Still strugling

[Minnie09]

I can relate and I am sorry. Same here in the US. So no difference between the US and the UK as far as single men in their 30s or 40s are concerned. I can't find any either. I'm not ugly, not fat, no greasy hair, no pimples, lol. Just a single mother with a full-time job and little time to waste. Maybe we should move in with each other. I still refuse to Internet date btw.

[willowthewisp]

I can relate and I am sorry. Same here in the US. So no difference between the US and the UK as far as single men in their 30s or 40s are concerned. I can't find any either. I'm not ugly, not fat, no greasy hair, no pimples, lol. Just a single mother with a full-time job and little time to waste. Maybe we should move in with each other. I still refuse to Internet date btw.

 

Thanks Minnie.

 

I realise my previous post was quite angry, I am just so fed up with it all. Like you I can't understand why it is so difficult to find someone? I'm size 6, tall, brunette, not amazingly beautiful but not butt ugly I don't think! I'm educated, I am hoping to be fairly wealthy one day down the track when I qualify as a solicitor, I'm independant, loyal, honest, faithful and when I am with someone I am committed, I was with my ex nealry 20 years, never strayed, through thick and thin.

 

Yet, my ex didn't seem to have any problem finding someone to marry and in less than a 7 months of leaving me. How is that fair? He walks, no warning, no trying, no nothing and ends up blissfully happy. I do nothing wrong (according to my IC) and end up homeless, living back with my parents, struggling to get a law degree and working really hard to move on and getting no where.

 

Is this it? Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? If it has to be like this, I wish I had never been with my ex, at least then I would not know any different.

[just_some_guy]

Willow,

 

I can tell you as a single-guy in my 40's, there's no "hard wiring" to younger women.

 

I don't want to seem judgmental, and it is difficult to gauge a personality by online presence, but you have GOT to let go of your ex. Pretend that instead of leaving you, he was killed in war and his last dying wish was for you to live life to the fullest and be happy without him. Every time you think of him, just visualize this as what happened. Maybe even do some sort of very personal and private, but physical symbolic act to put him to rest. Take a handful of sand with you on a ferry ride and toss them into the water as if you were scattering his ashes. Say a little prayer for the dear departed, may his soul find rest in god's mercy.

 

I can tell you as a guy, we pick up on this kind of thing and nobody, but nobody, wants to go the guillotine for someone else's crimes.

 

At 33, you're not too old to bear children if that is what you want from life. (I don't know your medical status WRT fertility, so forgive me if I have this wrong). You're not too old for anything, really. You are at an age when the majority of adults are busy with young children, so the marriage-eligible pool is smaller, but by the same token, so is the pool of women competing for mates.

 

There is a positive path available to you, but you're going to have to choose to take it and you're going to have to put an effort into making it happen.

[willowthewisp]

Willow,

 

I can tell you as a single-guy in my 40's, there's no "hard wiring" to younger women.

 

I don't want to seem judgmental, and it is difficult to gauge a personality by online presence, but you have GOT to let go of your ex. Pretend that instead of leaving you, he was killed in war and his last dying wish was for you to live life to the fullest and be happy without him. Every time you think of him, just visualize this as what happened. Maybe even do some sort of very personal and private, but physical symbolic act to put him to rest. Take a handful of sand with you on a ferry ride and toss them into the water as if you were scattering his ashes. Say a little prayer for the dear departed, may his soul find rest in god's mercy.

 

I can tell you as a guy, we pick up on this kind of thing and nobody, but nobody, wants to go the guillotine for someone else's crimes.

 

At 33, you're not too old to bear children if that is what you want from life. (I don't know your medical status WRT fertility, so forgive me if I have this wrong). You're not too old for anything, really. You are at an age when the majority of adults are busy with young children, so the marriage-eligible pool is smaller, but by the same token, so is the pool of women competing for mates.

 

There is a positive path available to you, but you're going to have to choose to take it and you're going to have to put an effort into making it happen.

