ex contacted me.

[gator12]

Do you think shes smart enough to pressure you into asking to get back together and try again? I'd say ask her out for coffee, BUT.....don't bring up the relationship in any way. Don't talk about getting back together, or hint at it. Let her do all the talking.

 

Oooo I am, this is gonig to be light for me, I know how to handle this. I am going to be light and pretty indifferent. I am not mentioning the relationship in anyway, and if she keeps insisting it'll be brief. The whole "date" will be light and quick. Lol and I know the game man, trust me I've made it this far. I will not be the one to initiate, but it doesn't mean I can't give her a nidge in the right direction a.k.a this coffee get together. The ball will be back in her court, I'm not holding my breath lol. She probably has a little while before she brings up reconciliation, I just hope this get together shows her I'm not hostile towards her or anything.

 

Gator

 

Why don't you just say "look if you've got something to say, say it" because she must be contacting you for a reason but can't come out with it, although she may be waiting for you to initialise it then she might pull back. Why don't you just ask her and then let her lead?

 

2011

 

Lol in my experience, cornering an ex never leads to a good outcome. The situation is fragile, and yes there is a chance she could pull back but then she never really wanted it. It is more likely she pull back if I pressure the situation too much, she'll say what she wants to say when she's good and ready. But I am not going to hang on her every word, this coffee date will hopefully give her the opportunity she's looking for, or at least let her know I'm open for her to talk to me about whatever the heck is on her mind.

 

It's probably been sent to you by mistake, honestly I've done that before to guys when I was drunk out and partying with my friend. I remember once I sent a text to a guy that said I wanted to **** him so bad and to meet me at my place, then when I got home it wasn't the guy I thought it was but I screwed him anyway cuz I was drunk.

 

She doesn't drink. Not much at all, the only times she has drank are with me. If you met her circle of friends you'd understand, they are all very conservative. I was her only "liberal" influence in the group, well and my friends, I introduced her to partying lol. She also doesn't have sex, I'm the only one she's been with. I guess we are more traditional in a sense when it comes to it, not waiting till marriage or anything lol. But with people we really are in love with. Idk, we're different I guess, but I like it lol. And the text's mentioned my name multiple times and events that we experienced. Besides a straight two weeks of texting to the wrong number? Lol, I highly doubt it.

 

 

Anyways, she said "Ooo yea, I'd love too. When?" I told her next weekend when I was free this tomorrow, for about an hour. She sounded very excited by it. Now I know how I am going to play it. Be light and indifferent, I am going to let her take the lead on this one and essentially use it to determine whether she is placing me as a friend or if it is reconciliation she wants. I won't hint or anything, we'll see what she really wants after all. Lol, funny thing is I thought I'd be nervous as hell. I'm not at all, I've never been more calm. I'll let you guys know how it goes tomorrow.

 

-Gator

Edited February 19, 2011 by gator12

[gator12]

did you notice she never said "hey, i want to get back together!" ?

 

since she didn't state EXACTLY what she wanted - she's just trying to get YOU to feed her ego. don't respond.

 

And sunny, that was about two weeks ago. I didn't respond lol save getting tricked into one by a blocked number at 7am. Sigh I cant believe I fell for that. But lol, don't worry I know the NC rule and how it works. The only reason I am reaching out right now is because it has been about 4 weeks of this now. I am gonig to play the coffe thing very cool as I said in my other post. See where she is directing this ship of constantly terrorizing my phone with sweet things lol. If it's not going the way I want it to go, well then it will be all the more easier to ignore her texts lol.

 

-Gator

[susanfollows]

Listen gator I'm telling you right now you've got no idea what she's been doing when she's away from you, and despite you thinking you know her I know a great many of my friends who love to tell stories about the men in their lives as if it's a game. They say things like "he thinks" and "I got him to" so before you try saying you know a girl think hard. I've seen the most conservative friends I have go home with a guy 1 hour after meeting him just because of his car. Men can't understand women and women can't understand women either!

 

I'm telling you this is a bad idea, don't do it. She's toying with you.

[gator12]

She's 18, and had been raised in the most conservative of families. She has values that she will not throw away. I am sorry but, I know this is cliche but she is not most when it comes to that. She's not just anyone when it comes to that, fact is there are still people out there who value sex and don't just do it with someone just because they are dating. She also isn't even in a relationship so that is another reason it is completely out of the question. I mean you should see how bad she felt about just kissing a guy (the cheating incident). Just kissing, and yes I know it was just that, I got the evidence on it. She really is different when it comes to sex, I mean before we even started dating I honestly never thought we'd end up having sex. And I was okay with it, the fact that we did was because of how much we loved each other. I am not trying to idolize her, but in this respect it is warranted. I honestly couldn't date a girl if she didn't share my value of sex. But I do appreciate the concern.

