madjac74 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 (edited) Well my girlfriend asked if we could talk and I knew it wasnt good because I had felt something wrong all weekend.We had talked a lot about moving on the last few months but I didnt see it coming after the way things have been going between us the last few weeks. Things were really good. We spent a lot of time on the phone. Texted the rest of the time. Our status seemed to be uncertain however but the cute nicknames and the "I love you" and "I miss you"'s were still there. Suddenly over the weekend I sensed she was different. Distant more than the physical distance that impaired us. Well during our phone conversation she mentioned how she wanted someone who was there and I couldnt be and then proceeded to mention she had met someone. Well I kinda knew it was coming but I just kind of said "ok" and "yep" to everything she said. She said don't do that crap I know you are pissed but can we talk about it? As a man what exactly did I have to say at that point? I think I did the best thing by holding my tongue. Maybe she wanted me to be mad to make herself feel better. IDK. After I had a few moments to calm my broken beating heart I sent her a text apologizing for not knowing what to say and thinking i was prepared but you really cant be prepared for it until it actually hits you. We ended up texting another few hours just like we usually do. An in depth conversation about the coyote catching the road runner. Finally I asked her if she really liked this guy and she said "I do. I dont know him well yet but he makes me smile" That pretty much sealed it for me P.s. I discovered something worse than long distance. Someone else being where you should be. And when its -11 degrees your tears will freeze to your face Edited February 9, 2011 by madjac74 Update
Nixx Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 uugggggggggghhhh. my heart just about dropped reading that. Suuuucks.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Oh I'm so sorry, that's so heartbreaking, feel tearful reading it, is it because you had no way of living closer for a while yet? I know how I would feel if it happened to me, and my heart goes out to you. ((((((hugs)))))) Well my girlfriend asked if we could talk and I knew it wasnt good because I had felt something wrong all weekend.We had talked a lot about moving on the last few months but I didnt see it coming after the way things have been going between us the last few weeks. Things were really good. We spent a lot of time on the phone. Texted the rest of the time. Our status seemed to be uncertain however but the cute nicknames and the "I love you" and "I miss you"'s were still there. Suddenly over the weekend I sensed she was different. Distant more than the physical distance that impaired us. Well during our phone conversation she mentioned how she wanted someone who was there and I couldnt be and then proceeded to mention she had met someone. Well I kinda knew it was coming but I just kind of said "ok" and "yep" to everything she said. She said don't do that crap I know you are pissed but can we talk about it? As a man what exactly did I have to say at that point? I think I did the best thing by holding my tongue. Maybe she wanted me to be mad to make herself feel better. IDK. After I had a few moments to calm my broken beating heart I sent her a text apologizing for not knowing what to say and thinking i was prepared but you really cant be prepared for it until it actually hits you. We ended up texting another few hours just like we usually do. An in depth conversation about the coyote catching the road runner. Finally I asked her if she really liked this guy and she said "I do. I dont know him well yet but he makes me smile" That pretty much sealed it for me P.s. I discovered something worse than long distance. Someone else being where you should be. And when its -11 degrees your tears will freeze to your face
befreckled Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I'm sorry to hear that it's ended. That is one of the biggest fears I have with an LDR and it is what happened with my last LDR, we were engaged but, the distance was too much for me. I started to feel resentful that he wasn't around.I had to depend on friends for something that you'd expect a boyfriend to be there for and it wasn't his fault. Neither was it mine. I just wanted him there. As much as it hurts, one has to somewhat appreciate the honesty. You didn't find out after months of cheating or anything of that nature. While it definitely doesn't take the sting away, it will pass because it has to. In the meantime, lots of hugs
aerogurl87 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Madjac I'm gonna send you a virtual hug cause I know how it feels to have the person you love tell you they've "met someone else" and then have your world come crashing down all around you. Especially when it's sort of out of the blue, hurts alot. Not really sure what to say other than you need to go NC from this point on and try to heal yourself. Don't be friends with her if you want more, don't settle for less than you deserve and take her breadcrumbs, it will just prolong the healing process. But things will get better, maybe not in a week, or a few months from now, but things will get better. I'm just so sorry this happened to you. 1
