Just deleted my OkCupid profile

[Emilia]

I feel so liberated! It was such an incredible waste of time. Not just the time spent reading through all the profiles, or composing thoughtful, interesting messages. But also the time spent wondering why nobody ever wrote back. I agonized over that for so long. Is it my location? Is it my income? Is it my username? Is something wrong with my pictures? Am I not just not good enough? Is every other man on this site superior to me?

 

Well, I'm done. I don't know what it is the women of OkCupid want, but I obviously don't have it. It's not just that they don't want to go out with me, they want nothing to do with me at all. Not only do they decline to communicate with me through the site, they can't even be bothered to click on my profile!

 

But whatever. It's not my problem anymore! The profile is gone. No more being tempted to see if I got any more views. No more thinking "Maybe I'll write her, because you never know! Hurp derp durrr!!!" I may end up being single for the rest of my life, but I'll be damned if I'm going to waste any more effort trying desperately to get noticed on OkCupid. I'm not that pathetic.

 

I think that's my new motto: I'm not that pathetic!

 

okcupid is the least active site I have ever used. true, as a woman I didn't get many creepy messages, had profiles views though but far fewer than on other sites - although they are much smaller in the UK than in the States.

 

what I noticed was that there were far more self-confessed geeky guys on it than anywhere else I looked and I think a lot of people used it more for curiousity rather than dating.

 

a complete waste of time

[PureBoy]

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[irc333]

I feel so liberated! It was such an incredible waste of time. Not just the time spent reading through all the profiles, or composing thoughtful, interesting messages.

 

Exactly, people could careless how well written your initial email is, if they see a height requirement you don't meet or you don't have the handsome good looks that they enjoy.

 

Why read the email, right? lol

[oaks]

okcupid is the least active site I have ever used.

 

It's an annoying site that keeps showing me so-called "matches" who don't meet my match criteria. Either badly though-out or badly coded - I can't tell which.

[Emilia]

It's an annoying site that keeps showing me so-called "matches" who don't meet my match criteria. Either badly though-out or badly coded - I can't tell which.

 

I had matches that hadn't signed in for months... others were too far (I specified 'near me') etc. I think they lie just as much as other sites do about subscribers and they don't have enough new matches

[oaks]

I had matches that hadn't signed in for months... others were too far (I specified 'near me') etc. I think they lie just as much as other sites do about subscribers and they don't have enough new matches

 

Same here. I can't see the point in them showing me someone who is married and living in Belgium (and last logged in 2 years ago) if I'm looking for someone single near London!

[GivenUp0083]

Exactly, people could careless how well written your initial email is, if they see a height requirement you don't meet or you don't have the handsome good looks that they enjoy.

 

Why read the email, right? lol

 

There's some truth to this statement. Everyone has some physical preferences, let's face it, if you can see something about someone that you already know you aren't attracted to then they won't waste either of your time. However, just because people have requirements doesn't mean they won't CHOOSE you. I'm 5'8". I have no qualms with dating someone my height, or even an inch taller, but most women want a guy who is at least a few inches taller. I'm also horribly un-photogenic and I have terrible pictures. I still was able to find dozens of dates, I still found a great girl.

 

The reason that most women told me about me that caught my eye is that I was one of few decent-written and "normal" emails they had gotten. Especially on a site like OKcupid, I'm sure girls get a lot of creepy emails. By just seeming normal and non-creepy alone landed me many dates with girls.

 

Maybe you guys just seem really creepy and it has nothing to do with your looks. Ask some girls to help critique your emails or your profile.

[january2011]

Maybe you guys just seem really creepy and it has nothing to do with your looks.

 

I laugh but it's actually a valid point. I must admit that between a 99% match but badly written messages and a 72% match with well written messages, I'd go for the latter.

[irc333]

Right, once in a while I get a "wow" response and a compliment on a such well-written email.

 

I think 2 women this year, in the dozens' I've emailed I've written, actually complimented me on said initial email, and went out on a date with me, so obviously they recognized quality when they see it.

 

So it's really a numbers game, just keep sending out quality emails until a woman can be woo'ed by said quality email and actually respond.

 

Maybe you guys just seem really creepy and it has nothing to do with your looks. Ask some girls to help critique your emails or your profile

 

Ummm...nope, read above, obviously they know a good quality email when they read it.

