Signs of a player

[whichwayisup]

He just sent me a text, "I can see myself falling in love with you". This is after he was just seen with an ex a few days ago. I really don't get it...we have so many mutual friends that I just don't get why he would do this...it's so puzzling! I figure if he is lying and playing with me, I'm going to figure it out soon enough.

 

And, how was he BEFORE he saw you with your ex?

 

Keep in mind, this could be his ego (hurting) and talking. That whole "keep you interested and on your toes thing! Give you and tell you what you want to hear..

 

Listen to your gut, 99% of the time, guts are right!

[Avaa]

I feel the same way as Sanman. Almost as if you multi-date, you are automatically a player.

 

I think this may be a difference in terminology.

 

whichwayisup said a friend dated a player for years. That doesn't make sense to me. A player would not date someone for years.

 

To me, a player is someone that's after a "quick kill", and would be perfectly fine using lies to get it. That player then would move on to the next one after this one is done. They wouldn't stick around in a relationship with their targets.

 

Sometimes a player is also a cheater. As in he will have a "main" girlfriend or wife, that he cheats on, while he does his player thing with other women. So to the "main" one, he's a cheater. To the others, he's a player.

 

To me, I make the distinction between a player, vs someone that knows his way around the dating scene, vs someone that is unwilling to commit, which I think sounds more like the situation whichwayisup mentioned, vs cheaters.

 

A person can fit into multiple groups, like a player most likely is good at attracting women, but that doesn't mean all men that are good at attracting women are players.

 

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Sanman and I are both players. Maybe women should avoid all men that display social smoothness in dating. I don't know.

 

In the OP's case, whether he's a player or not, he has displayed red flags. Talking about marriage this early is strange, and I would consider that un-player-like, since he has already gotten sex. Player isn't necessarily the bad men that women can run into. I've seen that controlling/abusive men tend to go for marriage rather quickly. Also men that are after something else, such as money or citizenship.

 

It could be a number of things, or it could be nothing. Invest slowly is a good advice no matter the situation.

 

I disagree. A player is someone who leads a girl on making her believe there is no one else and feeds lies to her in order to get what he wants. A lot of people openly tell other people that they are dating others. It's pretty normal and why not? You're options should be open if you are single. As long as the guy is telling the girl he is dating other people and that she isn't the only "one",then it's okay.

[mustofbeen]

Hate the game not the player. Some people think that I am a player, but I don't think so. I have a lot of girls that I hang out with, I am not married, never been, no kids, the only way I'll find somebody that I will be compatible with is by dating a lot of females. I am not in a committed relationship, I don't bs around, I tell them how it is, I am not looking for anything serious, I just want to have fun, if everything works out and we get along we might get serious, until then you can do anything you want, go out with anybody that you want, no expectations. 90% of females agree with it, the other 10% get mad and leave, oh well it's their loss or not.

[snug.bunny]

Anyone who is out there dating, has had a string of short lived relationships, one night stands, flings, can be considered a "player", male or female.

 

Past relationship history is always something to focus on - first and foremost - and why those relationships ended.

 

I have two male friends who I would consider "players" (though I dislike the term because again, it can cover a wide variety of circumstances).

 

Guy 1 - I have known him for about 7 years. Within those 7 years, he has bounced from one relationship to the next, each relationship lasting anywhere from 6 months to 1-2 years. He gets bored very easily and once the relationship "sets in", he is on to the next. He is going on 33.

 

Guy 2 - I have known for about 10 years. He has never had a single relationship, only dates casually, hooks-up with random women, etc. He is going on 36.

 

They are cool guys otherwise, very fun to hang out with and having heard some of their sordid stories, I just shake my head.

[yellowhibiscus]

Hate the game not the player. Some people think that I am a player, but I don't think so. I have a lot of girls that I hang out with, I am not married, never been, no kids, the only way I'll find somebody that I will be compatible with is by dating a lot of females. I am not in a committed relationship, I don't bs around, I tell them how it is, I am not looking for anything serious, I just want to have fun, if everything works out and we get along we might get serious, until then you can do anything you want, go out with anybody that you want, no expectations. 90% of females agree with it, the other 10% get mad and leave, oh well it's their loss or not.

 

That would be fine if people were upfront about it. But it's one thing to tell someone that you only want to be with them and lie about it! That's what my concern is. I would be okay if he told me, "hey I really like you but I want to date other girls too right now". All I'm getting right now is the incessant smooth talk but his actions don't line up to it.