 

-Gator

[susanfollows]

She's 18, and had been raised in the most conservative of families. She has values that she will not throw away.-Gator

 

So were my friends, but once they met guys that were the opposite they quickly lost those oh so high values you're talking about.

 

She's not just anyone when it comes to that, fact is there are still people out there who value sex and don't just do it with someone just because they are dating.-Gator

 

Actually this is where you're screwed up, she IS just like everyone else and when she finds this out she'll be screwing guys left and right.

 

She also isn't even in a relationship so that is another reason it is completely out of the question. I mean you should see how bad she felt about just kissing a guy (the cheating incident). Just kissing, and yes I know it was just that, I got the evidence on it. She really is different when it comes to sex, I mean before we even started dating I honestly never thought we'd end up having sex. And I was okay with it, the fact that we did was because of how much we loved each other.-Gator

 

You see she already began the journey toward where my friends are today & I was a few years ago (and still am). You speak like she's so great but now that she's had a glimpse of this kinda thing it's over, she WILL be sleeping around and kissing more guys, just you wait fella.

 

And finally, at 18 you nor she knows what values of sex she has, that's what you're about to find out when you hear from her friends she slept with 2 guys on the same night while drunk at a party you were nowhere near.

[gator12]

Alright I'll say this as nice as possible. Not all women are whores. Just because the ones you associate with are does not mean all get lumped into that category. You obviously choose a poor quality of people, while types that actually have values may be rare they exsist. She had sex with me, so what, after a year of dating and telling each other how much we loved each other. Not everyone is a whore, that is the simplest way I am going to put it.

 

I am not idolizing her, but the fact is you do not know her, but from how you are speaking here she is nothing like you. You can keep having a negative view on people, but the fact is she doesn't date bad guys. I was the best she dated, in her words but the rest of the list were all good guys, I mean she's probably the only girl who didn't have some jerk of an ex. Not all women look for trouble, you are basically stereotyping, based on your own experiences. I appreciate your opinion but realize, just because something happend to you and your friends does not mean every single woman in the world is destined for that lol.

 

Values, are ageless. You learn them when you are young and they either stick or they don't, some people still have values in this world. I myself am one of them, you could lecture me all you want about how I am going to turn into some player because I am a guy, but the fact is I'm not. It's not me, people are different.

 

-Gator

Edited February 19, 2011 by gator12

[cboy90]

I definitely agree with gator on this one. My ex was EXACTLY the same way as his was. No two women are alike! Not all of them like going partying and blowing random guys. Not all of them like bragging about all the guys they've been with. My circle of friends is exactly the same way as gators. All of them waited to do anything with their partner until they were in 'love'. But some people don't care, they can judge if within the hour of meeting that person that they'll be ontop of them enjoying the ride! Others its different. As for gators ex, she seems like the girl who wouldn't be caught dead doing something like that.

 

 

Quite frankly, I've known people who at the age of 18 knew EXACTLY what they wanted in life and knew EXACTLY what they wanted with their sex life. Some people mature faster then others. I said it once and I'll say it again: No two women are alike!

 

I've only had sex with one women my entire life. We were both each others first. Both 20. And I could give three $hits what people think and say. I could care less if they think I need to 'explore' more and 'spread my myself around'. If I could have been with the same girl my entire life I would have. I was happy and that's all I wanted. So why risk changing it? As long as she is the right girl for you nothing else should matter. On a different note, when I'm dating a girl, I'd rather go for the one that's a challenge. I do not want a girl that's easy, one that basically spreads her legs at the first sight of me. To me that's a turn off! Call me whatever you want, but that's just me. If the girl doesn't respect herself, how does she expect me to respect her? But to each their own right?

 

 

And gator, as for your meeting, I'd say f**king hop on it! Ask her out for coffee. Just do it! Whatever comes out of the meeting shouldn't matter to you. Let her lead the way. You can't live your life with regrets though. If you don't follow through with the coffee date, you'll always be left wondering what if.

Edited February 19, 2011 by cboy90

[flow15]

susanfollows you have no idea what you are talking about. Plus gator knows his ex, you don't know her.

 

Believe it or not there are plenty of people out there who have values, I am one of them and I'm not 18, or younger, I'm 24 and I would never sleep with a guy I'm not in love with, or have not been in a relationship with for at least a month! And I have felt this way since I was 16, when my friends started having sex.

