vanillaskies Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Hi Everyone, I use to be a very active member on here, but stop posting due to the fact my bf at the time was reading every single post i'd ever written. So I never felt comfortable enough to post again, because I felt that he would continue to read my post. Although I don't post I have continued to read loveshack every other day. Well, I'm back now and feel a lot more comfortable and hope to gain some advice. So, my situation is this.. my ex and I have been together almost 2 years now. Our entire relationship has been based on break up and make up. So right now we are broken up and have been for about 3 months now. But we still see each other, intimate, basically everything we use to do as a couple , just without the title of bf/gf. Recently his roommate moved out , which meant he would need someone to come in and help out with the bills. I automatically assumed he would come to me and ask if I wanted to move in, as a couple of course. Well that didn't happen. Instead a girl who he once called weird, crazy, and immature is moving in. He claims they have never been intimate before, but she is totally obsessed with him. Everything came out about her moving in a few days ago when I seen she texted him. And he stated that he didn't ask me because he's not sure of my financial responsibilites. I lost my job back in october and I was staying with him, but moved out over another situation. For the past month I have been working two jobs, but he didn't really know it dues to our off again,on again relationship. So the day of the discussion when he said the crazy girl is moving in he said he needs the money. And he can't afford his mortgage by himself. Which I understand. But I felt like he should have came to me first and said 'babe, I don't know what you can afford, but I would love if you moved in with me'. Well I was so furious about the discussion that I stormed out of his house. We talked a little on the phone,and he argued how they arent messing around its platonic and they are just going to be room mates. I told him I told want to be involved in some triangle mess and said good luck. Well an hour or so later I get a text that said 'if you were to move in, how much can you afford'? And my response was 'i thought I meant more to you than the highest bidder.. and he said I do.. well I said call me if you want to talk so I can get the jist of things. And that was Wednesday. And I haven't heard anything. I love this man with all my heart. And nothing makes me happier than to be with him and be around him. I feel like I just want to try to move on with my life. But I care about him so much. Any I'm blowing this up? What should I do?
paleblue Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 no you are not blowing this out of proportion. you have every right to be furious about this. there is something wrong here if he wants another girl to move in. and as far as i am concerned, for me, it would be a deal breaker. shes obsessed with him. they are going to screw around. late at night when someone is lonely and youre not there... think you can trust it?? i doubt it. i would have some real issues with that. you are the first one he should have asked if he was thinking about you, or you meant more to him. not some other girl. im sorry to say this but i think your best bet is to cut your losses now and run, as difficult as that may be. you know in your heart something is wrong. listen to it. its already telling you to move on with your life. i think that would be your best bet. it jsut going to get wors once she moves in.
TaurusTerp Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 He might be messing around but to play devils advocate if your girlfriend has no money and is living with you how are you going to force her to pay her share of the mortgage? It's a bad situation to be in he's wisely avoiding it. You're working 2 jobs, which usually means you don't have stable income and things are tight.
Author vanillaskies Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 I'm trying to see it from his point of view as well.. that he is looking at it from a financial stand point. But also, I would think he would come to the person he is closet to and trust the most, which is me.
Author vanillaskies Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 I guess I just feel torn from the situation
utterer of lies Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Before worrying about moving in, you should fix the 'ex' thing. When you ex does whatever, you have no right to be angry and everything you do is 'blowing out of proportion'. Its different if your boyfriend does it.
Kamille Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I don't know if there's much I can add to what's already been said - but it does pain me to read this. This sounds like a hollow, painful, on and off relationship. Why don't you have the title bf-gf right now? Was that his or your decision? And also, is this your first relationship? The first time you thought you were in love? My first bf put me through hell and I let him do it because I wasn't ready to let go. I was so madly in love with him that I fought tooth and nail to be a part of his life. It took me a year, and him going on a trip with another woman when we were still seeing each other "without the bf gf titles" to realize that I couldn't continue hurting like I did. So I'm going to be clear: What's in this for you? Don't think about how much you love him. Think about this: does he make you happy?
Lucky_One Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 When a man doesn't know that "the person he is closet to and trust the most" (sic) has been working two jobs for the past month, then that person is not the person he is closest to. He isn't your BF, and truthfully, you have no dog in his roommate fight. He didn't ask you to move in, and that should tell you more about your lack of R with him than anything else right now. Is a R that has been nothing more than make-ups and break-ups for 2 years really a strong, healthy R to be in?
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