ex contacted me.

[DustySaltus]

We have a problem she called this morning. From a hidden number I was still kind of tired so I answered without thinking it may be her.

 

*sigh* we basically ended up arguing about the relationship and such the only good thing that came out of it was that she truely apologized for cheating on me.

 

I guess its back to no contact...

 

Damn I didn't even expect her to call that early how could I have been such an idiot. Do you guys think I just blew it?

 

Nope, you didn't blow it. She did when she cheated on you. She wants you to let her off the hook. Stick to NC and let yourself heal. It's about you getting back on your feet, nothing else.

[usagi]

We have a problem she called this morning. From a hidden number I was still kind of tired so I answered without thinking it may be her.

 

*sigh* we basically ended up arguing about the relationship and such the only good thing that came out of it was that she truely apologized for cheating on me.

 

I guess its back to no contact...

 

Damn I didn't even expect her to call that early how could I have been such an idiot. Do you guys think I just blew it?

 

Nope. I think she blew it when she cheated on you (in your eyes and within the terms of your relationship), dumped you and then ignored your requests for respect (asking her not to contact you) and time to heal. Still; she sounds like a catch.

[gator12]

Nope, you didn't blow it. She did when she cheated on you. She wants you to let her off the hook. Stick to NC and let yourself heal. It's about you getting back on your feet, nothing else.

 

I'm already healed dusty in the sense that I've moved on. I was just hoping to get another shot though, a fresh start you know, not the same old relationship. The conversation itself wasn't about cheating, that only came up for about 2 minutes so I don't think that's what all this was about, she said she missed me and how she remembered this time I came and woke her up one morning today and she said it felt like I was there. Idk she sounded sad the entire conversation and said that she really missed me.

 

Myself I'm doing okay I've been going on dates, going out with friends and whatnot, my only question is from a point of possible reconciliation do you think that opportunity is probably gone now? I know she ruined the first relationship, I'm well aware, I was only asking about the chance of a new one not the same old same old.

[NeNinja]

I think she put in a lot of effort just to call and argue with you. You know her better than anyone.

 

I think the spot I'm in and the spot you're in are pretty similar. I'm not trying to turn this into an 'Us vs. Them' post but:

 

We've been doing the 'right things' to move on and fix the problems. We've taken a step back, accepted the break up, and started to deal with it. Sometimes you don't see how far you've come until you see how far someone else hasn't.

 

Be proud of what you've done and where you're at. Everyone here knows, first hand, that it isn't easy.

 

I've still got my fingers crossed for you. It sounds like, given time, she'll come around.

[gator12]

I think she put in a lot of effort just to call and argue with you. You know her better than anyone.

 

I think the spot I'm in and the spot you're in are pretty similar. I'm not trying to turn this into an 'Us vs. Them' post but:

 

We've been doing the 'right things' to move on and fix the problems. We've taken a step back, accepted the break up, and started to deal with it. Sometimes you don't see how far you've come until you see how far someone else hasn't.

 

Be proud of what you've done and where you're at. Everyone here knows, first hand, that it isn't easy.

 

I've still got my fingers crossed for you. It sounds like, given time, she'll come around.

 

Thanks ninja, the support is definitly helpful. She told me several times that she didn't call just to fight with me, I don't even remember why we started fighting, she seemed very sad. I mean I believe what she said, somebody doesn't go to all of the effort she did to talk to me just to fight, and when I answered the phone she wasn't hostile or anything.

 

Idk, I think she may come around but I'm still not initiating contact, at least not for the time being. She'll think about what we said in the fight I guess. Even though it was a "fight" it wasn't us tossing blame at each other which I guess is a sign of maturation on our part, I really don't know what's going to happen with this though. I'm still hoping we will get another shot but I've definitly accepted that we may never get back together.

 

The hard part is really knowing what to do right now, I mean NC seems like the option, but since I've already gotten her to break it before it seems kind of redundant now, Idk I'm a little bit confused. I guess the ball is in her court at the moment.

