my bf just broke up with me out of no were

[really lost]

Im 22.. Just under 2 weeks ago i went on my holidays from work because me and partner of a year had planned a great one week getaway/roadtrip to sth aus.. We rented a villa and we had the best time..

 

Spoke marriage,what our children were going to look like and even planning our next trip.. It was a 9hour drive back and we started to get abit on each others nerves (which is normal).. We got back to mine and we had a little argument.. He flipped it and stormed out..

 

His not like that usuallu but i understood we were both tired.. So i didnt call him just left it a few hours then i tryed got no answer tryed txting but no answer.. Then he txt me to say he was fine and that he would talk to me tomorrow.. Then i callled him the next day and he asked yo met near my house..

 

He said that in just 20hours he decided he did not want to be with me and didmt love me nomore.. I was devasted.. Then we argued and he drove off leaving me there balling my eyes out.. I called him that night so many times and he finally answered an i begged him to reconsider.. But he had made his desion..

 

I cryed so much on the phone to him saying how i couldnt imagine life without him.. We had a great relatiknship.. He adored me.. Said he was happy with me..But he kept saying sorry and that he just snapped from yesterday.. So we said goodbye..Its been a week now an im completly devestated.. I havent called him or txt.. Neather has he.. Im seeing a counseller.. And its worse cause im on holidays also..

 

How can someone switch off so quick.. We had a great thing going.. Everyone i know just cannot figure it out.. We just had a romantic trip away together..

 

Iv accepted the fact that he is not going to call cause he would of done it by now.. I dont even no if he is going through what im going through??? Im his first full on girlfriend.. Im completly lost... Can anyone help me?? Or anyone give me feedback..

[alimpo83]

My relationship with my ex girl was just the same. We had a cruise through the Mediterranean, and then after a month, she wants to breakup. We dated for two years, wanted to live together and such. I was the love of her life and "the best man she ever knew".

 

Try to be calm as possible, focus on yourself for now. These first days are horrible I know, but they pass. And if it meant to be it will be. Don't beg and such, it will drive your ex away from you.

[hoping2heal]

Im 22.. Just under 2 weeks ago i went on my holidays from work because me and partner of a year had planned a great one week getaway/roadtrip to sth aus.. We rented a villa and we had the best time..

 

Spoke marriage,what our children were going to look like and even planning our next trip.. It was a 9hour drive back and we started to get abit on each others nerves (which is normal).. We got back to mine and we had a little argument.. He flipped it and stormed out..

 

His not like that usuallu but i understood we were both tired.. So i didnt call him just left it a few hours then i tryed got no answer tryed txting but no answer.. Then he txt me to say he was fine and that he would talk to me tomorrow.. Then i callled him the next day and he asked yo met near my house..

 

He said that in just 20hours he decided he did not want to be with me and didmt love me nomore.. I was devasted.. Then we argued and he drove off leaving me there balling my eyes out.. I called him that night so many times and he finally answered an i begged him to reconsider.. But he had made his desion..

 

I cryed so much on the phone to him saying how i couldnt imagine life without him.. We had a great relatiknship.. He adored me.. Said he was happy with me..But he kept saying sorry and that he just snapped from yesterday.. So we said goodbye..Its been a week now an im completly devestated.. I havent called him or txt.. Neather has he.. Im seeing a counseller.. And its worse cause im on holidays also..

 

How can someone switch off so quick.. We had a great thing going.. Everyone i know just cannot figure it out.. We just had a romantic trip away together..

 

Iv accepted the fact that he is not going to call cause he would of done it by now.. I dont even no if he is going through what im going through??? Im his first full on girlfriend.. Im completly lost... Can anyone help me?? Or anyone give me feedback..

 

There is clearly a lot about this guy you really didn't know. If he really dumped the relationship simply because you guys got on each other's nerves after a long trip? Suffice it to say that you two definately would not have had much success married.

 

However, I think it's also possible he had a little side project.

 

Either way, this guy was just writing you checks with his mouth that his ass couldn't cash.

[andrew23]

Perhaps try making him jealous.... think that works in many cases.

Look gorgeous. Pretend like you don't care, hang out with guys and make sure he gets wind of it.

