joey66 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 There is so much drama involved in EMRs. Even in the best, it seems that everyone (MM/MW/OM/OW) suffers. This forum provides ample evidence. (Though I suppose that those involved in "perfect" EMRs are too busy having mind-blowing sex to bother posting here.) For me, I've come to believe that I NEED the drama. It's like I can't be happy unless I'm miserable. My relationship (whatever it is) with MW is the perfect example. She causes me so much stress. Yet I cannot stand the thought of being done with the R, even though I know my life would be simpler. I'd love to know if others here (i.e., people involved in EMRs) feel this way. Anybody else a drama queen? Do you think there is something that makes a person this way? Is it genetic? Does it have to do with childhood experiences?
secretlady76 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 (edited) There is so much drama involved in EMRs. Even in the best, it seems that everyone (MM/MW/OM/OW) suffers. This forum provides ample evidence. (Though I suppose that those involved in "perfect" EMRs are too busy having mind-blowing sex to bother posting here.) For me, I've come to believe that I NEED the drama. It's like I can't be happy unless I'm miserable. My relationship (whatever it is) with MW is the perfect example. She causes me so much stress. Yet I cannot stand the thought of being done with the R, even though I know my life would be simpler. I'd love to know if others here (i.e., people involved in EMRs) feel this way. Anybody else a drama queen? Do you think there is something that makes a person this way? Is it genetic? Does it have to do with childhood experiences? Hi, Joey66....This thread just cracked me up because this sounds just like me! As one person I know well said about me "You like risk". Yep, I thrive on the edge part of life. Can't do boring, can't do sensible, can't do normal. Always have to have something going on and if there isn't something going on I will CREATE something to stress, worry or get excited about. I get bored otherwise. I think my need for risk is genetic, in fact I know for me it is. It has nothing to do with my childhood as it was very average, very boring so I can't blame it on that, well maybe I can, maybe if it had been filled with divorce/angst/bullying/loneliness/abuse then I would be seeking out a 'normal' adulthood rather than one filled with risk and excitment and all the things that go with it. Don't know. Anyway, I totally know what you're going on about. As much as it is 'nice' not to have the stress/guilt/worry/anxiety of the sneaking around etc that the EA brought with it, I sooooo miss the thrill/excitment of it, but not half as much as I miss the person. Also, my close friends miss the daily EA updates and in fact have berated me for not having anything exciting to tell them anymore.....thanks!!! Edited April 28, 2010 by secretlady76
Hazyhead Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Do you really like that drama? Good grief - I think I would have needed to be sectioned at some point had I continued! Don't get me wrong, I'm very much a person whom loves spontaneity and excitement (have taken on various extreme challenges) but that kind... dealing with somebody else's crap? No thanks! I've learned I can get my thrills elsewhere, where they're from a challenge I choose rather than one that somebody dumps on me. No offense at all intended to you guys. Do you think there's a limit for you, from which you will absolutely be able to take no more?
secretlady76 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Do you really like that drama? Good grief - I think I would have needed to be sectioned at some point had I continued! Don't get me wrong, I'm very much a person whom loves spontaneity and excitement (have taken on various extreme challenges) but that kind... dealing with somebody else's crap? No thanks! I've learned I can get my thrills elsewhere, where they're from a challenge I choose rather than one that somebody dumps on me. No offense at all intended to you guys. Do you think there's a limit for you, from which you will absolutely be able to take no more? Er, well I don't think I got or gave that much crap. We were both in the same (home) situation and we tried to be straight with eachother. The stress was in the sneaking around and the guilt, which looking back wasn't much fun. The stress now is accepting that the R is over and that is stressful in itself. However, I can't deny I enjoy the stress. Sounds terrible and maybe I am a nutcase but that is just the way I am. Do I have a limit, you know what? I don't think I do!!!!!!