[gator12]

Well I guess I'll give an update guys. Been two days since she surprise called me and I accidentally answered. No messages or calls from her. *sigh* I expected as much. Ooo well, she knows I'm not waiting on her beck and call after ignoring her for four days. I'm pretty much moved on and back in NC with her which I am going to continue indefinitly unless she contacts me wanting to get back together.

 

Idk, some of the things she said in our fight made it seem like she wasn't over me and that she may be back at some point in the future. But I'm not clinging to that hope, who knows how far that may be and I'm not gonna sit on my ass for the next month or more. Idk I find a lot of solace posting here and hope a lot of you guys will learn from my example.

 

When your ex breaks no contact, be on guard, the blocked number trick is one of the oldest in the book. Make sure you're the one who calls them not the other way around after a certain point of time. That way you have all the power during the phone call. And if your ex has been trying to contact you for a few days whatever you do. DO NOT ANSWER a blocked phone number when it could possibly be them, lol especially a call that wakes you up.

*sigh* it stinks though, if I had kept playing it right I would still have her calling and wondering about me, now it's gotta get to that point again. Ooo well I'm gonna have some fun until i get there. Thanks for all of the help you guys, I hope you are here should she come back again, you guys are all really the best.

 

-Gator

[SundayGirl]

Gator You are in the place I want to get to.

Will you read my thread in the LDR forum and let me know what you think please?

 

You have your ex almost back, do you think mine will come back?

[gator12]

Gator You are in the place I want to get to.

Will you read my thread in the LDR forum and let me know what you think please?

 

You have your ex almost back, do you think mine will come back?

 

I posted in the thread, but the fact is they will only come back if they want to come back. And NC is the only chance you have, in any case, pursuing them will only push them away and cause you to lose your dignity. I admit I did with mine, we're only human, but after I realized that didn't work I went into NC. And she has come back, and even though I screwed it up she may just come back again. But I don't cling to that hope. I only live for me, for myself. Not based on a hope that may never happen. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. All you can do is stay strong.

[NICKST3R]

Good God man... I just read through this whole thread and I've learned so much. Thanks for posting in my thread btw. My question is... will NC still work in getting your ex back/the ball in your court if you have stayed in contact, and friends for 9 months after a breakup? NC is something that I tried in the beginning, but I was too weak to follow through for more than 2 weeks. Right now I'm not sure if staying in contact with her has made her second guess her sudden decision to break up with me. Maybe she feels that now that we have established a friendship, she knows I'll always be there for her? We never really had a real friendship before we started dating. Seems like we're doing things backwards, but I'm still curious about using NC at this stage in the game.

[mayoraleirtevecsp]

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[wbr4p]

darn gator you're a nice guy

[selena_cat]

What I wrote above is not a game or mind tricks being played. Its just you keeping the mystery alive and keeping her intrigued. If Don Ho where to chime in he would tell you, "Unless she is standing at your door pleading you to take her back then she is not being serious.[/quote]

 

I dont know if gator still checks this thread but I'd say unless she shows up at your door rearing a negligee,and a bottle of Dom Perignon!

 

Also,you probably answers because you knew it would be her,tell me tell me.

I broke NC myself and didnt get any response,so now I'm on strict NC,thanks to your response to Sunday Girls thread.

Give it time,your ex knew that she's the one who caused the breakup,the fact you argued means theres some feeling there,on her side.

good luck!

Edited February 6, 2011 by selena_cat

[MidnightinMadrid]

I posted in the thread, but the fact is they will only come back if they want to come back. And NC is the only chance you have, in any case, pursuing them will only push them away and cause you to lose your dignity. I admit I did with mine, we're only human, but after I realized that didn't work I went into NC. And she has come back, and even though I screwed it up she may just come back again. But I don't cling to that hope. I only live for me, for myself. Not based on a hope that may never happen. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. All you can do is stay strong.

 

 

Hello Gator! just like Sunday's request maybe you can read my LDR thread too and possibly give your opinion,its under, LDR threads of course.

I sure wish I was in your shoes that he would contact me the way your ex did,I wonder if he would now thats my question.

Stay strong I am sure she will reach you again,people,especially us gals rarely forget a goood guy!

