My girlfriend kissed another guy (or he kissed her I guess..) and other complications

[Space Ritual]

NO CONTACT...

 

delete her from your life. Otherwise you will let her back in...All this blaming you for her cheating and you buying it only proves that she can come back into your life at a moments notice and cheat again when you have an argument...More than likely she started the New Years Eve argument to get a chance to hook up with this guy anyway...

 

Only time, and making her insignificant will heal you. delete her emails address, Facebook account from your friends list, and block her and do not unblock her to stare at her page. I am afraid she will do this again and again and you will accept it and be a doormat unless you just move on...

 

Best of luck.

 

 

I emphasize this again..if you are basing things on "she is so freaking hot" and "she is sorry" I am afraid you are in for some serious heartache. If she is that hot she will be getting hit on ALL the time...you are feeling insecure enough as it is and she went and did whatever on a "perfectly timed" New Year's Eve....I had an ex that enjoyed starting arguments oh about 4 pm on Friday afternoon and lo and behold she would "magically appear on Sunday night, as if nothing had ever happened...

 

I am telling you now...get going on the rest of your life...you will find another hottie I am sure...I did! You have to have the courage to say you wont accept this!

[Darren Steez]

you want feedback yet you seem to be actively ignoring the advice put down to you here. first off, I read this "I'm hoping down the line if I stop she will miss me enough and forget the bad parts enough to want me again." No, no, no she's not going to miss you at all, she dumped you meaning she made that decision and seems quite happy with it, whether you keep whining to her or you don't talk to her at all, she's not going to change her decision until she's ready to or until she sees you have absolutely changed your ways. Right now you'll probably say and do anything to get her back, you need to cut off all ties, go absolutely NC, dont reply to her texts, emails or calls..as difficult as it will be, this is not about her, it's about you, it's about whether you have the strength to really change, moving forward means moving on and you're not going to do it if you maintain contact. Once again this is not about punishing her or making her realize what she has lost, its about making a clean break and if you two are meant to be with each other than later down the line you can start from ground up and build something stronger and more durable then you can start treating her right but she's not going to come back to you on her terms. Listen to her, if she wants space then give her all the space in the world, if she wants to be friends, be friendly with her but do not harbour hopes of reconciliation..that is if you absolutely cannot go NC. Good luck.

[camrond]

ok darren, yeah sorry i havn't been actually replying to the posts but I am reading every word. You were the first guy to actually blame me which I think is closer to the truth. I didn't go NC from the beginning because everyone else's reason was "shes a bitch ignore her". Her actions and how she's been talking to me since the break up has made it pretty clear that the whole thing has nothing to do with some other person really. It does have to do with us and how it was. She's not a bitch, but she is confused and tired of being in our relationship.

 

She told me she had a crush on this guy but also had no friends at the time and had just graduated with no job so she got to know him well but it never became an issue until my treatment of her dragged on despite her crying. ****, im not gonna lie Ive had little crushes too. I'm angry with her that she got close to this friend - I would at least not get that close to someone who there's attraction to but I think you're right in the end, darren, as well is she - its not about him. She decided to break up with me before new years and had texted me even before going to the party. She had threatened it weeks earlier yet.

 

It is about me and how I treated her, no saw her. I put her second all the time and ignored her value in my life. I didn't see her for the beautiful and caring girlfriend she was to me for multiple years. With her I turned my life around and I never gave her credit for her support. I was downright mean a lot of times and never had patience to listen to her at all.

 

I can tell she still has a crush on the deuche that kissed her but he's taken, which makes it more confusing. She says she's happy he didn't go for her and she needs to be single now, she says it was just confusing. I just hope she's not ****ing waiting for him or that really changes everything. I have faith she's not that pathetic. The guy is a ****in loser too btw, she is just convinced that he's so nice and treated her nicely when I didn't and "connected" with her. As of now I validate her points and I recognize my end of this.