 

First, why do you assume that I would make some other guy pay for my exs' crimes?

 

Secondly, why do you assume I have not let my ex go? I have more than let him go, I never want to see or hear from him again, ever.

 

Thirdly, why are you blaming me for my sadness? Why do you assume it is my fault and that I am not putting any effort in?

 

I would be offended by your post if it wasn't for the fact that I have read your other posts.

[willowthewisp]

I don't want to talk about this anymore, getting blamed for my own unhappiness is just making things worse for me. I haven't stopped crying all evening because of the events on here today. I let this thread drop to the bottom over a week ago Gallon, for a reason, because it's not helping and I didn't wnat my own thread on here anymore precisely because it is making things worse.

[trippi1432]

I think that it is very easy to make assumptions about character on these sites...and guys, you are dead wrong on this topic. Willow has shown more than once that she is over that part of her life...does she have a right to talk about it...she does. It's a part of her healing process...not a hanging on principal. She is serious that she sees very little viable options where she lives, not that she is hanging on to her ex...not that she is hanging onto memories as not letting go...she is allowed to remember as part of her moving forward.

[Craig2425]

Don't be so hard on yourself willow. You probably haven't met anybody because you're wanting it so bad. Seems like when you're not looking for things in life they seem to just fall Into place.

I'm sure when you graduate and get your new job everything will start to work out for you.

That's only a few weeks away right?

I'm sure you have a lot of stress from school and worrying about meeting guys and living with your family. Things will turn around.

Chin up!

[debtman]

willow,

 

I think Craig is right. You need to focus on the future and set your sights on a time when YOU are able to control your situation and positively influence your own mental state.

 

Depression is completely understandable in the situation you've found yourself living with emotional abuse, being trapped in your circumstances and desperately wanting things to change.

 

Don't take this site too seriously. Everyone wants to help, but no one really knows the entire situation and there are LOTS of people on here with raging emotions (myself included) so keep several grains of salt handy when you're reading people's advice.

 

Don't get so hung up on finding men. There may not be any where you are, but, let me tell you, as a man, I can assure you that we ARE out here and, eventually, you will find one who treasures who you are, appreciates what you have to offer and is interested in sharing life's adventures with you.

 

For now, you need to focus on changing your situation.

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[2.50 a gallon]

My friend Willow

 

Yes, though we have never met in person, I do consider you to be a friend.

 

As a friend I want the best for you, I do understand what you have gone through and it is horrific.

 

Sometimes it is a friend who can get another friend to take a closer look at themselves. I am no blaming you in any way for being in the position that you are in.

 

What I tried to say is, try to put your past behind you and begin to dream of the new life that could just now be only months away. The time when you graduate and begin to move on in life. A time when you can afford to get your own place far removed from where you now reside. A place where you will new meet new people and have new experiences.

 

And what I am also trying to point out when we fail to safely cache our hurt feelings in a hidden space and continue to carry these feelings on our sleeves, others tend to notice them.

 

The problem is that those who are carrying their hurt feelings on their sleeves are not aware of what they are doing.

 

I have been there myself, and it can be most difficult to move on and pretend that we are happy. But it can be done.

 

Not being a man, it is almost impossible for a woman to understand the humilation of a grown man (FL98) to lose his wife to the charms of a 18 year old kid. It totally stripped him of his manhood. Like you he was devastated.

 

I am hoping that by looking back over his threads you can see how the moment he dropped the line about the 18 year old kid, and began to look toward a brighter future, his world began to turn around.

 

The point is that when he was able to hide his negative vibes and replace them with positive looking toward a happy future vibes, his life change toward the better.

 

You new world awaits you, the dark days are turning greyand it could be mere months when you new day pops over the horizon,

 

Be Happy and it will happen.

[just_some_guy]

Sorry if I misspoke Willow.

 

Good luck.

[willowthewisp]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

It's so frustrating! Why do you guys keep telling me I am not meeting anyone, not moving on through my own doing? Gallon, I am not wearing my hurt on my sleeve and I am daring to dream of a new future, that's the problem, I get upset and hurt again because the future is not happening.

