MissyLove Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Thanks for the advice missy, always helpful. I am starting to think that too, I just hope that she doesn't give up because of that though, you know. I mean I have bitten a few times so she should still know I am up for reconciliation I guess. I'm still not biting even after the voicemail, and I will delay my responses if she actually gives me a reason to bite. Idk, what would you guys qualify as good enough to really respond too since she is most likely not going to just state that she wants me back quite so bluntly? thanks so much everyone -Gator But like YOU have always said, we shouldn't be giving in until she's telling you "i miss you and want YOU back!" I know it's always easy for people to say it and harder to action. But really, if your ex stops chasing you and doesn't want to be in a relationship with you again, really in the end, it's her loss .... correct? So if after all this, she for some reason stops and does not realise your worth and doesn't want to give it another go, then forget about her, you'll find another girl who will be dying to be with you, be faithful and will NEVER let you go! Just remember that!!
cboy90 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 ..... Why don't women make any sense? If I wanted to get back together I would make it much more obvious! I'm still not biting even after all of that but I mean all of these things keep adding up it just seems more and more like she is trying to get me to initiate reconciliation. Which I know is "technically breaking the rules" but as long as it's on my terms it would still be fine if I'm the one to initiate right? -Gator Ahhh yes and no. I have a success story for the dumpee initiating contact and the reconciliation and it worked. My older sister (I'm 20, shes 30) dumped her bf (now husband) and they both went their separate ways for about 4 months. He told me one night he called my sister and asked her out to dinner. She accepted and it went off from there. BUT, he said that this relationship was now a NEW relationship. Trying to forget the past and treat it as new. They have been happily married for 5 yrs with two daughters now. So it can kinda go both ways. I've thought about doing it. But i've held back (thanks to what you said). If someone really wants something or someone, there will be NOTHING that can stop them.
Author gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 But like YOU have always said, we shouldn't be giving in until she's telling you "i miss you and want YOU back!" I know it's always easy for people to say it and harder to action. But really, if your ex stops chasing you and doesn't want to be in a relationship with you again, really in the end, it's her loss .... correct? So if after all this, she for some reason stops and does not realise your worth and doesn't want to give it another go, then forget about her, you'll find another girl who will be dying to be with you, be faithful and will NEVER let you go! Just remember that!! Yea I know, I'm not about to go and beg her back guys lol. Come on you know me better than that lol, she just does a good job of beating around the bush if she's ever going to get to the point. Ahhh yes and no. I have a success story for the dumpee initiating contact and the reconciliation and it worked. My older sister (I'm 20, shes 30) dumped her bf (now husband) and they both went their separate ways for about 4 months. He told me one night he called my sister and asked her out to dinner. She accepted and it went off from there. BUT, he said that this relationship was now a NEW relationship. Trying to forget the past and treat it as new. They have been happily married for 5 yrs with two daughters now. So it can kinda go both ways. I've thought about doing it. But i've held back (thanks to what you said). If someone really wants something or someone, there will be NOTHING that can stop them. Yea I know, and I'm not planning on initiating it at this exact moment. But if she keeps on beating around the bush I'm just going to have to get out and say it. Lol, hopefully she just makes it easier on me and invites me to a coffee or just plain asks me back out. Lol, this buildup is killing me though lol, way too complicated. And I know it's because of her personality too, but I'm not about to screw it up by calling her out on it. Patience is a virtue and one I have a lot of, *sigh* life goes on lol. -Gator
MissyLove Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 "If someone really wants something or someone, there will be NOTHING that can stop them." Totally agree with this one. But Gator, I think .... you should let her come back to you and say to you that SHE wants you BACK. It may seem like she wants you back but what if you confessed your feelings and it was all because she was missing you and because you werent chasing? Then you'd be back at square 1. Maybe i'm just speaking from a dumpee's point of view. The dumpers hurt us, if they want us back, they should come and get us. We did nothing wrong so I believe if there will be a reconciliation, then they should be doing all the hard work!