 

She needs time, I'm giving it to her. I'm moving on. I told her a couple days ago to give me space. Lol, she texted me the next day saying "i know im not supposed to text you but please know how much you mean to me. I love you and I will always be your friend. I'm just broken right now and drained. Im so sorry" I called her and she still made it clear that we're through she just feels so bad. I told her to not feel bad and that I respect her decision etc. We ended the convo with her saying "who knows in the future anything could happen". I'm not going to let that effect me. Im hoping now she won't contact me for awhile. If she does very breif text or something I'll be nice. If she tries to call or have a conversation or texts like more than once in the next few days I'll explain to her again that I need space to give her waht she wants. I still do want her in my life in some way, at least for now.

 

But right now I need to move on and grow from this for myself.

 

Thanks guys. I'll let you know what happens in the future. **** who knows. I think its gonna be alright though.

[PegNosePete]

Dude stop calling her and texting her. If she calls don't answer. If she texts delete it without reading it. She has (rather successfully it seems) shifted the blame onto you, when it is her who cheated. Nothing good will come from staying in contact with her.

[camrond]

Hey I thought you guys would get a kick out of this. Don't ask me how I know - I ****in' probably shouldn't but I'm glad I do.

 

She's driving two hours to her friends house near where this guy goes to college so she can "pretend" to randomly bump into him so she can become friends with him again.

 

I think she's trying to cover it up because she wants me as a safety net and knows I can see through all her bull**** if I know she actually is pursuing him...of course her ****in' dumbass friends cheer her on in this stupid game. Like robert cray said...she just lost the man that really loves her. Oh, I forgot, I must not love her because I'm busy sometimes when she calls me 5x a day. **** her.

 

Basically, I'm pretty sure all of this has been 90% bull****.

 

Yeah, things weren't perfect but all it took was one ****ing kiss from this pot head (yeah I know I finished rehab I shouldnt judge but still...I'm in grad school and this kid is a ****ing loser). All it took was one ****ing kiss for her to decide our problems were too big. She pretends like it changes nothing. She's so ****in' weak. She basically left me so she can WAIT for this deuche to dump his girlfriend which HE even told her he's not going to.

 

She hangs out with all his friends now all day and they lead her on. She's too dumb to get out of this retarded fantasy world. I hope she enjoys all her new friends because she just lost her oldest one. She's ****ing pathetic and she always will be.

 

I'm ****in' oouuuuuuuuuuut.

[PegNosePete]

Welcome to stage 2 of the 5 stages of grief, dude

[StoneCold]

Camrond...

 

A) Shes f*cking the guy

 

B) There is no black and white. She blames you and perhaps you are PARTIALLY to blame. But she has to own up too....bull****

 

C) Even if you manage to fix this...its done....resent doesnt just disappear and you'll likely hold this over her until the fat lady sings...may even push you to cheat... LET IT GO.... move on....you'll find a new girl and forget about her...life goes on

[camrond]

Yeah, I think I'm in stage two of greif lol. Done denying the fact that she basically is a flake.

 

Good riddance.

 

Thanks, gents.

[camrond]

Yeah...this still sucks bad lol, that stage 4 is hard to get over. God damn my addictive personality!!!!!!!!!!

 

Just thought I'd vent that getting over this has proven harder than I could have ever imagined...guess its no surprise - at 23 years old, 3 spent with her, this is a phase that is nearly half of my adult life. How could she ****ing do this to me after everything...gah...maybe its still stage 2, hah!

 

ehem...anyway...yeah...um...good riddance.

[Space Ritual]

Well I think it is going to take much longer for you to get over this disbelief that she found someone else. I am afraid as hard as this may be to accept, you must go on. I know you don't think it now, but time will heal this.

 

You seem like a real good guy. I think now you have got to resign yourself that she probably did much more than just kiss him on New Year's...usually most people don't make long out of the way drives or hang around waiting for someone to break up with their S.O from just a kiss.

