he recently told me he just got a girlfriend.

 

The latest is that said guy friend contacted me first without knowing my decision. Something happened during the short period and the incident left me disappointed in him and I haven't contacted him since. He hasn't either and I'm upset by it even though NC is better for me.

 

I've decided to forgive him for what he did that disappointed me. Should I forgive him quietly or contact him and tell him I forgive him?

[Fondue]

Wait, what?

 

You will be FORGIVING HIM because he got into a relationship? How does that even make sense? That's self-centered of you.

 

If anything, you should be apologizing to him and asking for his forgiveness for canceling on a friendship because he got a girlfriend.

 

EDIT: Yah, your post rubs me the wrong way. Just by reading a few lines, anyone can see your personality.

[dressing up]

Wait, what?

 

You will be FORGIVING HIM because he got into a relationship? How does that even make sense? That's self-centered of you.

 

If anything, you should be apologizing to him and asking for his forgiveness for canceling on a friendship because he got a girlfriend.

 

EDIT: Yah, your post rubs me the wrong way. Just by reading a few lines, anyone can see your personality.

 

 

No, the forgiving part is about something else. The link has the backstory. Anyways.

[spackle]

what incident?

 

& yes I would find it difficult to be round someone I wanted. So after gauging whether I would be in with a chance I'd probably walk away.

[dressing up]

what incident?

 

& yes I would find it difficult to be round someone I wanted. So after gauging whether I would be in with a chance I'd probably walk away.

 

The incident would be a story of its own and too much detail to go into.

 

As for you probably walking away, does that mean you would just forgive him for the incident quietly instead of telling it to him?

[MarlyStar]

Has he asked you for forgiveness? Does he feel he's done anything that needs forgiving?

 

If he hasn't asked for forgiveness, it's kind of arrogant to bestow it. My exMIL was always forigiving me for this or that. She was a fool and looked stupid doing it.

 

Your forgiveness of him is for your benefit, unless he's asked for forgiveness.

[utterer of lies]

This is the backstory http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t262480/. I've decided to quit the platonic friendship after he recently told me he just got a girlfriend.

 

The latest is that said guy friend contacted me first without knowing my decision. Something happened during the short period and the incident left me disappointed in him and I haven't contacted him since. He hasn't either and I'm upset by it even though NC is better for me.

 

I've decided to forgive him for what he did that disappointed me. Should I forgive him quietly or contact him and tell him I forgive him?

 

Neither. You should keep NC and move on.

 

Your mind is just trying to find ways to continue your fantasy, but your love is unrequited.

[dressing up]

Has he asked you for forgiveness? Does he feel he's done anything that needs forgiving?

 

If he hasn't asked for forgiveness, it's kind of arrogant to bestow it. My exMIL was always forigiving me for this or that. She was a fool and looked stupid doing it.

 

Your forgiveness of him is for your benefit, unless he's asked for forgiveness.

 

No, he hasn't asked for forgiveness but he could tell I was angry with him. I feel like I want to tell him WHY I was angry with him because I don't think he understood the exact reason. I just wanted to clear the air and tell him I'm not angry anymore after that.

 

Though I understand what you mean. I could be presumptuous thinking he needs my forgiveness. He's probably moved on already.

 

I'm just beating myself up feeling bad about it.

[dressing up]

Neither. You should keep NC and move on.

 

Your mind is just trying to find ways to continue your fantasy, but your love is unrequited.

 

You might be reading into my subconscious. I can't tell whether I really want to clear the air or find a way to contact him.

[spackle]

The incident would be a story of its own and too much detail to go into.

 

As for you probably walking away, does that mean you would just forgive him for the incident quietly instead of telling it to him?

 

since I don't know what the incident is then I have no way of knowing how to react.

[TaraMaiden]

You might be reading into my subconscious. I can't tell whether I really want to clear the air or find a way to contact him.

 

The fact that you've even admitted that's a possibility, makes it highly probable.

 

You just want to perpetuate the drama.

[collegeguy_24]

I just went through the link you provided, and I didn't see a reason as to why he would need your forgiveness, the incident that you keep referring to. What is this incident, cause I didn't see it.

[fishtaco]

If he hasn't asked for forgiveness, it's kind of arrogant to bestow it.

 

I vote for this one.

[dressing up]

Has he asked you for forgiveness? Does he feel he's done anything that needs forgiving?

 

If he hasn't asked for forgiveness, it's kind of arrogant to bestow it. My exMIL was always forigiving me for this or that. She was a fool and looked stupid doing it.

 

Your forgiveness of him is for your benefit, unless he's asked for forgiveness.

 

I vote for this one.

 

Yep, you guys could be right. I never thought of it this way, that it might be seen as arrogance. I didn't mean it to come across that way (should I decide to tell him). Just wanted to clear the air because of our past friendship.

 

You just want to perpetuate the drama.

 

 

Right in some sorts. I want to perpetuate the ability to see him again (though I doubt I'll be able to handle him talking about his new girlfriend), not so much the drama.

[dressing up]

Let's just say the incident was something that he wouldn't have done before he had an SO. I get that life is different now, his priorities are different, but to become unreliable and irresponsible just because he's with someone now just doesn't sit well with me.

 

Sure, I know some LSers will blast me for not being "understanding" but it just hurts. And having to talk about the actual incident is too tough to relive.

[fishtaco]

And having to talk about the actual incident is too tough to relive.

 

You make it sound like you were raped at gun point or something.

 

Anyway, if we don't know the incident, then we can only respond in general terms. No need to go into details, if it was that traumatic. But then you'll have to settle for general responses.

[NoMagicBullet]

Just wanted to clear the air because of our past friendship.

 

I think you want to do this just to keep in contact with him, whether it's a good thing to do or not; "clearing the air" sounds like better justification for doing so than "I want to see/talk to him." Motivations aside...

 

The last two times someone told me we were going to have a discussion to clear the air, anything but happened. So from the practical standpoint, things could end up even worse if you go ahead with this. Are you prepared for things blowing up in your face?

[dressing up]

I think you want to do this just to keep in contact with him, whether it's a good thing to do or not; "clearing the air" sounds like better justification for doing so than "I want to see/talk to him." Motivations aside...

 

The last two times someone told me we were going to have a discussion to clear the air, anything but happened. So from the practical standpoint, things could end up even worse if you go ahead with this. Are you prepared for things blowing up in your face?

 

That's the odd part. I've already decided on quitting the platonic friendship because I can't go through all the we're-still-friends-tell-me-about-your-new-relationship. But I still want to see him. I guess what I really want is to see him without him probably talking about things that might upset me. Yep, wanting my cake and eating it.

 

I don't know whether we'll really have a discussion to clear the air or end up with anything but. Maybe after some time has passed, along with my feelings for him, I'll be able to clear the air with him, which by then will probably be unnecessary.

[NoMagicBullet]

Letting some time pass sounds like a good thing. I know it's tough right now, but hang in there.

[eurogirlxl]

Don't be self centered girl .. i guess you have to let him know what you really feel about him

 

Im new here

[dressing up]

Letting some time pass sounds like a good thing. I know it's tough right now, but hang in there.

 

Thanks. Sometimes it's easier than others.