Author gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 "If someone really wants something or someone, there will be NOTHING that can stop them." Totally agree with this one. But Gator, I think .... you should let her come back to you and say to you that SHE wants you BACK. It may seem like she wants you back but what if you confessed your feelings and it was all because she was missing you and because you werent chasing? Then you'd be back at square 1. Maybe i'm just speaking from a dumpee's point of view. The dumpers hurt us, if they want us back, they should come and get us. We did nothing wrong so I believe if there will be a reconciliation, then they should be doing all the hard work! Oooo I'm not confessing my feelings, last time I told her I loved her was during our breakup. Other than that for all she knows I am moved on. I mean I've shown her I am not hanging on her every word and she knows that I have been having fun in life. On the contrast she is "getting by". She keeps bringing up the relationship and it can't be for closure because I already "obliged" that during our 2 week stint as just friends. Who really knows, the only thing I know for sure right now is that she misses me, but that isn't enough for me. I need her to either directly, or near directly say she wants to give it another go before I really respond to her. -Gator
MissyLove Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 You've been doing a great job ... very proud of u! All us dumpees need to be like u!! Still looking forward to seeing how this pans out .... hehe
Author gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) Thank you guys, all of your support has been very helpful. And don't worry you guys will know pretty much everything as I know it. And most likely before my ex knows it lol. Update: Another text today. Now It's a hey XXXXX. Lol, she's really trying I gotta giver her some credit for it. That doesn't mean I'm replying lol, just saying. I feel kind of good knowing that she is communicating with me, I know I have the power right now. -Gator Edited February 15, 2011 by gator12
cboy90 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 ..... I know I have the power right now. -Gator For some reason that last line makes me want to quote Family Guy haha.
Author gator12 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Lol, great show. I guess it's time for the daily update. Lol no change today, no text. I was kind of expecting that lol, doesn't really bother me. Today was a good day, got an A+ on my paper which is always nice. Hvae an exam in a little bit wooooh lol. I think I'm going to post my own NC guide on this site tonight, I feel like I say alot of the same stuff over again and it'd be nice to have a comprehensive guide and just say, just click the link in my signature. Lol anyways, you guys know I'll update you if she texts again. I may reach out to her, in a few weeks.. lol. Maybe, probably not lol. -Gator
Author gator12 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Well it wouldn't let me edit for some strange reason. Anyways got an update. Two more texts from my ex Text one,"Hey" sent about a half an hour ago. Text Two, "Are you busy :/" Any comments feel free, if not okay lol. Still ignoring for the time being, not sure when to really respond but heck I've got a lot of patience, ooo and that guide will be coming your way tonight. I just got finished with my exam so I'll work on it right now since I can't really do anything fun tonight, lol early classes stink. -Gator
fiat500 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Gator! You're awesome! I can't believe I missed this thread. Cheering for you
Author gator12 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Gator! You're awesome! I can't believe I missed this thread. Cheering for you Lol thanks fiat , I learn very quickly from my mistakes. No new updates yet but I imagine she will text me at night like she always does since she has school and lacrosse during the day. Ooo well. I hope everyone on here is having a wonderful day today. -Gator
MissyLove Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Lol thanks fiat , I learn very quickly from my mistakes. No new updates yet but I imagine she will text me at night like she always does since she has school and lacrosse during the day. Ooo well. I hope everyone on here is having a wonderful day today. -Gator I'm slightly jealous, wish I was in your position and my ex was doing the same No im very happy for you, I can only imagine the happiness and power that you're feeling. Hope she keeps this up and you keep playing the game! Congrats on the A+ too, good work!
Trovador Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 wish I was in your position and my ex was doing the same You know about that saying about being careful with your wishes? Seriously, my ex called me and texted me like crazy (today, after two weeks of NC we talked by phone about an hour) but she never came back... what I intend to say is that we should take with a grain of salt this contacts (not jinxing your thing, Gator)... Why don't you respond your ex´s texts again, Gator?
Author gator12 Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 (edited) I'm slightly jealous, wish I was in your position and my ex was doing the same No im very happy for you, I can only imagine the happiness and power that you're feeling. Hope she keeps this up and you keep playing the game! Congrats on the A+ too, good work! Thanks missy the compliments are definitly appreciated. And don't worry you will get here. Over the past day or two I've asked around to some mutual friends who are more my friends than hers and have discovered a few things. She started liking a guy after she broke up with me, but he took advantage of her feelings and then started dating her best friends shortly thereafter. The guy is I think the same guy she cheated on me with, I've no doubt he pushed her to cheat when she did. Anyways that was about a month ago so she's been miserable. She feels used by him (they didn't do anything sexual or anything) but emotionally he manipulated her, making her think he liked her. (this guy was one of her best friends of 5 years) Honestly if I could find this guy right now I'd knock him out, I punched a wall after I figured out what he did. He took advantage of her vulnerability during my relationship with her and pushed her to cheat, and then took advantage of her again in order to date her best friend. He's a pig, and strangely enough used to be her best guy friend after me. Prick, lol. That explains why she's been so mopey lately, karma is really a bitch. But I can't help but feel bad for her, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. The guy didn't ruin my relationship but he prevented me from saving it. Anyways I'll ask her about it later if we get back together, but for now I'll keep doing the NC thing. She still loves me, her "rebound" only made me look all the more better after how unconditionally I loved her. Things start looking up each and every day, I do regret I ever let him get so close to our relationship though, it sucks. I wish I could've protected her from him. But his disgusting behavior in a lot of ways is only helping me out. Ooo and she messaged me again, saying really nice stuff like me being an amazing guy and that she misses talking to me, I'm beginning to have more hope that she really wants me back. And Trovador, I haven't answered yet save once or twice to make sure I don't get stuck in the friendzone. With that new piece of information above it makes more sense for her to be texting me, and while it could have made her realize how great I was I still need her to say it. I am going to possibly break NC next week and invite her for a coffee as I am going back home for the weeknd, idk I'm still debating it. -Gator Edited February 17, 2011 by gator12
Bateman Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I think it might be about time to Gator...be smart though.