He'll come bagging back in not time.

Men are very simple that way. Trust me.

[kooki]

I do not recommend making him jealous. What I would suggest is that you perhaps calmly write him a letter or email asking him to be 100% honest with you and tell you WHY he broke up with you. What were the reasons. Wouldn't you like to know so that you don't repeat those same mistakes again?

 

It seems like he wasn't honest with you. And it came as a surprise to you. He owes you at least some sort of explanation after a one year relationship.

 

And then, when you find out, take it from there. If he truly fell out of love with you, best to let him go. Maybe he wasn't the right guy for you. Otherwise, let some time pass, and you never know, he may come back.

 

One thing though, never be aggressive or angry or lash out at him or stalk him. Just let him be, leave him alone, let him come back to you and rethink the break-up. Time usually solves this problem, and if he truly loves you, he will miss you and potentially come back. Depends on your situation. Sometimes it takes time for people to realize what they really want in life.

Or maybe, you never know, there may be some personal issues that he is facing and that is why he broke up with you, but he doesn't want to tell you, so you have nothing to do with it.

 

Find out, if you can, if he is the type of guy that is honest with his feelings, why he broke up with you, for your reference and your own growth. I personally would like to know myself if I was in that situation.

 

If it's meant to be, it will be. And if not, you will eventually move on.

 

Takes some time. I know, I am also post-break up dealing with mine, it's really painful, you're not alone. I broke up with my bf, but it wasn't out of lack of love, I love him so much, I broke up with him due to other reasons that are not related to love, such as him being able to be responsible in life, etc. But, I told him why I was breaking up with him, so that he has the chance to reconsider his behavior and come back to me with some practical solutions if he wants to be in a healthy relationship with me.

Edited December 8, 2010 by kooki

[Damaged23]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but its kind of weird that he broke up with you just because you guys had an argument. It seems as if he had the breaking up idea on his mind, and this discussion just opened the door to the break up.

 

Right now focus on yourself, ur going to hurt for a while, but try not to contact him and give him his space. Maybe he will realize what he lost, maybe not. Maybe he's not the guy for you. Just give it time.

[Leandro]

There is clearly a lot about this guy you really didn't know. If he really dumped the relationship simply because you guys got on each other's nerves after a long trip? Suffice it to say that you two definately would not have had much success married.

 

However, I think it's also possible he had a little side project.

 

Either way, this guy was just writing you checks with his mouth that his ass couldn't cash.

 

I agree with Hoping2Heal.

 

It seems to me that maybe there was someone on the side. If that's the case, you're better off. If it's not the case, you're still better off. You don't need to deal with little baby drama like that.

 

Stick to NC. I know its hard, but stick to it.

[qinboxmail]

Im 22.. Just under 2 weeks ago i went on my holidays from work because me and partner of a year had planned a great one week getaway/roadtrip to sth aus.. We rented a villa and we had the best time..

 

Spoke marriage,what our children were going to look like and even planning our next trip.. It was a 9hour drive back and we started to get abit on each others nerves (which is normal).. We got back to mine and we had a little argument.. He flipped it and stormed out..

 

His not like that usuallu but i understood we were both tired.. So i didnt call him just left it a few hours then i tryed got no answer tryed txting but no answer.. Then he txt me to say he was fine and that he would talk to me tomorrow.. Then i callled him the next day and he asked yo met near my house..

 

He said that in just 20hours he decided he did not want to be with me and didmt love me nomore.. I was devasted.. Then we argued and he drove off leaving me there balling my eyes out.. I called him that night so many times and he finally answered an i begged him to reconsider.. But he had made his desion..

 

I cryed so much on the phone to him saying how i couldnt imagine life without him.. We had a great relatiknship.. He adored me.. Said he was happy with me..But he kept saying sorry and that he just snapped from yesterday.. So we said goodbye..Its been a week now an im completly devestated.. I havent called him or txt.. Neather has he.. Im seeing a counseller.. And its worse cause im on holidays also..

 

How can someone switch off so quick.. We had a great thing going.. Everyone i know just cannot figure it out.. We just had a romantic trip away together..

