Sharon1961 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I read something interesting the other day. It was talking about healthy love and one of the things it said was that healthy love has very little drama. That got me thinking. I became addicted to drama in a way. Although, let me tell you I would have denied it up and down and backwards. It was from the roller coaster highs and lows of growing up in dysfunction and thinking that was love, I suppose. It culminated for me when I found myself having backed into a renewed relationship with an ex - who was with someone else. I had no idea that he would start something with me while he had a girlfriend. But there it was. And I was the other woman. When I found out it was an emotional train wreck. There I was - invested. But I broke it off. His girlfriend found out and, naturally, he denied the whole thing and said I was making it up. Ugh. But if I were being honest it was not all that much of a surprise. He had always been a drama junkie. And so, apparently, was I. When this married guy recently befriended me and I took it as innocent I started being reminded of what happened before. And I realized I was kind of enticed by the drama aspect. But it's not what I want. And I know I will never have what I want if I don't set the best boundaries. I guess I'm just working through this a little bit on loveshack. Thanks for listening. And thanks for posting your stories.
desertIslandCactus Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I read something interesting the other day. It was talking about healthy love and one of the things it said was that healthy love has very little drama. That got me thinking. I became addicted to drama in a way. Although, let me tell you I would have denied it up and down and backwards. It was from the roller coaster highs and lows of growing up in dysfunction and thinking that was love, I suppose. It culminated for me when I found myself having backed into a renewed relationship with an ex - who was with someone else. I had no idea that he would start something with me while he had a girlfriend. But there it was. And I was the other woman. When I found out it was an emotional train wreck. There I was - invested. But I broke it off. His girlfriend found out and, naturally, he denied the whole thing and said I was making it up. Ugh. But if I were being honest it was not all that much of a surprise. He had always been a drama junkie. And so, apparently, was I. When this married guy recently befriended me and I took it as innocent I started being reminded of what happened before. And I realized I was kind of enticed by the drama aspect. But it's not what I want. And I know I will never have what I want if I don't set the best boundaries. I guess I'm just working through this a little bit on loveshack. Thanks for listening. And thanks for posting your stories. My definition of "Healthy Love" .. When the two are unattached, equally yoked, have eyes for only each other, sharing in the excitement .. Simplicity.
Author Sharon1961 Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 My definition of "Healthy Love" .. When the two are unattached, equally yoked, have eyes for only each other, sharing in the excitement .. Simplicity. Yes, I agree DesertIslandCactus. Healthy love is really easy to feel and that's because it feels good. I don't think love by its definition is meant for us to feel bad.
ver13 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Love is like trying to catch the sun in a jar it can't be done but you can feel it on your face all warm and crisp and new to the touch. One thing I know for sure is that it is supposed to be free of drama, with a partner that is able to walk with me in the light of day anywhere without looking over their back. I guess H luv is just that clean, sweet with out artificial additives like someone's other special person in the way unless it's their kid and that's not a problem just a little extra sunshine.
lovingwhatis Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Ver, that's a sweet definition. Thanks for brightening my day. And welcome to LS.
Spark1111 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I read something interesting the other day. It was talking about healthy love and one of the things it said was that healthy love has very little drama. That got me thinking. I became addicted to drama in a way. Although, let me tell you I would have denied it up and down and backwards. It was from the roller coaster highs and lows of growing up in dysfunction and thinking that was love, I suppose. It culminated for me when I found myself having backed into a renewed relationship with an ex - who was with someone else. I had no idea that he would start something with me while he had a girlfriend. But there it was. And I was the other woman. When I found out it was an emotional train wreck. There I was - invested. But I broke it off. His girlfriend found out and, naturally, he denied the whole thing and said I was making it up. Ugh. But if I were being honest it was not all that much of a surprise. He had always been a drama junkie. And so, apparently, was I. When this married guy recently befriended me and I took it as innocent I started being reminded of what happened before. And I realized I was kind of enticed by the drama aspect. But it's not what I want. And I know I will never have what I want if I don't set the best boundaries. I guess I'm just working through this a little bit on loveshack. Thanks for listening. And thanks for posting your stories. Yes, for those who grew up in dysfunction as children, it was pretty damn dramatic, wasn't it? Feast or famine, waiting for the other shoe to drop, yes? And how you perceive love in childhood is how you feel love in adulthood, unless you get a lot of therapy to learn it differently. If you are not getting that adrenaline boost, you may feel bored with healthy love and go looking for something dramatic, less healthy, filled with poor choices in partners who feel familiar but aren't very stabile in the long run. Love should feel safe and stabile and supportive, very unlike that childhood.
Author Sharon1961 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Yes, for those who grew up in dysfunction as children, it was pretty damn dramatic, wasn't it? Feast or famine, waiting for the other shoe to drop, yes? And how you perceive love in childhood is how you feel love in adulthood, unless you get a lot of therapy to learn it differently. If you are not getting that adrenaline boost, you may feel bored with healthy love and go looking for something dramatic, less healthy, filled with poor choices in partners who feel familiar but aren't very stabile in the long run. Love should feel safe and stabile and supportive, very unlike that childhood. That's a perfect explanation! Thanks! What is amazing is when you come to see it clearly and looking at your behaviors and thinking, holy cow, how did I not see that before! But we can't go back. And it's amazing to see it at all. Thanks again.
Shocking Pink Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Love is like trying to catch the sun in a jar it can't be done but you can feel it on your face all warm and crisp and new to the touch. One thing I know for sure is that it is supposed to be free of drama, with a partner that is able to walk with me in the light of day anywhere without looking over their back. I guess H luv is just that clean, sweet with out artificial additives like someone's other special person in the way unless it's their kid and that's not a problem just a little extra sunshine. I really like this!
joey66 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I do think that there are people who are addicted to the drama. (Including me.) People who can't be happy unless they are unhappy, or at least unsettled. BTW, the subject has come up before. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t229801/faaa84de2d2ee60bf13097f9f3cd42da
Author Sharon1961 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 I do think that there are people who are addicted to the drama. (Including me.) People who can't be happy unless they are unhappy, or at least unsettled. BTW, the subject has come up before. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t229801/faaa84de2d2ee60bf13097f9f3cd42da I used to deny that I was into drama. I used to contend that I hated it but always ended up with people who were into it. But apparently our relationships are reflections of how we see ourselves. So, guess that shows me! Recently, I have been cultivating healthy love (non-romantic) relationships that are drama-free. They feel good! Now, I just need to extend that to the romance arena.
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