 

 

I laugh but it's actually a valid point. I must admit that between a 99% match but badly written messages and a 72% match with well written messages, I'd go for the latter.

Edited February 14, 2011 by irc333

[irc333]

The reason that most women told me about me that caught my eye is that I was one of few decent-written and "normal" emails they had gotten. Especially on a site like OKcupid, I'm sure girls get a lot of creepy emails. By just seeming normal and non-creepy alone landed me many dates with girls.

 

 

I've been told this as well, I've gotten the ol "Wow, I'm impressed, you're the first genuine non-creepy email I've gotten!"

[GivenUp0083]

Right, once in a while I get a "wow" response and a compliment on a such well-written email.

 

I think 2 women this year, in the dozens' I've emailed I've written, actually complimented me on said initial email, and went out on a date with me, so obviously they recognized quality when they see it.

 

Maybe, it's just two women's opinions. Creepy has a wide scope and it's definition will vary by each girl.

 

So it's really a numbers game, just keep sending out quality emails until a woman can be woo'ed by said quality email and actually respond.

 

I think this statement says a lot about your mindset. It sounds like you're too easy to please or ready to "woo" a girl. How about setting some standards for yourself? Try having the mindset of keeping your mind open to meeting someone new that you might click with, but also having an equal expectation that she has to "woo you" just as much as you have to woo her. Maybe you should just see if there's natural chemistry and the woo process won't be so difficult for either of you. If it's too much work or one person has to woo the other than you should walk away from it. It should just fall into place when you meet the right girl, not be full of effort and convincing on one person's end.

 

 

Ummm...nope, read above, obviously they know a good quality email when they read it.

 

I don't doubt THOSE TWO women liked your email, but here's the one thing you do know about your situation....you are the only common denominator. If you are struggling finding someone then it's either just bad luck in not having found someone yet or you are doing something to make these women dismiss you as a potential relationship partner. For me it was a little of both I felt, I needed some help and I got it. However you can't control what women are going to do, you can only change yourself. Try looking into the mirror and asking yourself what you have to offer and try to portray those qualities when you do meet women without being too focused on winning them over. Just naturally let things fall into place.

 

 

I know you live in a remote/rural area so your options are limited, but if finding someone really is that important to you (and it usually is to most people) then you may want to consider relocating to an area with more single people. Just a thought.

[irc333]

I know you live in a remote/rural area so your options are limited, but if finding someone really is that important to you (and it usually is to most people) then you may want to consider relocating to an area with more single people. Just a thought.

 

Actually, I typically commute and email women that are about an hour from me, in a rather large city. Once in a while I get a city gal that just moved into my hick town and typically I get a date with them, or they're just to picky for their own good.

 

Sometimes it has to be considered that the standards of most people these days are quite superficial. You say I don't have any set standards, I do have standards actually, I'm just not as superficial as most society is. I dont' care about height, I would even date a chunky girl even. doesn't matter to me.

 

So no need to change my physical criteria.

 

I gave up on online dating pretty much, and actually getting out in public to meet new people and having better luck that way actually, that way, the whole face-to-face and body language is taken into consideration as opposed to a height stat.

 

Personally GU....I've taken advice from plenty of people and really don't plan on changing my method of approaching women. Since I did get some impressed responses, I can go with that.

 

I've actually "given up" on taking dating advice from others, and if someone cannot accept me for me, then they can pound sand. If a woman, somehow finds me "creepY' for whatever reason, she's the one with the problem, not me.

 

RElocating is not really a great option for me now, since I cannot afford to relocate financially. So that's not on the list of options, though it is funny to occasionally find a woman who recently was big city gal to move into my area to be near her folks to realize most people around here HER age are lacking teeth or the hunks are married with children.

Edited February 14, 2011 by irc333

[irc333]

I think this statement says a lot about your mindset. It sounds like you're too easy to please or ready to "woo" a girl. How about setting some standards for yourself? Try having the mindset of keeping your mind open to meeting someone new that you might click with, but also having an equal expectation that she has to "woo you" just as much as you have to woo her. Maybe you should just see if there's natural chemistry and the woo process won't be so difficult for either of you. If it's too much work or one person has to woo the other than you should walk away from it. It should just fall into place when you meet the right girl, not be full of effort and convincing on one person's end.