Edited February 6, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid
revising

[gator12]

darn gator you're a nice guy

 

Thank you , idk I try to be I guess, there's no point in being anything but nice. Even if it means finishing last some of the time.

 

What I wrote above is not a game or mind tricks being played. Its just you keeping the mystery alive and keeping her intrigued. If Don Ho where to chime in he would tell you, "Unless she is standing at your door pleading you to take her back then she is not being serious.[/quote]

 

I dont know if gator still checks this thread but I'd say unless she shows up at your door rearing a negligee,and a bottle of Dom Perignon!

 

Also,you probably answers because you knew it would be her,tell me tell me.

I broke NC myself and didnt get any response,so now I'm on strict NC,thanks to your response to Sunday Girls thread.

Give it time,your ex knew that she's the one who caused the breakup,the fact you argued means theres some feeling there,on her side.

good luck!

 

Yep and stay on it, NC is the only way they can realize they miss you and want you back in an honest and truthful way. If you keep pressuring them by talking to them then maybe you'll get back together but it won't be for the right reasons, and more often than not you're going to get hurt.

 

Hello Gator! just like Sunday's request maybe you can read my LDR thread too and possibly give your opinion,its under, LDR threads of course.

I sure wish I was in your shoes that he would contact me the way your ex did,I wonder if he would now thats my question.

Stay strong I am sure she will reach you again,people,especially us gals rarely forget a goood guy!

 

Thank you for the compliment, it really means a lot, but yea sure thing I'll check out your thread right now.

[optimisticgirl]

Gator! I think its clear we all love you.

 

Your like a rock on LS. I've only been on a few days but seriously, you are!

 

Whoever this EX of yours is is REALLY missing out!

 

Cheers

[gator12]

Gator! I think its clear we all love you.

 

Your like a rock on LS. I've only been on a few days but seriously, you are!

 

Whoever this EX of yours is is REALLY missing out!

 

Cheers

 

Thanks Optimistic =]. I could definitly say the same thing about your ex. It's funny how all of the people on this site are so wonderful that I just read and think, what dumb*** dumped them.

 

Rock is definitly the best word to describe me, I just love to help people. It makes me feel good knowing I've brightened up someones day and helped them get through it. Idk, I just don't ever want it to go to my head so I try and be as modest as possible.

 

-Gator

[MidnightinMadrid]

I also thanked you in my thread,I agree with the other poster,You Rock! I wrote this two week old thread of mine that has been collecting dust since you responded,appreciated your advice.

Yes it reeks the way he callously ignored me, however that speaks more of his N (Narcissistic Personality) than with my breaking No Contact.

I have been reading on that subject and he does fits the kind of profile.

 

In a way,most dumpers tend to lean on the real selfish side,doing things that only benefits them. So don't feel bad your last convo with her ended in an argument,hey mine did..but you seem much better for it, has she contacted you again?

 

You seem like a nice guy too bad you don't live in the South Pacific,we'll all be having Mai Tai's,thanx!

Edited February 8, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

[gator12]

Hahah thanks . But no she hasn't contacted since, but then again it's only been about a week and a half or so. I imagine she'll contact me in about a month, my birthday is coming up in a few more weeks and she doesn't seem like the type to not send me a birthday wish. However idk whether she will leave it at that, a simple birthday wish or try to reach out to me again. I do regret it ending in an arguement, only because that was never my intention. I was over fighting with her in any way shape or form, I have accepted the break up for what it is and had no need to fight. But she caught me completely off guard calling like she did, and I think it was slightly unfair, I mean a blocked number at 7 in the morning. Lol, I will definitly NOT make that mistake again. Oooo well, we have to lose some battles in order to win the war.

 

Idk, admittedly I've been debating the idea of messaging her sometime this week, because she really didn't seem to understand why I wasn't talking to her, either that or she just didnt think I was justified regardless. I know it would be a bad idea lol and I probably won't do it but it shows that no matter how sure I am about giving advice, it is sometimes hard for me to follow my own, I think that's true for anyone. Idk, I try not to think about it honestly, I've got more important things to do than to sit in my room and wait for her to come back. If she did once, what's gonna stop her from coming back again? Until then I will follow my own advice, and live my life.