cloudstoday Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 wow, I am loving this thread. Just found it today, feeling confused about my ex wanting to get back and looking through other people's situations. Gator thanks so much for your posts on my previous rants, you cleared up so much of what I was trying to say! I really really hope everything works out for you. It sounds like she's feeling like she really did something horrible by kissing that guy. I so hope you end up back together!!!
usagi Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 ....I've no doubt he pushed her to cheat when she did...He took advantage of her vulnerability during my relationship with her and pushed her to cheat....The guy didn't ruin my relationship but he prevented me from saving it....I do regret I ever let him get so close to our relationship though, it sucks. I wish I could've protected her from him. -Gator Sorry buddy but this is BS! He pushed her to cheat? So she didn't have any control over that then? He took advantage of her vulnerability? Best hope she never feels vulnerable ever again once/if you get back together! Also sounds like if you two ever do get back together you're going to have to 'protect' her from every single guy in her life; you know, just incase she get's manipulated into cheating on you again! Gator you have so many people taking your advice on here but you don't seem to be following the common sense yourself. The cold hard truth is that unless she was drugged or physically forced into cheating, i.e. abused; then this was of her own volition. I know it makes it feel better to you that 'she couldn't help herself' and was not 'responsible' for her actions because that means she didn't choose someone else over you but that just isn't the truth. Now if you do decide to take her back that is fine, but do it with open eyes because this is something that will come back in the future if you don't address it openly and honestly. Wishing you all the best however you decide to move forward.
cboy90 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I think what a lot of people need to realize is that when your in a relationship, there is always going to be someone in this world better in some way. ALWAYS! But you just need to learn how to not act on it. Sure when I was with my ex I was getting asked out by girls who were better in some way, not in every single way, but at least one. Maybe they lacked in a different area, who knows. I just had to learn that I don't really give a $hit about it. Your with someone you say you 'love' and 'care' about, so why get out of the car and jump the fence over to the other side? It might be fun at first, but sooner or later, your going to step in a big pile of $hit!
Author gator12 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 (edited) Sorry buddy but this is BS! He pushed her to cheat? So she didn't have any control over that then? He took advantage of her vulnerability? Best hope she never feels vulnerable ever again once/if you get back together! Also sounds like if you two ever do get back together you're going to have to 'protect' her from every single guy in her life; you know, just incase she get's manipulated into cheating on you again! Gator you have so many people taking your advice on here but you don't seem to be following the common sense yourself. The cold hard truth is that unless she was drugged or physically forced into cheating, i.e. abused; then this was of her own volition. I know it makes it feel better to you that 'she couldn't help herself' and was not 'responsible' for her actions because that means she didn't choose someone else over you but that just isn't the truth. Now if you do decide to take her back that is fine, but do it with open eyes because this is something that will come back in the future if you don't address it openly and honestly. Wishing you all the best however you decide to move forward. No no no, don't misunderstand me, I know it was her decision and I've already accepted that. All I am saying is he encouraged her to cheat, that's what my mutual friend said. I know it was her fault, and that's a big reason why it's been really easy for me to stay in NC this long. When I said she was vulnerable, I meant emotionally. I had kind of put her in that position through my behavior which made her look outside the relationship, he just encouraged it by "being there for her", I'm aware it was her decision lol, I got that through my head after the first week of the breakup. She was on the verge of cheating and he gave that tiny little nudge into it is all I'm saying. Lol I am not saying she wouldn't have cheated if it wasn't for him please don't misunderstand. I don't accept fault for cheating, but for her feeling unappreciated, yea I do take fault for that. However if she is willing to work at a relationship I am more than willing to go for another chance. I truly love her and will appreciate her this time, unlike last time I dated her. She's apologized to me who knows how many times about the cheating, and they were all sincere. I accept that I made her vulnerable which affected not caused her decision to cheat and sort of encouraged it but I don't take blame for her cheating, lol please don't misunderstand me. And Cboy I understand, but I do take the blame for making her feel unnappreciated, because my actions did really do that, that was probably my fatal flaw in the relationship. Yea she cheated, and got hurt so that knocked some sense into her. But I am glad we broke up because I wasn't all I could be in the relationship either. Don't get me wrong guys, I'm taking this slowly, and the second chance is NOT going to be the same relationship as the first one. I am committed to that, anyways it's just coffee, I'm going to keep it short maybe 45 min to an hour and then be on my way. We'll see where it goes from there. I'm going to call her about it tonight, 2 min phone call on my way to this party my friend is throwing lol. Good plan? -Gator Edited February 18, 2011 by gator12
