Anna86 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Hi all, My ex and I have broken up almost a month ago. We were together two years. Here is the full story anyway http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t266675/. To cut the story short, he betrayed me, broke my heart, then dumped me. Before all this I was madly in love with him. He was 100percent perfect for me. I felt I loved him more and more as time went on. Then he dropped a MAJOR bombshell on me!! Anyway, now I feel he cheated on me and that he left me because he wants to see if he can do better. For the past few days I have become bitter, angry and full of hate as I have just discovered that he may have left in search of other women. It was really hard for me and it was making me miserable. So tonight, I just had enough. I can't control him, I can't make him into the person he was and I can't make him love me more than freedom anymore!! I have to forgive him. He hurt me, he said he's sorry and now I will forgive him. This is how I feel now. I feel much more free and myself again now that I have let go of the hurt and pain he has caused. This only dawned on me a few hours ago so I hope it sticks. Has anyone else decided the best way is to forgive someone who has hurt you? I really would love for all you people hurting to try it...It seems easier and less painful to clinging on to hate, pain and bitterness. I am not going to tell him he is forgiven. This is a personal thing. I don't want him feeling that what he done is so easily forgiven. If he contacts me again (which he will as I have stuff to collect), I will try act calm and collected. I really hope this works!! Can anyone give any insight to this? I would love to hear success stories to encourage us all!!! We could do with coming out of doom and gloom, well I know I could!!!
huskers11 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I don't think anyone can fully move on from a breakup until they have forgiven both the other person for hurting them and also themselves for the breakup. It's hard when someone you love and trust hurt you like that. But breakups are never really one sided. Sure one person probably played a bigger role than the other but I guarentee there are things that could have been handled differently that played a part in the breakup! For this, you need to forgive yourself as well! I took this as a chance to figure out what I did during the relationship that I thought were both good and bad. I'm hoping to bring this insight into my next relationship whether it's with my ex boyfriend or with the next guy! In any case, you have to forigve for him! It doesn't happen over night but you will realize one day that you have forgiven them! I just reminded myself daily that I forgive myself and my ex but it was time to move on! Unfortunately the feelings for him are still there for me but the hurt and anger have definitely lessened! A suggestion to deal with the anger, try working out! This has helped me relieve alot of stress and anger! Most importantly though, realize that you are and always were too good for him especially if he is choosing to treat you like this! It hurts but this will make you into a better person!
Author Anna86 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Hi Huskers, Thank you for your reply. I am glad to hear forgiveness is working for you. I know it is not instant. But today I reached what I would consider rock bottom. I was low and depressed for a few days. Constantly thinking of him with other women. Wow, it is painful. I even saw a picture of him sitting next to a girl on facebook and it felt a part of me died inside. I know i was nothing but this is how low I got. So now I will try forgive him and concentrate on me. I also must try forgive myself. I know that there were things I could have worked on in the relationship. I did treat him badly at times, lost my temper with him, never gave him enough space!! I don't doubt that I may have driven him away even if he doesn't realize it?? But I feel he never voiced any concerns so I pretty much never learnt until it was too late. He said I never done anything wrong in the break up, he said I was perfect for him and I really didn't do anything wrong. I find that hard to believe, I guess he wanted to save my feelings.......... Oh forgiveness and acceptance...I want these two emotions as my best friends right now!!! I want to kick bitterness, regret, fear and hate out the door!!!
huskers11 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 It's amazing the little things you can see that could have been done differently once the relationship is over. I completely understand him not telling you though. My ex didn't even communicate with me that he was having doubts until he dumped out of the blue. For the first few weeks, I blamed the entire breakup on him but then I realized there were a few things I could have done differently. We had a pregnancy scare(this was around the time the doubts started) and I wasn't there for him. I didn't support him through it. Obviously it's too late now but I'm gonna take those little lessons with me for my next relationship! Since the breakup, I've seen a counseler a few times to help heal. Something she suggested was journaling. Journaling has really helped me put all of my thoughts, doubts, and feelings down. It's hard to get past it all if you don't really understand what you are feeling and why. I journal everyday, even if I end up repeating the same stuff a hundred times, it really seems to help! Give it a try! I don't know if I would have been able to forgive him as fast as I did without! Plus, it's a safe area where you never have to worry about anyone knowing what you are feeling or thinking or having to worry about it getting back to your ex!
allenmj Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 OP, Thats awesome for you to be able to reach that level of forgiveness. My situation makes a little tougher, in that I can forgive her for myself, but what she has done to our daughter... I dunno, to me, there's no way to forgive her for that. I don't even think it's my place to forgive her for that, when my daughter is old enough to fully understand that her mother abandoned her, then my daughter will need to be the one to forgive. I have a lot of respect for you (op) and others who have reached that level of forgiveness, it shows a lot about your character and class.
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