She's really shy?

[Grobyc]

When we skype, she doesn't like talking or going on cam.

 

Its not that she doesn't want to, she's just really really shy.

 

I'm really open, so yeah I go the whole 9 yards.

 

I make her laugh which is nice. But I would like to see her, you know?

 

I mean, its 2 months tomorrow. It's not long, but I've known her for 2 years.

 

Any advice?

[hoping2heal]

When we skype, she doesn't like talking or going on cam.

 

Its not that she doesn't want to, she's just really really shy.

 

I'm really open, so yeah I go the whole 9 yards.

 

I make her laugh which is nice. But I would like to see her, you know?

 

I mean, its 2 months tomorrow. It's not long, but I've known her for 2 years.

 

Any advice?

 

If you have never met her in person, I would assume she is hiding something that she would prefer not be exposed (and that would be, via webcam) Unless she can pony up and let herself be seen on cam, I would think twice about investing emotion into her, it may not be something she cares to do often - but seeing her at least once is not too much to ask for, and if she doesn't do it, well that kind of says it all really.

[LittleTiger]

I agree with H2H. If you've never met her IRL then I'd say she's hiding something and using her 'shyness' as an excuse not to use the webcam.

 

Either arrange to meet her or insist she uses the webcam (at least once), otherwise, tell her all bets are off.

 

If you continue as you are, I think the odds are you're going to get hurt.

[HeavenOrHell]

Me and my partner are shy too but we did want to see each other on cam before we met and get to know each other more.

It could just be that she's shy but she'll need to overcome it to some extent, skype is pretty important in an LDR

[madjac74]

I must say that my girlfriend and I are both very outgoing and not shy in the least. We talk for hours on the phone or in person sometimes talking over each other because we have so much to say and often we have trouble getting it out because we are laughing so hard. However we have never been on a webcam together (I have never been on one at all) We both just feel awkward about it. It has nothing to do with our relationship. Its just how we feel about webcams. I also feel awkward talking to people on skype. It reminds me of a drive-thru. I avoid them and take the extra time just to go inside and order. I'd say cut your girlfriend some slack and dont push her into something that makes her uncomfortable.

[Grobyc]

I agree with H2H. If you've never met her IRL then I'd say she's hiding something and using her 'shyness' as an excuse not to use the webcam.

 

Either arrange to meet her or insist she uses the webcam (at least once), otherwise, tell her all bets are off.

 

If you continue as you are, I think the odds are you're going to get hurt.

 

I suppose. I guess I'll end up talking to her about it again. I mean, I've see her youtube videos, pictures, etc. I don't see what she could be hiding at all.

 

I have made arrangements to see her, but they're not set in stone just yet. So I guess I'll talk to he about it tomorrow or later todayy.

[Grobyc]

I'd say cut your girlfriend some slack and dont push her into something that makes her uncomfortable.

 

That's what I thought. But if you're going to be in my area for a week or so, if it happens. I kind of would like to see you even for a brief minute or two.

 

Because really it does bother me. as in "Why doesn't she talk or go on cam?"

 

Sorry for the double post as well. Must have hit the wrong button.

[folieadeux]

I must say that my girlfriend and I are both very outgoing and not shy in the least. We talk for hours on the phone or in person sometimes talking over each other because we have so much to say and often we have trouble getting it out because we are laughing so hard. However we have never been on a webcam together (I have never been on one at all) We both just feel awkward about it. It has nothing to do with our relationship. Its just how we feel about webcams. I also feel awkward talking to people on skype. It reminds me of a drive-thru. I avoid them and take the extra time just to go inside and order. I'd say cut your girlfriend some slack and dont push her into something that makes her uncomfortable.

 

I agree. My SO and I are the same way with respect to Skype/webcams. I can see how they are important, but they're not the primary means of communication for us personally. We see and speak to each other with enough regularity to not really warrant its' use.