 

What I have been trying to express is that I am doing everything I can possibly do to make a better future for myself. Part of my dream for my future is to find a husband to share it with. There is nothing wrong with wanting that, I am not trying to find my happiness in someone else, it is perfectly NORMAL to want a spouse and a family, it is normal not to want to be alone, we were not made to be single creatures, if we were no one would bother with romantic relationships at all, after all look at the risk of hurt we all take! I am not desperate for a man, if I were I could have kept on dating either of the two guys I have dated, both wanted me, both asked for a relationship with me, I decided not to date them for very good reasons, if I were desperate or on the rebound I would have gone for anyone! My IC has told me that I am healthy, I have moved on, I have let go and am ready to find a new relationship. I am just trying to convey that I am finding it difficult because I do not seem to be getting anywhere.

 

I am doing everything I can, but unlike FL98 or any of the rest of you, Debtman 3 women interested, lucky you, Tojaz, Broken, Lupa, MayI, it's not working for me. I would love to be able to leave LS and go off and be happy with a new partner then pop back at some point and post an update about how great things are and how there is hope for a better life. But these updates aren't an accurate refelction of the reality for everyone. It doesn't happen that way for everyone, it's not happened for me. Reading these updates and then posts here on this thread just make me feel like a failure, like because it's worked out for everyone else, everyone assumes that it must in some way be my fault. I am too desperate or wearing my pain on my sleeve and turning guys off.

 

Why is it so difficult for you to beleive that perhaps I am presenting an accurate description and that perhaps I am doing everything you guys did but am getting a different outcome? Is it because to do that involves accepting the reality that perhaps there isn't hope for some of us?

 

What you are doing to me is like saying to someone who has been left that it was their fault their spouse left them because they must have been XY or Z. You're telling me it's my fault I am unhappy and unable to find a relationship because I must be doing something to turn guys off!

 

WHY? WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT? HAVEN'T I SUFFRERED ENOUGH? Is that what you all want me to think? That I am so rubbish guys can sense it? I am so damaged no one wants me? I am so unhappy and I deserve to be?

 

 

I think that it is very easy to make assumptions about character on these sites...and guys, you are dead wrong on this topic. Willow has shown more than once that she is over that part of her life...does she have a right to talk about it...she does. It's a part of her healing process...not a hanging on principal. She is serious that she sees very little viable options where she lives, not that she is hanging on to her ex...not that she is hanging onto memories as not letting go...she is allowed to remember as part of her moving forward.

 

Thank you Trippi.

 

I do apprecaite everyones advice, I'm sorry if I sound angry in my responses but I honestly feel like you are not listening to what I am saying and just keep repeating a script to me over and over. Here is the formula, follow it and you will flurish. Well I am b***** following it and guess what? IT ISN'T WORKING! Any other suggestions? Anyone?

 

Again sorry for the rant and angry responses, I just feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall.

[worldgonewrong]

You're knocking on a door, and soon you'll realize you're knocking from the inside and all you have to do is turn the handle and go outside.

[just_some_guy]

First, why do you assume that I would make some other guy pay for my exs' crimes?

 

Secondly, why do you assume I have not let my ex go? I have more than let him go, I never want to see or hear from him again, ever.

 

Thirdly, why are you blaming me for my sadness? Why do you assume it is my fault and that I am not putting any effort in?

 

I would be offended by your post if it wasn't for the fact that I have read your other posts.

 

 

Willow, I'm not *blaming* you for anything. This is not a blame-n-shame. As has been pointed out to me, the one common denominator in my own suffering is me. It isn't my fault the terrible things that have been done to me. However, it is my obligation and responsibility to choose and respond to these situations in a positive manner so that I can heal and grow and move forward.

