Are there any genuine men out there?

[blizzard]

Willow,

 

I think the conversation has steered away from the title of your OP.

 

 

 

To answer your OP, yes there are, but the odds are slim that you will find them online. For every genuine man online, there are 10 posers. Get out there and get involved and stay the hell way from the unholy crap that comes off of the internet.

 

I like this!

[willowthewisp]

I just finished reading this post from the beginning...and have this to say.

 

I think the OP overreacted to the text. It's obvious...even to a genuine man like me...that he was flirting. A man wants to feel wanted and needed just as much as a woman does. If there is no chemistry...no sexual tension...no flirting and come-ons...then what's the use. He can find companionship with his friends and family. Instead of cutting him off...she could have joked some with him while still maintaining boundaries. Telling him to go away was counter-productive...smells of massive insecurities...and tells me that the OP is nowhere near ready to interract with a man...genuine or not.

 

It was pointed out that texting leaves much to be deciphered. I definitely agree and am a big believer in having actual phone conversations and face to face talks. Texts are...well...confusing at best. When you told him to never contact you again he obviously followed your advice. I can't blame him.

 

You found out he is on other sites as well trolling for sex. Well...since he was talking to you but not getting a sexual vibe...and since men are sexual creatures to their very core (for the most part)...perhaps he is lonely and nows feels rejected by you...so is looking for physical affection and gratification (playing the devil's advocate here).

 

Men as a rule aren't going to wait until marriage for sex...not in real life and not at the age of the OP and her preferred dating pool. I'm not the only one who has been disappointed in the sexual nature of a relationship...and no matter how good the rest of it is...if the sex ain't good the relationship is doomed to fail.

 

Perhaps online dating is not the way for the OP to go. Since she is looking for Christian values...although she has backslid by her own admission and lost her faith...singles groups through various churches should be an option.

 

In any event...many of the posts on this thread are damning the man involved. He could honestly be looking for a relationship and was testing the waters with her. If she can't even joke in a sexual manner...then no matter what her future openness in the bedroom may promise...a genuine man isn't interested in a woman being a "cold fish".

 

Loosen up OP...change your approach and mindset or get out of the game. Because at this stage of your life...that's all it is...a numbers game...a mating game...and nothing you can say or do will change that.

 

Just my opinion...and for what it's worth...opinions are like *********s. Everybody's got one and they all stink.

 

This is a dreadfully unfair judgement of me. I did filrt with this guy and joked with him and I am not a cold fish, but I also made my boundaries clear and he continued to push them, that is when I told him to go away (after a week of texting and as you put it "joking with him some whilst maintaining boundaries"). Flriting, yes, sexting, no and it is abundantly clear that all he is interested in is sex talk, everytime I tried to steer the conversation to something a bit more serious or mundane he immediately wanted to talk dirty. I began to wonder if he was capable of anything but flirting, it bothered me and I spoke to my friends about it. They told me not to worry and to arrange to meet him. Seeing the meassages he sent me now (there were many others before the ones I posted on here) all my friends both female and male have said the guy is a pervert. My gut was correct and I am so glad I did not ask him to meet me, which I had planned to do earlier that day.

Edited November 17, 2010 by willowthewisp

[blizzard]

He was disrespectful willow. You hadn't even met him in person yet!? Just rude and distastefully immature.

[You Go Girl]

Completely agree with you Willow.

Any man that thinks telling a woman to get undressed and into bed in a text message, a week into conversing, and before meeting in person, is way out of line.

The guy was a creep and no gentleman. And he certainly didn't then sign up for an online sex affair site as a result of being rejected by you--that is absurd beyond comprehension...incredibly laughable.

 

Don't settle Willow. Don't worry about your lack of religion either. There are plenty of good men that are not creepy. You're not looking for a sexless relationship--but you are looking for a gentleman. There's absolutely no reason to settle for less.

 

Online dating is like playing pin the tail on the donkey. There's going to be plenty of losers out there once you get to take a good look at them. Shrug them off, dispose of them as quickly as possible, and move along to the next potential.

[Steadfast]

Someone a few posts back made a good point. When bad things happen to us, we wail, grieve and ask ourselves why it had to happen. Later, when we realize our worth was unappreciated comes the realization that only real love is worth having. My point? This can make you, and your life, better.

 

The pain you feel in your chest is pain willow. There's no sense trying to figure it out. Mentally, emotionally and physically you have to heal.

 

Men want sex, women want connection. Do not underestimate the importance of it. Still, sex just for the sake of sex will eat your soul.

 

When you're ready to add happiness, and not place the burden of it on your relationship, you'll be in a good place willow. Until then, heal up.

[OpMojo]

I WAS one of those men you seek. 13 years - didn't look at another woman in THAT WAY - ever. I was a good provider and loyal to the death. Now, in my mid 30s, I've changed.

 

I don't necessarily blame my cheating ex for it though. Through the ever so instructive medium of divorce, I saw that the way I was simply wasn't working for me, so I changed myself. I guess I could be called a "player" or a "bad boy" - no longer the type that you'd want to bring home to meet your parents. Happily, I also found the chicks dig it.

 

But rather than boast about sexual conquests and how awesome I have become compared to how I was, I would like you to know this - Guys like me are in the minority. There are "nice" guys out there, but you're not gonna meet em on a dating site or in a club. Both are known meatmarkets. Some of the horror stories I've heard from the women I've dated over the last 7-8 months would curl your toes.

 

My advice to you is to go and do what you love - whether it's a hobby or whatever. If it's a social activity you'll be meeting guys there. Go out on some dates, go wild if you feel like it and soon enough Mr Perfect Guy for You will show up. Don't focus on it and it will come.

 

Weird but it works.