 

Most of my friends would not have one night stands, or sleep with someone who wasn't their boyfriend... but I do know people who do. The point is, not everyone is the same! And at the end of the day gator knows his ex.

 

 

P.s Good luck for today gator!!

[gator12]

I definitely agree with gator on this one. My ex was EXACTLY the same way as his was. No two women are alike! Not all of them like going partying and blowing random guys. Not all of them like bragging about all the guys they've been with. My circle of friends is exactly the same way as gators. All of them waited to do anything with their partner until they were in 'love'. But some people don't care, they can judge if within the hour of meeting that person that they'll be ontop of them enjoying the ride! Others its different. As for gators ex, she seems like the girl who wouldn't be caught dead doing something like that.

 

 

Quite frankly, I've known people who at the age of 18 knew EXACTLY what they wanted in life and knew EXACTLY what they wanted with their sex life. Some people mature faster then others. I said it once and I'll say it again: No two women are alike!

 

I've only had sex with one women my entire life. We were both each others first. Both 20. And I could give three $hits what people think and say. I could care less if they think I need to 'explore' more and 'spread my myself around'. If I could have been with the same girl my entire life I would have. I was happy and that's all I wanted. So why risk changing it? As long as she is the right girl for you nothing else should matter. On a different note, when I'm dating a girl, I'd rather go for the one that's a challenge. I do not want a girl that's easy, one that basically spreads her legs at the first sight of me. To me that's a turn off! Call me whatever you want, but that's just me. If the girl doesn't respect herself, how does she expect me to respect her? But to each their own right?

 

 

And gator, as for your meeting, I'd say f**king hop on it! Ask her out for coffee. Just do it! Whatever comes out of the meeting shouldn't matter to you. Let her lead the way. You can't live your life with regrets though. If you don't follow through with the coffee date, you'll always be left wondering what if.

 

susanfollows you have no idea what you are talking about. Plus gator knows his ex, you don't know her.

 

Believe it or not there are plenty of people out there who have values, I am one of them and I'm not 18, or younger, I'm 24 and I would never sleep with a guy I'm not in love with, or have not been in a relationship with for at least a month! And I have felt this way since I was 16, when my friends started having sex.

 

Most of my friends would not have one night stands, or sleep with someone who wasn't their boyfriend... but I do know people who do. The point is, not everyone is the same! And at the end of the day gator knows his ex.

 

 

P.s Good luck for today gator!!

 

Man you guys always have my back, thanks so much for the support you guys. You bring a smile to my day every day, it's good knowing there are other people who share my values. Anyways, the coffee date is in another two hours, I will probably post on it tonight as I am meeting my friends about 20 minutes after it. Thanks again guys, I don't know what I'd do without you lol.

 

All the best,

-Gator

[gator12]

All right guys, where to begin lol.

 

So we had our coffee date today, I have to say it went pretty well. I was pretty cool throughout it, she asked a lot of question how I was, etc etc. I gave her answers but didn't really divulge too much of what I'd been doing for the past three months but was definitly giving off the confident, happy vibe. She asked why I had ignored her, lol the one question I hoped she wouldn't ask because I didn't really give a good answer, I just told her I was busy a lot lately.

 

The conversation carried on, we laughed and smiled it was good. Towards the end when she knew I was about ready to leave she tried to bring up the relationship, at first I tried to avoid it but she persisted. And it came down to her apologizing to me for everything she did saying "I made the biggest mistake of my life both cheating on you and breaking up with you. I don't expect it, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me." She was in tears, and I reassured her and told her it was okay and that I forgave her, and then out of her lips came the bomb. "I know this is a long shot, after everything I did to you but I don't suppose you would want to give us another try?"

 

Inside I was screaming for joy, outside calm and collected, if my inside emotions were reflected outside I'm pretty sure that starbucks would have blown up lol. But I didn't give her a yes, I told her, "After everything I have to think about it." (showing her I wasn't jumping on this and letting her know that it wouldn't be so easy to get me back, dissauading her from dumping me again lol. She said it was fine and to take as long as I needed to answer her, that'd she do anything for another shot. I told her okay and it was about time to go, so she gave me a quick hug (seemed like she didn't want to let go but I ended it quickly) and we said our goodbyes.

 

I think today went rather well, I am going to say yes of course to another chance with her. I hope I have learned alot over this period of NC, this reconciliation is going to be a completely different relationship. I know how I messed up, I am going to be more appreciative, I've almost completly eliminated my sarcasm and have cooled my argumentative nature lol. I am not going to rush into this. It is going to be on my terms and I will take it slow to make sure she is really committed to work towards this. I am very happy though, second chances do happen guys for all of you out there hoping for one I hope this gives you faith in both a second chance and in NC as a means too it.

