betterdeal Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 You tell us what she says, then later tell us what you said. To be honest, the minutiae are pretty immaterial in my opinion. Apparently they still matter to you. You're still connected. You haven't disengaged, fully. But you have progressed a lot since I first started reading your posts. You're valuing your health, physical and mental, and your children's too. There's plethora services out there that she can ask for help from. Is there any practical way you can look after the children full-time? Perhaps with support from grandparents? This will have several benefits: for you, as you as it will reduce contact; for the children, as they will be in safer hands; for her, to give her the space to do whatever she wants to.
tobydog1 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Russell, You are not listening! In the UK you can phone social services to express your concerns. Which are pretty major as the children are with a druggie half the time. Call in a referral and they will visit your wife to get all the details. They will visit un-announced. Believe me I know this is true..... As my stbx did the same thing to me, accusing me of being an alcoholic etc. Social services woman turned up un-announced, saw that all was well and signed off. In the case of a proper druggie they will keep it on the files and do further visits. You have to do this and soon. As others have said there will come a bigger rock bottom if you do not. Best wishes
UnsureinSeattle Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Russ- listen to Toby. You have to get social services involved. You have to.
2sunny Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 she shows up strung out to pick up your child AND YOU LET HER? no one but YOU is to blame for THAT! stop letting her! start listening and DOING what's best for your children... or you may find that she ends up killing them while she has them! don't ALLOW her to take them= YOU know she's using... then you allow her to drive them around? stop it!!!!
Author russell1968 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Russell, You are not listening! In the UK you can phone social services to express your concerns. Which are pretty major as the children are with a druggie half the time. Call in a referral and they will visit your wife to get all the details. They will visit un-announced. Believe me I know this is true..... As my stbx did the same thing to me, accusing me of being an alcoholic etc. Social services woman turned up un-announced, saw that all was well and signed off. In the case of a proper druggie they will keep it on the files and do further visits. You have to do this and soon. As others have said there will come a bigger rock bottom if you do not. Best wishes I have reported her again! they said they will send someone around, i have tried before! My biggest is fear is now we are hardly speaking! she will keep it hidden!
Author russell1968 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 she shows up strung out to pick up your child AND YOU LET HER? no one but YOU is to blame for THAT! stop letting her! start listening and DOING what's best for your children... or you may find that she ends up killing them while she has them! don't ALLOW her to take them= YOU know she's using... then you allow her to drive them around? stop it!!!! You are right! it hit me hard this morning! She was clearly wired and drove off with my daughter!
2sunny Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 You are right! it hit me hard this morning! She was clearly wired and drove off with my daughter! harm will come to your daughter if you don't grow some balls and start telling her NO! NO, you are NOT taking the child! YOUR consistent evidence shows bad behavior that has no RIGHT to put a child at risk! when you show EVIDENCE that you are clean and sober for one year - then i may trust you to take her in the car. in the meantime - you are allowing a druggie to drive your daughter... putting her at risk every time you allow it.
worldgonewrong Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Very simply: next time at pick-up, you need a policeman waiting in the wings. When she comes out, he can ask her if she is under the influence, etc. It's got to be done. Anything short of that, YOU are being complicit in her reckless behavior.
tobydog1 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Do something before the children are harmed. Please....... Do not her have the children, ever, at all. Never in the car, EVER! Please do this tomorrow.
Author russell1968 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Do something before the children are harmed. Please....... Do not her have the children, ever, at all. Never in the car, EVER! Please do this tomorrow. I will do pick up and drop off from now on! I pick them up Friday night drop them monday morning!
2sunny Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I will do pick up and drop off from now on! I pick them up Friday night drop them monday morning! NOOOOOOO! she doesn't have them AT ALL! why would you hand them to her knowing she's spending her time in druggie world? DO NOT allow her to have them! NO!!!!! what is YOUR problem with telling her NO? she is drugged - and you are ALLOWING her to have them knowing she is incoherent! she is ONLY focused on the drug... so when the kids are with her - she isn't taking care of THEM = she is focused on using! do NOT allow them in her presence. can you DO that? say NO to her!!!!
What_Next Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 It appears he can not 2sunny. This entire thread shows example after example of him simply cowering to whatever she wants, whenever she wants it. No one here doubts your willingness to try and salvage your marriage, no one here doubts your love for your wife, but in this case they MUST take a back seat. You need to stop this behavior Russell and swiftly and immeadiately protect your children. There is NO WAY IN HELL anyone gets near my kids in the state that your wife appears to be in. NO WAY IN HELL. You have options, you are not looking. You keep stating how draconian the laws are in the UK, but we have UK members contradicting you. I won't pull any punches and say to hell with your wife. Forget her, this is about your children. Protect them at all costs. Keep them away from her in this state. Involve the police, social workers, child protection services, friends, anyone and everyone. You have been given page after page after page after page of advice here. Yet you ignore it, you seem oblivious to it, you then come back into this thread talking about text messages back and forth with her. Good heavens man. You are her pawn and your kids are suffering. This will get worse. Think about it, a dealer comes to the door where your kids are staying? What's next Russell? What's next? You need to step up and make this happen with actions. No more text messages, no more taking her to dinner, no more ANYTHING.
tobydog1 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Too right! Listen to What next... Do it tomorrow. never let her have the kids again. You can also get an interim court order as a matter of immediacy.... I would NEVER let my son go with anyone like that, ever. Nor should you. Ring SS tomorrow and report your concerns; they will have to act upon it asap. And they do. Please let me know you have done this......
dreamingoftigers Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hey dude, I know she has got you on the end of a string hoping that she will smarten up. These addicts can play you because they seem like they don't care and have nothing to lose. They think they have nothing to lose because you are on the end of the string. You have just as much pull on that string as they do! When you yank she isn't going to see it coming and she will fall over. All of the:" I don't love you like I shoulds" are her simply saying: "hey my brain isn't working right so I don't feel like I should and cocaine helps me avoid that." Tell yourself that every time she lashes at you. Tell her that you don't need to be talked to like that. Your power to pull back on that string must come from within, do not give that power to her. Addicts can really mean you feel helpless and like the Sun rises and sets because of them. It doesn't. Tell her that you want her to be as happy as a clam and if that's the way she needs to be happy them so be it, but you will not tolerate her contacting you and having the kids or even visitation. You will fight tooth and nail to protect them from this and if age doesn't like it then go into treatment and prove that you stopped or too damn bad because the kids don't deserve this. Then drop it for awhile, maybe a month, let her dangle on the edge of the string, if she doesn't get help then during that time prepare for her intervention. You tell her straight-up: "I have too much love and respect for myself and our kids to let you put them through this and stand idly by. I love enough to have faith in you to see that you have a problem and that it will get dealt with. Until then, adios." For Chrissakes DO NOT let her take the kids, that is practically neglect on your part.
willowthewisp Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Russell Crimestoppers, I cannot post the link or number as I think it is against LS rules, but type it a search engine. You know where the dealer lives, pass this information on, they do not take your name or trace your call, you can even do it online. In addition, you have reported it to social services, it is logged. Report it to NSPCC as well, then when you know your wife is in possession or driving under the influence, call crimestoppers. Social services will be involved once she is charged, make sure you no longer let have unsupervised access to your children or you too will have a lot of explaining to do to the local authority socialworkers.
Author russell1968 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Ok, i have reported her to social services! I'm going to snitch on the dealers! I may be emotionally week but when come to getting down and dirty i'm the sort of person you want to be in the trenches with! these guys don't scare me there cowards! I do love her thats because i'm a loyal person" would i ever want her back now? I doubt it, the last two years of our relationship she tried to brain wash me into thinking that i was so lucky to have someone so young and so pretty as her! But it's not about age ort how good looking you are is it? It's about how you are as a person!! Look guys i realise this now, my wife is gone! She has been replaced by some kind of monster! i will do the right thing! I have her families support as well
2sunny Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Ok, i have reported her to social services! I'm going to snitch on the dealers! I may be emotionally week but when come to getting down and dirty i'm the sort of person you want to be in the trenches with! these guys don't scare me there cowards! I do love her thats because i'm a loyal person" would i ever want her back now? I doubt it, the last two years of our relationship she tried to brain wash me into thinking that i was so lucky to have someone so young and so pretty as her! But it's not about age ort how good looking you are is it? It's about how you are as a person!! Look guys i realise this now, my wife is gone! She has been replaced by some kind of monster! i will do the right thing! I have her families support as well good. although family (hers) may not be trusted entirely... most times their alliance is with their blood relation... no matter how bad her behavior. so don't expect their help. also... NO need to communicate with her anymore since she will not be allowed to see the kids. do not respond when she calls or comes by. when she shows up - simply call the police and have them handle her... press charges if she harms you. and don't answer the door... just call the police and say she isn't welcome there. IF she gets out of hand... tell them she is on drugs... let them handle it from there. explain to them that you are staying safe and protecting your child as well.
willowthewisp Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Ok, i have reported her to social services! I'm going to snitch on the dealers! I may be emotionally week but when come to getting down and dirty i'm the sort of person you want to be in the trenches with! these guys don't scare me there cowards! I do love her thats because i'm a loyal person" would i ever want her back now? I doubt it, the last two years of our relationship she tried to brain wash me into thinking that i was so lucky to have someone so young and so pretty as her! But it's not about age ort how good looking you are is it? It's about how you are as a person!! Look guys i realise this now, my wife is gone! She has been replaced by some kind of monster! i will do the right thing! I have her families support as well She's not well Russell, she's not a bad person, she's just not well. But unfortunately you cannot make her better, that has to come from her. If you fear any sort of repriasal from the dealers or their associates DO NOT report them, you and your children are far more important. Besides which she will only find another dealer and it is not worth putting yourself and your children at risk over. Social services will do their thing.
robf1971 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Russell Crimestoppers, I cannot post the link or number as I think it is against LS rules, but type it a search engine. You know where the dealer lives, pass this information on, they do not take your name or trace your call, you can even do it online. In addition, you have reported it to social services, it is logged. Report it to NSPCC as well, then when you know your wife is in possession or driving under the influence, call crimestoppers. Social services will be involved once she is charged, make sure you no longer let have unsupervised access to your children or you too will have a lot of explaining to do to the local authority socialworkers. Yeah, and don't speak to some jobsworth either, get up higher ie management, be a constant thorn in their side, keep ringing and following up. You need everything official case numbers, crime numbers etc. You need to make some noise about this, the perception is almost always the father being abusive etc, because it's the other way around for you, you simply have to make more of a fuss.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Ok, i have reported her to social services! I'm going to snitch on the dealers! I may be emotionally week but when come to getting down and dirty i'm the sort of person you want to be in the trenches with! these guys don't scare me there cowards! I do love her thats because i'm a loyal person" would i ever want her back now? I doubt it, the last two years of our relationship she tried to brain wash me into thinking that i was so lucky to have someone so young and so pretty as her! But it's not about age ort how good looking you are is it? It's about how you are as a person!! Look guys i realise this now, my wife is gone! She has been replaced by some kind of monster! i will do the right thing! I have her families support as well It's addict-brain, it is like your wife has a demon like the movie Alien. It just pops out and tears you up, if wasn't your wife who asked the alien to come aboard. Just sucks is all. It's a brain-wiring issue. It can be re-wired but it takes a lot of work.
Author russell1968 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 [sIZE=5][COLOR=#990000]dreamingoftigers[/COLOR][/sIZE] I have been tryong to send you a privare message! But you mail box is full?
betterdeal Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Yeah, don't grass her dealers, it will put you and your children at risk. You're crap at lying so when she asks if you grassed them up, you'll be found out and then that will get back to them / their mates and you'll have hassle at the least and very real threats of violence at worst.
betterdeal Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Call these guys and get some professional support: http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/
worldgonewrong Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 You're crap at lying :laugh: totally cracked me up!
Frank13 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 You have been given page after page after page after page of advice here. Yet you ignore it, you seem oblivious to it, Every time he comes back here asking for advice he should just be referred to a link that goes to the first page of this thread. 95% of this thread is the same advice repeated over and over, followed by Russell ignring it, then asking for advice again, and then the cycle repeats. Think about it, a dealer comes to the door where your kids are staying? What's next Russell? What's next? What's next is that the kids are sold for drugs. I am going to say something that I don't think has been said but needs to be. Russell simply does not care about his kids. Or at the best he doesn't care about them as much as he cares about himself.
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