Why am I having these Insane Urges to Jump Ship?

[tinktronik]

Pregnancy hormones.

 

Please, no matter how strongly you may feel now, wait til a few months after the baby is born before you make any drastic decisions. Then, if you still feel the same way, at least you know it isn't just the hormones jerking you around.

 

I will wait. I have no real intention to make a mad dash anywhere.

[Stung]

You have the past threads right. I suspect the same Stung. It's probably my past fears all mixed up hormonally with my maternal instinct. I am for sure going to discuss this with my S/O and my doc and my therapist. I know my emotions in this matter are not 'right thinking'.

 

My emotions revolving around my mother-child bond being severed have never been resolved, (I don't think they can be. I still kind of think I may go a bit crazy if I dwell on it.) but there is acceptance of the situation as it is. Maybe I should be farther along in that process, but I don't know.

 

Aw Tink, I don't think there is such thing as entirely recovering from having your kids taken away from you. I am sorry. I'm glad to hear you're moving soon to be closer to them, and I hope that knowing the source of your current fears will make it a little easier to deal with in therapy with your current SO. I remember what a whacked-out emotional roller-coaster pregnancy was, I had a couple of issues with my now-husband at that time too. There were days that I was glowingly planning for our happy family future, and days when I was a puddle of tears absolutely convinced that our relationship was doomed . Which was obviously not the case.

 

 

Good luck.

[tinktronik]

Aw Tink, I don't think there is such thing as entirely recovering from having your kids taken away from you. I am sorry. I'm glad to hear you're moving soon to be closer to them, and I hope that knowing the source of your current fears will make it a little easier to deal with in therapy with your current SO. I remember what a whacked-out emotional roller-coaster pregnancy was, I had a couple of issues with my now-husband at that time too. There were days that I was glowingly planning for our happy family future, and days when I was a puddle of tears absolutely convinced that our relationship was doomed . Which was obviously not the case.

 

 

Good luck.

 

Thanks Stung. I'm very worried about moving across the country just to find I have very limited access to my boys. But all you can do is try, right? Either way I'm sure things will slowly work out with time and persistence. I'm not yet a puddle of tears but I am on the lookout for it.

[johan]

Did these urges start when a certain someone became your Facebook friend? It's perfectly understandable. But it's an urge you probably shouldn't try to fight.

[tinktronik]

Did these urges start when a certain someone became your Facebook friend? It's perfectly understandable. But it's an urge you probably shouldn't try to fight.

 

LMAO. Always the charmer Johan. You've caught me out.

[whichwayisup]

Just talk to him, tell him your fears, worries and concerns, how stuff from the past is getting you down, that and of course hormones too. You love this guy and he loves you. he's not the one who hurt you in the past. Remember that! Have faith that things will be fine and work out.

[tinktronik]

So we had the talk. It went fine and he completely understood the situation given the past. He has his own 'back of the mind' concerns as he has an older daughter who he attempted to have a hand in raising after his divorce and it did not go well. I guess you never really 'get over' some things. We actually ended up laughing together as we both know we would be lost without the other. Some other things we discussed were exactly what he wants to add to this child's life and the hand he wants in raising this child. We talked about some concerns he had as to feeling I may try to completely keep control of the baby out of instinct and how we need to keep an eye on equitable sharing of parenting and decision making. So this is a start to open communication.

 

BTW our sonogram was postponed until next month (drat). So we still don't know the sex yet but are eagerly awaiting our next appointment.

[Stung]

We talked about some concerns ...So this is a start to open communication.

 

BTW our sonogram was postponed until next month (drat). So we still don't know the sex yet but are eagerly awaiting our next appointment.

 

 

Yay! I'm really glad you talked and cleared the air. I hope that's helping your fears settle, a bit. Still something you should explore with your counselor.

 

That's frustrating about the sonogram. I loved that 20-week sono, getting to see my son looking like an actual baby in there for the first time was so moving, it made the impending motherhood so real to me.

[tinktronik]

Yay! I'm really glad you talked and cleared the air. I hope that's helping your fears settle, a bit. Still something you should explore with your counselor.

 

That's frustrating about the sonogram. I loved that 20-week sono, getting to see my son looking like an actual baby in there for the first time was so moving, it made the impending motherhood so real to me.

 

I'm glad we talked too. I pretty much know that I have a good guy with a good heart. I may bring the issue up with the counselor. It's been such a long, long road with my issues regarding my kids. I don't know how so many fathers deal with being cut out of their kids lives. I don't know that rehashing those feelings does any good at all but I will attempt to separate out those feelings from anything having to do with my baby to be.

 

My SO is frustrated with our impending move as he is convinced that once we get moved my ex will make our lives stressful by using the kids as a tool to get what he wants while limiting my parenting time with them. He sees this as a potentially very disruptive to our lives. To be honest I am pretty convinced that is the way it will be as well. We lived 3 miles from the boys at one point and there was always something. (examples: waiting for them to be dropped for mother's day turns into it's more important to spend it with step-mom', we've driven 1200 miles on a request from dad to get there on a Monday so him and his wife can have X time free from kids only to have him refuse to let us see them until Wed. when we would have arrived to start, he was driving through town on X-mas and would only stop once I agreed to give him $500 for 2 hours with the boys.) There's lots and lots of instances of this. So I can see my SO's point and will have to try to manage my own upset over these behaviors and how much I let it affect our life. My SO loves my boys and gets really upset at the jerking around too. This is going to be tough. I think the move is adding a lot to my stress level and his and we are going to wait until the baby is here to go. I've been moved to pregnancy complications anyway and it's best to just sit tight for now.

 

I am very excited about our sono. I've been having dreams about not being pregnant at all, that the "baby" is actually a snake or worms, cotton candy or another time pennies. Bizarre dreams! So it will maybe make it more real when I can see that there is actually a human in there after all.