 

-Gator

[flow15]

Hahah thanks . But no she hasn't contacted since, but then again it's only been about a week and a half or so. I imagine she'll contact me in about a month, my birthday is coming up in a few more weeks and she doesn't seem like the type to not send me a birthday wish. However idk whether she will leave it at that, a simple birthday wish or try to reach out to me again. I do regret it ending in an arguement, only because that was never my intention. I was over fighting with her in any way shape or form, I have accepted the break up for what it is and had no need to fight. But she caught me completely off guard calling like she did, and I think it was slightly unfair, I mean a blocked number at 7 in the morning. Lol, I will definitly NOT make that mistake again. Oooo well, we have to lose some battles in order to win the war.

 

Idk, admittedly I've been debating the idea of messaging her sometime this week, because she really didn't seem to understand why I wasn't talking to her, either that or she just didnt think I was justified regardless. I know it would be a bad idea lol and I probably won't do it but it shows that no matter how sure I am about giving advice, it is sometimes hard for me to follow my own, I think that's true for anyone. Idk, I try not to think about it honestly, I've got more important things to do than to sit in my room and wait for her to come back. If she did once, what's gonna stop her from coming back again? Until then I will follow my own advice, and live my life.

 

-Gator

 

 

Gator... Don't contact her!! One thing I've learnt from reading all your advice is to let them contact you. I'm pretty sure she'll contact you eventually, especially considering she made all that effort the other week.

 

I've been having a pretty hard time today, I was really down.. kept thinking about my ex. I saw pictures through a mutual friend on facebook of him out on sat night with his arms around another girl, with a big grin on his face... I'm pretty sure hes not with this girl as she doesnt seem his type, but just the fact seeing him so happy destroys me. Does he not miss me at all? His bday is in a week, im contemplating sending him a message.. I don't think i will as he will be receiving a bday card from me that i ordered online when we were together. But its horrible cos this weekend last year we were in paris, and im just gonna be constantly thinking about it

 

On the plus side, i have a date on friday... I know its pretty soon after my ex seeing as he only ended it (again) a few weeks ago. but i feel like i just need to have some fun, i'm not ready to like someone else as im still in love with my ex and he is all i think about... but im hoping this new person will help to distract me.

 

MY ex is on my mind literally constantly.. I have dreams about him when im sleeping, and during the day i think about him every second! I try not to, but its really hard not to!

[gator12]

Gator... Don't contact her!! One thing I've learnt from reading all your advice is to let them contact you. I'm pretty sure she'll contact you eventually, especially considering she made all that effort the other week.

 

I've been having a pretty hard time today, I was really down.. kept thinking about my ex. I saw pictures through a mutual friend on facebook of him out on sat night with his arms around another girl, with a big grin on his face... I'm pretty sure hes not with this girl as she doesnt seem his type, but just the fact seeing him so happy destroys me. Does he not miss me at all? His bday is in a week, im contemplating sending him a message.. I don't think i will as he will be receiving a bday card from me that i ordered online when we were together. But its horrible cos this weekend last year we were in paris, and im just gonna be constantly thinking about it

 

On the plus side, i have a date on friday... I know its pretty soon after my ex seeing as he only ended it (again) a few weeks ago. but i feel like i just need to have some fun, i'm not ready to like someone else as im still in love with my ex and he is all i think about... but im hoping this new person will help to distract me.

 

MY ex is on my mind literally constantly.. I have dreams about him when im sleeping, and during the day i think about him every second! I try not to, but its really hard not to!

 

I understand exactly what you're saying flow. I still wake up from dreams almost expecting my ex to be there next to me. *sigh* Just because I'm moved on doesn't mean I can't miss the person on occassion. But I think it's best we both don't contact our exes, and follow the wisdom on this site lol. I mean I've definitley had weak points, but I'm not about to turn into a hypocrite , When the realize the gems they lost they will come running back. But we are going to live out our lives with or without them, whatever happens, happens.