Hazyhead Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Er, well I don't think I got or gave that much crap. We were both in the same (home) situation and we tried to be straight with eachother. The stress was in the sneaking around and the guilt, which looking back wasn't much fun. The stress now is accepting that the R is over and that is stressful in itself. However, I can't deny I enjoy the stress. Sounds terrible and maybe I am a nutcase but that is just the way I am. Do I have a limit, you know what? I don't think I do!!!!!! Holy cow! I'm sorry for the stress of the end of the R; I hope it does pass for you, if you want it to! You're crazy
White Flower Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 There is so much drama involved in EMRs. Even in the best, it seems that everyone (MM/MW/OM/OW) suffers. This forum provides ample evidence. (Though I suppose that those involved in "perfect" EMRs are too busy having mind-blowing sex to bother posting here.) For me, I've come to believe that I NEED the drama. It's like I can't be happy unless I'm miserable. My relationship (whatever it is) with MW is the perfect example. She causes me so much stress. Yet I cannot stand the thought of being done with the R, even though I know my life would be simpler. I'd love to know if others here (i.e., people involved in EMRs) feel this way. Anybody else a drama queen? Do you think there is something that makes a person this way? Is it genetic? Does it have to do with childhood experiences? Do you know how many times I have secretly called my MM a drama queen? I joke about it, but deep down I do feel he enjoys drama, or at least being busy. When I first met him I accused him of being hyperactive as a child but he said no he's just a busy man. Oh yes he is! I think he is 'busy' for a number of reasons. Of course, all the As he had. Also, because of his W being suspicious all those years (and only confirming ONE A which she thinks was only EA), she pretty much writes an itinerary for him daily if not a 'honey do' list. I'm sure in her mind as long as he is busy he isn't out there talking or seeing some gal. Sadly, he'll be out there doing the very things on the list WITH the other gal and sometimes 'doing' her in the process. Drama or busy, that is what MM is. Me? Not so much. Sometimes I believe if he did leave for me he would find our lives a little too calm and I seriously mean that. It MAY have something to do with childhood experiences. My MM revealed something interesting about his childhood which I won't go in to but sometimes I wonder if keeping busy is the distraction he needs to block that experience from his mind instead of dealing with it. Being involved in As would pale by comparison to what he experienced as a child but maybe the drama of the A life, especially as a SC, constantly draws him (unsuccessfully until now) to focus on it?
Just a stone's throw Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I swore my exMM was ADHD. I told him that. We both loved the risk and the drama of getting together or NOT being able to get together which drove us both nuts. But the drama of guilt I did not like (his drama). I dealt with the guilt (read: repressed it) much better than he did (everything was always a competition too, even to who's ego was bigger!) This is a rather funny thread. I think he was a bit of a drama queen. He disliked any drama that I would bring into the R.
White Flower Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I swore my exMM was ADHD. I told him that. We both loved the risk and the drama of getting together or NOT being able to get together which drove us both nuts. But the drama of guilt I did not like (his drama). I dealt with the guilt (read: repressed it) much better than he did (everything was always a competition too, even to who's ego was bigger!) This is a rather funny thread. I think he was a bit of a drama queen. He disliked any drama that I would bring into the R. You are reminding me of the A my MM had with the OW before me. He told me the other day that with them he felt like there was always a competition about who was going to be funnier, louder, or sillier. Definitely a LOT of drama in THAT A!
pureinheart Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 There is so much drama involved in EMRs. Even in the best, it seems that everyone (MM/MW/OM/OW) suffers. This forum provides ample evidence. (Though I suppose that those involved in "perfect" EMRs are too busy having mind-blowing sex to bother posting here.) For me, I've come to believe that I NEED the drama. It's like I can't be happy unless I'm miserable. My relationship (whatever it is) with MW is the perfect example. She causes me so much stress. Yet I cannot stand the thought of being done with the R, even though I know my life would be simpler. I'd love to know if others here (i.e., people involved in EMRs) feel this way. Anybody else a drama queen? Do you think there is something that makes a person this way? Is it genetic? Does it have to do with childhood experiences? Hi, Joey66....This thread just cracked me up because this sounds just like me! As one person I know well said about me "You like risk". Yep, I thrive on the edge part of life. Can't do boring, can't do sensible, can't do normal. Always have to have something going on and if there isn't something going on I will CREATE something to stress, worry or get excited about. I get bored otherwise. I think my need for risk is genetic, in fact I know for me it is. It has nothing to do with my childhood as it was very average, very boring so I can't blame it on that, well maybe I can, maybe if it had been filled with divorce/angst/bullying/loneliness/abuse then I would be seeking out a 'normal' adulthood rather than one filled with risk and excitment and all the things that go with it. Don't know. Anyway, I totally know what you're going on about. As much as it is 'nice' not to have the stress/guilt/worry/anxiety of the sneaking around etc that the EA brought with it, I sooooo miss the thrill/excitment of it, but not half as much as I miss the person. Also, my close friends miss the daily EA updates and in fact have berated me for not having anything exciting to tell them anymore.....thanks!!! I'm wondering if this isn't me also...do I look for it subconsciencly? Is it just brought to my doorstep...man, I'm trippin and am not even in a R right now....
LostMe Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 oh yes, this is me. My life pre-A was happy, content, comfortable, H and i NEVER argued, I didn't realise until xMM came along how much i love the dreaded rollercoaster. I knew i thrived on risk and challenge, but i already had these in my life. xMM is the same but worse, total hyperactive attention seeker. I'm trying to find what can fulfil this need in me in a way that doesn't involve hitting the self-destruct button (or imaginary arguments with H!). I'm going the passion route for now which is proving kinda fun....
Just a stone's throw Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I'm going the passion route for now which is proving kinda fun.... Me TOOO!!!
Lost Wanderer Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Personally and I know this will sound strange, coming from someone in an A. I hate drama and generally I play things straight, not a big one for lying or sneaking around. Hence probably why my M will be ending soon and my A will either end or move into the open soon. Being in an A was not something I wanted nor looked for, just sorta fell into it. How that started is a long story I won't get into, and yes I do take responsibility for how I got where I am.
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