dispatch3d Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 "Thanks for being patient with me *name*. Despite my ridiculous self consciousness and distractedness, I had a really good tiume and I look forward to hanging out again soon Oh, and, so you know, I think the ridiculousness has lots to do with the fact that you're awesome AND hot. One of the two my brain can handle. Put both traits in one little package in the car seat next to me it, apparently, goes into overload lol" The only messups I see are scheduling a 2nd date at 10 pm (wayyyy too late in the day) and that text message. I was really hoping she sent it, but even then I'd be a little concerned. Don't profess any kind of love to a girl until after you've slept with her. I think if you left it at the first paragraph it would be okay, the 2nd one is wayyy way way way way over the top. And if a girl gets in a bad mood they literally cannot function at all. If she's getting last warnings at work and things i'm not at all surprised about her behaviour. edit: was glad that you setup the 2nd date fwiw. Definitely didn't think it was dead at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ianandris Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Straightforward and honest is the best way to be, IMO. Do you tend to pick a certain type of woman? If you're repeatedly picking women who do not appreciate this quality of yours, maybe it's time to try something else. Damaged goods. I don't know why I chase after them, tbh, but if I had a type, that would probably be it, heheh. But I agree that is time to try something else. I've been more passive than I probably should have been with dating, and I just need to be more proactive. I will say, though, whoever declared love happens when you aren't looking for it obviously wasn't a somewhat introverted dude. The only messups I see are scheduling a 2nd date at 10 pm (wayyyy too late in the day) and that text message. I was really hoping she sent it, but even then I'd be a little concerned. Don't profess any kind of love to a girl until after you've slept with her. I think if you left it at the first paragraph it would be okay, the 2nd one is wayyy way way way way over the top. And if a girl gets in a bad mood they literally cannot function at all. If she's getting last warnings at work and things i'm not at all surprised about her behaviour. edit: was glad that you setup the 2nd date fwiw. Definitely didn't think it was dead at that point. Yeah, that's basically my take, too. I regretted sending that text almost immediately. C'est la vie. It'll either torpedo it, or she'll be understanding. Certainly hope she'll be understanding... I've been giving her a more space since then. I haven't texted her or called her since Jan 1, figuring I'll just put the ball in her court. My sense is there's still a little bit of a heartbeat, but next date is probably make or break. The 10pm dates.. well... I dropped the idea as a possibility given my weird hours, but I never actually lobbied for one, tbh. They were always kinda at her recommendation. She seemed to really like the idea. The spotty contact between us and the fact I work 7 days on/ 7 off also meant I've been more inclined to jump at opportunities to see her so I could fan that little spark, and if she's down for a late night movie, fantastic. Plus I haven't really had a chance to cuddle up with her, and I think some sustained physical contact would go a long way to helping me feel relaxed around her. Up to the 2nd date, it's hard to say you could have done anything different. She made it difficult with her flakiness. When you did get to meet up with her, I hope you had her pay. That isn't being a jerk, it's just... well she knows she was flakey. She would have felt less guilty around you if she "made it up" to you in some way. Enh. Based on what she told me, she sees breaking away from the tendency to jump into relationships/chase guys a little as developing independence, and she's actually kind of proud of herself for doing so. I just assume I'll have to battle some flakiness if I have any real interest in pursuing this girl, at least until she settles into the idea of being an item. Still a number of dates away from that, I think. But seriously, it is unfortunate that some people's honesty is what you long for and other people's honesty makes you cringe. Maybe we honest people should work on making ourselves more of a mystery and less of a "wow, I got him/ her, so they're no longer fun". Just my thoughts. If I knew the answer to this, I'd be doing something other than responding to these things when I need to be to work in 6 hours and 17 minutes. True enough, ECM. I'm actually experiencing what it's like to be chased right now by someone I'm passively interested in. First time, tbh. NYE girl has been kinda relentless with her contact, heh. And it has given me some perspective... In fact, I'm still gaining perspective from the situation... See, she's a very open girl. This is going to sound hypocritical coming from me, but, frankly, she's too open. I mean, in less than an hour, she poured out her entire life story to me, detailing the disintegration of her engagement a couple years ago, her rape, her difficulties with the job market, body image issues, struggles with her ex, you name it. While I've learned to exercise a fair bit more discretion with my openness over the years, I can see myself having made some of the same mistakes, and it is a little cringe inducing. Self-effacing = good, being overly self-critical = so very, very bad. Being emotionally available and communicative = good, being a broadcast tower for all the **** life throws at you or every emotional storm that crosses your internal landscape = bad and not at all the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 The 10pm dates.. well... I dropped the idea as a possibility given my weird hours, but I never actually lobbied for one, tbh. They were always kinda at her recommendation. She seemed to really like the idea. The spotty contact between us and the fact I work 7 days on/ 7 off also meant I've been more inclined to jump at opportunities to see her so I could fan that little spark, and if she's down for a late night movie, fantastic. Plus I haven't really had a chance to cuddle up with her, and I think some sustained physical contact would go a long way to helping me feel relaxed around her. Girls can be flaky+very anxious already. I think your adding to it having a date at 10 pm. They will start getting nervous about what to wear, will you have sex, yadayada. It basically makes it closer to a formal date. For women who are already flaky this could be a problem. Tucker schedules his dates at 3 pm and tells them to do his laundry (which is a euphanism for sex, but it works every frigging time lol). Anyhow, not saying to try to pull that off, just what works for guys with very good game.... Avoiding engaging them logically helps, they don't get as anxious I guess.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ianandris Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Not a bad way to look at it. Only problem is my schedule is 12-1030pm Tuesday through Tuesday, so I'm completely unavailable for a week at a time unless she wants to do something early or late. I don't like waiting for a week between dates, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ianandris Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 So, I called her up around noon yesterday, left a voicemail inviting her to come with me to see True Grit later on that evening (she's a fan of Westerns). She didn't respond. It's been 4 days since I heard from her, and I don't really see it going anywhere at this point. I may call her sometime next week just to see if any interest has been resurrected, but I'm done chasing, really. Link to post Share on other sites
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