KandiceHanson Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Gosh, I am so so sorry. I know my apologies don't mean much, but please know that I envy your courage and strength to push through this hard time. I don't think I could ever be as strong as you are now, if I was placed into your situation, which is why I believe you were placed there for a reason. There must be someone else ten times better then your previous SO out there for you and she's just waiting to find you. I have a quote I follow when in times like these and it's basically, "Don't fret a past relationship, because she could have just been another step on the ladder to the top." It's worded oddly, but it makes total sense if you really think about it. Honestly, she could have just been one of those steps on your ladder to your future wife. Ya never know who you'll meet, but if anything keep your chin up. And plus, Karma's a B;)
aerogurl87 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Gosh, I am so so sorry. I know my apologies don't mean much, but please know that I envy your courage and strength to push through this hard time. I don't think I could ever be as strong as you are now, if I was placed into your situation, which is why I believe you were placed there for a reason. There must be someone else ten times better then your previous SO out there for you and she's just waiting to find you. I have a quote I follow when in times like these and it's basically, "Don't fret a past relationship, because she could have just been another step on the ladder to the top." It's worded oddly, but it makes total sense if you really think about it. Honestly, she could have just been one of those steps on your ladder to your future wife. Ya never know who you'll meet, but if anything keep your chin up. And plus, Karma's a B;) Kandice has a point. When my boyfriend and I were broken up, he told me basically the same thing about my ex. He said there was a reason I met him like he met all his ex girlfriends. It was to prepare me for being with him and make me a better person before I met him. Looking back I believe he's right, so maybe she's just one stop on the way to meeting the woman of your dreams. A person you met in life to make you better and more prepared for a better relationship down the road.
700miles Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Your message touched my heart...SO very sorry that you are going through this. Your strength shows through in your humor, though. (Great analogy to the ol' coyote!) You might want to evalute what it is you lost...LDR or not, you deserve someone with the same level of committment that you offer. Time heals...hope it moves quickly for you.
sammyd Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I'm really sad to hear your news. Not much i could say would probably make you feel any better at this moment. So, ((hugs)) to u instead.
LittleTiger Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Madjac, this is so sad. I'm am really sorry. When you guys got back together I thought you were all sorted. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now but I do know you'll get through it. (((((hugs)))))
mtber75 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I been in the similar situation where the woman actually married our ex while we were in a LDR. I only found out after I called her to see why she wasn't responding to my messages. Your always going to be at a disadvantage because of the physical distance involved. They can always find someone who is close to them over you:( I suggest keeping any LDR friendly at best. Concentrate on relationships that close to you.
folieadeux Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I'm so sorry. I've read over some of your older posts and thought too that you had everything sorted out this time around. You deserve someone who will give you the same type of committed relationship you are looking for.
Author madjac74 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 I want to thank you all for your kind words and support! Ive seen a few of you on here on a regular basis and some of you are new to me but regardless you all took the time to offer your support and it is greatly appreciated. Despite the fact that I don't REALLY know any of you other than the fact we have shared the trials and tribulations of a difficult situation, your kind words really have helped a great deal. I do hurt much more than I thought. I thought it would be easier having not been physically together in so long. It isn't. Much easier for the person who found someone new than the one who is left behind. The Script said it right when they said "when a heart breaks no it don't break even". Unfortunately in my relationships I'm always that guy. The one who fights for the relationship while they find a better deal. I will get over of course and move to bigger and better things. I wish I could be more angry at her but its just not her fault or mine. And aerogurl as important a person as she is in my life I agree no contact will be the only way to heal. Remaining friends would mean clinging to some hope but some other guy is making her smile now. Kandice I have a quote too that I remind myself of all the time. Ive been though worse things than this and just keep going. Life is going to knock you down repeatedly. This is a sports quote but it really applies to almost any situation in your life that you struggle with. Jack Dempsey said "A champion gets up even when he can't" Simple words but extremely powerful and a way I try to live day after difficult day. Thank you all again!
Freeing My Mind Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I can't say anything apart from that I agree with what most people have said, and I wish you all the best. It's never easy, just don't let it keep you down! Just remember, No one is in charge of your happiness, except you!
TokyoG33kyGal Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 man i am so sorry...but i really admire your strength and the way you handled the breakup.