 

Iv accepted the fact that he is not going to call cause he would of done it by now.. I dont even no if he is going through what im going through??? Im his first full on girlfriend.. Im completly lost... Can anyone help me?? Or anyone give me feedback..

 

 

 

My ex was like this. We dated 3 years. She talked about wedding and we went and look for wedding cards. One day a mini argument. She flipped and ended the relationship. Moving on in the best option.

[KraftDinner]

What was the argument about? Who started it?

[suddendumpee]

I had a similar "out of the blue" situation you can read here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t255195/

 

Only with mine, there was no catalyzing event. No argument. Nothing. Went from talking moving together to NC overnight (going on 3 weeks now). I'm getting better, but obviously I wouldn't be here if I was over it.

 

It's a very surreal feeling isn't it? I kept feeling like I was going to wake from this dream. I have flashbacks of the good times to this day. Things seemed perfect/moving forward, then BAM. How people can do that is beyond me. The only thing I can assume is SEVERE mental instability, and if that's the case, maybe we both dodged a bullet.

 

By the way, these sort of sudden breakups happen ALOT right before the Holidays. The Holidays are the litmus test of the quality of a relationship. People who are unsure want to bail before family time, gift giving etc...they just feel too guilty to create those memories. Not to mention Thanksgiving, Christmas, Newyears, Valentine's Day. There really is no good time to breakup once this season begins, so generally if one person has doubt, the knee-jerk reaction is to do it before all of these couples commitments.... Google "turkey drop".

Edited December 8, 2010 by suddendumpee

[really lost]

Thankyou all for the feedback..

 

It is completly confusing what he has done.. But i definetly know there was no other girl.. He worked night shift and barely had any friends.. Spent most of our time together.. And proir to him ending it i was with him the full week so i very much doubt it.. Amd i asked him aswell and he said noway..

 

i dont think that he was thinking of ending it either.. I would have seen it.. He wouldnt be talking babys and planning our next trip.. But i suppose who knows!!!

 

Im just lost without him.. I was so so happy with him.. And he was happy withme.. So he says.. I keep thinking maybe it was my fault.. Maybe i was to cracky sometimes.. Im sticking with the NO CONTACT RULE..it was hus bday the other day and i still didnt txt him..

 

The day he ended it with me i called and txt so much.. And i pleaded soo much.. He new how hurt i was.. I shouldnt have to contact him.. His done this to me.. Im devestated. I get urges to call him but i gotta fight It..

 

Thankfully we live a hour away from each other and we have no mutual friends so i dont have to see him..

 

I dont no weather to beleave him when he said that he doesant love me.. Weather he thinks he doesant.. Its really sad.. My biggesy wonder if he is going through what im going through????.. If he misses me :-(

 

I really do appriciate ur feedback.. Its helping

[suddendumpee]

i dont think that he was thinking of ending it either.. I would have seen it.. He wouldnt be talking babys and planning our next trip.. But i suppose who knows!!!

 

I thought the same thing. My ex stocked up my bathroom, gave me a key to her apartment, talked about moving to the same state, planned a cruise, and exclaimed how amazing I was, all in the 30 days leading to our breakup. Maybe these people are bipolar?

[hopefully]

 

By the way, these sort of sudden breakups happen ALOT right before the Holidays. The Holidays are the litmus test of the quality of a relationship. People who are unsure want to bail before family time, gift giving etc...they just feel too guilty to create those memories. Not to mention Thanksgiving, Christmas, Newyears, Valentine's Day. There really is no good time to breakup once this season begins, so generally if one person has doubt, the knee-jerk reaction is to do it before all of these couples commitments.... Google "turkey drop".

 

So that's why...Actually it makes sense.

[really lost]

I just had the biggest urge to call him.. But then my friend reminded me that you would just be back to stage 1 again.. Grrrr.. Im so angry and i loved him so so much.. I miss everything about him.. My biggest thought is not why he done this but if he is feeling whay im feeling.. Is he missing my hugs in bed, is he missing my woerd laugh that he loved???

 

This is to suddendumpee thanks for your feedback.. How long has it been for you?? Have you done the NC rule??

