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A happy thread for the Happy Other Woman/Man

KarmasTestDummy

By KarmasTestDummy
in The Other Man / Woman

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jthorne Established Member

jthorne

Posted
Posted

Well, how strange.... it seems like if this thread and the posts herein violated TOS/Community Guidelines/Midori's sticky, Tony would have deleted the posts and/or locked the thread by now.

 

Seems that the support vs. validation argument has reared it's ugly head again to cause yet another diversion from the OP.

 

It also seems as if there are only a handful of people that have a problem with the majority of the posts. How odd that they are not the OP...:eek:

I wouldn't ever assume that I can speak for our Moderator, but I believe that the idea for all the the Loveshack boards is for people to respond to the OP OF THE THREAD, and leave out the bickering amongst each other. It is up to the OP OF THE THREAD to decide what is support and what isn't.

 

How many of you have posted on other threads for an OP to "take what they need and leave the rest?" Not so different here, so I'm having difficulty understanding why Karma's thread is being jacked with the accusal of agenda.

 

That being said...

Karma,

I have said it before, and I will say it again. While I do not agree with your decision, and I think you are grasping at straws for "happy OW" status while hoping for much more, I do wish you the very best. My ongoing concern is with the children involved, and I hope you both take the necessary steps to shield your (and his) children from any drama.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
It also seems as if there are only a handful of people that have a problem with the majority of the posts. How odd that they are not the OP...

This is the case in many threads, an outbreak of reaction happens - It just takes one person, any person, to pick apart another persons reply and boom! Threads go off topic and the OP's cause gets lost.

OWoman Established Member

OWoman

Posted
Posted
If it is a support forum, how can it be a garbage disposal?

 

Indeed.

 

Maybe Tony needs sharper teeth :p

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
KTD I'm not believing you. You are trying to convince yourself to be happy. You don't want to be the other woman. I know you don't and I am sad for you.:(

 

Oh and wait till he has to pay child support for those four kids.

 

KTD, I believe that for now - you are content to be his Happy servant.. And being able to touch the hem of his garment - is better than not.

 

But tomorrow? Well that is a different thing..

 

Well, I have walked in those shoes and this time I agree with Greengodess. KTD's posts are all over the place and I think she's not happy with being an OW either. She's trying to convince herself she is, but even her post back to OWoman shows she's still hoping for something different. Her focus still seems to be on the end result and not the journey. It's when you can enjoy the journey and let thoughts of the end go that you can truly be happy in this situation IMO.

 

Oh now, GG, you're being too hard on KTD.

 

She did say "celebrate the little joys" didn't she? She didn't say celebrate big joys or expectations- you know, like EXCLUSIVITY? To me, that would be a huge given expectation, looks like not so much here.

 

It's the OW board! If she and others wants to rejoice in the fact that her happiness comes at the expense of someone else's, how can you deny her that?

 

I think you're being mean, GG.

 

 

 

JT, this is how the thread got derailed, read the first page.

woinlove Established Member

woinlove

Posted
Posted
JT, this is how the thread got derailed, read the first page.

 

How is it derailing a thread to directly address a statement in the OP and direct it to KTD? I would have pinned the derailment on the posts from people other than KTD which didn't address any statement of KTD but rather addressed whether some posters should be posting what they posted. That's the way any thread gets derailed, and this one doesn't appear to be an exception.

Ellin Established Member

Ellin

Posted
Posted
Instead of spending your time berating others, do you have anything helpful to offer to the OP of this thread?

Helpful as in tell her some good A story that she's asked for or as in your definition of "helpful" - tell her to get out of the A regardless of what the thread is about?:)

Ellin Established Member

Ellin

Posted
Posted
How is it derailing a thread to directly address a statement in the OP and direct it to KTD? I would have pinned the derailment on the posts from people other than KTD which didn't address any statement of KTD but rather addressed whether some posters should be posting what they posted. That's the way any thread gets derailed, and this one doesn't appear to be an exception.

This is how: OP says "let me hear something good about As from people who have good experiences", and what she gets is "stuff that, we're going to talk about everything that is bad about As/your A".;)

woinlove Established Member

woinlove

Posted
Posted (edited)
This is how: OP says "let me hear something good about As from people who have good experiences", and what she gets is "stuff that, we're going to talk about everything that is bad about As/your A".;)

 

That's your opinion of what people should or shouldn't post, but that doesn't make a derailment.

KTD herself was addressing the specific posts extracted above and she offered more information on why she felt happy as an OW (one of the statements made in her post). Not only were those posts addressing a specific point of the OP, it is clear the majority of those statement were made out of concern for KTD because of what she stated in her OP and what she has stated in other recent threads. KTD herself acknowledge the concern people were expressing.