 

Like I said before...delete this young lady from your life. The Karma Bus has many wheels to it and she will get run over by it sooner or later. At the rate she is going she is about to get involved in another relationship after aiding it's demise....you really envision a future with someone like that?

 

Of course not...you dodged a bullet.....

[camrond]

so its been some time and posting my feelings here has been therapeutic...I'd like some feedback on how this is all going...I understand I over analyze all this **** but I can't help it...its what I do. Really for a living its what I do... I'm getting a PhD in chemistry (focus in pchem...spectroscopy of polymers if you're curious)

 

ANYWAY - my thoughts on this below

 

this is long but you're being truly helpful if you actually read this, it is very appreciated...call it sympathy for a confused young man

 

since this whole break up the max time I've gone without being texted, called or in some way contacted by her is 48 hours. Despite her not wanting to be with me she is still attached in someway...

 

also to clarify - she never slept with this dude and still hasn't . My facebook, email, and mutual-friend stalking confirm this and also my understanding of her would stand to reason that this is correct. She's single in every way right now. I do consider the kiss and bonding with this dude cheating though...although I had my fair share of mistakes too...

 

Right now I think what keeps her happy with the break is this bunch of new friends and the prospect of that dude dumping his girlfriend DOWN THE ROAD if she keeps hanging out with his friends and waits. This has made me view her as far more superficial and stupid than I could have imagined. She has a crush on this dude because of his "indie" style and because he's "nice" when in reality he has a girlfriend, and she doesn't REALLY know him at all but its enough for her not to want to be with someone who has their **** together and actually cares about her....a ****ing idiot but I love her still....

 

So whenever she contacts me though its with this fake attitude of "Hey just checking on you, hope you have a great day! :)" but when she calls on the phone her voice is more like regretful and she'll say **** like "you're so wonderful, smart and attractive and whoever you end up with, whether its me or someone else, they will be very lucky"....

 

Also, I think she tries to convince me that she is having less fun than she really is. She says things like "Im not doing anything just watching tv and still the same lazy ol me"....Whenever she contacts me its with this "man it sucks but hey I have to leave you" attitude about our break up.

 

At this point, now that time has passed and she's maybe getting bored of her new friends, or realizes that this dude might not care in the future....she's kinda trying to keep tabs on me and have me thinking that she might come back...I think, however consciously it is, she is stringing me along. But, i'm not sure. I've told her when she texts me it bothers me and to give me space but this always ends up not happening some how lol....

 

Part of me hopes she is trying to string me along...because then it means she's not sure and may want me later but at the same time I'm so sick of this all and so ****ing hurt about the whole thing. She basically got attached to this dude and is so stoked on the "have fun being single" attitude. It pisses me off because I never saw her like that. She was always the innocent, loyal girl who wants to settle down and doesn't like socializing and loves me to no end....it pisses me off how she is now....maybe she deserves that loser...theyre both as lazy as each other after all...I don't know anymore...

 

In some ways she was so ****ing perfect for me...she's so beautiful and nurturing and we were as close as two people can possibly be...I just don't know what to do...obviously I need to move on but I guess I was just wondering what y'all think about this....

[camrond]

im so sick of caring about this ****...

 

well it appears were leaving each other alone anyway...she's stopped contacting me for about a week and ill be damned if i call her up anytime soon....

 

**** it...

[neveragain1]

She also said she doesnt want to stay with someone who doesnt appreciate her to the point where she looks to other guys for attention.

 

sorry, but someone who would say something like this would look for ANY excuse to cheat, and then blame it on you.

 

dump this wretch and fast.

 

 

Essentially she blames the situation on me. Partially, I can see her point

 

then you have been successfully gaslighted.

 

 

This has turned out to be kind of a soap opera I know...in any case we spoke further and after a week we talked. She said she told the guy she cant be friends with him b/c its wrong that he made a move on her and also said she wont hang with him anymore. She says she's sorry for messing with me and wants to be back together but only if I give her more attention.