[Leandro]

I just had the biggest urge to call him.. But then my friend reminded me that you would just be back to stage 1 again.. Grrrr.. Im so angry and i loved him so so much.. I miss everything about him.. My biggest thought is not why he done this but if he is feeling whay im feeling.. Is he missing my hugs in bed, is he missing my woerd laugh that he loved???

 

This is to suddendumpee thanks for your feedback.. How long has it been for you?? Have you done the NC rule??

that's good that your friend stopped you before making that call.

 

yea, i know what you mean about thinking if they think about you. If they miss you and the things you use to do together. It doesn't matter anymore and you shouldn't be thinking much about that anyways.

[suddendumpee]

This is to suddendumpee thanks for your feedback.. How long has it been for you?? Have you done the NC rule??

 

It has been exactly 1 month. And YES! I am one of the few who can honestly say I have successfully done NC without a single f-up (her bday is coming up though...yikes!). After a mature breakup over the phone (we were LDR), there has been ZERO communication. Quite difficult since we used to talk every night, but I know this is the right thing to do...How do I know this? Because I've been through breakups enough to realize that you can't change anyone's mind. If you do, it will be strictly out of guilt and pity and it won't last. Both people need to change if it will ever work, and you need to stop hoping for it if it ever will work. It has to come naturally (fate?).

 

I'm actually surprised. I feel pretty good now. Feeling more like my old pre-relationship self. But obviously I still have moments of reminiscing....and I swear my dreams are out to KILL me. haha. Hang in there. No matter the outcome, NC is the way to go...

 

Still thinking about that b-day though....We had an amicable breakup. I don't want to seem bitter, but don't want to bless her with any guilt-relief either. She SHOULD feel guilty for ending it so suddenly IMO. If I wish her a happy birthday, she may just think "ahh. I feel better now. he seems to be doing fine." hmmm.

[really lost]

It has been exactly 1 month. And YES! I am one of the few who can honestly say I have successfully done NC without a single f-up (her bday is coming up though...yikes!). After a mature breakup over the phone (we were LDR), there has been ZERO communication. Quite difficult since we used to talk every night, but I know this is the right thing to do...How do I know this? Because I've been through breakups enough to realize that you can't change anyone's mind. If you do, it will be strictly out of guilt and pity and it won't last. Both people need to change if it will ever work, and you need to stop hoping for it if it ever will work. It has to come naturally (fate?).

 

I'm actually surprised. I feel pretty good now. Feeling more like my old pre-relationship self. But obviously I still have moments of reminiscing....and I swear my dreams are out to KILL me. haha. Hang in there. No matter the outcome, NC is the way to go...

 

Still thinking about that b-day though....We had an amicable breakup. I don't want to seem bitter, but don't want to bless her with any guilt-relief either. She SHOULD feel guilty for ending it so suddenly IMO. If I wish her a happy birthday, she may just think "ahh. I feel better now. he seems to be doing fine." hmmm.

I know exactly how you feel.. His birthday was exactly 1 week after ending it with me and that day was the hardest for me.. I did not txt or call.. We left things on a semi good note.. We had proper goodbye only when he finally answered the phone.. I wanted a proper goodbye (i was a mess tho) and i fell its best that you just leave it...

 

Your still healing.. And you have done so well with NC.. Its tempting i know.. But it may put you bacl to square 1.. I fell as tho that there most likely exspecting that txt to wish them a happy bday.. Im against given them that.. Sure things were left on a okay basis but its not fare on the person that was dumped..

 

My dreams are playing up on me too.. A month before the split me and the x went to a carnaval thing and we went on this 2 seater up side down ride.. 2 days after the split i dreamt i was on that ride alone and that i was slipping off it.. it was really strange and sad..

 

Its been coming up to exactly 2 weeks since dooms day.. And i get the urges to txt really bad but gotta fight it.. I miss him so so much but at the same time im angry.. I know i should be thinking of myself but i also cant stop thinking if he misses me to?? Am i normal for thinking this??

 

Everythinh we have done together and what we had and shared is it really easy for him to just let it go and go on with life as normal..

 

He could just fall outta love with me in 20hours..

