TRaczaj Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I haven't been dating this girl for very long... There is more background info here in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3151677#post3151677 Her Christmas present came today and a few of my friends were here when it was delivered. I was really excited when I got it for her... but all my friends were telling me it was a bad move. They were saying it was way too expensive for one... and one of them said "That would be something you give a friend or a family member... not someone you're dating." So, you all are probably wondering what I got her. I got her a D'Jembe drum. She plays D'jembes, and hers was stolen at some event she went to last summer. She was really upset... and she hasn't been able to replace it. The one I got her is similar to the one she had... But with a certain feature she wished her old one had. People were saying I spent way too much on it for one... and that it's just an all around bad present for a guy to give a woman he's involved with. Now I'm nervous about giving it to her. I'm still going to give it to her... I'm just not as confident as I was before. It's sad that I'm letting a few dumb comments get to me. What do you guys all think? Is it that bad?
quankanne Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 as a flat-out gift to give someone because they're into it, and you've only just met her? Definitely overboard. however, the fact that hers was STOLEN and you are able to help her by buying her a replacement? VERY considerate, IMO, because while yes, it might seem a lot from someone she's just started dating, there's a whole lot of good intention behind that gift, knowing she otherwise would have to do with out. I hope she recognizes the goodwill and thoughtfulness behind this present ... and knows what a good man you are to be able to do this for her. *disclaimer: Now that I'm older and cranking out a living, I don't mind buying stuff for the kids/godkids in the family, simply because I'm in a position to help. And I think it's fantastic when others feel so moved as well!
Author TRaczaj Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 as a flat-out gift to give someone because they're into it, and you've only just met her? Definitely overboard. I didn't just meet her. I've known her for ten years. We just recently started dating... I've had feelings for her for a long time though. It's my fault for not including that in my first post, sorry. ANd thank you for replying.
Author TRaczaj Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Lol... My sister just stopped by and even she thinks I over did it... Ok then...
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I think the gift is incredibly thoughtful and considerate. If I were her, I'd LOVE it. That you've known her for 10 years eases up on the intensity of it a lot, IMO. I hate to involve price tag discussions when considering Christmas gifts, but here I think that's the tell-tale quality of whether you overdid it. But I have no idea how much one of these drums costs. Can you share?
catgotyourtongue Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I haven't been dating this girl for very long... There is more background info here in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3151677#post3151677 Her Christmas present came today and a few of my friends were here when it was delivered. I....So, you all are probably wondering what I got her. I got her a D'Jembe drum. She plays D'jembes, and hers was stolen at some event she went to last summer. She was really upset... and she hasn't been able to replace it. The one I got her is similar to the one she had... But with a certain feature she wished her old one had. People were saying I spent way too much on it for one... and that it's just an all around bad present for a guy to give a woman he's involved with. What do you guys all think? Is it that bad? MY immediate reaction was ''how thoughtful and kind and attentive'. i think it is very nice, it's something she loves, and you are filling a void. That being said, whether or not it is over the top, i don't know. If it is expensive, it would be over the top for me, cause I dont accept gifts that well, but I still think it is very sweet. What was your intent? if your intent was from heart, and not to get something in return, than you have to look at that too....and if your heart is pure, it's sweet. I have no idea what this kind of thing costs. If you spend your rent, or cant make a car payment cause of it, then perhaps a bad idea..lol
Author TRaczaj Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 I think the gift is incredibly thoughtful and considerate. If I were her, I'd LOVE it. That you've known her for 10 years eases up on the intensity of it a lot, IMO. I hate to involve price tag discussions when considering Christmas gifts, but here I think that's the tell-tale quality of whether you overdid it. But I have no idea how much one of these drums costs. Can you share? It was in the neiborhood of $150... I bought it on EBay, so that's actually a little cheaper then they usually are. Yes, I think knowing her so long does ease things up a little... when it comes to "how much is too much."
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 It was in the neiborhood of $150... I bought it on EBay, so that's actually a little cheaper then they usually are. Yes, I think knowing her so long does ease things up a little... when it comes to "how much is too much." Forgive me for not knowing this, but how old are you guys? And is $150 a lot for you? Or really, will she think it is, given what she knows about your lifestyle, etc.? I'm leaning towards totally fine and a great gift, but I want to make sure with the above.
