tough words to hear

[worlybear]

Hey Hensley

How're you doing?

[What_Next]

I really have nothing to add except to say that as time goes by your desire to punish her will be replaced by your own desire to live a happy and healthy life. I have been following your story since you came here and you have been through the ringer for sure.

 

Let the process continue.

[willowthewisp]

Hi Hensley,

 

How are you doing today?

 

You are right, she is in a rebound/avoidance relationship because seriously who can possibly be "in love" with someone they have known only 4 weeks? It's ridiculous to say the least. I know it's difficult but try and stand back and look at it objectively, what she has done and is doing says far more about her than it does about you.

[debtman]

I WAS WHERE YOU ARE. Wife of 6 years, together 10, 2 small (4 & 6) kids, and she decided she wanted OM. After knowing him 2 weeks, she told me the marriage was over and she has moved on.

 

Hurts something terrible, but, you know what. It's temporary. LIFE IS AMAZING, and it gets better. I'm 4 months out, my time with my kids is less than it was, but it's MORE quality because it's just me and them and that's the most important thing and we have FUN together.

 

There are TONS of other women out there. Ones without the baggage and issues that a cheater has. I'm not looking for a relationship and I've found several other women who are in the same boat and just looking for fun.

 

It's an emotional roller coaster, but all you can do is focus on yourself. Get yourself back to a happy place. Make new friends, find new hobbies, get involved in life again. It's WONDERFUL!!!

 

Show your kids how great things can be, how confident a person can be in oneself and how incredible every day can be.

 

Let her go. She won't learn, she will **** up her new relationship eventually. YOU can LEARN from this. Make yourself a better person for the next person who comes along and actually deserves you!!

 

Go read my story if you want and you'll see that the wringer is temporary. All the **** she'll do to punish you is transitory and selfish on her part. She's not worth the worry. Life is great...live it!!!

 

Blue skies and keep posting...

[fltc]

Hensley, I can't tell you how glad I am to read your posts for two reasons, One, in your first thread you were so depressed that when you didn't post for awhile you worried a bunch of people here and two, you sound like you are beginning to recover. This sounds hopeful: "I hope to have spent time alone finding my real self again and when she comes crying to me about being alone I dream of the day I can politely crush her to the core."

 

We know you're hurting but time will gradually heal much of that hurt and somewhere, someday, you'll find someone who will take away the rest of it. I really believe that, you must believe it too.

[hensley258]

Hensley,

 

I know how you feel. Apparently, (as i do not know for sure if it is true, long story), my ex is now living with and engaged to a women he has known less than a year after leaving me after nearly 20 years with no warning right after we booked our wedding.

 

It's been almost 2 years since he left me and made me homeless to boot.

 

Know what though? Your W has not learnt anything, not dealt with anything and eventually due to this her relationship with OM will crumble. It will crumble because she has not learnt to deal with relationship problems (real or percieved on her part, don't know the facts of your marriage), but rather has choosen to deal with them by turning outside of the marriage. That is a receipe for disaster. Secondly, what kind of man goes with a married women? I'll tell you, one that will have no problem cheating on your w if and when the situation arises.

 

Besides all that, you need to focus on you now and what is good for you and your child. I know it's hard to not focus on them when what she has done is hurting you beyond description, but what made me realise I must focus on me is that I have no choice in his actions. I can't alter his decision, but I'll tell you one thing for certain, two years on I can see clearly that he is just one man in a world full of men and he is NOT a man that I would want to be with. The very fact that he treated me so badly when I did not deserve it and did not even try to work on anything first, is enough, now, looking back, for me to know I am better off without him. That's not to say my life is great and I would really like to meet someone to share my life with, but I would rather be single than with him, knowing now what he really is and is capable of.

 

May I suggest IC? I did not truely begin to feel better until I was able to talk it all through with someone who was able to offer me an alternative perspective. I spent 18 months blaming myself for what that S**t did TO me.

 

I think your right because I had no choice, but to suffer alone to find myself again, while she literally in just one day left for another man she had been talking with a few weeks. Right from one relationship into another she went.

 

Thus far she has had 4 break ups with this OM, but they always get back together. He is also going thru a divorce himself. My wife never took time alone to find herself she just bounced into a rapid relationship because it felt different. There is no way these two disfuctional people can make it work. If they do make it work then it would be a real shock.