I usually didn't mind if she dated others.. but, tonight is different

[IusedToBeFunny]

Hi. Well okay, this girl I been "dating" for a few years, I usually didn't mind if she was dating other guys cause I kinda felt I led her on to do that in the first place.

 

I think I had the upper hand in the relationship, she was doing the chasing, and I was just taking it without fully reciprocating. So at some point, I feel like, she began mentioning guys as a way to either get me jealous, or just to make me do the chasing. She even tells me.. so I'm not assuming. We literally talk about this stuff, yet, that's what is so odd. It's almost like, I feel like we ARE going to end up together no matter what, that is how good our chemistry/relationship is... Yet, at the same time, it's so NOT good. But, it's because we both really are still insecure children. I feel we both really need to be out dating and acting like young singles... but, we're both getting older and just so far behind.

 

So that's why I held a resistance. I felt I shouldn't trap her by making her think I'm in love with her, so that she stays... So I was cool with her dating other guys. I knew she didn't like them.

 

 

But now this one, I think this is gonna be the one for her. I feel I'm getting that last-second moment of realization.... that I really do love her.

 

But I'm scared to say it, cause I might just be seeing that this new guy will get her and.. you know. It's "that" thing. Not really that I "love" her.

 

 

 

But, what if I do? What if I really love her?? I mean, it's been 2-3 years.. we never truly fought. I feel so warm with her, both ways. She felt warm with me. I felt she really loved me. She always says she doesn't, but it's in that childish 'no means yes' type of way.

 

Because, time and time again, she comes back. It's time and the fact we end up back again, over and over...

 

 

But, I'm scared this time. I'm scared cause... she uses these "dates" as threats.... so I must let her know. But, I wanted to make that decision not based on a threat of her dating. But based on us just being together more and seeing how that goes.

 

So what do you think?? Should I just confess to her to not go on this last date because I LOVE HER!!! Or should I let it be...... if it comes back it's meant to be..... ???

[xpaperxcutx]

So you let her date other people because of your insecurities? Time to man up. If you love this girl and you're not merely doing it because you're afraid she's going to be taken, why not fess up to her?

[Akumark]

Oh wow, I'm glad to see someone with a story that look like mine from when I first came here two months ago. I was feeling just like you at the end the ''relation'' wondering if I did love her...

 

I can tell you today that I didn't love her, I think it was some kind of survival instinc, I wanted to keep my routine with her. I didn't mind that she was dating other guys too but when I started to see her change after she met a guy (that I told her to date ), I started to care for her and she broke the FWB we had to go with the other guy.

 

I made weak attempt to get her back but she had moved on already.

 

It was really hard and conflictual at first, I still think of her sometimes but it help that I always found her stupid I guess

 

If you plan on telling her you love her make it quick before she start getting with the other guy but be sure of what you feel for your sake and for her's.

[IusedToBeFunny]

She's with him right now ARGHHH. He's probably all happy and feeling all good and, having that feeling like when some loser finally gets some girl ..... and I know she's acting all flirty with him, she is totally using him. I told her she's leading the poor guy on, using him against me. Blah. She probably will screw him just to have some drooling guy all over her, then call me next month when she realizes what a mistake she made.

 

Hahah Aku, well I guess I wish I could say the same but, I'd feel too bad thinking that. Maybe I should though just to feel better. Sigh.

 

Anyone up for a cyber Beer???

[elastica]

But now this one, I think this is gonna be the one for her. I feel I'm getting that last-second moment of realization.... that I really do love her.

 

But I'm scared to say it, cause I might just be seeing that this new guy will get her and.. you know. It's "that" thing. Not really that I "love" her.

 

Oh boy. I think I know what you mean. But I still don't understand how can you not know! Is there something that particularly bothers you about her? Something that you haven't shared here? What is that makes you feel that she might not be the one, even though you feel she could be?

 

In case you knew she was the one, I would suggest you to man up and tell her. It is soo hot when a man knows what he wants and goes for it.

[IusedToBeFunny]

Oh boy. I think I know what you mean. But I still don't understand how can you not know! Is there something that particularly bothers you about her? Something that you haven't shared here? What is that makes you feel that she might not be the one, even though you feel she could be?

 

In case you knew she was the one, I would suggest you to man up and tell her. It is soo hot when a man knows what he wants and goes for it.

 

I know, I wish so badly I did but in the 2 years we "dated" obviously there is a reason we're not even a couple. I was still letting it grow on me. The reason: She is kinda insecure and can't do anything in the day with me. It's all night.. or at our house, or dinner, or nightlife stuff.

 

No beach. No tennis even though I suck. No bike riding. those things really are totally insignificant to me though, but that's not the point. I feel odd that I can't even "talk" about it and hear her laugh or smile or say "cool".

 

But yet, everytime I meet a girl totally down with daytime stuff, it never lasted 3 months. I don't know why.

[IusedToBeFunny]

I didn't think I did but now I just don't know. At first she was so into me, but I was not so much into her. I mean, I saw some insecurities that troubled me. She was taunted by guys as a kid and now is all blossomed into an attractive gal, so has a protective insecurity.

 

When I met her I saw her more like a late bloomer who was all vulnerable and .. I mean, she was attractive, but I saw through it. I didn't see her that way.

 

but now I'm starting to see that to others, she was like the 'attention seeker' and has that thing going on. Flirts with all the guys but leaves them hanging.

 

Apparently, for the last few years I thought she was a loner, and she was pursuing me. So, I was just being nonchalont about it. I mean, if she comes to me... hey, I take it. But.. I felt something was "off" because I started to see her true side, which was that same person who was taunted as a kid...

 

So she has that 'hurt and angry' person underneath all the nice clothes and hair, and she looks totally plain. But when she gets all dolled up, other people know her as the attention seeker. I knew her as a girl who came to me. Her dolled up version came to me. Her plain version stayed away.

 

That's why we can't do anything during the day.

[and.then.some]

She's with him right now ARGHHH. He's probably all happy and feeling all good and, having that feeling like when some loser finally gets some girl ..... and I know she's acting all flirty with him, she is totally using him. I told her she's leading the poor guy on, using him against me. Blah. She probably will screw him just to have some drooling guy all over her, then call me next month when she realizes what a mistake she made.

 

Hahah Aku, well I guess I wish I could say the same but, I'd feel too bad thinking that. Maybe I should though just to feel better. Sigh.

 

Anyone up for a cyber Beer???

 

If you're not in love with her, don't be selfish. If you love her, but are not in love with her... just let her go. It's not fair to her. You say she's using this poor guy, but aren't you doing the same to her? You say you know how she feels about you, but that you're just not in love. She's jumping through hoops, or is at the very least torn, because of you.

 

You can give it a chance to see if things work out. However, if you just use the "L" word to manipulate her, but can't follow through... that's totally unfair.

 

If you actually care about a person, you don't ignore their feelings and just "take" whatever they're offering when you know it comes with feelings attached. That's both selfish and cruel.

Edited February 11, 2011 by and.then.some