Author TRaczaj Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 MY immediate reaction was ''how thoughtful and kind and attentive'. i think it is very nice, it's something she loves, and you are filling a void. That being said, whether or not it is over the top, i don't know. If it is expensive, it would be over the top for me, cause I dont accept gifts that well, but I still think it is very sweet. What was your intent? if your intent was from heart, and not to get something in return, than you have to look at that too....and if your heart is pure, it's sweet. I have no idea what this kind of thing costs. If you spend your rent, or cant make a car payment cause of it, then perhaps a bad idea..lol My intent was to make her happy... I've known her ten years... had feelings for her for at least five of those years. I just really wanted to give her something she wanted. I don't expect anything back from her...
Author TRaczaj Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Forgive me for not knowing this, but how old are you guys? And is $150 a lot for you? Or really, will she think it is, given what she knows about your lifestyle, etc.? I'm leaning towards totally fine and a great gift, but I want to make sure with the above. I'm 33, she's 31. 150 is not too much for me to spend... I make about $20 an hour. I'm a factory supervisor... Her and I live together, so she knows how much the bills are and all that. (Why we live together is a longer story yet... we lived together before we actually started dating.)
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I'm 33, she's 31. 150 is not too much for me to spend... I make about $20 an hour. I'm a factory supervisor... Her and I live together, so she knows how much the bills are and all that. (Why we live together is a longer story yet... we lived together before we actually started dating.) Innnnnteresting tid bit about living together. Honestly, under these circumstances, I think that's like...the best gift ever. Granted, I don't know the ins and outs of your situation here, but I say give it to her, and expect to get some hot sexy time as a thank you.
catgotyourtongue Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 My intent was to make her happy... I've known her ten years... had feelings for her for at least five of those years. I just really wanted to give her something she wanted. I don't expect anything back from her... Well again, and even moreso I see it as SWEET. Extra sweet that you are worried abt giving it to her -and if it is too much. Awww-again, nice, nice, nice, I would be touched.
welikeincrowds Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I really enjoy gift giving, and there's a certain point at which I really don't give a **** if a person is going to be made to feel uncomfortable because of how much money they perceive that I've spent. You might say that the possibility of discomfort inherently makes it a bad gift, but to that I say "**** you". I make a point to end discomfort like that immediately, because it's absolute horse****. As an adult, I'll transact how I damn well please, and I take offense to people borrowing anxiety from that. If I want to walk outside and mortgage a ****ing house for a stranger, not even the law can stop me, not to mention whatever the **** you think about it. Just stop talking, and accept your new house. Besides, I give gifts for selfish reasons. Example: my family draws names for Christmas. This year I drew my cousin's girlfriend. Right before I went out to shop for her I found out that my cousin and she are on the verge of a breakup. She might not even be at Christmas this year. OP, I still bought that bitch a knit sweater dress from a local boutique. Why? Because I loved the dress. It was really love at first sight, and I'm guessing that she'll love it too. It only ran me ~$90, yet no one in my family would approve if they knew I spent that much. But **** them. It's beautiful. She's getting that ****ing dress. It's Christmas and you've known her for 10 years. You're gonna let some Ebenezer Scrooge Grinch *******(s) prevent you from reveling in the narcisstic glory of your own impeccable thoughtfulness? As she carefully unwraps that magnificent instrument which you ALREADY BOUGHT? ****ing haters. Bro. Give her the damn djembe!
Author TRaczaj Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Innnnnteresting tid bit about living together. Honestly, under these circumstances, I think that's like...the best gift ever. Granted, I don't know the ins and outs of your situation here, but I say give it to her, and expect to get some hot sexy time as a thank you. I'm planning on giving it to her either way... And, I'll probably get some hot sexy time either way too, lol. She calls herself a borderline nymphomaniac. I've wondered if she actually is one.
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I really enjoy gift giving, and there's a certain point at which I really don't give a **** if a person is going to be made to feel uncomfortable because of how much money they perceive that I've spent. You might say that the possibility of discomfort inherently makes it a bad gift, but to that I say "**** you". I make a point to end discomfort like that immediately, because it's absolute horse****. As an adult, I'll transact how I damn well please, and I take offense to people borrowing anxiety from that. If I want to walk outside and mortgage a ****ing house for a stranger, not even the law can stop me, not to mention whatever the **** you think about it. Just stop talking, and accept your new house. Besides, I give gifts for selfish reasons. Example: my family draws names for Christmas. This year I drew my cousin's girlfriend. Right before I went out to shop for her I found out that my cousin and she are on the verge of a breakup. She might not even be at Christmas this year. OP, I still bought that bitch a knit sweater dress from a local boutique. Why? Because I loved the dress. It was really love at first sight, and I'm guessing that she'll love it too. It only ran me ~$90, yet no one in my family would approve if they knew I spent that much. But **** them. It's beautiful. She's getting that ****ing dress. It's Christmas and you've known her for 10 years. You're gonna let some Ebenezer Scrooge Grinch *******(s) prevent you from reveling in the narcisstic glory of your own impeccable thoughtfulness? As she carefully unwraps that magnificent instrument which you ALREADY BOUGHT? ****ing haters. Bro. Give her the damn djembe! This is so awesome, and so spot on! You remind me so much of Jeremy Piven's character in Serendipity...