2sunny Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 She called again 5 minutes after the first call, left a voicemail. The gist of it "Hey, I've tried talking to you for a couple of days, You havent answered me I don't know why you aren't talking to me. (she does I made it VERY clear) I wanted to talk to you cuz we havent talked in a while", then she went but anyways talked for about lacrosse cuz her season started today and about almost getting hit by a car I guess small talk. Then the last part she sounded really sad but was like "Anyways, I just wanted to talk to you I dont know if youre in class because I don't know your schedule. But call me back when you can. Bye." She sounded really sad throughout the entire message, and I'm almost 100% sure it's cuz of me cuz her facebook statuses have been happy and smilies and whatnot all day. If I respond to this it'll be at least 24 hours from now, and idk why but I'm strangely kind of expecting her to call again tonite lol, cuz she might be think ooo hey he may have just been in class (I was incidentally). Anyways advice, thoughts, anything? did you notice she never said "hey, i want to get back together!" ? since she didn't state EXACTLY what she wanted - she's just trying to get YOU to feed her ego. don't respond.
cboy90 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 No no no, don't misunderstand me, I know it was her decision and I've already accepted that. All I am saying is he encouraged her to cheat, that's what my mutual friend said. I know it was her fault, and that's a big reason why it's been really easy for me to stay in NC this long. When I said she was vulnerable, I meant emotionally. I had kind of put her in that position through my behavior which made her look outside the relationship, he just encouraged it by "being there for her", I'm aware it was her decision lol, I got that through my head after the first week of the breakup. She was on the verge of cheating and he gave that tiny little nudge into it is all I'm saying. Lol I am not saying she wouldn't have cheated if it wasn't for him please don't misunderstand. I don't accept fault for cheating, but for her feeling unappreciated, yea I do take fault for that. However if she is willing to work at a relationship I am more than willing to go for another chance. I truly love her and will appreciate her this time, unlike last time I dated her. She's apologized to me who knows how many times about the cheating, and they were all sincere. I accept that I made her vulnerable which affected not caused her decision to cheat and sort of encouraged it but I don't take blame for her cheating, lol please don't misunderstand me. And Cboy I understand, but I do take the blame for making her feel unnappreciated, because my actions did really do that, that was probably my fatal flaw in the relationship. Yea she cheated, and got hurt so that knocked some sense into her. But I am glad we broke up because I wasn't all I could be in the relationship either. Don't get me wrong guys, I'm taking this slowly, and the second chance is NOT going to be the same relationship as the first one. I am committed to that, anyways it's just coffee, I'm going to keep it short maybe 45 min to an hour and then be on my way. We'll see where it goes from there. I'm going to call her about it tonight, 2 min phone call on my way to this party my friend is throwing lol. Good plan? -Gator Do you think shes smart enough to pressure you into asking to get back together and try again? I'd say ask her out for coffee, BUT.....don't bring up the relationship in any way. Don't talk about getting back together, or hint at it. Let her do all the talking.
2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Gator Why don't you just say "look if you've got something to say, say it" because she must be contacting you for a reason but can't come out with it, although she may be waiting for you to initialise it then she might pull back. Why don't you just ask her and then let her lead? 2011
susanfollows Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 It's probably been sent to you by mistake, honestly I've done that before to guys when I was drunk out and partying with my friend. I remember once I sent a text to a guy that said I wanted to **** him so bad and to meet me at my place, then when I got home it wasn't the guy I thought it was but I screwed him anyway cuz I was drunk.
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