 

All the best to everyone who has helped me through this, and feel free to comment on this anything guys. Again thank you so much for all of the support, I hope I can continue to help you guys through your tough times.

 

-Gator

[MidnightinMadrid]

wow Gator Congrats to you on your coffee date,you handled yourself oh so well! My your gf is young means youre probably around that age,but have lots of wisdom,that an growing up in 80's,Prince,Hall and Oates lovin' girl can always ask for advice.

 

I liked the part which you didnt jump when she said she wanted another try,you know to take it slow.

I read your last answer towards mine,in a way,its not right that he's not reaching out and ignored me,(you said its ok that he's not reaching out if he's over me) I don't think he was ever that into me but we had a good friendship so i thought, hopefully he'll come around.

[cboy90]

I called that! I said to myself, if he doesn't bring it up at all during the coffee date, she'll bring it up right near the end! And BAM! It happened! Congrats to you gator. You did very well. Keep us posted on how it goes!

[MissyLove]

Gator, im SO happy for you!!

 

The ball is in your court now and YOU get to decide! I hope she's definitely learnt a lesson over these past few months and IF you decide to take her back, that she treats you the way you SHOULD be treated ... and vice versa.

 

Goodluck and keep us updated!

[gator12]

wow Gator Congrats to you on your coffee date,you handled yourself oh so well! My your gf is young means youre probably around that age,but have lots of wisdom,that an growing up in 80's,Prince,Hall and Oates lovin' girl can always ask for advice.

 

I liked the part which you didnt jump when she said she wanted another try,you know to take it slow.

I read your last answer towards mine,in a way,its not right that he's not reaching out and ignored me,(you said its ok that he's not reaching out if he's over me) I don't think he was ever that into me but we had a good friendship so i thought, hopefully he'll come around.

 

Yea maybe he isn't ready to be friends though. He is probably just as confused about the entire situation even though what he is doing is not right. But he will come around eventually if he even valued your friendship. And yea I'm not too much older than her, Im 19 but I've always been called mature for my age. I love giving people advice on pretty much anything. I really hope your ex comes around midnight but don't depend on it. Some people just need time so live for you.

 

And thanks eveyone for the kind words, i am going to take this whole second chance slow see how much she really is willing to try before I invest myself fully into it again, I will of course keep you guys updated on how everything is gonig, I'm leaving back for school tomorrow so I will drop by her house and give her my answer I'll be sure to let you know how that goes.

 

-Gator

[darthvader7]

Hi everyone,

 

I have been trying to get some answers and I have read everyones advice on this thread. I am sorry to change the topic but I would really appreciate some input on my situation. I am so lost and distraught and in dire need of some answers.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t263129/

 

xxx

[gator12]

Hi everyone,

 

I have been trying to get some answers and I have read everyones advice on this thread. I am sorry to change the topic but I would really appreciate some input on my situation. I am so lost and distraught and in dire need of some answers.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t263129/

 

xxx

 

Lol hijacking my thread, not cool man. You're lucky you have a star wars name so I'll let it slide .

 

Anyways UPDATE:

Sorry I haven't been on in a few days, I've been busy studying for this ridiculous exam I have wednesday, tonight is definitely going to be an all nighter lol.

We're back together, I went over to her house and we talked about it. I made a few things very clear. How she was going to have to try just as hard as I will to fix any problems and to be clear in communication. And that I still have to be shown I can fully trust her again. She promised me she'd do all of those things and to my surprise she "planned" on cooking me dinner that night and made me a delicious meal (it was actually for whenever I decided to get back together, if I did). I thought that was very sweet and a good sign. I'm taking things slow, she's still initiating all of the conversation but it's very lighthearted and nice. Life is good right now.

 

-Gator

[MissyLove]

Good to hear! Goodluck and I hope it all works out!!

[Layzie89]

I just read this entire thread..took me about an hour but I'll say it's probably the best hour I've spent doing something in the past 2 months. I've learned so much from your situation on how to handle mine and I'm happy for you Gator!!!! You played your cards superbly...

 

I have but one question...I've read your guide to NC. I've been NC for 26 days now, she contacted me on day 24 NC through text saying 'How are you?' I haven't responded but as I was reading your thread, on page 5 or so if I recall..your ex texted you something similar...and you replied 'I've been good, and you?' so that she knows the line of communication is OPEN.