 

oh yes, give her more attention or she will cheat. she is blackmailing you basically.

 

funny, she cheats and she is making you jump through the hoops.

 

I wouldn't waste my time with her if I were you, but its up to you. You'll constantly have to look over your shoulder with a girl like this.

 

 

Now we've been taking it slowly the past week and it's going okay - I'm trying to be attentive in the future but i still feel like she doesnt understand how much the kiss thing hurt me.

 

thats because she doesn't really care. she is an entitlement princess. its all about her.

 

what do you think she would do if you kissed another girl and said, "sorry, but you just aren't showing me attention". She flip out big time.

 

Lastly, she keeps apologizing for hurting me (ambiguously she says hurting me but implying for wanting to break up with me but not necessarily for the kiss). She blames the kiss on the guy and alcohol and my lack of giving attention to her.

 

so she is blaming everyone and everything, except for herself. she is selfish and in denial. oh no, it wasn't her that did anything wrong, it was you, the other guy, and the booze.

 

if you don't call her on her bull###, she will use this against you time and time again.

 

 

YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE!

 

dump her, you can do better. if you feel that you could have been more attentive, fine, take that knowledge and apply it with a girl that deserves it. because you gf does not.

[camrond]

Thanks for your feedback 'neveragain'

 

The timeline on this situation is a bit further down the road now though.

 

First off, she has dumped me about a month ago...she kept trying to stay in touch "just to check on me" but I kinda made it clear to her over hte past few weeks that its not working and making this more hurtful to me.

 

She has not ended up with that dude - he has a gf. But she has made it clear that she is confused right now and does not want to lead me on...even though some of the things she says kinda does lead me on...

 

At this point we hadn't talked for almost two weeks..she texted me last night at 2AM with the usual "hey, hope your doing well, was thinking of you and want to say hi"

 

I replied with saying "you too, im glad youre ok". That was last night...

 

All in all, I don't blame her for the end of this relationship. Yeah, she ****ed up but its not because she's crap. You have no idea how much I blew this girl off for the past year...I ignored her, criticized her, put her last in every plan and was downright mean sometimes. She would cry and plea for me to listen and would say she deserves better and would say she will leave me if i dont stop....I didn't listen until all of this happened and she decided it was all becoming too confusing...

 

I think you're right though...it may just be too late for us both at this point. We've both hurt each other a good amount. We've both chased after each other and been rejected...she got the last laugh of course but I need to let it go....

 

 

It sucks...in some ways she was ****ing perfect for me...but who knows because after all, we were each other's first love...I was her first everything if you know what I mean....

 

****in' sucks right now....she's a wonderful girl in so many ways...very gorgeous too....bleh....

[neveragain1]

Someone like her isn't going to be satisfied with being tied down to one guy. plain and simple.

[camrond]

Yeah, so I think I want to close this thread with a final update on the situation....

 

I think you're right 'neveragain1' it does have to do with that tying down issue. The most IRONIC part is that she was always trying to lock me in for life for the entire relationship then POOF....one night she decides she like this other dude and suddenly im a burden...WTF

 

But I see now its all very clear. First of all on New Years she didn't "resist" this guy coming onto her...in fact SHE wanted to sleep with him and he didn't because he has a girlfriend....the guy is actually pretty legit....SHE is a ****ing whore which is AMAZING because she lost her virginity TO ME...

 

I don't understand how this could happen...she is SO immature...I'd bet money after she sleeps with a couple dudes she comes crawling back...

 

It appears to me now that she was just an immature girl acting like she wants to be with me forever because she hasn't experienced ****...the second someone else comes on the scene - BAM it changes....so superficial...she is as shallow as... I donno, something really shallow....

 

So in the end, basically she's a little confused girl who wants to bone this dude and doesn't realize what she's done to a real relationship...its all a ****ing fairy tale to her....I should've goddamn seen this coming...I know her too ****ing well to be this stupid....

