Author russell1968 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 i woudn't stand a chance over here in the UK if i went down the legal chanels. However if she continues down this path, i think she may just let me have them? Which is all i want
robf1971 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 i have put my M3 up for sale today,gutted Ohh this is more hearbreaking than a divorce.. Any way you can keep it?
robf1971 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 t's was my weekend off! 9.30am i had just finiished cleaning my car as i had a potential buyer coming down, my wife turns up out of the blue with my daughters before i know it there all in my front room, my wife looks pissed off ( Nothing new!) She said she feels very unwell and could i have the girls for a couple of hours i told her i have someone coming for a test drive and then im off to see a band and going to the movies tonight, she saidshe would wait until the guy has been and all she wanted was a couple of hours sleep, i agreed, she called up 30 mins later, saying she wasn't going to pick them up tonight and Ihad just made up the fact i'm going out, i very rarely lose my temper but on this occasion i did, it's 75 degrees here, i had no sun tan lotion no car seats no push chair, i told her her behaviour was piss poor and hung up. I then got ten abusive messages saying i was a poor dad, i just sent one message saying just pick them up Tuesday morning! I accept my marriage is over my wife is a monster, but it seems i'm not even allowed my own life Firm boundaries are needed. Wife I have plans today and later tonight, I can't help you. Otherwise she will continue to show you ZERO (thats a big fat zero) respect.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Firm boundaries are needed. Wife I have plans today and later tonight, I can't help you. Otherwise she will continue to show you ZERO (thats a big fat zero) respect. You totally have your 180/firm boundary dialogue down! High Five! A lot of spouses who have been walked out on are very reluctant to do the 180 and hold to the boundaries because they are afraid to anger their spouse and drive them away. The 180 often does the opposite, it may piss them off but it makes them take responsibility for their own choices, showing them exactly what they lose by walking out on the relationship. It is also delivered in a non-threatening way that they can't often argue with. When they do, you just let it roll off of you and then they have to realize that they are responsible for their own choices AND acting like jackasses. Once they are responsible for both and can't blame you, they often become more civil. If you both act likeable and civil to one another, then you slowly start to trust one another and you can build off of that.
marqueemoon4 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Ohh this is more hearbreaking than a divorce.. Any way you can keep it? i had to sell my M3 last week... surprisingly I don't miss it yet.. have too much on my mind. chin up Russell.
Author russell1968 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Ohh this is more hearbreaking than a divorce.. Any way you can keep it? It went Saturday morning!(Gutted!)
Author russell1968 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Firm boundaries are needed. Wife I have plans today and later tonight, I can't help you. Otherwise she will continue to show you ZERO (thats a big fat zero) respect. She basically just left them with a ran away for the day, she turned up yesterday saying she wanted to do something as a family i told her no as i had made plans with the girls! I took my girls out on a easter egg hunt, we had a great day! She kept texting me asking if we wanted to go to out for dinner! I just ignored her She then in the evening she sent me a text asking if she could come over, she got a reply- No
Author russell1968 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 i had to sell my M3 last week... surprisingly I don't miss it yet.. have too much on my mind. chin up Russell. I'm definetly not going to miss the fuel bills, but i did the right thing i bought a 4 door mazda speed 6 it's got 256 and 4wd so still fun.
marqueemoon4 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I'm definetly not going to miss the fuel bills, but i did the right thing i bought a 4 door mazda speed 6 it's got 256 and 4wd so still fun. nice.. I needed something AWD just in case of bad weather and having to get to work. got an Audi A4 Q.. so far I really like it.
Author russell1968 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 (edited) Well in the end i had a great weekend i took my girls to London yesterday and we spent the day with my big brother and his family, we had a great time!! She tried to call me in the morning but i just ignored it, she also sent a text asking if i wanted a divorce? I sent a text back saying, i still have hope,then she started texted asking why i didn't want to do anything as a family, i just ignored her! This morning i took my girls back, i watched as they walked down her pathway they where both looking back at me, i was sad! I am starting to get my life back! Edited April 26, 2011 by russell1968
Author russell1968 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 nice.. I needed something AWD just in case of bad weather and having to get to work. got an Audi A4 Q.. so far I really like it. Love Audi's! But it's the running costs i don't like!
robf1971 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I'm definetly not going to miss the fuel bills, but i did the right thing i bought a 4 door mazda speed 6 it's got 256 and 4wd so still fun. Lol, you know what they say miles per gallon = smiles per gallon. Even a Ford Focus is 70 pounds to fill up now, so it's bad whatever car you own
robf1971 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Well in the end i had a great weekend i took my girls to London yesterday and we spent the day with my big brother and his family, we had a great time!! She tried to call me in the morning but i just ignored it, she also sent a text asking if i wanted a divorce? I sent a text back saying, i still have hope,then she started texted asking why i didn't want to do anything as a family, i just ignored her! This morning i took my girls back, i watched as they walked down her pathway they where both looking back at me, i was sad! I am starting to get my life back! Cool, I was in London yesterday with my two. You are starting to handle this really, really well.
