Illiandra Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 What is a healthy dose of seeing each other? Ive been dating my bf for almost 1 1/2 years. We both work fulltime and i also go to school pt at nights. We see each other fri late afternoon to evening, saturday afternoon then i stay over, til sunday afternoon. I tend to leave on sundays cause i need time for myself and to study also At this point in our relationship we see each other once a week on top of the weekends. however, my concern lies with the fact that its not consistent during the week.... as a joke i mentioned to him if he has another girlfriend during the week and said no so i asked why dont we see each other more often during the week? his response was that i dont initiate plans during the week. in my past relationships ive done the weekend warrior deal (which im not interested in at this point) and ive also done the ,,,, hang out 3-4x a week,,, then all weekend... should i be concerned at this point? as a side note he has a brother who basically sees his girlfriend everyday,,, so i guess im c omparing our relationship to theirs
utterer of lies Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 You should see each other as often as is good for you. If you feel you don't see him enough, invite him over on weekdays. What's the problem?
musemaj11 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I dont understand what answer you are looking for. The guy already said that the two of you dont meet on weekdays because you dont make plans to meet on weekdays.
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Stop over analysing and enjoy your time together. Over time the more you see someone the less appealing they become!
zengirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 If the issue is you haven't made plans on weekdays, make some plans on weekdays and see how it goes. Don't compare your relationship to his brother's. Just compare it to the relationship you want. If it's not matching up, take steps to make it. If he doesn't want what you want, decide your terms and live with them, but it sounds like a minor issue that can be easily resolved if the reason is just that you didn't happen to make plans on weekdays. Make some plans, and see if he'll see you more, if that's what you want----but don't feel "obligated" to because other couples see each other every day. Stop over analysing and enjoy your time together. Over time the more you see someone the less appealing they become! Now, THIS would be a scary idea to me. I'd never date someone who thought I was less appealing over time with more contact. That's not going to last. After all, what about when you're living together in the day-in, day-out, of forever? (Unless that's not your goal, ever. And then it's something to be up front about.) And, in fact, that's an attitude I look for closely, to make sure I get the heck away from anyone who feels like the "new" part of relationship is the best.
Eeyore79 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 My bf and I see each other on two weekday evenings; we usually have an hour alone to eat dinner, and then we go out with friends. In addition we have a Saturday night sleepover from dinnertime on Saturday to lunchtime on Sunday. We occasionally have an additional date if we're both free. The amount you see your bf sounds fine to me; it's pretty much the same amount as I see my bf.
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 If the issue is you haven't made plans on weekdays, make some plans on weekdays and see how it goes. Don't compare your relationship to his brother's. Just compare it to the relationship you want. If it's not matching up, take steps to make it. If he doesn't want what you want, decide your terms and live with them, but it sounds like a minor issue that can be easily resolved if the reason is just that you didn't happen to make plans on weekdays. Make some plans, and see if he'll see you more, if that's what you want----but don't feel "obligated" to because other couples see each other every day. Now, THIS would be a scary idea to me. I'd never date someone who thought I was less appealing over time with more contact. That's not going to last. After all, what about when you're living together in the day-in, day-out, of forever? (Unless that's not your goal, ever. And then it's something to be up front about.) And, in fact, that's an attitude I look for closely, to make sure I get the heck away from anyone who feels like the "new" part of relationship is the best. Think you may have taken me a bit too literal there. But generally if you smother your partner and see each other too much you have less to say to one another and the sexual spark dwindles. Yes it may be replaced with something greater and more mature (I forsee you coming back with this) but when you are young and dating, it is the prime time to keep romance alive and have FUN. The saying 'familiarity breeds contempt' has always had a slight truth to it.
zengirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Think you may have taken me a bit too literal there. But generally if you smother your partner and see each other too much you have less to say to one another and the sexual spark dwindles. Yes it may be replaced with something greater and more mature (I forsee you coming back with this) but when you are young and dating, it is the prime time to keep romance alive and have FUN. The saying 'familiarity breeds contempt' has always had a slight truth to it. The more time I spend with my BF, the better a time we have --- the more inside jokes, the better sex, etc. It's a compatibility thing. When you're not compatible with someone, too much time together shows you just why, which is a good thing to know (and not fend off) in my book. I actually want sex more usually by the end of a weekend my BF and I spend together than I do when I first see him at the beginning of it. His presence turns me on. And he seems to respond in kind. So, I just basically disagree with your premise, at least in my experience. YMMV. But I'm not a lover of "new" things. Some people are, and they make chaotic relationship-partners IMO.
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Hmmm I think perhaps I am just very very independant these days. I have changed so much, had relationships with being together all the time and now can see that was one of the problems. Perhaps too much too soon when I was younger, which is why I offer the advice to try and have fun more in your twenties. The sex thing I relate to and the more you have the more you want. Don't know how long you've been together but I personally find limited sex as the relationship ages keeps it more sparkly. My ex and I used to have a dress up Friday, a night we always looked forward to where I dressed up. But we would never screw the 2 nights before to make it extra special.
zengirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Hmmm I think perhaps I am just very very independant these days. I have changed so much, had relationships with being together all the time and now can see that was one of the problems. Perhaps too much too soon when I was younger, which is why I offer the advice to try and have fun more in your twenties. The sex thing I relate to and the more you have the more you want. Don't know how long you've been together but I personally find limited sex as the relationship ages keeps it more sparkly. My ex and I used to have a dress up Friday, a night we always looked forward to where I dressed up. But we would never screw the 2 nights before to make it extra special. I do think it's important to keep your own interests and sense of self, but being together quite a bit doesn't change that or deaden the sparkle. Nor does lots of sex, for me. But for me sex is more about connection than variety, newness, etc.
depplover_1980 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Yes you see 'connection sex' is just another style of sex to me, to be done when the mood feels right. But I am a woman who likes being walked round on a lead. So I know nothing normal!! :)
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