 

But if this is something that's important to you and a neccessity because you aren't able to use other means of communication to maintain your relationship as you see fit, then I say just give her some time to adjust. Like you said, you're only two months in, so maybe she just needs some time to get used to doing something she wouldn't ordinarily do.

[Taucher]

I am only a little bit over a week into an LDR. My GF could not use Skype/webcam for the first three days. We got very excited when we could use webcams and see each other, but the truth was, when we did, it made us strangely sad. Also, my gf kept saying how ugly she looked - I disagreed of course but webcams are not totally flattering.

 

So, we decided to use a webcam occassionally only, maybe once every couple of weeks. Some people LOVE the webcams but we prefer Instant Messenger with a phone call every other day.

 

It's diferent for different people and I would not read too much into her not wanting to use the webcam.

 

T

[LittleTiger]

Being apart for three months at a time and with 12,000 miles between us, means that skype and webcam are an absolute necessity for us. It's the next best thing to being together. If we can't skype or if the webcam isn't working for some reason we miss each other more.

 

I understand how some people may find it weird and I agree if she really doesn't want to do it you can't force her.....but.....there was a question mark at the end of the title on this thread. That tells me you yourself are not sure if she's really shy or just hiding something.

 

If she refuses to skype then I'd get that IRL meeting sorted as soon as you can.....before you get yourself any deeper into this thing emotionally.

 

Personally I would be very wary of somebody who refuses to skype at least once for two minutes, just to say hello.

[hoping2heal]

That's what I thought. But if you're going to be in my area for a week or so, if it happens. I kind of would like to see you even for a brief minute or two.

 

Because really it does bother me. as in "Why doesn't she talk or go on cam?"

 

Sorry for the double post as well. Must have hit the wrong button.

 

I have to strongly disagree with medjack's suggestion to cut her a little slack. Now, if the two of you have met, then my stance would be different. Since you two have not, I cannot fathom how it would be a good idea to continue to let yourself get emotionally invested into someone who cannot bother to talk or show her face to you on web cam. She cannot technically call herself your GF nor can you refer to her that way either, if she refuses to do something to prove that everything is legitimate. I would not bother with pestering and pestering, either. I would say it plainly that you would like to see her and want the security of knowing who you are speaking too and if that cannot be provided let her know what the alternative is. Personally? I would just let her know this is not going any further, but this is your situation and you need to make the decision you will be okay with. But enable her to keep "hiding" from you? No, please for your own sake and emotional well being do not allow yourself to get played on the internet so easily.

[aerogurl87]

Being apart for three months at a time and with 12,000 miles between us, means that skype and webcam are an absolute necessity for us. It's the next best thing to being together. If we can't skype or if the webcam isn't working for some reason we miss each other more.

 

I understand how some people may find it weird and I agree if she really doesn't want to do it you can't force her.....but.....there was a question mark at the end of the title on this thread. That tells me you yourself are not sure if she's really shy or just hiding something.

 

If she refuses to skype then I'd get that IRL meeting sorted as soon as you can.....before you get yourself any deeper into this thing emotionally.

 

Personally I would be very wary of somebody who refuses to skype at least once for two minutes, just to say hello.

 

I gotta agree with LittleTiger. If she won't use the webcam for whatever reason, then get a meeting with her in real life as soon as you can. This happened with one of my friends. He was interested in this guy he met online and the guy would never go on cam for him to even say hi. Then when it came to him sending pictures, the first one he sent was of his finger and the second one was of his eye. The rest of the pictures where they were full body ones were really blurry. Needless to say they met in person my friend got the real him and it didn't end well as the guy more than likely had lied about his age (despite my friend holding onto the fact that he hadn't and just looked more "mature" for his age).

 

But yeah, get a real life meeting soon. I never saw my boyfriend on cam before we met in person and we rarely cam together now. When we do it's really special since he doesn't have a webcam still. So she could be telling the truth or she could be lying. A meeting in person can definitely clear things up for you.

