folieadeux Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Thanks for all the replies. I really appreciate it. I know I often repeat myself, but I'm just so confused sometimes. I guess I can only trust him in what he says and believe we will see each other again. From everything he has said, we will, and it sounds like the plan is to just start it from where it left off. He also left me some of his DVD's from a show he watches, so I assume he has to see me to get those back anyways I find writing my thoughts down in a journal helps. I am going to really try to work through this, as I want something to happen with him. I guess I should take solice in the fact that he told me he had met another girl before me. He dated her for 2 weeks and he felt things werent working so he ended it with her. I would assume if he felt nothing he wouldnt travel all this way and spend all this time and money to see me, he would just end it like he did with her? Not a problem at all! Leaving things behind is definitely a great sign, and even more so if he did it on his own. My boyfriend and I always leave each other with little things and I just think it's a great thing to have when they can't be physically with you. He definitely wouldn't be extending all this effort if he wasn't serious about being in a relationship with you for sure. Writing things down is another good idea too. I've been toying with the idea of starting an LDR blog of my own and making a scrapbook. I think they're fun things to do and will be nice to look back on in those hard times especially. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 He arrived at his destination yesterday. We texted a bunch last night. He called me princess and sweetheart a few times (which I assume you wouldnt call someone that is just your friend that) and then he went to bed early. He is 4 hours ahead time wise. I texted him this morning that I hoped he had a great day and he replied 'you too princess'. I replied back but got no reply. I am guessing he is just busy and tired and that I shouldn't read into his not replying too much. Here is hoping tomorrow is better I expect this will be a 4 month long roller coaster ride of sorts Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 He arrived at his destination yesterday. We texted a bunch last night. He called me princess and sweetheart a few times (which I assume you wouldnt call someone that is just your friend that) and then he went to bed early. He is 4 hours ahead time wise. I texted him this morning that I hoped he had a great day and he replied 'you too princess'. I replied back but got no reply. I am guessing he is just busy and tired and that I shouldn't read into his not replying too much. Here is hoping tomorrow is better I expect this will be a 4 month long roller coaster ride of sorts It will be, but try not to stress so much...you guys are off to a good start. My boyfriend calls me princess too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Today was a little better in that he texted me first today. I texted him telling him I hoped he believed me when I told him I missed him. He said why wouldnt I? I replied asking if I was being too serious and he said no, but try to be happy and worry less. How can I worry less?! I told him I accepted the fact that some days will suck more than other but that I just have to deal with it. Also I said that I have to remember that we are just friends. After I sent that, I didnt hear anything back. I hope I didnt make him angry or annoyed with that comment? Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Today was a little better in that he texted me first today. I texted him telling him I hoped he believed me when I told him I missed him. He said why wouldnt I? I replied asking if I was being too serious and he said no, but try to be happy and worry less. How can I worry less?! I told him I accepted the fact that some days will suck more than other but that I just have to deal with it. Also I said that I have to remember that we are just friends. After I sent that, I didnt hear anything back. I hope I didnt make him angry or annoyed with that comment? He may just be busy, I wouldn't read so much into that. I honestly would try to talk a bit less about the relationship with him too, especially now seeing as he's just arrived and he may not have the time or mindset to focus on a serious discussion right now and will ensure feelings don't get hurt. Try focusing your conversation on other things...talk about your day, how his transition is going so far, a funny conversation you had with a friend today...anything. You miss each other, that's a given, but focusing on that in every message or conversation isn't healthy for either one of you. He's giving you good advice too...stop worrying so much. For me, keeping busy makes me worry less. Enjoy your time outside of your relationship with friends, family, a new hobby...whatever you find enjoyable. This is crucial to any relationship, but moreso in an LDR I find because you don't have your partner with you all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thank you! You always calm me down. I told him I appreciated him texting me considering he isn't a huge fan of texting in general. He said texting is ok, just not all day. I understand that. I guess I will use this thread as a kind of journal as well. I will try my best to keep things light and fun. It has just been 4 days, you are right, and I am sure it has to suck for him too being there. Me being a big baby about things probably doesn't help. Do you think telling him that I miss him here and there is too heavy? Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thank you! You always calm me down. I told him I appreciated him texting me considering he isn't a huge fan of texting in general. He said texting is ok, just not all day. I understand that. I guess I will use this thread as a kind of journal as well. I will try my best to keep things light and fun. It has just been 4 days, you are right, and I am sure it has to suck for him too being there. Me being a big baby about things probably doesn't help. Do you think telling him that I miss him here and there is too heavy? Glad I can help, being here is a huge relief for me too. Saying that you miss him every now and then is perfectly fine. The only thing I would try to avoid, especially since you're just in the beginning stages of this, is to overload every conversation with heavy topics like talking about the future...things like that. Men in general, at least in my experience, tend to need to talk about these things less anyway...plus talking about other things makes you get to know each other that much more and can bring you closer. It's a fine line really...you don't want to talk about it too much, or not enough either...you'll find your balance if you give it a little more time. Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 hey OP, i think you should drink vodka to keep you relaxed i am just kidding! this guy sounds like he likes you a lot so let things flow naturally. just be yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) Today was ok I guess. He texted me in the AM to have a spectacular day princess. I didn't reply back. Then I was home sick from work and he was on MSN, he was showing as online for a long time before I sent him a message. He was playing a video game (video games are huge in his life) and responses were mostly one word/one sentence. That isn't a big deal to me. The big deal was when he left without saying he was leaving. Who does that? It's pretty rude in my opinion. I suppose his internet could have cut out or he could have had to leave, but he also could have been tired of talking and blocked me. So...I dont know. Just kind of a blah day. I guess I have to be positive in the fact that he texted me first this morning, and that he was able to talk to me. Just seems like if you wanted to talk to someone, you would shut off the video game... I think the problem lies in the fact that he doesnt think being away for 4 months is a big deal, whereas I do. I need to feel that contact/communication to let me know things are ok, and he doesnt I guess. Should I back off a little and let him contact me? Edited January 15, 2011 by Vodka Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 I also have another question here. I havent been in many relationships, so please bare with me. He has said before that he feels I like him for the idea of him and not actually because I like HIM. This is absolutely not true. I tried to explain this is because I have a hard time expressing my emotions and that I really do like him. This is something he is trying to work with me on (being able to relax and show him physically and verbally that I really am into him). I am wondering if this might hold him back a little until he knows for sure I am not going anywhere? Maybe him going away is a good thing so he can see I can do it and I have no intentions of leaving? Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Today was ok I guess. He texted me in the AM to have a spectacular day princess. I didn't reply back. Then I was home sick from work and he was on MSN, he was showing as online for a long time before I sent him a message. He was playing a video game (video games are huge in his life) and responses were mostly one word/one sentence. That isn't a big deal to me. The big deal was when he left without saying he was leaving. Who does that? It's pretty rude in my opinion. I suppose his internet could have cut out or he could have had to leave, but he also could have been tired of talking and blocked me. So...I dont know. Just kind of a blah day. I guess I have to be positive in the fact that he texted me first this morning, and that he was able to talk to me. Just seems like if you wanted to talk to someone, you would shut off the video game... I think the problem lies in the fact that he doesnt think being away for 4 months is a big deal, whereas I do. I need to feel that contact/communication to let me know things are ok, and he doesnt I guess. Should I back off a little and let him contact me? He contacted you first so try sending him a quick message first tomorrow. I wouldn't take him signing off as a big deal either. He more than likely just got booted and wasn't able to get back on. I know it can be frustrating when it happens because you have no explanation for it but, from everything you've posted, it doesn't seem like he'd do that to you at all. I also have another question here. I havent been in many relationships, so please bare with me. He has said before that he feels I like him for the idea of him and not actually because I like HIM. This is absolutely not true. I tried to explain this is because I have a hard time expressing my emotions and that I really do like him. This is something he is trying to work with me on (being able to relax and show him physically and verbally that I really am into him). I am wondering if this might hold him back a little until he knows for sure I am not going anywhere? Maybe him going away is a good thing so he can see I can do it and I have no intentions of leaving? Hmmm...that's rather interesting...I'm not quite sure what he's getting at there. This time apart will no doubt be a test for you both, but without more information on the whole "idea of him" issue, I'm really not sure why he would feel that way. What is this idea of himself he has that he thinks you're only interested in? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) I'm really not sure. He mentioned it, and I tried my best to reassure him it is not the case. I think it is because I am not an overly touchy person. He is used to his girlfriends kind of being clingy, and I am not like that. He has said I should hug him and kiss him more 'just because' and I explained that this is something I will have to work on. I have not been an overly expressive person with emotions my whole life. This is more than likely what he is meaning. I sent him a text tonite asking if it would be okay if I talked to my sister about him sometime, or if that was too serious. I want to show him I am serious about my feelings toward him, but I also dont want to talk about feelings all the time. I thought maybe this would show him I am letting him into my life more. Edit to add: the last girl he dated for 2 weeks and broke up with, he said he didnt feel like she was into him that much either, thats why he ended it. So, I can only hope that he sees enough in me to have not ended it, and that if he did truly feel I wasnt worth trying something with, that he wouldnt string me along for these 4 months before ending it. Edited January 15, 2011 by Vodka Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I also have another question here. I havent been in many relationships, so please bare with me. He has said before that he feels I like him for the idea of him and not actually because I like HIM. This is absolutely not true. I tried to explain this is because I have a hard time expressing my emotions and that I really do like him. This is something he is trying to work with me on (being able to relax and show him physically and verbally that I really am into him). I am wondering if this might hold him back a little until he knows for sure I am not going anywhere? Maybe him going away is a good thing so he can see I can do it and I have no intentions of leaving? i told this to some person before...maybe you have this idea of him in your head and he thinks that you are not seeing him as the way he is. don't try to overanalyze his actions. this will only frustrate you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 He replied via text that talking to my sister about him is fine. I don't know if he is saying that just so I won't be offended if he says no, but he is a pretty honest person, so I would hope he would just tell me how he feels. I guess this is a good sign? Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 look hunny, when he says he is going to...just take it on face value. you're reading his actions too much. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Yeah...definitely try not to over analyze things. He wouldn't be investing all this time if he didn't want to. If you feel being more affectionate would benefit your relationship, work on that while he's gone. In the meantime, just keep on keeping on and take every day as it comes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 Im sorry. I feel like i am becoming annoying here. I dont know why i cant just relax and accept that if he didnt like me he wouldnt keep contact with me. He even told me before he left he likes me and he wouldnt spend so much time with me if he didnt. I just want this to work out. Mainly i think the problem is he knows he will be back, that 4 months isnt that long and he promised we will see each other again. I feel the opposite so this is hard for me, and its only been 6 days! He has told me all along and i think especially now that being positive is important and important for our relationship. What is a one liner i can say to myself to calm the F down? Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 i am sorry i did not mean it in a rude way. but i just want you to relax and do yourself a favor. just be yourself and if he says something, take it at face value so you won't expect too much. i think i get now what he's saying...maybe when you over analyze you form an idea of him...you expect that he will do things in a certain way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 Sorry, i didnt mean to imply you were being rude! Im not sure. I think he meant how i act towards s him is why he thinks i dont like him. I juat have to learn to express myself better. I normally can remain calm for a day or so and then these negative thoughts creep back into my head. I notice when i start to 'freak out' he will back off so that kind of reiterates to me that i need to knock it off. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Im sorry. I feel like i am becoming annoying here. I dont know why i cant just relax and accept that if he didnt like me he wouldnt keep contact with me. He even told me before he left he likes me and he wouldnt spend so much time with me if he didnt. I just want this to work out. Mainly i think the problem is he knows he will be back, that 4 months isnt that long and he promised we will see each other again. I feel the opposite so this is hard for me, and its only been 6 days! He has told me all along and i think especially now that being positive is important and important for our relationship. What is a one liner i can say to myself to calm the F down? What you're experiencing is totally normal, you're not being annoying at all. You're only six days in and haven't developed your "system" for making things easier yet for yourself. But, you will in time. Unfortunately, there really is no magic one liner that's going to make all of your concerns disappear. But, there are a few things you can keep in mind that should help you when you're feeling anxious: he's coming back in a few months, and he wouldn't be going out of his way for you the way he has and continues to do if he didn't think this relationship was worth it. Being in an LDR never gets any easier, but you'll get used to your new normal with time and the anxiety will lessen. Being positive (even if you don't feel like it) is especially important when you're talking with one another. You both have to be careful not to weigh down the precious time you have to communicate with negative emotions. You miss each other and it's hard, that's a given. There will of course be times where you discuss that, but not every conversation (especially this soon in) should be so heavy. If you're having an especially bad day, seek support from friends, family, co-workers, or post here...whatever you need to do. The key is to ensure your relationship isn't bearing the brunt of all of your fears. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 I think i may have made a big mistake in my subconscious quest for reassurance. He texted me yesterday that he gets weekends off but has lots of hoomework. I texted back asking him if it would be easier for him (school wise) if we didnt talk for awhile. I explained that i care about him and dont want to take anything away from him doing a good job there. That was yesterday. Normally he has texted me by now but hasnt yet. I sent another text saying that i guess if he felt he couldnt text me that he wouldnt so i would stop being crazy and asked for hia address so i can send him something. He is used to my stupid freak outs so i hope him talking to me again is no different. If he does talk to me again i really have to smarten up. Im really being stupid and if i dont knock it off i am going to lose him. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I think i may have made a big mistake in my subconscious quest for reassurance. He texted me yesterday that he gets weekends off but has lots of hoomework. I texted back asking him if it would be easier for him (school wise) if we didnt talk for awhile. I explained that i care about him and dont want to take anything away from him doing a good job there. That was yesterday. Normally he has texted me by now but hasnt yet. I sent another text saying that i guess if he felt he couldnt text me that he wouldnt so i would stop being crazy and asked for hia address so i can send him something. He is used to my stupid freak outs so i hope him talking to me again is no different. If he does talk to me again i really have to smarten up. Im really being stupid and if i dont knock it off i am going to lose him. It's a learning curve for sure, for me too, so you're not alone. I know it's hard trust me, but you definitely don't want to risk losing him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 He still hasnt replied. Could he seriously be mad or have changed hos mind about me? He has not talked to me for a day or two before when ive said something dumb so maybe its just that? Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 He still hasnt replied. Could he seriously be mad or have changed hos mind about me? He has not talked to me for a day or two before when ive said something dumb so maybe its just that? Sounds like he's just busy; it is still the weekend so maybe he still has some work he's trying to get done. I'm sure you'll hear from him tonight or tomorrow morning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vodka Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Nothing so far tonite. I won't hear anything because of the time change tonite anyways. I kind of have a bad feeling about this. Im not even sure why. We have been in little arguments before and it's been no big deal. Please cross your fingers that he is just busy Link to post Share on other sites
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