 

Not sure what you mean here, that I'm easy to please? What's wrong with that? I fail to see how this is a problem.

[GivenUp0083]

Actually, I typically commute and email women that are about an hour from me, in a rather large city. Once in a while I get a city gal that just moved into my hick town and typically I get a date with them, or they're just to picky for their own good.

 

Sometimes it has to be considered that the standards of most people these days are quite superficial. You say I don't have any set standards, I do have standards actually, I'm just not as superficial as most society is. I dont' care about height, I would even date a chunky girl even. doesn't matter to me.

 

That bolded statement, right there. You're generalizing the entire single female dating population in your area, you do it in many of your posts. You don't want to accept that you have room for improvement due to whatever personal reason. You see the problem with your dating struggles to be "everyone else's fault" but yours. It's not a clear cut concept, it's both. You have to be able to realize your own shortcomings and learn where you can improve yourself as well as maintain a good standard of who you want to date.

 

By standards I don't mean physical. Try looking for specific personality traits of women you think you'd be a good fit with. You say you don't have high standards which is good, but also that is what I'm pointing out as something you should think more about. What do you want in a woman? It sounds right now like you'll take just about any woman.

 

So no need to change my physical criteria.

 

I gave up on online dating pretty much, and actually getting out in public to meet new people and having better luck that way actually, that way, the whole face-to-face and body language is taken into consideration as opposed to a height stat.

 

That's great, you can keep going out with them to claim "no we're not on a date" in public and hang out with you as friends. From what you're posting that's not exactly what you want, is it?

 

Personally GU....I've taken advice from plenty of people and really don't plan on changing my method of approaching women. Since I did get some impressed responses, I can go with that.

 

You're right, you don't have to change anything. Just keep in mind one of the true definitions of insane behavior is to keep doing the same thing while each time expecting a different outcome.

 

I've actually "given up" on taking dating advice from others, and if someone cannot accept me for me, then they can pound sand. If a woman, somehow finds me "creepY' for whatever reason, she's the one with the problem, not me.

 

Maybe she does have a problem, but maybe there's something you can learn from her response about your own behavior. If it's one woman that considers you creepy then fine. But from your thread history it seems there's been a couple women, including one, who wouldn't even let you hit on her friends because she thinks your creepy. That would tell me it might be time to take a look at myself in the mirror and try to find out what I can change.

 

RElocating is not really a great option for me now, since I cannot afford to relocate financially. So that's not on the list of options, though it is funny to occasionally find a woman who recently was big city gal to move into my area to be near her folks to realize most people around here HER age are lacking teeth or the hunks are married with children.

 

Well then you're in a situation you can't do anything about and you're going to have to just accept that you are limited to women of that nature or situation. You seem to complain about your area you live in so I guess we can expect to stop hearing those complaints about your area now that we know there's nothing you can do to change it, right?

 

Not sure what you mean here, that I'm easy to please? What's wrong with that? I fail to see how this is a problem.

 

I meant to say you could seem "too eager to please". I mistyped.

 

If you're too eager to woo a girl then it will come across that way to her and she'll see that as a red flag. Make her chase you, make her think she has to win YOU over...

[Fondue]

About 2 weeks ago, I made an OKcupid profile because of something I saw on this particular forum. I was very curious and I had to feed my own curiosity after I got drunk one night with my friends at a local bar and we had a conversation about online dating. Now, I'm no slouch with my real life game, so it's not like I really need to bother with trying online dating, but I had to see what it was all about. It was eating away at me and I needed to find out.

 

I made a profile with answering those standard questions. Each of my answers were short, one liners. Many of which I simply answered, "I'm awesome," or any variation of that. That's literally all I did. It is a lame profile, but my standard. I think I also added to one of questions, about what people notice about me, is that I have a nice "man-butt." I answered the right side of the profile honestly, my body type is "average" and I never included anything regarding my job beside that I'm in medicine. The pictures that I included (three of them, I think) are all of me individually. Just normal pictures.

 

Anyway, I received a bunch of visitors, more than several girls initiating and messaging me first, and also many more who replied to my messages. When I messaged THEM, I usually messaged them about what's on their profile, with only one short message. If someone put in their profile, "I like guys who know how to use grammar and punctuate their sentences," then I would message them pointing out grammar/punctuation mistakes in their own profile. If they mention they like tea/sushi/etc., I would simply message them with "Sushi is, in fact, excellent." And that's it. I never made anything more than one sentence.