[Grobyc]

I gotta agree with LittleTiger. If she won't use the webcam for whatever reason, then get a meeting with her in real life as soon as you can. This happened with one of my friends. He was interested in this guy he met online and the guy would never go on cam for him to even say hi. Then when it came to him sending pictures, the first one he sent was of his finger and the second one was of his eye. The rest of the pictures where they were full body ones were really blurry. Needless to say they met in person my friend got the real him and it didn't end well as the guy more than likely had lied about his age (despite my friend holding onto the fact that he hadn't and just looked more "mature" for his age).

 

But yeah, get a real life meeting soon. I never saw my boyfriend on cam before we met in person and we rarely cam together now. When we do it's really special since he doesn't have a webcam still. So she could be telling the truth or she could be lying. A meeting in person can definitely clear things up for you.

 

Its half that I think she has something to hide and it just irritates me beyond anything, but then again I don't think she has anything to hide. Because 90% of her pictures are clear as day, and its just her. I mean, I know of her real life friends and whatnot.

 

It's only when it comes to ME is when she is shy.

 

I do have plans to meet her as long as She's able to stay at my place. I can see how some might think that's a bad thing. "Not your place!" I will arrange to meet in a public place. probably a restaurant before even considering going to my place, if it turns out for the worst. Well she'll have a 3 hour drive home. It'd be different if we had job and she could afford a hotel, but with me being in college and her just babysitting.

 

The whole no cam irritates me more then anything like I'm on cam, I talk, now why can't you? Thats why it irritates me. I would just like to see her. I'll see what happens. She's supposed to be visiting around the end of december.

[Grobyc]

Ahh, you shouldn't knock it before you try it.

 

To the OP: My boyfriend is extremely shy as well. I mean he is crazy shy, he won't get on skype if I have a girlfriend at home with me. The one time he did he refused to turn his webcam on... as soon as she left he turned on the webcam.

 

I don't buy the 'too shy" thing myself, but I think age should be taken into consideration... you do sound like a young couple. I agree with others, meet up with her asap, but until then don't invest too much of your feelings into it (if you haven't already).

 

Yeah, I'm 19, she's 18.

 

I'm going to get her to skype tonight for just a little bit. Because Personally, I don't feel comfortable inviting her into my home otherwise.

[blue 75]

If your far away, and no way to see each other in person for now then webcam is a must for me. I used skype or google talk with my ex bf. Too bad we just broke up. Im not sure, coz until now he is ignoring me..So maybe its the end of our relationship later..Im still hurting but well that's life.

 

About webcam, i wonder why she is shy when she is already your GF..

[Grobyc]

If your far away, and no way to see each other in person for now then webcam is a must for me. I used skype or google talk with my ex bf. Too bad we just broke up. Im not sure, coz until now he is ignoring me..So maybe its the end of our relationship later..Im still hurting but well that's life.

 

About webcam, i wonder why she is shy when she is already your GF..

 

As long as i've known her, she's always been a person that's kept to her self. She's pretty talkitive and such, but only when she wants to be.

 

I mean she never talked on skype in our big convos with friends either, I assumed that would change.

 

I'd prefer to see her before she comes and visits. I would feel more comfortable that way. I doubt she has anything to hide, otherwise I would have heard it from her ex, but its just the fact of inviting someone into my area, you know?

 

She said if she can't tonight, she will sunday, she has plans on saturday for something or anotherrrr.

Edited November 19, 2010 by Grobyc

[blue 75]

As long as i've known her, she's always been a person that's kept to her self. She's pretty talkitive and such, but only when she wants to be.

 

I mean she never talked on skype in our big convos with friends either, I assumed that would change.

 

I'd prefer to see her before she comes and visits. I would feel more comfortable that way. I doubt she has anything to hide, otherwise I would have heard it from her ex, but its just the fact of inviting someone into my area, you know?

 

She said if she can't tonight, she will sunday, she has plans on saturday for something or anotherrrr.