[suddendumpee]

Here, you can read over my situation here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t255195/

 

And yes! it is completely normal to wonder if they miss you. That's probably the hardest part. Our relationship was nothing by vacations and fun. Since we were LDR, every "date" was a trip to somewhere new for both of us, and we literally did this every other weekend. It was full of memories that will NEVER leave me (unfortunately), and I've never had so many new and exiting experiences with any other girl (not even the one I dated for 5 years!) I keep thinking "How can she forget this so easy?" It's just weird and unreal to me. I wish I could be pissed, but I saw the good person behind the fear and vanity that her friends never see. I was hoping to draw that side of her out permanently, but she just wasn't ready. I got the whole "right person/bad timing" BS.

[really lost]

Im glad its normal.. Now i dont feel like im going crazy!! Me and urs storys couldnt be more similier...

 

We barely couldnt see each other during the week days due to him working night shift and me day.. He would come and see me in the morni gs for a hour sometimes.. And on the weekends was diffrent and great.. He lives a hour away so we would be with each other 24/7..

 

We done everything together.. Even travelled.. Its such a shock when uou realize that they could give it up so easy!! Im still in shock.. I get times were i think he must miss me but then i get times were im sooo doubtful he does.. Thats when it hits me hard!!!

 

Im looking foward to the day i get up and dont care anymore!! Iv been on holidays for 3 weeks.. I go back next tuesday and im waiting for my life to get back to normal.. Im afraid its not going to get back to normal because he is not with me..

 

You think that if somebody loves you that they would stick by you through good and bad.. And would do anything to not let you go..

 

But they did...

 

Is it normal for you to think that there gonna call or be at ur house when you get home??? When will theu wake up and relaize to what they have given up and lost.........

[Eddie Edirol]

He could just fall outta love with me in 20hours..

 

He didnt JUST fall out of love with you in 20 hours, he lost attraction to you a while ago, you just didnt notice it. Thats why he could just walk away, and he isnt thinking of you like you are thinking of him. He broke up with you because he wasnt happy. There is something about you that he didnt like. But dont worry about it, it doesnt mean the next guy wont like that about you. In a few months, you will begin to see things a different way and understand why he walked away, so you dont make the same mistakes again...if you made mistakes.

[really lost]

Thankyou to everyone who commented on my story...

 

Its been neally 1 month since the split.. and iv stuck with the NC rule..and i couldnt be more proud of myself, the worst part is over which is a BIG relief.. it didnt help either that he ended it with me on my work holidays in which i had 2 and abit weeks left... SO I HAD ALOT OF TIME ON MY HANDS ESP TO THINK.... they were honestly the worst and most draining 2weeks of my life...

 

But im thankful that i had those weeks to recover and reconnect with my friends and allow myself time to grieve...

 

Im back at work, and mylife has gone back to normal, I really am seeing things clearer now.. Im happy were I am right now.. I relaized that I have my indepandance back.. I was dedicating soo much to our relationship that i didnt stop and think about my own life or making time for anyone else except him...

 

Im not constantly pondering over my mobile to see if he calls, looking at my window at every car that drives past thinking it may be him, I can finally relax in my own bedroom without something reminding me of what we had..

 

Dont get me wrong I do have my crappy moments were I just wana cry.. but thankfully there NO were near intense as they were a few weeks ago..

 

I relaized how much support and love was around me from family & friends..

 

It helps the heeling process for me a hell of alot more because me and him live a hour away from each other and we share no mutual friends, so i have not seen or heard from him since the day he broke up with me..

& if he did call i dont think i would even answer...its amazing how you can feel sooo diffrently about a man you once loved...

 

Oneday i will thank him for a great year together.. But for the time being Im thinking about my own feelings and getting through this..

 

I will never have closure or the answer of why he done..In the end it does not matter... He ended it... but to be honest Im not going to waste my life and my friends time to figure it out...

 

He lost something good that day NOT me..

 

Im a diffrent person for the best... I have him to thank for it..

 

To everyone going through a bad break up... I know how hard it is but TRUST ME you will get through this!!!!!! I no the future atm is looking very sh***ty and bleek but once the grieving part has past you will see things soooo much clearer:)

& please please please do NOT contact them... for yourself...

[hopefully]

congrats girl! So happy to see that you are doing great! My breakup was 3 weeks ago and I'm feeling much better too:)