LittleTiger Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Jack Dempsey said "A champion gets up even when he can't" Simple words but extremely powerful and a way I try to live day after difficult day. Thank you all again! Wow, powerful words indeed madjac - they brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. They are so appropriate for so many situations in life but you have no idea just how appropriate they are to me right now. I don't share much about my LDR on LS, I'm lucky that our relationship is really good, but I do struggle with the distance like everyone else and sometimes I think I don't have the strength to cope - now I know that I do. So I'd like to return the thanks. Thank you for sharing and for helping me, albeit unintentionally, when you're in such a difficult place yourself. You will find someone just as special as your lost love, if not more so, and I hope you'll come back and tell us when you do. In fact I hope you'll keep posting, because we're a little short on men with an inside knowledge of LDRs. I think most of the LDR regulars are female (I said most Creighton ).
hoping2heal Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Wow. I felt heartbroken for you and angry, just reading this. While I have had relationships end, it has never (or at least not to my knowledge and I had no reason to suspect or believe otherwise. ended because of another person. I am thankful looking back that if a relationship ended it is because either I or they were good enough to tell me they were having second thoughts or growing unsure before checking out totally and or moving on to someone else. I know LDRs are not for everyone. I just for some reason cannot stand when people do this to their partners. You cannot develop feelings for someone unless you open your heart to them. I often hear the remark Well, it is just how I feel and you cant help that. I disagree. You cannot forge a connection that is not there. However, when it comes to who you allow yourself to have feelings for..that is simple. It is called self control and comittment. If you are comitted to your partner you will not even be opening up yourself to another man or woman for a connection to grow. Could there be physical attraction..absolutely at any point. However, it is the emotional and mental that get people straying unless they just have the depth of a kiddie pool which..okay fine, some people do. I really think you dodged a bullet with this girl. I am not saying she is the most awful, horrible person in the world. I am sure there are many lovely and good things about her. However, in the long haul do you want to rest all of your weight on a wheelbarrow with a loose leg..no. I do not doubt she will do the same thing in her future relationships.
LittleTiger Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) I know LDRs are not for everyone. I just for some reason cannot stand when people do this to their partners. You cannot develop feelings for someone unless you open your heart to them. I often hear the remark Well, it is just how I feel and you cant help that. I disagree. You cannot forge a connection that is not there. However, when it comes to who you allow yourself to have feelings for..that is simple. It is called self control and comittment. If you are comitted to your partner you will not even be opening up yourself to another man or woman for a connection to grow. Could there be physical attraction..absolutely at any point. However, it is the emotional and mental that get people straying unless they just have the depth of a kiddie pool which..okay fine, some people do. I completely agree with you h2h - especially the bolded bits. This is what commitment means to me. If you are committed to your partner, your heart and/or body are not yours to give away elsewhere. Commitment doesn't mean 'right now', or 'for the next few weeks/months' or 'for as long as I can manage it' - it means committed - period. Things do change of course, people change and relationships change but when that happens it's unfair and somewhat cowardly to find yourself a 'crashmat' before you jump - especially when you know your SO is going to hit the ground hard. Edited February 10, 2011 by LittleTiger
Els Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I'm sorry to hear that. ((hugs)).. Stay strong, and remember that we're all behind you! The sad truth of the matter is that LDRs truly aren't for everyone. Some consider them worth the investment... and some don't. As callous at it may sound, at least now you are free to find someone who does, or someone in your locality.
hoping2heal Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I completely agree with you h2h - especially the bolded bits. This is what commitment means to me. If you are committed to your partner, your heart and/or body are not yours to give away elsewhere. Commitment doesn't mean 'right now', or 'for the next few weeks/months' or 'for as long as I can manage it' - it means committed - period. Things do change of course, people change and relationships change but when that happens it's unfair and somewhat cowardly to find yourself a 'crashmat' before you jump - especially when you know your SO is going to hit the ground hard. I agree. Sometimes things change and the relationship has run its course but I am sorry madjac, when I read that she had the nerve to text you how she felt about the guy. Some serious expletives went off in my head. I could not believe how thoughtless that woman could be, I was floored. Maybe she is just very young and immature and that is why she is like that but just wow.