 

Goodluck and you two enjoy.

[hoping2heal]

Grober, something is smelling awfully fishy around here and I'm not entirely convinced it is the salmon.

 

First thing that throws me off, is that she has webcam pics which are clear as a bell..so what on earth is there to be shy about?! That makes me think you are seeing someone clear as a bell alright, just not her. Again, she may not want to go on cam all of the time; but ONE time? Come on, what you hiding girl...

 

However, what do you mean by you know her real life friends? I'm kind of confused by that?

[madjac74]

I have to strongly disagree with medjack's suggestion to cut her a little slack. Now, if the two of you have met, then my stance would be different.

 

medjack makes me sound like a pill popper! Madjac has a whole different belief in the whole relationship without ever meeting. I dont believe in it. But some people are comfortable with that so i'm only commenting on the cam shyness part of it. And as a person who was shy as a kid I know that pushing them and constantly reminding them of it will only fuel their insecurities.

[hoping2heal]

medjack makes me sound like a pill popper! Madjac has a whole different belief in the whole relationship without ever meeting. I dont believe in it. But some people are comfortable with that so i'm only commenting on the cam shyness part of it. And as a person who was shy as a kid I know that pushing them and constantly reminding them of it will only fuel their insecurities.

 

 

LOL sorry madjac about medjec...

[madjac74]

haha! Its totally OK! I thought it was funny.If anyone wants to know why I picked that name, my kids Madison and Jacob. MadJac

[madjac74]

Thanks Lisa! Whats funny is Liz's daughters name is Madalyn so both our daughters go by Maddie. So we learned to spell them different in our texts and emails "Mady" and "Maddie"

[Grobyc]

Grober, something is smelling awfully fishy around here and I'm not entirely convinced it is the salmon.

 

First thing that throws me off, is that she has webcam pics which are clear as a bell..so what on earth is there to be shy about?! That makes me think you are seeing someone clear as a bell alright, just not her. Again, she may not want to go on cam all of the time; but ONE time? Come on, what you hiding girl...

 

However, what do you mean by you know her real life friends? I'm kind of confused by that?

 

Oh, They're not "web camera" pictures. They're actual pics from her camera. She's into all that Digital Media type stuff. But yeah, she has a bunch of pics on her facebook a bunch on her flickr, of her neice and nephew. Things like that.

 

We have skyped uhm, 3 times, sooo yeah. And even before all of this when she was dating the other guy, she was still untalkitive in our big skype conversations. So I never thought anything of it.

 

If it helps anything, she did go to an online high school with a good friend of mine, which is how I came to know her.

Edit: Oh, it seems she went with my friends boyfriend as well, and my Ex's friend, I did not know she went to the same school either, they all live in the same general area, so I'm not surprised. So that's 3 people. Still convinced its not the salmon? Because my friends boyfriend actually asked me about her a while back, noticed that I was friends with her too, and wanted to know how I knew her.

 

I mean in the sense I've talked to a few of them, She's talked about them, like a few weeks ago her sister and her friends went out for a weekend for laser tag, and whatever. A fun weekend, A video of an incident that happened was uploaded. She babysits on certain days. So I know of them, and the things that go on.

 

She never went on cam for her last boyfriend in the whole 6 months with him. She said she didn't want to. Plus, he was a dick, I talked to him all the time as well. She will tell me she wants to with me, but flakes about it when it comes time. I don't think she has anything to hide, she doesn't share her issues with me very much. So my guess is there is some kind of insecurity. Rather then something to hide, because if she did have something to hide, I would already know.

 

She updates her twitter throughout the day. and has a tumblr as well that she updates So as far as being a completely different person, You really have to put a lot of effort to piece everything together like this flawlessly.

 

I don't think that's the case though.

 

Hell, there's a pic of her skyping with her sister using her cam. That's why I don't buy the whole "I have something to hide" like you do. The only difference, is I'm not her sister. I'm that guy she likes.