 

As far as your ex goes, at least in your online persona, you constantly talk about him, his new wife, the terrible things he's done to you. Whether you feel you have let him go or not, you still have an incredible amount of energy focused on him, at least in your online presence. In the last half-dozen or so posts, you've mentioned him, his new wife or what a horrible thing he's done to you in just about every one of them. From that, I would gather that your emotional energy is still very much invested in this man, at least at some level.

 

Perhaps, I am wrong. Forgive me if I am.

[Craig2425]

You're taking what I said wrong. I wasn't saying you're not trying or haven't let go. I was just saying that you want a husband to share your life with and that usually happens when you least expect it.

Sorry if I'm coming across wrong or it seems like I'm putting you down because thats not what I'm doing.

[willowthewisp]

Willow, I'm not *blaming* you for anything. This is not a blame-n-shame. As has been pointed out to me, the one common denominator in my own suffering is me. It isn't my fault the terrible things that have been done to me. However, it is my obligation and responsibility to choose and respond to these situations in a positive manner so that I can heal and grow and move forward.

 

As far as your ex goes, at least in your online persona, you constantly talk about him, his new wife, the terrible things he's done to you. Whether you feel you have let him go or not, you still have an incredible amount of energy focused on him, at least in your online presence. In the last half-dozen or so posts, you've mentioned him, his new wife or what a horrible thing he's done to you in just about every one of them. From that, I would gather that your emotional energy is still very much invested in this man, at least at some level.

 

Perhaps, I am wrong. Forgive me if I am.

 

JSG you are wrong, my IC with over 40 years of experience says you are wrong, I was with my ex for over half my life it is inevitable that references to my life now will be in context and I am not going to be made to feel bad by you. I'm not going to get into a discussion with you, I have tried to type out a polite response serveral times and deleted it because it is impossible to be polite and say what I think needs to be said and I am sure if I said what I really think of your online persona you would be very hurt, which is the reason I no longer respond to any of your threads. I didn't ask for your opinion of my personality and so I would ask that you afford me the same respect I show you and NOT judge me based on the fact that I come her to vent and to express my feelings. I come her to do that, I do not spend every minute of every day thinking about my ex. Hence I dod not have vast amounts of emotional engery invested in him. What I have vast amounts of emotional energy invested in is myself and the grieving process that is helping me to move forward with my life. Part of that grieving process is coming to terms with the huge change and upheaval that i have experienced, it does not mean I am still emotionally invested in my ex, it means I am emotionally invested in my life and finding a path. Please stop posting to me, the fact that you ask me to forgive you if you are wrong shows that you knew when you posted this that what you said could be hurtful to me if you were wrong, that it was a judgment based on nothing because you do not know me and only have what is here to go on and you knew that an outlet such as this forum is perhaps a place where I allow an extreme and one sided element of my thoughts to be released.

 

You're taking what I said wrong. I wasn't saying you're not trying or haven't let go. I was just saying that you want a husband to share your life with and that usually happens when you least expect it.

Sorry if I'm coming across wrong or it seems like I'm putting you down because thats not what I'm doing.

 

Craig, I'm sorry if you thought I was referring to your post, I wasn't, I knew what you meant and thank you for posting.

Edited April 19, 2011 by willowthewisp

[willowthewisp]

Willow, I'm not *blaming* you for anything. This is not a blame-n-shame. As has been pointed out to me, the one common denominator in my own suffering is me. It isn't my fault the terrible things that have been done to me. However, it is my obligation and responsibility to choose and respond to these situations in a positive manner so that I can heal and grow and move forward.

 

As far as your ex goes, at least in your online persona, you constantly talk about him, his new wife, the terrible things he's done to you. Whether you feel you have let him go or not, you still have an incredible amount of energy focused on him, at least in your online presence. In the last half-dozen or so posts, you've mentioned him, his new wife or what a horrible thing he's done to you in just about every one of them. From that, I would gather that your emotional energy is still very much invested in this man, at least at some level.

 

Perhaps, I am wrong. Forgive me if I am.

 

I am so so hurt by this post I cannot even begin to put into words.