 

In short...and I really mean it...good riddance.

[neveragain1]

atta boy! don't let anything deter this line of thinking.

[camrond]

I cant change this line of thinking anymore...she has jerked my chain too many times for ego boosts...she is ****ing COLD hearted.

 

Can't believe how someone can turn around and take a dump on something that meant so much to both of us....SHE was always chasing me and now she's like this...

 

It's VERY simple...she only wants what she can't have, so typical. She was so naive in our relationship to tell me constantly how perfect I am and how she wants to be with me forever. She doesn't know **** and I bought it like a fool. She doesn't know what she wants at all. One kiss was enough for it all to hit the fan.

 

Part of me wants to call her and tell her **** YOU because our last interaction she basically called to boost her ego, and I let her off easy and told her I'll see her around and was nice...

 

At the same time I know the right thing to do is just do nothing and let it all go. Part of me feels though like it would make her feel a lot worse if she knew that I knew that she wnated to sleep with him and to tell her she's an immature bitch...she wants to stay friends and it kinda pisses me off that she thinks I'm okay with this after realizing all of these things...

 

I guess I'll just ignore her though but it would feel good to just be like "YOU NAIVE LYING SLUT - GOOD LUCK DONT EVER ****ING CALL ME AGAIN"...

 

In the end though this kinda only shows that I still give a **** but right now she probably thinks I do anyway...GAH

[Ay Diesel T]

I cant change this line of thinking anymore...she has jerked my chain too many times for ego boosts...she is ****ing COLD hearted.

 

Can't believe how someone can turn around and take a dump on something that meant so much to both of us....SHE was always chasing me and now she's like this...

 

It's VERY simple...she only wants what she can't have, so typical. She was so naive in our relationship to tell me constantly how perfect I am and how she wants to be with me forever. She doesn't know **** and I bought it like a fool. She doesn't know what she wants at all. One kiss was enough for it all to hit the fan.

 

Part of me wants to call her and tell her **** YOU because our last interaction she basically called to boost her ego, and I let her off easy and told her I'll see her around and was nice...

 

At the same time I know the right thing to do is just do nothing and let it all go. Part of me feels though like it would make her feel a lot worse if she knew that I knew that she wnated to sleep with him and to tell her she's an immature bitch...she wants to stay friends and it kinda pisses me off that she thinks I'm okay with this after realizing all of these things...

 

I guess I'll just ignore her though but it would feel good to just be like "YOU NAIVE LYING SLUT - GOOD LUCK DONT EVER ****ING CALL ME AGAIN"...

 

In the end though this kinda only shows that I still give a **** but right now she probably thinks I do anyway...GAH

 

Bro, who cares what she thinks? She's a slut lol. She probably DOESN'T think at all. At least that much is clear, based on what you've provided us.

 

Just take your time, this is gonna be a day to day process. Each day you'll think about her less. One day you'll meet a new girl, smash her silly, leave all your emotions in the rubber, meet another, rinse and repeat. Then before you know it, you won't even care when you do think about your ex. You'll probably just be like "Man, she sure could suck a dick".

 

The sooner you realize it'll take time, the better it is for you. Understanding and acceptance.

[camrond]

ok folks...final note...

 

2 months since the break...

 

you guys are going to lo-lo-love this.....she is hooking up with that dudes friend haha. now she hates that dude that she kissed on new years and is instead interested in his friend...

 

how can she drift her love from one person to the other?@?!?!

 

AMAZING!!

 

and also somewhat of a relief...its DONE...and in the most interesting way..

[BlackHole]

ok folks...final note...

 

2 months since the break...

 

you guys are going to lo-lo-love this.....she is hooking up with that dudes friend haha. now she hates that dude that she kissed on new years and is instead interested in his friend...

 

how can she drift her love from one person to the other?@?!?!

 

AMAZING!!

 

and also somewhat of a relief...its DONE...and in the most interesting way..

