just_some_guy Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 This is the crux of my weakness and the center of my part of what failed in my marriage. I didn't have a happy childhood, there was physical abuse, emotional abuse in the family, a lot of dysfunction and I was molested as a little kid. I never really learned how to set and keep boundaries. A lot of it comes from not being able to sense or express my own feelings very well. I've been in two dysfunctional marriages where I easily fell into the emotional caretaker role and in both cases, what seemed to be decent boundaries and respect for my boundaries fell away into no boundaries at all. Now, I must learn to find my own feelings, set and keep boundaries with others, starting with my stbx. Any thoughts? Anyone consciously go through the exercise of developing good and healthy boundaries?
dazedandconfused2008 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I need to work on the same things myself. I think by getting down to the core..inside ourselves...by starting out with personal values. Not what others say to have but what we FEEL is right for ourselves. So maybe start by writing a LIST of things you VALUE. Even values we might not possess or have yet but want to have. Eg. self-respect, dignity, integrity, honesty, physical health, self worth, stability, security....and even break some down into specifics. Sometimes we lose our values along the way because people have pushed our boundaries back to the point where we have none left. Time to take a look at what we value and how much its worth to us to fight for and build the fence back stronger to keep those values close to us.
trippi1432 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t231748/?highlight=Boundaries http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t156767/?highlight=Boundaries http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t108536/?highlight=Boundaries Just a few forum posts about boundaries you might be interested in...you can do a search on the topic on LS and find plenty about the subject....but these should help get you started.
You Go Girl Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 A book: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It is not about other's behavior as much as you might think...it is subtitled: How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself.
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