[debtman]

I am so so hurt by this post I cannot even begin to put into words.

 

Don't be...no one knows the details of your daily existence other than you. I know I rant on here about my stbx more than I do anywhere else because that's what got me here in the first place, that's what the posts are about here and that's what I've got in common with everyone here.

 

You have to be able to take and leave the advice you get here. If you read something that works, use it, try it. If you read something that's hurtful or bad advice, let it go and move on. If I took every piece of advice I got on here I'd be in jail for assault right now.

 

And, just because I have 3 women interested in getting to know me better, I don't think any one of them is the "right" fit for me. I, like you, am looking for a long-term, lasting relationship. I want a wife to share my life with, but, I'm going to hold out for the right one. I don't want to be alone, but I'm not going to run out and hook up with the first available person just to fill that void...patience...

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[willowthewisp]

Don't be...no one knows the details of your daily existence other than you. I know I rant on here about my stbx more than I do anywhere else because that's what got me here in the first place, that's what the posts are about here and that's what I've got in common with everyone here.

 

You have to be able to take and leave the advice you get here. If you read something that works, use it, try it. If you read something that's hurtful or bad advice, let it go and move on. If I took every piece of advice I got on here I'd be in jail for assault right now.

 

And, just because I have 3 women interested in getting to know me better, I don't think any one of them is the "right" fit for me. I, like you, am looking for a long-term, lasting relationship. I want a wife to share my life with, but, I'm going to hold out for the right one. I don't want to be alone, but I'm not going to run out and hook up with the first available person just to fill that void...patience...

 

Good luck and keep posting...

 

Thanks Debtman. I don't know why JSG post upset me so much, I was literally shaking and crying, maybe it is because he was a leaver and the tone of the post is that of my ex, very accusatory and cold. That's how it came across to me anyway, perhaps I have it all wrong, it just felt like I was being attacked rather than someone trying to help. I mean I didn't agree with what Gallon said but I have never felt hurt or attacked by any of his posts. Maybe I am being too sensitive though.

 

I think that is very sensible, I refuse to do that to, hence why no to both guys so far, the trouble is I don't seem to meet anyone I am interested in. It's frustrating and then I get down and then I come here and appear like I am always in this state of mind which is not the case.

 

I am trying to further my life, really I am. I would like to post details of how, but I can't be too specific in case someone who knows me is reading this, always a possibility. I do realise I always sound negative. I will say I made a new friend and have been hanging out with them, hopefully will get to go out on a Saturday night a bit more now.

[debtman]

Good to hear willow. Stay strong, KNOW that this is a temporary situation. Life is good...not always, but overall.

 

SOO hard to interpret tone and intent in online posts, emails, texts, etc. Leads to so many misunderstandings...believe me.

 

I hear you on not meeting people you are "interested" in. One thing I can say about my stbx, even with all of our differences, we always seemed to "get" each other and just had that comfortable togetherness. BUT, I can look back at the beginning of our relationship and remember that it wasn't always that way. And, who's to say that one of the women I've met now, someone else I know or someone I may meet in the next few years won't eventually develop into something more special and intense than anything I've ever known. That's what I'm holding out for. And, I'm trying to resist the urge to jump into something that I know will be transitory to try to hold out and form a real friendship with someone before moving into a relationship.

 

Life can be incredibly frustrating. Especially in these periods of incredible change and upheaval. Between emotions, mental state, finances, etc. it's amazing that people get through...but, life goes on and it can only get better...

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[worlybear]

Good to hear willow. Stay strong, KNOW that this is a temporary situation. Life is good...not always, but overall.

 

SOO hard to interpret tone and intent in online posts, emails, texts, etc. Leads to so many misunderstandings...believe me.

 

I hear you on not meeting people you are "interested" in. One thing I can say about my stbx, even with all of our differences, we always seemed to "get" each other and just had that comfortable togetherness. BUT, I can look back at the beginning of our relationship and remember that it wasn't always that way. And, who's to say that one of the women I've met now, someone else I know or someone I may meet in the next few years won't eventually develop into something more special and intense than anything I've ever known. That's what I'm holding out for. And, I'm trying to resist the urge to jump into something that I know will be transitory to try to hold out and form a real friendship with someone before moving into a relationship.

