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he said i love you, i questioned him, he said he doesn't want a relationship?

zz11

By zz11
in Friends and Lovers

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zz11 Member

zz11

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my friend that i've been unofficially dating called me, slightly drunk, saying he loved me/had feelings for me for a really long time/wished we could be together/etc. i finally confronted him, and asked him about the things he told me. he said that yes he knows that he said that, but he truly does not feel like he can mentally commit to a long-term relationship right now since his last one ended badly. (i didn't ask if he wanted to be official or anything, he just said that.)

 

i'm glad that he was honest with me, but i just feel so confused now. he said a lot of meaningful things, which i guess really made my feelings for him grow, and now i'm sad that we can't really be together. i've never had to deal with a bad breakup, so i guess i just don't understand where he's coming from. now after all the nice things he said, i just feel slightly rejected, even though he really does have feelings for me.

 

and i know that he's not just letting me down easy or leading me on, because yesterday he brought up the idea of us renting a house together next year...talk about a long of 'us' things to sort out. should i just go with the flow until he feels ready? how will he know when he's ready? i've never had to wait on someone like this, and i don't know what to do.

mhottucker Member

mhottucker

Posted
Posted

I dealt with a bad break up last year with a girl who had another mans baby so i get the bad break up thing. He seems to really like you. Just give him alittle time. It is the BEST thing you can do. He just needs to make sure of his feelings and what he wants.Hope it works for you.Just time.

shayan Established Member

shayan

Posted
Posted

yeah I certainly agree, if you want to stay, stay. I was going through the same thing last year a girl liked me but I was going through a bad break recovery. It turns out though that I didn't stay with her though. You got to just see what happens. follow your emotional guidance system, if it feels right go with it, if inside your tuition is telling you otherwise than it may be time to reconsider things.

 

good luck, I hope it works out for you.

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zz11 Member

zz11

Posted
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Posted
yeah I certainly agree, if you want to stay, stay. I was going through the same thing last year a girl liked me but I was going through a bad break recovery. It turns out though that I didn't stay with her though. You got to just see what happens. follow your emotional guidance system, if it feels right go with it, if inside your tuition is telling you otherwise than it may be time to reconsider things.

 

good luck, I hope it works out for you.

 

thanks. all of his actions and words have pointed to him being 100% interested, so the "i'm not ready" really caught me off guard. i guess i just feel like i'm in a very vulnerable position, since i am pretty much waiting for him to really love me back. did the girl do anything wrong to make you not want to be with her? i'm really trying to do the right things with this.

mhottucker Member

mhottucker

Posted
Posted

You now the waiting game is hard, but it is worth it in the end. I am doing the same thing with a friend who is a girl. It will feel so much better if you can just wait.

  • 1 month later...
and.then.some Established Member

and.then.some

Posted
Posted (edited)

Be very careful. Some guys say it and mean it. Some guys use it as a way to manipulate. They say the things they think you want to hear, your interest returns or increases, buuuut they're not ready to move to whichever stage would be next in the relationship. Especially if he does it again, beware! To regain your interest, to increase your interest, to get more attention/affection, they're feeling needy, and so forth. Such open expressions are usually attached to a current desire to want more. Typically, nice guys don't throw out all their "deep feelings" if they're not ready to act on them. Unless they explain it all in one sitting "I'm not ready for a serious relationship right not, but I just wanted you to know that..."

 

Most people know and understand that expressing such strong emotions will create a strong reaction in the other person (either they run or move closer). Most people express these things because they desire a reaction (or some form of movement) from the other person. This is why I say be very careful. You can let it slide this time if you want, but keep an eye on him.

 

(see this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t264556/)

Edited by and.then.some
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