J0N Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I have a question. How many of you broke up (or got broken up with) & have not heard from your ex after implementing NC? How long after it ended? Do most ex’s try to get back into contact? Or do they just fade away? I have been broken up with my ex for about three months and have not heard a peep. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 The correct answer is to heal so that you never care about hearing from them again. What could your ex possibly say to you that would make you feel better besides wanting to reconcile? Link to post Share on other sites
Leandro Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Mine hasn't and it's been almost 5 months NC. I really doubt she will contact me as long as she's with the other guy. Link to post Share on other sites
whatadeer26 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My ex asked for space on a Tuesday or Wednesday, so i gave it to her. By Friday or Saturday she was texting me asking if I was just going to disappear? It all depends on the girl and situation. My ex is the selfish selfcentered type and any sign of me moving on and she runs back. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My most recent ex, the one that hurt me the most, hasn't tried to contact me since I went NC in late August. Not a word from her. Like I never existed. But a few weeks ago I got a message from a girl I dated four years ago. She wanted to appologize for the way she'd treated me. I thabked her, but by this time I'd long since stopped caring if I ever heard from her again. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My most recent exes both contacted me within days of the breakup to 'check in'. About two years after our breakup, 'first love' ex apologised for how much he upset me despite giving me a long handwritten letter a few days after the breakup. Never really heard from other exes other than seeing them around once or twice after the breakup. To be honest, I think that it's best for your healing to not hear anything at all until you've reached a stage of emotional detachment. By that point, it's just like putting the parcel of memories in storage after you've already sealed it rather than rummaging through a packed but unsealed box and making a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeheartLover Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) My last bf and I dated 7 months, broke up in July - we got in touch on facebook recently, 6 months after we broke up. We're friendly. The one before that, I dated for 2-3 months but it was really intense - we just got back in touch on facebook recently, too, almost 2 years since I've seen him. We're friendly. I had a 2 year boyfriend that ended badly - we got back in touch a year after we broke up, but never got close again. He threw out some BS dribble about we're meant to be together, but there was no way I'd take him back. I had a 3 month fling boyfriend, ended badly - we got back in touch just a couple months later and hooked up. Meaninglessly. I have boyfriends from back in the day - years ago - that I chat with from time to time on facebook. I don't have any ill feelings towards all but one or two exes. Some reminisce about our relationship, or we share a laugh about something; but I'm a long distance away from them so there's no chance I'd get back with them, or even want to. Edited January 11, 2011 by FreeheartLover Link to post Share on other sites
Author J0N Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 I guess I am just curious. I did contact an ex once a couple years after breaking up with her. Nothing came of it and we are not friendly. I think that I would like it if she did contact me at some point, after I am over her, I guess it would sort of validate to me that I actually did mean something to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Myself and the EX that I have written so much about here.... The average time between our dating periods has been around two years. Sometimes with her contacting me, or me contacting her. We do this because the terms of each breakup have never been angry. Someone or something else could always be said to have gotten in the way. My career goals, her family. Their have been other times we would contact each other to find me or her involved. Never had any hard feelings...though it was always heart rending either way. Why do we do this? She is the only one who can bring me back to being a 20 year old. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeheartLover Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I think it's weird to be in contact with an ex that you didn't have a friendship to base the relationship off of. If it was just nothing, relationship, then it's done, what exactly is left over to maintain as a friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Other than taking care of divorce business with my exW, I've never experienced an ex getting back in contact, ever. I don't know if it's a gender-related thing or not. Perhaps, in my case, when the women are done, they're done. No unfinished business. That seems to be my MO too. Over and done. YMMV Link to post Share on other sites
dng Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I know that alot of you are left to wonder if they ever meant something and such. You best hope your exes don't contact you. They can put you throught hell several times if you let them do it. Nobody that ever had feelings for anyone ever forgets about them, take comfort in that. Link to post Share on other sites
strangeways Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Almost 4 months broken up. No contact from either side. Had a few past ex's get in touch a few weeks or months later but not all of them. Some just fade away. I don't expect my most recent ex to get in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
Karma20 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I have had all my exes get in contact with me. I think males are more likely to reach out then females. They have usually contacted me out of the blue or when I was already over them. From what I've witnessed guys (not sure this is the same for girls) usually come back for something at least once. Meaning if it it's the first real breakup with months of not talking. Link to post Share on other sites
gizbug Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 The correct answer is to heal so that you never care about hearing from them again. What could your ex possibly say to you that would make you feel better besides wanting to reconcile? I agree completely. Out of mind, out of sight. When I am done with someone, I cut the cord, and move on. That is the best advice I or anyone can give to you. Remember that saying "you will continue to trip if you are always looking behind you?" Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I agree completely. Out of mind, out of sight. When I am done with someone, I cut the cord, and move on. That is the best advice I or anyone can give to you. Remember that saying "you will continue to trip if you are always looking behind you?" Well I got dumped in pretty brutal fashion and am trying to work on moving on. It's damn hard though. But I am strictly adhering to NC in order to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