 

-gator

[MidnightinMadrid]

I understand exactly what you're saying flow. I still wake up from dreams almost expecting my ex to be there next to me. *sigh* Just because I'm moved on doesn't mean I can't miss the person on occassion. But I think it's best we both don't contact our exes, and follow the wisdom on this site lol. I mean I've definitley had weak points, but I'm not about to turn into a hypocrite , When the realize the gems they lost they will come running back. But we are going to live out our lives with or without them, whatever happens, happens.

 

-gator

 

 

Flow is right,no matter how weak or alone your feeling, and then you start telling yourself,how is one contact going to hurt? No ones around Don't do it. If so,Pls reread my story,even if its in another category or other stories of people broke it.

In a way I rather maybe trade your ex ( A male version of course: ) for mine at last she calls and she will again.

Even if my situation seems bleak,I'll just read inspirational don't give up speeches from Joel Osteen,and reread threads about the Law of Attraction,hey a gals got to be positive. Anything that will help me feeling better,its very hard,but you seem far along with healing than I am,so i'm sure you won't give in,but theres always that 'why not do it' thats when you know you shouldn't.

Hopefully one day,this century,he'll see what a gem I was to him,especally when he needed me the most. Ok this is sad, I think i'll have that Mai Tai now

 

 

 

I have enough for two or three for whoever wants to join!

Edited February 9, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

[gator12]

Flow is right,no matter how weak or alone your feeling, and then you start telling yourself,how is one contact going to hurt? No ones around Don't do it,better yet. If so,Pls reread my story,even if its in another category and other stories of people break.

In a way I rather maybe trade your ex ( A male version of course: ) for mine at last she calls and she will again.

Even if my situation seems bleak,I'll just read inspirational don't give up speeches from Joel Osteen,and reread threads about the Law of Attraction,hey a gals got to be positive,. Anything that will help me feeling better,its very hard,but you seem far along with healing than I am,so i'm sure you won't give in,but theres always that 'why not do it' to contact.

Hopefully he'ss see what a gem I was to him,especally when he needed me the most. I'll think i'll have that Mai Tai now

 

 

 

I have enough for two or three for whoever wants to join!

 

I will have to take you up on that offer Midnight. Thank you though, I know it's the right thing to do, be hey we all have doubts at times, I am glad I've got you guys backing me up.

[MidnightinMadrid]

Anytime,i'll supply the little umbrellas that goes with Tai's:bunny:. Glad you check your post because I replied again in my thread.

I think he may have contacted me,not sure,in that private number your ex used to call or better yet tricked you. I dont want to get my hopes high,it did sound like a statick-y sounding fax machine when i heard the VM. Hope that isnt the case,that some fax machine dial my cell number!

You wrote that you have a Birthday comming up,cool. Hope you have a blast and try to refrain from drunk dialing!

Exes are uncanny with special occasions and if they are the self-centered kind,they tend not to deliver when you expect to hear from them. Hopefully that is not the case with yours.

Edited February 9, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

[gator12]

Thanks Midnight, I'm going to be sure to give my phone to one of my friends or to just leave it at home entirely when I go out that night. I mean I can't really control myself if I get past a certain point so I am gonna have to eliminate the risk lol.

 

I was actually gonna reply to what you said on here, but I think I'm just gonna go and dig up your post again lol =] and give you my advice.

[MidnightinMadrid]

Thanks Midnight, I'm going to be sure to give my phone to one of my friends or to just leave it at home entirely when I go out that night. I mean I can't really control myself if I get past a certain point so I am gonna have to eliminate the risk lol.

 

I was actually gonna reply to what you said on here, but I think I'm just gonna go and dig up your post again lol =] and give you my advice.

 

 

Yep and dont rush home to check your phone too,thats when dissapointment will set in. But no, we won't recieve that,we'll be positive that she will at least wish you a Happy Birthday unlike my ice running under his veins ex friend.

 

Thats the thing! I'm not sure whether its him or not I figured the time zone difference from the South Pacific to South America is probably 8,although this is not the first time he called 3 or 4 his time. Look at me,obsessing.

Youre right about crumbs if its his,but i'll practice what I preach and try to be positive too. Thanx for your advice:- )