Author madjac74 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 awww thank you guys for sticking up for me. You have made me feel much better. Ive been very sad but part of it has turned to anger. I understood her frustration with the situation and the thoughts of moving on but I dont understand continuing to string me a long while she was obviously looking for something local. I understand that our status was not clear but all indications was that nothing had changed on how she felt about me. This is all such a crazy story I swear I could write a romance novel LT...Im glad that I was able to help you in a way. Mostly I just posted my despair to vent to people who might understand. I will definitely check back with you guys as often as I can. I will have much more free time now. I just need to change my profile pic cuz its making me sad. Oh and I have been told by many that I was the girl of our relationship so I dont know how much of a man's opinion you will be getting. haha! But I still watch sports, drink beer and scratch my junk so maybe i still qualify
Author madjac74 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 I agree. Sometimes things change and the relationship has run its course but I am sorry madjac, when I read that she had the nerve to text you how she felt about the guy. Some serious expletives went off in my head. I could not believe how thoughtless that woman could be, I was floored. Maybe she is just very young and immature and that is why she is like that but just wow. I was stupid enough to ask, H2H Not to long ago when we were clearly on a break she told me she had been asked out and accepted. She continued to talk to me and said she cancelled the date because she didnt look forward to hearing from him but she looked forward to hearing from me everyday. Thats why I asked about this one. And Its likely the same guy. But Im not going to drive myself nuts thinking about all the what if's
hoping2heal Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 awww thank you guys for sticking up for me. You have made me feel much better. Ive been very sad but part of it has turned to anger. I understood her frustration with the situation and the thoughts of moving on but I dont understand continuing to string me a long while she was obviously looking for something local. I understand that our status was not clear but all indications was that nothing had changed on how she felt about me. This is all such a crazy story I swear I could write a romance novel LT...Im glad that I was able to help you in a way. Mostly I just posted my despair to vent to people who might understand. I will definitely check back with you guys as often as I can. I will have much more free time now. I just need to change my profile pic cuz its making me sad. Oh and I have been told by many that I was the girl of our relationship so I dont know how much of a man's opinion you will be getting. haha! But I still watch sports, drink beer and scratch my junk so maybe i still qualify Well madjac, I once thought I was in the perfect relationship. I was naive, dumb, and did not know **** & that is why I thought that. Now, I know very little about your relationship itself and yours was probably much better than mine. So, it is has nothing to do with that. Anyhow, Here I was thinking oooh I had prince charming and everything was gravy. A year together and we hardly ever fought. He pampered me with gifts, bought me things, was nice to my mom. He was nice to me too for the most part. The first time a problem comes up in our RS after a year he pulls the plug and is done. I was completely devestated and heartbroken..severely. In hindsight, I can see why that RS NEVER was right for me even if he had not done that, but I also am so thankful I did not marry him. Relationships go through very trying times. I have been with my wonderful, amazing, out of this world DF for a few years now and WOW. I am the luckiest woman alive, I soooo am. We have had our share of tough ***** to get through, too. He did not run or walk out. He stayed, I stayed, we dealt and got through things together. We were totally and fully comitted to eachother and not without reason. Our relationship is so wonderful today because of how deep we are together as a result of working through our problems and the level of deep honesty and respect for one another. That all takes time to grow The moral of the story is this, relationships are hard enough sometimes when everything is in your favor, one of the most valuable and hard to find traits in a partner is true comittment. Not just being faithful, but being comitted. That is something very few people seem to understand these days...sadly. The previous bf I mentioned, was not that kind of guy. It was not personal. He was like that with all the previous women, too. That is just how he is when the going gets tough, he gets going. I do not want a man like that in my life and you do not want a woman like that either. It is okay and understandable to hurt and mourn and be sad but I am confident when you heal and look back, you will be thankful you did not put all your eggs in a basket and pass it upon such careless hands.
hoping2heal Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I was stupid enough to ask, H2H Not to long ago when we were clearly on a break she told me she had been asked out and accepted. She continued to talk to me and said she cancelled the date because she didnt look forward to hearing from him but she looked forward to hearing from me everyday. Thats why I asked about this one. And Its likely the same guy. But Im not going to drive myself nuts thinking about all the what if's I know you asked, that is no excuse imo. The thoughtful thing to do would say, you know I am just not going to talk about that with you because of our history together.
Author madjac74 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 I know you asked, that is no excuse imo. The thoughtful thing to do would say, you know I am just not going to talk about that with you because of our history together. Actually the funny thing about that is she has claimed to do things just to get my reaction. Whether they are true or not I am unsure which should tell me something right away. She has told me she met someone before and my reaction was not to speak to her. That lasted two weeks and then she wished me a happy birthday and we started talking again. She claimed that she didnt feel like I loved her on a recent visit and made it up to see how I responded. And again not too long ago while we were having troubles and the topic of sex had come up for some infantile reason I asked if she had been with anyone and she said yes. Once again she wanted to see my response and quickly said she wouldnt do that when she still had feelings for me. I almost feel like some sort of expirement. Maybe her dissertation she is working on is "How to completely **** with and control a man"
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