i made a mess Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 So today a friend was showing me a dating website that is for police, firefighters, emts, etc. She had met a guy on there and knew that my ex was a police officer - so we browsed it and surprise, my ex pops up. This is the ex that changed his number. (my story here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t255379/) I toyed all day with what to do, so finally the crazy built up in me long enough that I signed up for the website, paid the 1 month fee, and sent him a message. I haven't talked to him since Nov 16th, so I'm not sure how it's going to go over. I was the dumper, he the dumpee. Is this email I sent ok? So there isn't a really smooth way to start this message. Imagine my surprise today, when a friend is showing me a site she met the guy she is dating on, and up pops your profile in the search. I spent the rest of the day debating on whether or not, I should say anything. But at the end of the day, the 9.95 fee was worth knowing that I could get in touch with you. I'm not sure what happened but you just completely disappeared after the weekend you invited me over. I tried calling you multiple times, but obviously you changed your number. I even wrote a letter and sent it to your old address. I can only hope that you just never received it. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. It may not change things, but when you popped up on here today, my stomach dropped, my heart stopped, and I felt I had to take the chance, because I may not get another one. I feel there is a lot left unsaid that we both just walked away from. I miss you, but I only signed up to send you this message and have no intent on staying on this site after this weekend. If you decide to respond, my email is xxxx. I hope this message finds you well, and although I wish for nothing more than to hear from you, if I do not - please know that I wish you nothing but the best and all of the happiness life has to offer. You are truly an amazing person. -I made a mess I tried to keep it light and not too mushy or sappy, but at the same time put it out there. I'm in knots over whether I should have done it or not, but I want to fight for him without pushing him away.
lululucy Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I think that email was a good start. He might be totally shocked to find it but that could be a good thing. After reading your story, it seems to me as though him inviting you over at his convenience instead of yours was a bit of a test to see if you wanted all of him or just him whenever you weren't busy. You passed up the chance (he was the one who hadn't slept in however long and had more reasons to not invite you over than you had for not accepting) and he took that as you passing up on him. All you can do is wait, but I hope he reads the sincerity in that message that I did. If he does reply, make sure he knows you have been working on the issues that impacted your relationship the first two times.. but also, don't get your hopes up too much. He has been rejected (at least) twice already by you, he may not be okay with taking another chance. Good luck!
Author i made a mess Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Thank you. I can only hope that he will at least afford me the opportunity to just have coffee and really talk about things. I certainly don't expect it because he doesn't owe me anything at this point, but I can't help but pray for it. I've dated and been in love before, I've broken hearts and had my heart broken. But I have never in my 28 years of life ever felt like this for another person. I'm not the kind of girl who has to be in a relationship, that needs to have a warm body to sleep next to at night. I'm actually quite independant, almost to a fault. But ever since he has walked into my life, it's just thrown me for a complete loop. I have been crucified by people for how I treated him, but I never cheated, there was no G.I.G.S., just inner struggles with self esteem, past relationships, etc that caused me to withdraw when I felt I was becoming vulnerable. It was never a pre-meditated plot to hurt him. But I accept that I did. I've learned more about myself in the past 15 months, then I could ever have imagined. And this man, this intelligent, witty, caring, sensitive, honest, intriguing man is what love is all about. Love at the end of the day is all that matters in life. Not money, not jobs, not possessions...to love and be loved by someone you find to be the most perfect person you've ever met, that's all that matters. Just hoping it's not too late.
SimonSerenade Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Don't beat yourself up too much, The important thing now is that you've realised your mistakes and your working tirelessly to change not only for him but for yourself too, You have to prove yourself to him and that ain't going to be easy, Prepare yourself for a long hard battle, If he's worth it stick to it, If he's not then you should give up now, Your choice, Good luck
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