 

I ask this every time, and note that most people here dont post it, how old are you two? A younger girl acts like that (20s)

[camrond]

haha, yeah, you're right. Im 23 she's 22.

 

She went off about how she needs to be single for a long time. This dude is that guy's friend and was basically leading her on about that guy she kissed on new years...Zero attraction to boot...

 

Now that dude dumped his girlfriend and they're dating, she says "im not in love and hes not good looking but he takes care of me and its never a problem for him to come over"....she's known him for a couple months completely platonically...

 

oh...and she said "look, i never said we're never going to be together, who knows, but I am not in love with anyone and you should move on because i am"

 

the guy is a complete loser...like out of shape pothead cashier with an english degree...

 

I don't understand how she is so ready...honestly I think she's just lonely and horny and this is literally, actually the only dude around....

 

I gotta be honest...I don't see this relationship lasting, they know each other because she would cry on his shoulder about that other dude she kissed and really liked but had a gf....and both of them just came out of relationships...

 

how the **** is that a good start is beyond me...she wants to be friends with me and "he doesn't care"...I told her never to call me again and that I'll probably never see her again and I wish her the best....this was last night...

[WorldIsYours]

haha, yeah, you're right. Im 23 she's 22.

 

She went off about how she needs to be single for a long time. This dude is that guy's friend and was basically leading her on about that guy she kissed on new years...Zero attraction to boot...

 

Now that dude dumped his girlfriend and they're dating, she says "im not in love and hes not good looking but he takes care of me and its never a problem for him to come over"....she's known him for a couple months completely platonically...

 

oh...and she said "look, i never said we're never going to be together, who knows, but I am not in love with anyone and you should move on because i am"

 

the guy is a complete loser...like out of shape pothead cashier with an english degree...

 

I don't understand how she is so ready...honestly I think she's just lonely and horny and this is literally, actually the only dude around....

 

I gotta be honest...I don't see this relationship lasting, they know each other because she would cry on his shoulder about that other dude she kissed and really liked but had a gf....and both of them just came out of relationships...

 

how the **** is that a good start is beyond me...she wants to be friends with me and "he doesn't care"...I told her never to call me again and that I'll probably never see her again and I wish her the best....this was last night...

 

Good you told her to **** off. Now you realize what everyone's been telling you about this whore. Now you realize what a lying, cheating skank she is.

 

Heal from her betrayal, move on and find someone worthy of you.

[camrond]

Yeah she's a total flake dude. This has to be some hardcore rebounding...under three months ago she was talking about marriage lol...she was always chasing me and then this other dude she liked kissed and poof...

 

he didnt want her so she goes for his loser friend? She's a homewrecker dude...shes ruined our relationship, that guys relationship, and almost that guys friend.. LUCKILY that first guy was smart enough to stay with his gf...i gotta give that guy props haha..even though he kissed her like the same day we broke up...still respect him because he knew what I didnt and his friend still doesnt - shes bad ****ing news lol...

 

She makes it seem all so innocent...I Dont understand this fantasy land she's in...shes convinced im her back up honestly....

[WorldIsYours]

Yeah she's a total flake dude. This has to be some hardcore rebounding...under three months ago she was talking about marriage lol...she was always chasing me and then this other dude she liked kissed and poof...

 

he didnt want her so she goes for his loser friend? She's a homewrecker dude...shes ruined our relationship, that guys relationship, and almost that guys friend.. LUCKILY that first guy was smart enough to stay with his gf...i gotta give that guy props haha..even though he kissed her like the same day we broke up...still respect him because he knew what I didnt and his friend still doesnt - shes bad ****ing news lol...

 

She makes it seem all so innocent...I Dont understand this fantasy land she's in...shes convinced im her back up honestly....

 

She's behaving this way because she's selfish, immature, and doesn't care about herself. It has nothing to do with you. Just be glad you don't deal with her no more. She's trouble.