maryyyc Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 We have been in a LDR for 1 year and 2 months. He used to cry when we said goodbye, almost always, but recently...for the past 3 or 4 visits we had, when we had to say goodbye he didn't cry. I mean, I can't control it and I always end up crying, and he used to do it as well...that's why I'm "worried"...because if it was usual for him not to cry, it would be ok, I mean, he could be that type of guy that wants to seem "strong" and stuff...but he actually is very sensitive... Does this mean something? Can he be losing interest? Like, not caring anymore if he is leaving me or not...because in the past I felt that he was sad for leaving me but now I don't feel it anymore Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Hi Mary, welcome LS. Having you considered mentioning to your bf that you've noticed he no longer cries? The only person who can really tell you if it has any significant meaning is him. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 I wouldn't take this as a sign of anything bad...most guys hate showing emotion in any way like that (at least from my experience). My boyfriend never cried when we were parting ways (up until this last visit!) and I was and continue to be the one who is a hysterical mess from the night before. He always tells me he feels he has to be the strong one so he held it in until I left...maybe it's a similar case here with yours. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 I think in most r/ships things don't stay as intense as they were in the beginning, it doesn't mean people care any less than they did, it just means you get more used to the situation I think. I find the distance easier than I did, but it doesn't mean I love him less. Neither me or my partner has cried when we've parted even though we love each other deeply, I feel a little teary after he's gone sometimes, but I don't cry, even though I am an emotional and expressive person, I think I am just on a high from seeing him, so I don't feel sad, and I know it's not forever, but then we only have to wait 6 or 7 weeks, I would probably cry if I wasn't going to see him for months. I do come off the high about 2 or 3 days after parting from him though My partner's not a crier (not often anyway), but when we parted last time he said don't cry (not that I was) cos I'll cry too, he may have been joking, we joke with each other about silly stuff, I'm not sure. I wouldn't worry, but if you really are concerned do tell him. We have been in a LDR for 1 year and 2 months. He used to cry when we said goodbye, almost always, but recently...for the past 3 or 4 visits we had, when we had to say goodbye he didn't cry. I mean, I can't control it and I always end up crying, and he used to do it as well...that's why I'm "worried"...because if it was usual for him not to cry, it would be ok, I mean, he could be that type of guy that wants to seem "strong" and stuff...but he actually is very sensitive... Does this mean something? Can he be losing interest? Like, not caring anymore if he is leaving me or not...because in the past I felt that he was sad for leaving me but now I don't feel it anymore Link to post Share on other sites
wild_urge Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 I think that he just go used to it. In a year and two months you have seen each other more than 3-4 times obviously, it means that you see each other rather frequently compared to other people, I for instance didn't see him for 7 month the first time, for four months the second and now it will be at least another six before I see him again. So compared to my situation, you have done this a lot more times and he probably just got used to it, since it's a frequent thing, it doesn't mean that he loves you less or anything, but anything that repeats itself many times loses its importance to a certain extent. You cry, because you are the girl and naturally you are the more emotional. Anyway, men don't cry very often, maybe he did it a few times, but don't expect him to cry every time something big happens from now on. You have nothing to worry about unless there are other issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 My SO BF cried once after the first visit, and hasn't since then, I think the first visit is always the most intense with the "will we ever met again? this was too good to be true!!" feeling. And after you get into routines it feels less intense knowing your visit's will be as often as possible. I cry every time, my SO doesn't anymore also, but he show's he cares without the crying. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashbash11 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I was in a LDR for 2 years, and my SO never cried... I don't think it matters. Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 does not mean he is not gonna miss you or he loves you less. maybe he is trying the positive approach. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 ...because in the past I felt that he was sad for leaving me but now I don't feel it anymore I understand where everybodies thoughts are coming from but, to me, this is the important part of the OPs post. Unless the OP suffers from some sort of anxiety disorder (in which case my advice might be different), if she feels something is different, then it probably is. He may well still love her just as much as always and hate saying goodbye, but something has changed - even if it is just that 'he's getting used to it'. 'Feelings' are the instincts that guide us and we shouldn't ignore them. Everyone can speculate 'until the cows come home', but to find out what's really changed, she has to ask him. Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 and that is why over analyzing results to false speculations. if you feel something is different, ask the partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 In the past from my LDR, My partner and I got soo "secure" in our goodbyes that we smiled, we often said I want to see you smile, because if I have to remember you , its with happiness in your eyes and a smile on your face! Sure we had our moments of sorrow when we got back to our places and the other wasn' there, but so often we held onto our hopes that next meeting, that next time we saw that smile again. It really helped to feign off the tears and be ever so grateful for the good times. I think you and your mate have gotten secure and confident in your relations that you dont need to have tears but comfort in the good that you shared.... Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 My SO BF cried once after the first visit, and hasn't since then, I think the first visit is always the most intense with the "will we ever met again? this was too good to be true!!" feeling. And after you get into routines it feels less intense knowing your visit's will be as often as possible. I cry every time, my SO doesn't anymore also, but he show's he cares without the crying. That was how it was with us. We were both the first time, the other times it was just me. I'm not complaining, I don't want to see him cry. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 SO and I never cried. I usually feel sad and lost the day after he leaves, but I guess we both just accept that these are the conditions of our relationship. At least, that's how I think about it. While I agree with Little Tiger that it's important to recognize that if maryyc feels something's change then maybe something has changed, I'm also inclined to wonder why she is attached to the ritual of sadness. Why is an expression of sorrow important to her? Could it just be that he now feels satisfied and emotionally closed to her, even when they're apart, so that the departure is no longer quite as dramatic as it once was? Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 It's interesting how some people feel that once their relationship is 'secure', it gets easier for them to say goodbye - or they think that's how it works for others. I've found it to be the other way around. The longer I've known my partner and the more attached to him I get the more of a wrench it is to have to say goodbye to him - and our relationship is very close and very secure. Last time we spent five weeks together and then we had to part for over three months - it hurt so much the pain was physical and I cried like a baby. Not that I'm proud of it, that's just how it is for me. My partner, who isn't afraid to cry in front of me, has never cried once when we've parted at the airport - it's probably a man thing, or he's just trying to be strong for my sake. If he did start crying, ie a significant change of behaviour, then I'd definitely wonder why. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 It's interesting how some people feel that once their relationship is 'secure', it gets easier for them to say goodbye - or they think that's how it works for others. I've found it to be the other way around. The longer I've known my partner and the more attached to him I get the more of a wrench it is to have to say goodbye to him - and our relationship is very close and very secure. Last time we spent five weeks together and then we had to part for over three months - it hurt so much the pain was physical and I cried like a baby. Not that I'm proud of it, that's just how it is for me. My partner, who isn't afraid to cry in front of me, has never cried once when we've parted at the airport - it's probably a man thing, or he's just trying to be strong for my sake. If he did start crying, ie a significant change of behaviour, then I'd definitely wonder why. My pardons then if my situation and behavior is different from how you are attached to the goodbye and its affact. I think people handle things in different ways...Its been a known fact that when most are secure in there relations, the tears are less and the smile of love is there, be they near or far. I do not recommend LDR"s for some types of folks, the "physical" time away can be a burden. We all need and want that touch or that physical moment of the smile or the hug, or even the laughter. Since the OP is struggling with the partners reaction, most here were offering some reasons for his changed behavior, all which seem feasible. I mean no disrespect to those who no matter how long they have been in relationship...the goodbyes can be straining....I get that and sincerely wish a serenity when the parting does transpire....there is comfort in knowing that love has no boundaries.... Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 My thoughts are that no assumptions should be made either way, the OP shouldn't assume or worry there is a problem but equally be open to the fact there might be a problem. I've done way too much assuming and guessing what's in my partner's mind because I've been too unassertive to ask him, I'm unassertive when it comes to problems with friends, family, or partners and always have been, now I'm trying to be more assertive and talk to him about how I feel and find out how he feels. You don't have to talk to him in an accusing or pressuring way, you could maybe say something like 'you seem to handle us parting company much better these days, how are you managing to cope with it better cos I still find it hard, maybe you can help me to find it easier too.' Link to post Share on other sites
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