Author TRaczaj Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 I really enjoy gift giving, and there's a certain point at which I really don't give a **** if a person is going to be made to feel uncomfortable because of how much money they perceive that I've spent. You might say that the possibility of discomfort inherently makes it a bad gift, but to that I say "**** you". I make a point to end discomfort like that immediately, because it's absolute horse****. As an adult, I'll transact how I damn well please, and I take offense to people borrowing anxiety from that. If I want to walk outside and mortgage a ****ing house for a stranger, not even the law can stop me, not to mention whatever the **** you think about it. Just stop talking, and accept your new house. Besides, I give gifts for selfish reasons. Example: my family draws names for Christmas. This year I drew my cousin's girlfriend. Right before I went out to shop for her I found out that my cousin and she are on the verge of a breakup. She might not even be at Christmas this year. OP, I still bought that bitch a knit sweater dress from a local boutique. Why? Because I loved the dress. It was really love at first sight, and I'm guessing that she'll love it too. It only ran me ~$90, yet no one in my family would approve if they knew I spent that much. But **** them. It's beautiful. She's getting that ****ing dress. It's Christmas and you've known her for 10 years. You're gonna let some Ebenezer Scrooge Grinch *******(s) prevent you from reveling in the narcisstic glory of your own impeccable thoughtfulness? As she carefully unwraps that magnificent instrument which you ALREADY BOUGHT? ****ing haters. Bro. Give her the damn djembe! Cheers.
Eeyore79 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I am kinda shocked that people think $150 is a lot to spend on a Christmas present for a partner. Maybe it would be too much if you'd only known her for a few weeks, but she's been your friend for ten years. So no, I don't think you went overboard.
tigressA Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 OP, that is extremely thoughtful. I would be really, really touched by a gift like that. She will love it. Please update post-Christmas!
Lemontang Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 With all the facts I don't see how this is an issue, you've known her for 10 years and your living with her now even if the dating part has been short. I don't think she'll be uncomfortable with this at all and will see that you'd been listening, thoughtful etc... That being said I've been on the receiving end of a gift I felt was too much and actually gave it back after the relationship ran it's course. We'd only been a couple for a week and as a birthday gift she gave me something that sure I'd enjoy and was thoughtful, but felt I uncomfortable receiving from this person so early and even more so after we parted ways. Needless to say it had a bit of a fallout. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244200/ So figured this will give you a perspective from the other side, albeit this is my experience and with the facts I'd say your in the clear.
jdean76 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I don't think it's too much. I think it's pretty thoughtful and something that shows you've been paying attention to her. Don't listen to your friends or sister. I think she'll really appreciate it. Good luck!
Mutant Debutante Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 It's an awesome gift! It really shows you know her and care about what she likes, any girl would love that. Plus I mean you've known her for ten years and you're roommates and you're sleeping with her and you really like her. I'm pretty shocked that your friends are such Grinches, man. What's up their butts? It's not like you're giving her an engagement ring, it's a freaking drum.
Art_Critic Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I don't think it's too much. I think it's pretty thoughtful and something that shows you've been paying attention to her. Don't listen to your friends or sister. I think she'll really appreciate it. Good luck! It's a lovely gift. No need to worry IMO. It's an awesome gift! It really shows you know her and care about what she likes, any girl would love that. Plus I mean you've known her for ten years and you're roommates and you're sleeping with her and you really like her. I'm pretty shocked that your friends are such Grinches, man. What's up their butts? It's not like you're giving her an engagement ring, it's a freaking drum. These... Totally a cool gift.. Heck.. a nightie at VS can cost 150.00+ so you are perfectly fine with the cost of it and as far as the thoughtfulness.. score... A disclaimer though.. If you hadn't known her for 10 years and lived with her in the same house then it would have be overboard if you had just started dating.. Happy Holidays...
NoLongerSad Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I think it's a very thoughtful gift because now she has a choice of what to bang.
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Heck.. a nightie at VS can cost 150.00+ so you are perfectly fine with the cost of it and as far as the thoughtfulness.. score... Since when?? A disclaimer though.. If you hadn't known her for 10 years and lived with her in the same house then it would have be overboard if you had just started dating.. Agreed. Luckily the circumstances make it PERFECT!!
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