Author russell1968 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Just got a text from her asking if i wanted to work on our marriage? I replied yes! She then wrote back- me too Well, i finally accepted things where over and was moving on, now this?
Author russell1968 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Cool, I was in London yesterday with my two. You are starting to handle this really, really well. I know it has taken time, but i'm ok either way now! Rob you where right there is so much more to life than my WAW. I have a great job 3 great kids, i have my own huge house, there is nothing to be be sad about!!
Author russell1968 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Go very slow and do it in MC. Hey DMT, I'm not going to do a thing! Why should i ? I'm going to carry on with what i;m doing, just going to focus on doing well at work and being a great dad! This seperation has made me a better person! I have reconnected with old freinds, built bridges with family members, got into great physical shape! She is the one who needs to put the work in
robf1971 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Just got a text from her asking if i wanted to work on our marriage? I replied yes! She then wrote back- me too Well, i finally accepted things where over and was moving on, now this? I still think you need to take a firm line as you have been. I'd text back great!! what day for an MC session? That will show you if she's serious or not, when 2 people want to save a marriage MC can work brilliantly. If she says no, then go back to what you were doing before..
robf1971 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Go very slow and do it in MC. I dropped you a PM and my computer went funny, did you get it. Blimey, your up late.. You've gotta be 7 hours behind us.
Author russell1968 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 I still think you need to take a firm line as you have been. I'd text back great!! what day for an MC session? That will show you if she's serious or not, when 2 people want to save a marriage MC can work brilliantly. If she says no, then go back to what you were doing before.. I'm going to leave it with her!
robf1971 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I know it has taken time, but i'm ok either way now! Rob you where right there is so much more to life than my WAW. I have a great job 3 great kids, i have my own huge house, there is nothing to be be sad about!! For goodness sake if you get back together with her (I reckon there's a good chance) do not let all the changes you've made slip.
Author russell1968 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 For goodness sake if you get back together with her (I reckon there's a good chance) do not let all the changes you've made slip. I won't ! I think one of the reasons for our split was that i was allways complaining and moaning about life, i never stopped and thought about how gratefull i should be!! I acted like a victim ( Very unattractive!) I also think she thought i coudn't cope on my own, but now she sees me as a great dad who is a success at work, The 180 works!
dreamingoftigers Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Hey DMT, I'm not going to do a thing! Why should i ? I'm going to carry on with what i;m doing, just going to focus on doing well at work and being a great dad! This seperation has made me a better person! I have reconnected with old freinds, built bridges with family members, got into great physical shape! She is the one who needs to put the work in That very question has killed far more marriages then it will ever save. Of course she will need to put the work in, but I strongly suggest that you don't trip over each other through and through and go to a professional. You could even stipulate that you won't discuss the marriage/relationship outside of a counseling office.
Author russell1968 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 That very question has killed far more marriages then it will ever save. Of course she will need to put the work in, but I strongly suggest that you don't trip over each other through and through and go to a professional. You could even stipulate that you won't discuss the marriage/relationship outside of a counseling office. Dmt, I will do what it takes to save my marriage, but i have to be sure she is commited, so this is why i'm playing it cool..She has a drug problem and other issues, i know behind it all the fantastic women i married is still there! But i need to make sure thisis really what she wants as i'm doing well
robf1971 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I won't ! I think one of the reasons for our split was that i was allways complaining and moaning about life, i never stopped and thought about how gratefull i should be!! I acted like a victim ( Very unattractive!) I also think she thought i coudn't cope on my own, but now she sees me as a great dad who is a success at work, The 180 works! This is EXACTLY what I was doing, and now she has been seeing the opposite for months. I used to bitch and complain about everything, now I say nothing and actively try and do something about the problem rather than bitching. These situations give us a massive kick up the butt i think. It's been like when we first met for the last couple of weeks, the affection, the looks, the kissing and all the rest of it . If this can happen in my situation it can happen in yours.
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