 

She agreed to go on cam on sunday, since she has to babysit tomorrow.

So I guess we'll see then.

Edited November 19, 2010 by Grobyc

[hoping2heal]

Oh, They're not "web camera" pictures. They're actual pics from her camera. She's into all that Digital Media type stuff. But yeah, she has a bunch of pics on her facebook a bunch on her flickr, of her neice and nephew. Things like that.

 

We have skyped uhm, 3 times, sooo yeah. And even before all of this when she was dating the other guy, she was still untalkitive in our big skype conversations. So I never thought anything of it.

 

If it helps anything, she did go to an online high school with a good friend of mine, which is how I came to know her.

Edit: Oh, it seems she went with my friends boyfriend as well, and my Ex's friend, I did not know she went to the same school either, they all live in the same general area, so I'm not surprised. So that's 3 people. Still convinced its not the salmon? Because my friends boyfriend actually asked me about her a while back, noticed that I was friends with her too, and wanted to know how I knew her.

 

I mean in the sense I've talked to a few of them, She's talked about them, like a few weeks ago her sister and her friends went out for a weekend for laser tag, and whatever. A fun weekend, A video of an incident that happened was uploaded. She babysits on certain days. So I know of them, and the things that go on.

 

She never went on cam for her last boyfriend in the whole 6 months with him. She said she didn't want to. Plus, he was a dick, I talked to him all the time as well. She will tell me she wants to with me, but flakes about it when it comes time. I don't think she has anything to hide, she doesn't share her issues with me very much. So my guess is there is some kind of insecurity. Rather then something to hide, because if she did have something to hide, I would already know.

 

She updates her twitter throughout the day. and has a tumblr as well that she updates So as far as being a completely different person, You really have to put a lot of effort to piece everything together like this flawlessly.

 

I don't think that's the case though.

 

Hell, there's a pic of her skyping with her sister using her cam. That's why I don't buy the whole "I have something to hide" like you do. The only difference, is I'm not her sister. I'm that guy she likes.

 

She agreed to go on cam on sunday, since she has to babysit tomorrow.

So I guess we'll see then.

 

She never went on webcam with her last boyfriend..and I take it they never met? Here's my problem. She is into digital media. She has all these pictures, she's all into the twitter, bla bla bla blue blue blue. Yet she is too shy to go on cam for you once, and not only that..to shy to go on cam for the other guy after 6 months??! Ohhh brother. This just does not make any sense. If you are so shy, why would you have all these photos all over the internet? Let me just answer that for you..you wouldn't.

 

Now, sure I am not ruling out that she absolutely must not be telling the truth, but she does keep sounding more and more sketchy as this thing plays out. Now, is there any person you know in the physical sense like can see physically, who also has seen her physically..to vouch that what she puts up is her? Cause honey..if only I had a dime for the times I knew about someone stocking up the facebook or myspace acct with pics..of some other person.

[blue 75]

She never went on webcam with her last boyfriend..and I take it they never met? Here's my problem. She is into digital media. She has all these pictures, she's all into the twitter, bla bla bla blue blue blue. Yet she is too shy to go on cam for you once, and not only that..to shy to go on cam for the other guy after 6 months??! Ohhh brother. This just does not make any sense. If you are so shy, why would you have all these photos all over the internet? Let me just answer that for you..you wouldn't.

 

Now, sure I am not ruling out that she absolutely must not be telling the truth, but she does keep sounding more and more sketchy as this thing plays out. Now, is there any person you know in the physical sense like can see physically, who also has seen her physically..to vouch that what she puts up is her? Cause honey..if only I had a dime for the times I knew about someone stocking up the facebook or myspace acct with pics..of some other person.

 

 

I agree with you Hope2heal. If she likes to take photos on her digital cam then she shouldnt be shy on webcam..Because there's only he and she. and they are in a relationship. So im actually wondering..