ex contacted me.

[gator12]

Very valid point, Idk she just brought up the relationship, I'm probably about to divert or think of an excuse to get off the phone lol. Or just not reply. Unless it involves getting back together, I don't want to hear it.

 

It's just I do know my ex, she isn't very direct about things. She beats around the bush all the time. That's why I doubt I'll ever get that fabled message and think there will have to be some buildup for it. Who knows, life is still good with or without her. No worries guys, I'm not settling for friends

 

-Gator

[MidnightinMadrid]

I guess, I mean my responses were open but in a way not as open as before so to her my guard is up. I am waiting for her because I texted back so the ball is in her court, I imagine she'll text again or never text again.

 

I'd prefer the first one and I think it more likely, I'm just hoping it's because she wants to get back together but f she doesn't oo well. I can;t cling to it, I can hope for it but not cling. Women are impossible to figure out.

 

Thanks for the response SDA, all of yours have been really helpful. Anyone else have any ideas?

 

Hey! I hope I've been helpful too,: )SOME women are impossible,but it seems they're the kind that gets most attention.

I kept wondering what you meant by having faith but not clinging to hope that he's comming back. Is that what you did with your ex?.

I'd rather receive contact than reconciliation,I couldnt trust him not to flake out on me again.

Thanx Gator.

[gator12]

Yea well that's exactly what I did with mine. I moved on and accepted she may never come back, but in the back of my mind I still have the hope she will. But I don't obsess over it and know I can live happily without it (not clinging to it). Idk, thats my definition of moving because sometimes it takes forever to really stop loving someone so I don't use that to define moving on.

 

Idk, the conversation went well for the most part, she brought up the break up apologized at least 4 times I said it was fine. I apologized for the mistakes I made but she still continued to take more blame than me which was a drastic change from just one week ago. She seemed really into it though, kept beating around how I could still love her, that I was the best boyfriend she had had etc. Idk I'm not trying to read too far into it I haven't texted her this morning, it was just much different than I'd expected it to go. If she keeps pushing the ideas I may have more reason to believe she wants a second chance but but until then I will be happy regardless. I'll be busy all day so we'll see if she texts me again.

 

-Gator

[2011]

Hey Gator

 

What was the longest you went between NC with her. Your ex seems similar to mine, and therein lay part of the problem with out RL, she would never really be the one to talk about anything, said she didn't like talking and never expressed herself in any way, said I was being confrontational when all I wanted to do was talk, that's why i'm expecting nothing from her, she was very aloof about the break up, whether she magically didn't care, which I don't really suspect but she has too much ego and pride to tell me how she feels and therefore IF she ever contacts me (of which there's about a 1% chance) it'll be crumbs and i'll ignore it. I think she would rather live the rest of her life, single and always wondering, and not say anything about anything lol!

 

Anyway I wonder why we would want to be with someone like that. It was all mind games post break up but now i'm on 3 wks NC. FB/Fone Number all gone. Yes it hurts and the biggest thing is always wondering how they are feeling about it all.

 

2011

[SundayGirl]

2011,

 

I know what you mean, it seemed like my ex didn't care and couldnt wait to get off the phone when he broke up with me.

 

I'm 2wks NC and wondering if he finds this as hard as I do, if he thinks about me, if he checks his phone to see if I've called.

 

I wonder will we hear from them for valentines day??

[gator12]

Ummm responses to you guys. Went NC for about 2 weeks, then we tried the friends thing for 2 weeks. Then went real NC for about a month and a half till she started texting me. But I didn't reply ot any of her crumbs, she sorta tricked me into answering the phone. Then we fought cuz I was caught off guard and I figured she wouldn't contact again. But now a week later she contacts me again. So all in all about 2 months of NC. Idk, I've changed alot over them and she seems like she's been miserable over them from her conversation. I don't want to push her into getting back together, cuz that'll make her back away, she's the one who has to bring it up.