 

Life can be incredibly frustrating. Especially in these periods of incredible change and upheaval. Between emotions, mental state, finances, etc. it's amazing that people get through...but, life goes on and it can only get better...

 

Good luck and keep posting...

Hey Willow, re the bolded I really share your frustration!

Like you I am trying very hard to move on and make a new life for myself but I won't pretend it's easy and its very tiring to constantly be upbeat and friendly!

I think the issue for me (and I suspect for you) is that we have been pushed down a path we never considered taking- I was actually married and lived longer with my STBXH than I did with my parents and its hard to realise that you have lost your place next to your (allegedly) life-long partner. It's like a bereavement with no body.

Its hard to start again and pretend this is what you wanted ESPECIALLY when your ex seems to have everything going for them.

Hang on in there Willow, we'll beat this yet-

And on a positive note....

Try the website I pmed you!

Hugs:bunny::bunny:

[trippi1432]

I have to agree, there are many frustrations when trying to figure out how to restart our life, nothing is perfect and we all prone to learning opportunities.

 

Finding new friends to do things with is a great step, it offers new perspectives you may not have thought about....just the other day, I sat with one of my favorite married couples and we talked about relationships and the angst of being single. They have such a wonderful dynamic, so I enjoy my time with them. Both on second marriages, he is 9 years older...very successful and has this high energy. She, very comfortable on her own skin, independent and speaks her mind. The dynamic just seems so normal to me because they have 15 years of marriage to find that acceptance of each other...my exH and I never could because it was not normal.

 

They had advice....who doesn't these days, but I thought I would share. Each person that comes in our lives contains qualities we look for in a partner...be they friends, lovers, spouses...etc. You put that all together to look for the total package...is it fiction to find that..guess it depends on the "list of requirements". But we pick the qualities that are most important to us. Personally, I think it is impossible to get everything we are seeking in one person, this is why we have friends with common interests...why we should surround ourselves with different aspects of people who touch our lives...it opens us up to different views on the world as we see it, instead of bogging us down in our situations.

 

Knowing that your time is limited due to studies, I think it is a wonderful thing to find this new friend and open up to new experiences. Enjoy that, it may open you up to a whole new set of friends.

[willowthewisp]

Time to go.

 

I think it's probably time for me to take either a temporary or possibly permanant break from LS. Whether I will be able to stay away of not I don't know, LS has become a part of my daily life and the support people here provide will be missed, that is why I may find I have to come back, espically as I have no one else to talk to.

 

However, I don't think I can keep reading others stories anymore. The way people treat each other, the way someone who is supposed to love someone treats them, it is causing me to feel hopeless about my future. Sometimes the posts here evidence pure selfishness and justification. It boggles my mind how society became so depraved that some people now only think of themseleves. That's my opinion and i'm entitled to it before anyone decides to attack me for having moral values.

 

Reading all this and trying to help others to no avail many times, just makes me feel hopeless as to my own future. I have recently started to consider remaining single and just taking a series of short term lovers to meet my needs for affection and sex. THAT is not me and never has been.....so time to for a break from here I think.

 

THANK YOU to everyone who has taken the time to support me.

[Craig2425]

Willow. I wish you luck with everything(but I'm sure you won't need it).

I understand what you mean abiut coming here and reading all these stories like this. It does make it hard for us to be hopeful when you read all this stuff here.

I'm sure in a few weeks when you're done with school stuff will turn around a lot quicker then you think.

Thanks for all your time and help it means a lot to me and has really helped me get thru some tuff times.

Take care

[debtman]

willow,

 

All my best to you. You've always seemed like a compassionate person just looking for what everyone in this world deserves, loving companionship.

 

I think my stbx just broke up with OM and is now looking for something else and it makes me sad to think that she can't find what she needs within herself.