 

In your guide to NC you said texts like 'How are you?' or 'Hey' are just crumbs and should be tossed out and yet, you actually replied to one yourself? Was there something prior to her text that I missed which made it ok for you to respond or something?

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing you at all...I'm simply trying to figure out how I should handle my situation by examining how you handled yours..but am a bit thrown off.

[SDA]

I just read this entire thread..took me about an hour but I'll say it's probably the best hour I've spent doing something in the past 2 months. I've learned so much from your situation on how to handle mine and I'm happy for you Gator!!!! You played your cards superbly...

 

I have but one question...I've read your guide to NC. I've been NC for 26 days now, she contacted me on day 24 NC through text saying 'How are you?' I haven't responded but as I was reading your thread, on page 5 or so if I recall..your ex texted you something similar...and you replied 'I've been good, and you?' so that she knows the line of communication is OPEN.

 

In your guide to NC you said texts like 'How are you?' or 'Hey' are just crumbs and should be tossed out and yet, you actually replied to one yourself? Was there something prior to her text that I missed which made it ok for you to respond or something?

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing you at all...I'm simply trying to figure out how I should handle my situation by examining how you handled yours..but am a bit thrown off.

 

Gator answered when he knew that he was over her. Of course you can answer and say "I'm fine" and know that the lines of communication are open but until she is back and begging you should play it cool like he did.

[gator12]

I just read this entire thread..took me about an hour but I'll say it's probably the best hour I've spent doing something in the past 2 months. I've learned so much from your situation on how to handle mine and I'm happy for you Gator!!!! You played your cards superbly...

 

I have but one question...I've read your guide to NC. I've been NC for 26 days now, she contacted me on day 24 NC through text saying 'How are you?' I haven't responded but as I was reading your thread, on page 5 or so if I recall..your ex texted you something similar...and you replied 'I've been good, and you?' so that she knows the line of communication is OPEN.

 

In your guide to NC you said texts like 'How are you?' or 'Hey' are just crumbs and should be tossed out and yet, you actually replied to one yourself? Was there something prior to her text that I missed which made it ok for you to respond or something?

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing you at all...I'm simply trying to figure out how I should handle my situation by examining how you handled yours..but am a bit thrown off.

 

SDA speaks the truth on this one lol. That and it was after she had been texting me quite a few times. Like she broke NC, and then tricked me into answering once from a hidden number. Then I immediately went back into NC, cuz I technically never broke it. I was already over her at this point (still wanted to get back together but was moved on) A few weeks later she texted again, and after a lot of persistance I replied to her. I only did this because I know my ex's personality and knew she would never flat out say she wanted to get back together without some form of contact from me. Your ex you may think is the same, but you can't assume that,

 

But I will tell you to not assume this again, and don't bite your ex's contact. Just be patient, if you bite on the first contact you're attempting to rush reconciliation and if you want a second chance to work you have to take it slow. You can get some basis off of me and my ex of course, but remember your ex is a completely different person in some respects, so there will have to be some judgment calls along the way but this is not one of them. You are also probably not at the point where you can be completely indifferent in a conversation like I was when i communicated back to my ex. Regardless I still advise waiting until she says she wants to get back together. I ignored my ex for a solid month (of her communicating with me) 2 months NC total and then I responded.

 

Stay strong, and stay in NC, right now you have no reason to break it.

 

-Gator

Edited February 25, 2011 by gator12

[2011]

I think Gator's NC story is a good one and is a classic NC, reach and return, as much as we would all like it to work out like this we have to remember it is highly likely not too, sorry to put a damper on things but it can be all to easy reading a thread like this and then think this is going to happen to your situation and get your hopes all fired up, as gator said he knew his ex and her personality, and knew how to play it, but a lot of women will move on period and you will never hear from them again - I know I have resigned myself to this lol my ex is a total basket case and would never come back even if every cell in her body was screaming at her to do so - her ego is just to big!

 

2011

[Shatter3d]

Gator, sweetie.. I'm SO glad you are back with your girlfriend. You of all people deserve this. I can't tell you how happy I am for you

 

I know u already know this, but please just take it slow. And come back every now and then and tell us how you're doing. You deserve to be treated like gold u lil gem of a person.

 

So stoked it worked out for you :)

[gator12]

Thanks so much Shattered. I am taking it slow, she's intiating almost all of the contact still and I am not rushing to respond to her. We are being very sweet and she's already taken me on two romantic dates which is definitely different from a guy's point of view, now I'm jealous of girls who always get taken out lol. Anyways all is good so far we're not rushing into anything, haven't dropped the love bomb yet just easing my way back into this.

 

-Gator