 

And it's not so much that my ex didn't care it's more so that she didn't communicate well. Like being direct about things that bothered her, and she wasn't very direct with her feelings in general for a long time in the relationship because of her past exes. But she said she was in love with me and I her, and you could just see the glimmer in her eye that you knew it was true. That's probably why I'm more optimistic that we'll get a second chance. But make no mistake guys, you don't break NC for crumbs. The only reason I did it essentially is because I had already messed up NC once. And right now I'm playing it completely cool, acting very aloof about everything. I don't want her to think I am obsessed with her which I am not. Idk, she didn't text me yesterday and I doubt she will until maybe tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

 

-Gator

[gator12]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand she's back ladies and gentlemen. Lol No that's just sarcasm, she really is back but I'm not gonna say it like that. All the message said was "Hey" and then one a minute later "Are you still awake?" She just invited me to this thing on Facebook too for her Lacrosse team, since she somehow knows I am gonig to be in town this week? Crazy lol. Idk, I'm not responding and probably shouldn't definitly not today what do you guys think?

 

-Gator

[MissyLove]

Hey Gator, ive been reading your story but haven't commented.

 

All your updates make me smile, wishing my ex does the same as your's!!

 

Its good that she's chasing you because really, that's what she should be doing after what she has done to you. Also I must say you have some great self control! I think I would have given in much earlier but seriously, you're playing the game well!

 

Goodluck and I am very interested to see how your story pans out!

[MissyLove]

Also I think, don't respond today ... wait a day or so like you did before!

[gator12]

Thanks missy that's what I am going to keep on doing. Sometimes you just have to play the game to win em back sometimes. The self control I learned after failing miserable in my first serious breakup and reading on this site. The best advice I can give you is patience, if they come back they come back. If not, you are way better off without em.

 

-Gator

[MissyLove]

Thanks missy that's what I am going to keep on doing. Sometimes you just have to play the game to win em back sometimes. The self control I learned after failing miserable in my first serious breakup and reading on this site. The best advice I can give you is patience, if they come back they come back. If not, you are way better off without em.

 

-Gator

 

Hey Gator, thanks for the advice! I know you're definitely right but patience is sooooo hard!! haha

 

I was with my ex for 3 yrs, he broke up with me all of a sudden, maybe due to fear of commitment as we were about to buy a house and he was supposed to propose. He said his feelings changed for me though but does not know why.

 

I chased him, did all the wrong things for about a month then went NC for 2 months. I never went looking for information but people felt like they needed to update me on things about him *sigh*

 

My uncle bumped into him in the city and they had a chat and my uncle comes back telling me he said he misses me and wants to talk to me but was hesitant to call because I told him to never contact me again haha

 

Silly me, i got annoyed and called him a week later. We were in contact for 3 days and have gone NC again. I play it cool, showed no signs I was still interested, we had a good chat and laughs.

 

He just told me he misses me, misses talking to me, misses seeing me and he said that he thinks he will always have feelings for me BUT he knows the situation we are in now is good. I guess that means he is happy that we are not together.

 

He showed me mixed feelings and I took that as he was still interested BUT now I just think, after being with someone for 3 yrs, its normal to still have feelings 3-4 months after break up and to miss someone who u got along so well with!

 

So like you said, I went NC again (4 days now haha) and if he comes back in the future, he does ..... but if he doesn't, well we were just not meant to be!

[gator12]

Idk, my ex sent me more messages last night (I went to bed in order to help not respond to them). What I found curious was what one of them said "Thank you for everything. You're the only boy ever who I know really loved me. You really loved me. The only boy ever. Thank you." Any thoughts on this, I mean why bring up me really loving her and thanking me for it. Especially since we are broken up and today is Valentine's day? I'm a little confused by it. What do you guys think?

 

-Gator

[SDA]

I think she really misses you and wants to get you too talk. Maybe to give her closure or to get to you on a personal level.

[marqueemoon4]

a nice "goodbye XXXXXXXX" would really drive it home.. fill her with anxiety if she really wants you back.