 

Again, I think the derailment only occurs when people don't address KTD's statements and, instead, give their own opinion on what others should post and then you get into a back and forth (like we are doing right now). Take out all those posts and there is no derailment, just people responding with different perspectives on different parts of the OP and KTD's followup.

Edited by woinlove
Ellin Established Member

Ellin

Posted
Posted
That's your opinion of what people should or shouldn't post, but that doesn't make a derailment.

KTD herself was addressing the specific posts extracted above and she offered more information on why she felt happy as an OW (one of the statements made in her post). Not only were those posts addressing a specific point of the OP, it is clear the majority of those statement were made out of concern for KTD because of what she stated in her OP and what she has stated in other recent threads. KTD herself acknowledge the concern people were expressing.

 

Again, I think the derailment only occurs when people don't address KTD's statements and, instead, give their own opinion on what others should post and then you get into a back and forth (like we are doing right now). Take out all those posts and there is no derailment, just people responding with different perspectives on different parts of the OP and KTD's followup.

That's your opinion about what derailment is. Why don't you check out post no.119 of this thread which you seem to have missed. It gives a simple example of exactly the same thing as what happened here. Yes, KTD explained her reasons, but did not ask for them to be discussed, she asked for something else.

 

Anyway, I've made my point and am going to say no more about this and not keep adding to this derailment.

 

Maybe it's still possible for this thread to recover and we can get back to discussing HAPPY A experiences?;)

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

Posted
Posted

Wow. Things are getting really exclusive up in this subforum. First it BS stay in your infidelity section; this one is for AP. Now its all scratch and yowl over which AP can post in what thread?

 

I thought you folks were all about being supportive to one another?

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
Wow. Things are getting really exclusive up in this subforum. First it BS stay in your infidelity section; this one is for AP. Now its all scratch and yowl over which AP can post in what thread?

 

I thought you folks were all about being supportive to one another?

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

fooled once Established Member

fooled once

Posted
Posted
I don't know what exactly it is I deserve, but I sure do hope it all works out for the best. Ultimately the cards will lay exactly as they were meant to, for all parties involved. I am a strong believer that what is meant to be will be and it's pointless to try and manipulate people or situations. All I can do is put my best foot forward, be someone I'm not ashamed of being and see where my choices and actions take me.

 

You deserve happiness. That is what I meant by my post.

 

I believe we make the path the journey of life takes us on. We have free will, we have choices and we have freedom. We need to own our actions, not call them "mistakes" when you (general you) clearly know your actions are wrong (not talking about YOU Karma).

 

We should all learn from our choices and hope and pray (if so inclined) that the journey we are on is a positive, happy, free from harming others path.

 

We should be selfish, yet not self centered (if that makes sense). But we need to OWN it and not claim it is "our of my control". That's crap.

 

GOOD luck to you - I do wish you the best.

Sidtheskid Established Member

Sidtheskid

Posted
Posted

No longer involved with MM, but I enjoyed every moment and I have no regrets. I learned alot about myself and about love in general.

 

I know people will say that it isn't love, that it's "just" an affair, but, love manifests itself in many ways and I am grateful for the love I gave and received.

 

I do feel that we are all in this together. |Love is love. Thank gawd for that.

JustAFlyOnTheWall Member

JustAFlyOnTheWall

Posted
Posted
Yes, the institution of marriage has told me an awful lot. More than I wanted to know. Married people treat each other like crap. No wonder they step outside of it.

 

I have to agree with this.

As the BS I know I took my H for granted and treated him like crap. Thought I could. Thought he could take it.

Would I treat an AP like I treat him? Nope.

Did he treat his AP like he treats me? Nope.

 

Valid point here....

Sidtheskid Established Member

Sidtheskid

Posted
Posted
I have to agree with this.

As the BS I know I took my H for granted and treated him like crap. Thought I could. Thought he could take it.

Would I treat an AP like I treat him? Nope.

Did he treat his AP like he treats me? Nope.

 

Valid point here....

 

 

Great points.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted
No longer involved with MM, but I enjoyed every moment and I have no regrets. I learned alot about myself and about love in general.

 

I know people will say that it isn't love, that it's "just" an affair, but, love manifests itself in many ways and I am grateful for the love I gave and received.

 

I do feel that we are all in this together. |Love is love. Thank gawd for that.

 

It is so refreshing with a former OW who owns her actions, who knew what she was doing when she did it and does not regret it! :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

Posted
Posted
I have to agree with this.