 

People were incredibly receptive to all of that. It was weird. It seems that if you don't over do your "entry," then you're gonna be more accepted. I don't think women like be overwhelmed. It's especially evident because they get so many messages. I would never read a block of a message if I got 20 more of them to go through as well. It makes sense.

 

The girls that initiated with ME all said that my profile was incredibly unique, and each one of them said I made them laugh-- especially about the part with my "man-butt." So it kind of shows me that my self-centeredness and the filling of my profile with "I'm absolutely awesome" crap did the trick.

 

Maybe it'll work for you?

 

Quick question though about this OKC thing: When do you expect to meet with the person? Some girl already asked me to meet up with her, and I said I needed more time (we still message each other with long messages), and another girl I feel like is already hinting at it. The third, I think, was waiting for me to ask her, but since I never did we been fading away from one another. The others are just meh. I don't know if I want to meet up with these women, but if I decide to, how does one go about it? I never met in real person that I met online. It seems odd to me.

[fortyninethousand322]

About 2 weeks ago, I made an OKcupid profile because of something I saw on this particular forum. I was very curious and I had to feed my own curiosity after I got drunk one night with my friends at a local bar and we had a conversation about online dating. Now, I'm no slouch with my real life game, so it's not like I really need to bother with trying online dating, but I had to see what it was all about. It was eating away at me and I needed to find out.

 

I made a profile with answering those standard questions. Each of my answers were short, one liners. Many of which I simply answered, "I'm awesome," or any variation of that. That's literally all I did. It is a lame profile, but my standard. I think I also added to one of questions, about what people notice about me, is that I have a nice "man-butt." I answered the right side of the profile honestly, my body type is "average" and I never included anything regarding my job beside that I'm in medicine. The pictures that I included (three of them, I think) are all of me individually. Just normal pictures.

 

Anyway, I received a bunch of visitors, more than several girls initiating and messaging me first, and also many more who replied to my messages. When I messaged THEM, I usually messaged them about what's on their profile, with only one short message. If someone put in their profile, "I like guys who know how to use grammar and punctuate their sentences," then I would message them pointing out grammar/punctuation mistakes in their own profile. If they mention they like tea/sushi/etc., I would simply message them with "Sushi is, in fact, excellent." And that's it. I never made anything more than one sentence.

 

People were incredibly receptive to all of that. It was weird. It seems that if you don't over do your "entry," then you're gonna be more accepted. I don't think women like be overwhelmed. It's especially evident because they get so many messages. I would never read a block of a message if I got 20 more of them to go through as well. It makes sense.

 

The girls that initiated with ME all said that my profile was incredibly unique, and each one of them said I made them laugh-- especially about the part with my "man-butt." So it kind of shows me that my self-centeredness and the filling of my profile with "I'm absolutely awesome" crap did the trick.

 

Maybe it'll work for you?

 

Quick question though about this OKC thing: When do you expect to meet with the person? Some girl already asked me to meet up with her, and I said I needed more time (we still message each other with long messages), and another girl I feel like is already hinting at it. The third, I think, was waiting for me to ask her, but since I never did we been fading away from one another. The others are just meh. I don't know if I want to meet up with these women, but if I decide to, how does one go about it? I never met in real person that I met online. It seems odd to me.

 

Well I think after 2-4 messages it's safe to meet up for coffee or something.

 

And I think I should edit my own profile to make it resemble yours. I've had my profile since May and have only met one person off the site and my response rate is horrible.

[Fondue]

Well I think after 2-4 messages it's safe to meet up for coffee or something.

 

And I think I should edit my own profile to make it resemble yours. I've had my profile since May and have only met one person off the site and my response rate is horrible.

Thanks for the quick reply .

 

Wow though, I didn't think it was usually that quick! I feel like a slow, prudish man now. A lot of these ladies that exchanged messages with me have been for weeks. I guess I gotta initiate that sooner if I want anything to develop.

 

That's odd to me though. I don't think I even feel secure going out to see a person after a few messages, to be honest. I guess since I never met anyone in person from the internet, I don't know how it work. I don't really know how to approach the situation. Like, when you see them for a distance for the first time, do you casually walk up to them and shake their hand? Hug? Does it feel awkward?

