Author Anxiety Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 I hear ya, ive dated women with kids, it always sucks extra when kids are involved cause you get attached. been there, done that, got the t-shirt -don't need another one. ya see i will never allow myself to wind up in a situation like that again... her being my only friend. then all her friends are your friends, until the bottom drops out. then her friends are still her friends, but not yours anymore. and either is she. my beer drinking buddies are important to me. a guy should always have a few beer drinking buddies. I would play with her daughter everyday. I'd carry her around like an airplane, or she'd want me to play barbies with her. She'd even call me daddy sometimes. I miss her too. Oh...this sucks so bad. I don't have any drinking buddies, and I don't drink anymore. I was a nose hair away from a DUI once, so that ended my drinking.
comethemorning Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Oh hunnie, I am so sorry you are going through this. It is women like this who give other women with children the bad reputation that they have. I am sorry to say, but this woman was using you. In every way. I just finished reading your original post, and it seems that you two got together before she was divorced. You paid for everything. You were the handyman. You were the substitute 'daddy'. All in a very short time. Red Flags all of it. And when she didn't get what she wanted from you, she pulled the silent treatment. Very manipulative. And unfair. You don't say how old she was/is, nor how long it had been since she and her XH had separated, but it sounds like she is still dealing with unresolved issues in regards to the situation. Another 'red flag' is her need to be married again before her divorce is/was even final. As well as letting her 3 year old call you 'daddy' and getting that attached in such a short time. It all screams desperation on her part (the fear of being alone and/or needing someone to take care of her and her child). I am recently separated from my XH, and was seeing someone this summer for a brief time. The First Thing I told both my kids is, do not get attached. I knew that my situation was very convoluted, and the chances of anyone sticking around were slim. I was also very careful to be sure to be the one who provided for my family - financially and otherwise. The guy I was with spent basically the summer here and was very good with my kids, and helped out, but when the sh*t started to hit the fan, we did part ways (Amicably. We were old friends from High School). He knew what I was dealing with for the most part, but I did keep the worst of it away from him (to protect his feelings - not mine). I knew that I hadn't dealt with my X and the situation, so there were no expectations that this was a relationship for the long haul, and some 'guy' to take care of me and my kids. Do I wish it had turned out differently? Yes, everyday. I have many regrets about the way it ended, but that is a whole other thread. The thing is, I also know that until I deal with myself, I will not be in a position to give someone else what they deserve. And I for one am not willing to put my kids through a 'revolving door' just so that I am not alone. My story is here. It is Not a pretty one, so be prepared if you do choose to view it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t255856/ Know that out there, somewhere, is a woman (whether there are children or not), who will be there for you. You will love again, and be loved in return, the way you deserve (or so I am constantly being told ). I know right now it doesn't seem like it, but seriously, you are far better to be away from this particular woman before you married her. Take it from another woman... Best of luck to you. This place has been my lifeline for quite a while now, even if I do not post much. (so hard to put my situation into words). It is disconcertingly comforting in knowing that others are suffering along with you
Author Anxiety Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 You don't say how old she was/is, nor how long it had been since she and her XH had separated, but it sounds like she is still dealing with unresolved issues in regards to the situation. She was 38 and I was 37 when we first started dating. It was 4 months after she had separated from her husband. I didn't meet her daughter till 2 months after we had started seeing each other. She definitely still has issues with her ex husband. Not a day went by that she didn't complain about him, bringing up things that happened years ago and asking why he did what he did. She would get upset with me when I would say I didn't know why he acted the way he did. She is partly to blame for things that happened in her marriage. She gets stressed out over the smallest things, when that happens she would snap at me over stupid stuff. I'm a laid back guy, so I would quietly be upset for a few minutes then forget about it. Her ex would snap back at her, and that's what she didn't like. She also has issues with her stepfather emotionally abusing her, along with an ex boyfriend who did stalk her and drugged her to have sex. That's why she is quick to accuse me of stalking. When we first met she told me she has trust issues with men, I'm being classified as an abuser when I'm not. I'm afraid she'll never have a healthy relationship again until she resolves these issues. The next guy will be treated nice at first, and then when she feels comfortable, get treated like I did. I don't think she has a need to be married. We were madly in love and she said time doesn't matter if it feels right. I just wonder if things would have been different if I had looked at rings when she wanted to.
vandelay Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 She was 38 and I was 37 when we first started dating. It was 4 months after she had separated from her husband. I didn't meet her daughter till 2 months after we had started seeing each other. She definitely still has issues with her ex husband. Not a day went by that she didn't complain about him, bringing up things that happened years ago and asking why he did what he did. She would get upset with me when I would say I didn't know why he acted the way he did. She is partly to blame for things that happened in her marriage. She gets stressed out over the smallest things, when that happens she would snap at me over stupid stuff. I'm a laid back guy, so I would quietly be upset for a few minutes then forget about it. Her ex would snap back at her, and that's what she didn't like. She also has issues with her stepfather emotionally abusing her, along with an ex boyfriend who did stalk her and drugged her to have sex. That's why she is quick to accuse me of stalking. When we first met she told me she has trust issues with men, I'm being classified as an abuser when I'm not. I'm afraid she'll never have a healthy relationship again until she resolves these issues. The next guy will be treated nice at first, and then when she feels comfortable, get treated like I did. Holy crap, dude. Thats my story almost to a T. Pretty sure I've already sympathized with you in another thread, but I'll just say it again... I feel ya. Very tough situation.
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