 

Having stuck to the 180 and focused on how incredible life is and how amazing we can be to ourselves, I only hope she (and you, and others on LS) can figure that same thing out.

 

Life is too short, there are too many possibilities, there is too much amazing stuff in the world.

 

Good, luck...we'll be thinking of you...thanks for all of your advice, input and inspiration...

[LostAllHope]

I can feel your pain in your response here, WillowTheW!

 

Fact is, men react 100% different than women to most situations, you know that.

 

I posted for the first time here yesterday - and got a couple of one-line, standard movie-themed reactions to my plaight - which I am getting over with and moved on.

 

Do NOT expect the men - however hurt/bitter/emotinal they may be, to understand what you're trying to cimmunicate. You know how you feel - I find it best to read other stories of mwn qith vanilla wives ( wives want the money, social status, yada yad but don;t want sex. The man does - in my case I was used, dumped and lied to, I took a stand - called the wife ONCE - to establish if it was true that the b******** really was 'separated' and I got a few choice "Oh you're a bunny boiler" type of remarks

 

 

fwiw, yes, I do 'get' you!

 

Chin up. Now go hit the gym! best way to get rid of bad feelings!!!!

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

It's so frustrating! Why do you guys keep telling me I am not meeting anyone, not moving on through my own doing? Gallon, I am not wearing my hurt on my sleeve and I am daring to dream of a new future, that's the problem, I get upset and hurt again because the future is not happening.

 

What I have been trying to express is that I am doing everything I can possibly do to make a better future for myself. Part of my dream for my future is to find a husband to share it with. There is nothing wrong with wanting that, I am not trying to find my happiness in someone else, it is perfectly NORMAL to want a spouse and a family, it is normal not to want to be alone, we were not made to be single creatures, if we were no one would bother with romantic relationships at all, after all look at the risk of hurt we all take! I am not desperate for a man, if I were I could have kept on dating either of the two guys I have dated, both wanted me, both asked for a relationship with me, I decided not to date them for very good reasons, if I were desperate or on the rebound I would have gone for anyone! My IC has told me that I am healthy, I have moved on, I have let go and am ready to find a new relationship. I am just trying to convey that I am finding it difficult because I do not seem to be getting anywhere.

 

I am doing everything I can, but unlike FL98 or any of the rest of you, Debtman 3 women interested, lucky you, Tojaz, Broken, Lupa, MayI, it's not working for me. I would love to be able to leave LS and go off and be happy with a new partner then pop back at some point and post an update about how great things are and how there is hope for a better life. But these updates aren't an accurate refelction of the reality for everyone. It doesn't happen that way for everyone, it's not happened for me. Reading these updates and then posts here on this thread just make me feel like a failure, like because it's worked out for everyone else, everyone assumes that it must in some way be my fault. I am too desperate or wearing my pain on my sleeve and turning guys off.

 

Why is it so difficult for you to beleive that perhaps I am presenting an accurate description and that perhaps I am doing everything you guys did but am getting a different outcome? Is it because to do that involves accepting the reality that perhaps there isn't hope for some of us?

 

What you are doing to me is like saying to someone who has been left that it was their fault their spouse left them because they must have been XY or Z. You're telling me it's my fault I am unhappy and unable to find a relationship because I must be doing something to turn guys off!

 

WHY? WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT? HAVEN'T I SUFFRERED ENOUGH? Is that what you all want me to think? That I am so rubbish guys can sense it? I am so damaged no one wants me? I am so unhappy and I deserve to be?

 

 

 

 

Thank you Trippi.

 

I do apprecaite everyones advice, I'm sorry if I sound angry in my responses but I honestly feel like you are not listening to what I am saying and just keep repeating a script to me over and over. Here is the formula, follow it and you will flurish. Well I am b***** following it and guess what? IT ISN'T WORKING! Any other suggestions? Anyone?

 

Again sorry for the rant and angry responses, I just feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall.