desertIslandCactus Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Agree. NOTHING would stop me from being with my kid. It sounds as if you are putting your education ahead of getting the money to find out if this child is even yours; you are making assumptions. You have no proof, besides a photo that you state looks like you. Pictures looking alike doesn't equal being related. My brother's son looks just like him - and my nephew is adopted. Get a job, get 2 jobs - do what you have to to get the money together if you are serious about this. See about getting a bank loan. I personally would move heaven and earth to find out if my child was in this world and then I would move heaven and earth to ensure my child is in my life. And yeah, diapers are the easy stage. The hard work starts around 2 and doesn't stop ... ever. What about your niece's child. You have said you drove your niece to get an abortion. So much for your high horse. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 . Does she not have some responsibility to make sure that the Biological father is involved at least paying support? No. A woman is under no obligation to chase after the father for support or involvment. If she wants to raise the kid on her own, and the father doesn't object, there is no issue. It happens all the time. The father has rights, of course, but the father has to assertively claim those rights! And it often requires legal representation. If one wants to spin this negative don't assume that she's the virgin Marry defiled by a horrible black guy! MLO, please know that I don't think anything like that. Not of her, and not of you. I don't believe anyone posting here assumes that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 No. A woman is under no obligation to chase after the father for support or involvment. If she wants to raise the kid on her own, and the father doesn't object, there is no issue. It happens all the time. The father has rights, of course, but the father has to assertively claim those rights! And it often requires legal representation. Which I haven't been able to afford. Even with any job I could get or have had in these years I would not have had $7500 just laying around. MLO, please know that I don't think anything like that. Not of her, and not of you. I don't believe anyone posting here assumes that. Sometimes it seems like I'm being vilified here for something that wasn't 100% me. Each of us were very young people who dealt with a complicated situation in a very immature way. I just don't think it's fair to call me a deadbeat. Fathers have rights.... but mothers also have a right to child support that they have to pursue in court too right? She or her people were totally ok for him to not have ANY father rather than to have me involved. For the record I am a stand up guy. I take care of my blind father. I paid off the family car I bought for my little family (me her and baby) I pressed on and am close to a MS. I would have been the best parenting partner/ or even Husband I could be. After that first year or so... as soon as her hold man and mother knew of me that was it. I wasn't even given a chance. Without HER voluntary acknowledgement of my paternity I was just up the creek without a paddle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 Some of you may be thinking that I need to just get out of school and get a job. Right now I am writing my thesis. My earning potential will double with the degree in hand. It is to everyone's advantage in this situation if I finish first... then lawyer up and settle this onece and for all. Me and my son will have the rest of our lives to make this right. If I stop education now he can be coparented in a trailer or shabby apartments. Or at least spend some time in a nice house. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Sometimes it seems like I'm being vilified here for something that wasn't 100% me. . Very true, but you are the only one posting here. Believe me, if she were here, I'd have some words for her. I do believe that they pushed you out, knowing that you didn't have the money to easily take legal action. But she isn't here--you are. You can only control you. You may have things you would do differently if you knew then what you know now. Who doesn't? Know better, do better. Time to move forward and make the paternity test a top priority. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 Trust me it is a top priority. However I can't be too short sighted. So I get a job making very little money now. Take six months or a year to save 7500 to lawyer up. Then get the DNA test. Now I have to deal with all of this while making little money. Or I can spend three months getting a degree. Another three after the degree saving up...then after the DNA test be able to support my child in a good way. For the long term and with things at this point...it is better for me to focus on my degree now. Graduate... then support him in a better way for the next 10 years Or longer of his life as a minor child. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Perhaps the public figure who recently said this: "Wasn't nothing strange about your Daddy. It was strange what your Daddy had to deal with. But he dealt with it anyway." could help you. Publicity can be your friend. You can take a stand for men of color who are doing the responsible thing for themselves and their children and society. Perhaps you've found a calling in the eyes of your child. Sometimes life gives us gifts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 Perhaps the public figure who recently said this: "Wasn't nothing strange about your Daddy. It was strange what your Daddy had to deal with. But he dealt with it anyway." could help you. Publicity can be your friend. You can take a stand for men of color who are doing the responsible thing for themselves and their children and society. Perhaps you've found a calling in the eyes of your child. Sometimes life gives us gifts. So true man. In particular if she ends up wanting to really really fight this in court. The lawyer I have consulted with is a bit of a publicity hound to be honst so he would probably be willing to get on TV and talk all about this. He represented the father of Elian Gonzalez. Jeffery M. Leving. http://www.youtube.com/user/JefferyLeving He's been all over the media. I am hoping to retain him in part because his rep alone would probably cause all BS to be set aside. A lesser lawyer.... may just end up with me paying support and not getting any visitation and for that matter paying more support than I can afford. Too many fathers have dealt with this. My uncle and my father had this situation. The while mothers of their illegitimate children did not even tell them about their children until they were adopted out. At the time in our culture it was considered shameful to mix the races. They are haunted by this knowledge to this day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 I am most afraid that she could...if angered do this to our child. Parental Alienation Syndrome Where one angry parent programs a child to hate the other parent. Link to post Share on other sites
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