[gator12]

I think she really misses you and wants to get you too talk. Maybe to give her closure or to get to you on a personal level.

 

She already had her closure or so she said when we talked a while back while we were "friends". And she talked to me less than a week ago so I don't understand why she would say something like that just to speak to me again. I know for a fact she misses me but I don't want friendly missing, it has to be I miss you and want you back.

 

I've already spoken of her personality though, so that's why I doubt I am going to get it that plainly stated which is why this statement of her is confusing the mess out of me. I didn't reply to it yet, but I don't want to if it's just to get me to talk. You think she'll send another one if it's about some sort of reconciliation?

 

a nice "goodbye XXXXXXXX" would really drive it home.. fill her with anxiety if she really wants you back.

 

Lol true, but might also scare her off. Silence is even bigger of a mind game to me. Because for a day or two they'll think the ex is busy. Then eventually they realize they are being ignored lol.

 

Idk guys, I want to reply but know I shouldn't. But knowing for almost complete certainty that she will not send a plain "I want you back" message and will be indirect about it makes this hard to ignore. Idk, I'm actually stumped for once. Anyone else have any ideas?

 

-Gator

[marqueemoon4]

i completely want to NC my b*tch stbxw but she keeps asking questions about picking our son up from daycare early, blah blah blah. I've ignored two of her texts today already. I hope it annoys the sh*t out of her. I'm done doing favors for her.

Edited February 14, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[SDA]

She could send you another one but you may have to initiate the reconciliation if anything.

 

The last time she reached out did she say anything about getting back together? I mean not all girls will just come back on their own even though it would be much easier for us.

 

Wait a little while and see what she sends you next. I think that these lingering feelings with her are playing with your head.

[MidnightinMadrid]

I don't understand her text,'You're the only boy ever? what are you 16? saying boy is an like a Paula Abdul 80's song.

 

There seems to be alot of texting back and forth,sure you wait for a bit then you reply,and back and forth it goes,and where does it all leads to?

try to go back to the first page of your thread and see if anything changed. Don't get me wrong,its positive that she's reaching out to you but You dont have to reply to everone of her texts.

it sounds a bit like crumbs you are talking about,glad youre still doing fine.

If I had a guy who still wanted to be with me after everything,I wouldnt just throw little crumbs..I'd be right over with the fresh-baked loaf.

 

Hope it works out for you.

Edited February 14, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

[gator12]

She could send you another one but you may have to initiate the reconciliation if anything.

 

The last time she reached out did she say anything about getting back together? I mean not all girls will just come back on their own even though it would be much easier for us.

 

Wait a little while and see what she sends you next. I think that these lingering feelings with her are playing with your head.

 

Yea I mean I haven't responded, she sent me those after I didn't reply to her asking if I was awake. Idk, I don't think she is messing with my head because she really has no reason too. I told her I wouldn't talk to her as just friends, only if we were getting back together so she def knows that.

 

I don't understand her text,'You're the only boy ever? what are you 16? saying boy is an like a Paula Abdul 80's song.

 

There seems to be alot of texting back and forth,sure you wait for a bit then you reply,and back and forth it goes,and where does it all leads to?

try to go back to the first page of your thread and see if anything changed. Don't get me wrong,its positive that she's reaching out to you but You dont have to reply to everone of her texts.

it sounds a bit like crumbs you are talking about,glad youre still doing fine.

If I had a guy who still wanted to be with me after everything,I wouldnt just throw little crumbs..I'd be right over with the fresh-baked loaf.

 

Hope it works out for you.

 

Lol we're both still in school so boy girl is still common. I mean most people in college don't say man right now cuz idk, I think college is the last thing that you have to get through before you are really an adult. She could've said guy I guess, who knows I'm not picky at least she got the gender right lol. And no not really too much, yea I bit that one time and the other time. But this time no bite, I made sure I wasn't going too again and yet she still sent me this. And keeps contacting me out of the blue.