I have no title Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Yeah, I agree with the statement that guys are more likely to break NC and contact their EXs rather than girls.Its true that if girls are done they are done! but guys usually are more likely to get in touch, especially if they have been the dumpers. I had my ex ex bf contacting me 1.5 year after he dumped me. Good that I didnt care at all about him at that point and eventually had another bf. But he contacted me with apologies and wanting to see me and talk things out, but I was soo over it that I refused. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 It all depends on the personalities and the history between the two people. I think what matters is the reason for dumping more than who dumped who. Suppose you meet a great guy or girl. Then 3-6 months latter are offered a job 1000 miles away which offers to triple your salary... the guy or girl gets a job they have wanted for years. Then you both choose your career's. That kind of a breakup....is different than. He/she cheated on/ lied to/ or was just incompatible with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 In my case it hurts a bit to think that my ex will never reach back out to me again. We share friends and there was never really anything bad about our relationship. And it would be nice to get an explaination someday as I'm still left to only speculate as to why she left. I have a pretty good idea, but nothing solid. One day I was the love of her life and the next she was out the door. Link to post Share on other sites
Billy_Boy Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I have a question. How many of you broke up (or got broken up with) & have not heard from your ex after implementing NC? How long after it ended? Do most ex’s try to get back into contact? Or do they just fade away? I have been broken up with my ex for about three months and have not heard a peep. I dated my Ex for 7 years, after we split up we stayed in "touch" token touch is a better idea of what it was. And there were a few times I drunk txted her or whatever, but she pretty much stopped talking to me and vice versa she got with some dude who turned out to be a sociopath but ignored me for a good year, but would occasionally pop out of nowhere to ask me advice about her relationship and wanting someone to talk to etc. She split with him then she started trying to come by and see me semi regularly asking a lot of questions about my social life etc. its been 2 years since we split and now we talk and txt here and there, she came by to borrow dvds the other day. So I guess in my case its kind of interesting like that. I don't know how long it will last like this, not that it matters I am with someone else. Who I did tell up front about my tidings with my exgf. She doesn't like it but she trusts me. And she is friends with guys I def don't want her talking to, so I don't see a reason for why I should have to let that go, I mean I did give her 7 years of my life, we have a lot of history, and some mutual friends and still care for each other, even if we know that we weren't meant to be because of fundamental differences. Link to post Share on other sites
suddendumpee Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 It all depends on the personalities and the history between the two people. I think what matters is the reason for dumping more than who dumped who. Suppose you meet a great guy or girl. Then 3-6 months latter are offered a job 1000 miles away which offers to triple your salary... the guy or girl gets a job they have wanted for years. Then you both choose your career's. That kind of a breakup....is different than. He/she cheated on/ lied to/ or was just incompatible with you. That breakup is different, because it would never happen. If I was dating someone who was about to triple their salary, I would simply knock them up, move with them, and offer to be a stay at home dad. KIDDING ladies! Link to post Share on other sites
gizbug Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 It's a choice you make when a relationship ends; Do you proceed with a friendship with the ex, or do you go your own way. Me, well I walk the other way. I, personally can not see having a friendship with someone that I was close to, intimate with, and shared live experiences with. Just can't look at that person as a friend when there was much more in the past. The girl I am dating, is friends with her ex's. It definitely is a "difference" we have, but I have to respect her view. Does it bother me? Of course. But it's a route you need to decide on, and take. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J0N Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 I remember being out with my ex a few times and she bumped into her ex. She introduced me to him (ughhh) but I never had a problem with it because I trusted her absolutely. She was friendly with him, but she told me that she didn't really stay in touch with him after they broke up (She said he was a better friend than boyfriend). While we were dating she said that she didn't even have his number in her phone, mostly because she knew that I wouldn't like it if they stayed in touch. When we broke up it wasn't really a violent or blowout, just a peaceful "I think we should go our separate ways" type (ironically, she said I was a better boyfriend than friend... ???). Which is exactly what we did. I have hundreds of theories about why, but as GreenPolicy has tried to pound into my head about a hundred thousand times now is that there are no answers so I am *at least trying* to cease my search. I think most people are right about girls, when they are done they are done. So all I would probably get is a friendly "hello" if we ever bumped into each other, nothing more. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I broke up with a former boyfriend and he didn't contact me once I went NC. Then a few months later I got a random instant message from him about his parents going to Italy (somewhere I had told him I'd always wanted to visit) and we talked a little. Then I ignored him and went NC again. I don't really care to speak to him and I don't miss him so maybe that's why I haven't been in contact with him. My ex before that whom I'm going to visit soon, kept in contact with me on a fairly consistent basis through random text messages every other month or week. He's the only guy I've ever dated where I've felt compelled to keep in contact with. All the others I could care less about. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) I think most people are right about girls, when they are done they are done. So all I would probably get is a friendly "hello" if we ever bumped into each other, nothing more. Oh well. That's been my experience. It actually helps me maintain NC to think that my ex doesn't have any feelings for me anymore and is in fact probably annoyed by my very existance. As for what would happen if I were to run into her, I'd honestly probably try to ignore her. If that didn't work, I'd probably have to introduce myself. And if she asked me why I did that I'd tell her the truth... we never really knew each other anyway. Edited January 11, 2011 by Ajax Link to post Share on other sites
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