 

How does it go? Honest question here, I really don't know. I think I'm less anxious about cold approaching people on the street/bar/club/etc. than I would be someone I already spoke with and meeting for the first time.

[fortyninethousand322]

Thanks for the quick reply .

 

Wow though, I didn't think it was usually that quick! I feel like a slow, prudish man now. A lot of these ladies that exchanged messages with me have been for weeks. I guess I gotta initiate that sooner if I want anything to develop.

 

That's odd to me though. I don't think I even feel secure going out to see a person after a few messages, to be honest. I guess since I never met anyone in person from the internet, I don't know how it work. I don't really know how to approach the situation. Like, when you see them for a distance for the first time, do you casually walk up to them and shake their hand? Hug? Does it feel awkward?

 

How does it go? Honest question here, I really don't know. I think I'm less anxious about cold approaching people on the street/bar/club/etc. than I would be someone I already spoke with and meeting for the first time.

 

I met the first and thus far only girl I've ever met off the site at a coffee shop. We met up after 3 messages (the initial message, a follow up, and then the one in which I asked her out to coffee).

 

The date itself was extremely awkward at the beginning. She was extremely early (we were supposed to meet up at 7 but she was already there when I got there at 6:45). At first I didn't even recognize her (she looked even better in person than she did in her pictures) so I had to go over to where she was sitting hoping that she was the right person. I planned on hugging her, but since she was already sitting we shook hands. After that things seemed to go ok like a regular date, except obviously not going the way I would have liked.

 

I think if you're ok with regular dating, online dating sites should be no problem.

[mtber75]

Leeway, why would you put so much stock in a FREE personal site anyways...Most people just use this as an add on to their existing dating life. So you should really move on and try different ways to meet people...through hobbies perhaps? Or try paid dating sites, level of commitment is higher.

 

Its not you, its just that girls get tons of messages on these sites and don't have time I guess?

[sniffys]

whoa leeway..

 

ok i was just wondering, are u from new york? cause if you are then you're being matched w/ men from new york. although i dont really have any solid proof but i think its way harder to date there.

 

i met a lot of guys in okc, and i met my close friend who has helped me through some rough periods i had these past couple of months through okc too. also it would be good if you just used okc as a sideline where people can meet you through but it cant by your main thing. gotta find another way for that.

 

actually have met a lot of guys in okc who i think are really good looking and nice but i really couldnt date them at that time

[fishtaco]

Good for you Leeway. I stopped online dating a long time ago.

 

There's a trick to it, some people seem to know it. I have a feeling it revolves around being photogenic and having a really good picture.

 

But yup, my experience was the same. A lot of effort for very little return.

 

Stick with real life dating, it's much better.

 

For ladies, online dating seems to be alright. They get a lot of attention, but the challenge is to sort through them.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I am hesitant to create a profile. For one, OK Cupid seems to suck up a lot of time and energy - and as a college student, I personally don't have the time.

 

Secondly, I am not good at writing profiles, or describing myself. I am well read/well written, but as far as describing my own personal traits and what I'm looking for in a woman...sorry, no go. I had one profile back in 2006, that I poured my whole energy into writing it...took about a week. Even my therapist said that it was extremely well written and that I should have no problem online dating, if I can write like that.

 

Every single email. Read/deleted. No responses.

 

I had one exchange going on PoF a couple of years ago, but chickened out (this was back when I had extremely bad social anxiety, and even internet anxiety...bad news all around.) I stopped writing to her, and that was that. Don't know what happened to her, and she might be married with kids by now.

 

I had an exchange going on a nerd dating site recently, as I mentioned in PM to someone on here, but the girl stopped writing. I don't know if it was something I said, or if she found someone more interesting, but she decided to, whatever the reason, stop writing me.

[MarlyStar]

The thing is, I know a number of people who have met and married online, and nationally I guess the online match up rate is like 10-15% for marriages. It's working for somebody. A lot of somebodies. In fact, 21 years ago my MOTHER met her current husband through a newspaper personal ad (the pre cursor to online dating). They are happy. I bet I know about 6 happy couples who will admit to meeting online.

 

I'm blogging on my Profile thread my experiences of the last week on match.

 

It's not inspiring.

 

But it only takes one, right. However, at the end of the month, I'm deleting it and letting it go too.