 

She called me today and I didn't answer and left me a happy Valentine's day message. She didn't say I love you or anything like that but then again that wasn't really expected, nor was the message in general. She's very strange lol. Why don't women make any sense? If I wanted to get back together I would make it much more obvious! I'm still not biting even after all of that but I mean all of these things keep adding up it just seems more and more like she is trying to get me to initiate reconciliation. Which I know is "technically breaking the rules" but as long as it's on my terms it would still be fine if I'm the one to initiate right?

 

-Gator

[MissyLove]

Idk, my ex sent me more messages last night (I went to bed in order to help not respond to them). What I found curious was what one of them said "Thank you for everything. You're the only boy ever who I know really loved me. You really loved me. The only boy ever. Thank you." Any thoughts on this, I mean why bring up me really loving her and thanking me for it. Especially since we are broken up and today is Valentine's day? I'm a little confused by it. What do you guys think?

 

-Gator

 

She's probably starting to FINALLY realise how good you were to her and maybe now realising that she's really lost u because you're not chasing after her or giving her any attention.

 

Just keep doing what you're doing and see what happens

[gator12]

Thanks for the advice missy, always helpful. I am starting to think that too, I just hope that she doesn't give up because of that though, you know. I mean I have bitten a few times so she should still know I am up for reconciliation I guess. I'm still not biting even after the voicemail, and I will delay my responses if she actually gives me a reason to bite.

 

Idk, what would you guys qualify as good enough to really respond too since she is most likely not going to just state that she wants me back quite so bluntly?

 

thanks so much everyone

-Gator

[MidnightinMadrid]

Idk guys, I want to reply but know I shouldn't. But knowing for almost complete certainty that she will not send a plain "I want you back" message and will be indirect about it makes this hard to ignore. Idk, I'm actually stumped for once. Anyone else have any ideas?

 

-Gator

 

 

As long as you dont bring up reconciliation you are fine. If you do bring it up. then all your work,like not replying or not right away has gone out the window because it will be obvious and then the ball will be on her court. Do you think she'll play fair,do you really want to be in the recieving end of indifference. Thats what i'm worried,

 

hey have you read this post,its very popular really really informative perhaps in your situation. If youre in school,golly there may be millions of gals there looking for a nice guy,not boy,guy but you won't let them,oh well.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=96092

Edited February 15, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

[NeNinja]

Gator!!!

 

Saturday night my ex saw me out, invited me to another bar, and bought me a drink. I didn't.bite but I'm wondering if that is/was as close as I'm going to get. Check the thread...

[gator12]

Idk guys, I want to reply but know I shouldn't. But knowing for almost complete certainty that she will not send a plain "I want you back" message and will be indirect about it makes this hard to ignore. Idk, I'm actually stumped for once. Anyone else have any ideas?

 

-Gator

 

 

As long as you dont bring up reconciliation you are fine. If you do bring it up. then all your work,like not replying or not right away has gone out the window because it will be obvious and then the ball will be on her court. Do you think she'll play fair,do you really want to be in the recieving end of indifference. Thats what i'm worried,

 

hey have you read this post,its very popular really really informative perhaps in your situation. If youre in school,golly there may be millions of gals there looking for a nice guy,not boy,guy but you won't let them,oh well.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=96092

 

Haven't brought it up once, and nah if she was indifferent I would completely cut her off. I've done it once and can easily do it again. I mean technically I am doing it right now. And don't read too much into the boy thing lol, not really a big deal. That is probably the least important word in that whole statement.

 

And I am not off of the dating scene, but the fact is I am not going to date someone if I am still in love with my ex. That isn't fair to the other girl. Don't get me wrong I am not sitting in my room moping, lol I am living my life just choosing not to date. I still want her back, but I don't cling to it, I am only confused by her actions is all. I am not responding unless shes either direct or so indirect but persistent enough to show me she wants me back. Until then I am going to just continue living my life and posting on here lol.

 

Idk, women are confusing.

 

-Gator

[NeNinja]

Women are confusing!!!

 

Amen brother!