As the BS I know I took my H for granted and treated him like crap. Thought I could. Thought he could take it.

Would I treat an AP like I treat him? Nope.

Did he treat his AP like he treats me? Nope.

 

Valid point here....

Just because you and a handful of others don't appreciate the person they promised their love to doesn't mean the rest of us don't. :rolleyes:
Ellin Established Member

Ellin

Posted
Posted
Just because you and a handful of others don't appreciate the person they promised their love to doesn't mean the rest of us don't. :rolleyes:

So, it's just a handful of people against the rest of humanity? LOL!!

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

Posted
Posted (edited)
So, it's just a handful of people against the rest of humanity? LOL!!
I seriously doubt people who are HAPPY in their marriages are going to be on LS talking about how great their marriages are, dear. :rolleyes:

 

For the most part, with the exception of a few, people on LS consist of guys who can't get dates, people in affairs, and a VERY few people who consider they are in a bad marriage.

Edited by donnamaybe
Ellin Established Member

Ellin

Posted
Posted (edited)
I seriously doubt people who are HAPPY in their marriages are going to be on LS talking about how great their marriages are, dear. :rolleyes:

 

For the most part, with the exception of a few, people on LS consist of guys who can't get dates, people in affairs, and a VERY few people who consider they are in a bad marriage.

I don't see why you've mentioned LS in regards to this. There are plenty of bad M out there in the real world. And the LS itself has so many members that you have no basis to say that there are a VERY few people here who consider they are in a bad M.

.....................

I've just re-read your post. So you say that people who are happy in their M won't hang around on LS and there are VERY few people on LS considering themselves unhappy in their M.... So putting 2 and 2 together you're trying to say that this proves there are hardly any people out there who are unhappy in their M? If that's your logic, I give up....

Edited by Ellin
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
There are plenty of bad M out there in the real world.

 

That's true. And, for the most part, both partners contributed to the state of the marriage.

 

There are also plenty of good M out there in the real world. There ARE people who have the character and relationship skills to be a good partner. An important step in achieving such a relationship is choosing a partner with the necessary relationship skills.

 

What I can't figure out is, why would anyone choose a partner who, by being in a bad marriage and having an affair, is clearly demonstrating their poor relationship potential? Seems like an unwise bet to me.....

woinlove Established Member

woinlove

Posted
Posted

Unless people stick the word "all" in, I tend to interpret these statements "married people do this", "married men do that" as just sloppily missing the word "some". I think that is how most people mean them, so it's an assumption that usually works. The other day there was a thread about married men not having the feelings that heartbroken OW have, and quite a few people jumped in interpreting it as an "all" statement, missing what I thought was a legitimate discussion. Similarly, here, one could have a discussion of how many people take their spouses for granted - because, IMO, those who don't are much happier - but it doesn't seem that relevant to this thread.

 

openbook and justafly can correct me if I am wrong, but I'm pretty sure they meant "some" married people.

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

Posted
Posted
I don't see why you've mentioned LS in regards to this.
Um, because the M&LP section OF LS is what started this little side topic. Try to keep up, okay?
There are plenty of bad M out there in the real world. And the LS itself has so many members that you have no basis to say that there are a VERY few people here who consider they are in a bad M.
There certainly aren't that many LS member talking about lousy marriages. Most of them talk about trying to get dates or how to deal with their AP.

I've just re-read your post. So you say that people who are happy in their M won't hang around on LS and there are VERY few people on LS considering themselves unhappy in their M.... So putting 2 and 2 together you're trying to say that this proves there are hardly any people out there who are unhappy in their M? If that's your logic, I give up....
Go back to math class, because if THAT is what you read in my post - I give up. :laugh:
donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

Posted
Posted
Unless people stick the word "all" in, I tend to interpret these statements "married people do this", "married men do that" as just sloppily missing the word "some". I think that is how most people mean them, so it's an assumption that usually works. The other day there was a thread about married men not having the feelings that heartbroken OW have, and quite a few people jumped in interpreting it as an "all" statement, missing what I thought was a legitimate discussion. Similarly, here, one could have a discussion of how many people take their spouses for granted - because, IMO, those who don't are much happier - but it doesn't seem that relevant to this thread.

 

openbook and justafly can correct me if I am wrong, but I'm pretty sure they meant "some" married people.

Well, since this side topic began with the options of marriage v. being single, I would tend to think they meant at least MOST marriages.
OWoman Established Member

OWoman

Posted
Posted
I seriously doubt people who are HAPPY in their marriages are going to be on LS talking about how great their marriages are, dear. :rolleyes:

 

My M is just wonderful, YVM!

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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