Mellisa Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 She is a thicker girl. I wouldn't call her fat or anything, but just a little big for my taste. Are you in love with her?Is there a real connection? You said she's the girl of you dream,that you love her for everything she is, and that you could be with her for the rest of your life..And then you said you are not physically attracted to her?I just dont understand that...For anyone to feel those things, they must be attracted to that person.Or you didnt mean what you said but rationally you know you should feel those things because she's a good wife material.Is marriage what you are looking for at the moment?
Mellisa Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 1. It was a while ago. Probably about a few months. 2. Last week. 3. No I am not gay. For sure!! 4. She always wanted to have sex with me. I broke up because I didn't feel like she was what I wanted sexually. Wow, you really dont like having sex with her:eek: What is it that you want sexually?
Mellisa Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 It sucks to be a guy. Sometimes I envy women because their vagina follows their heart unlike the penis. That might not be true...
Yamaha Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Yes, sex is important for a romantic relationship. The degree varies with time and people, but if you don't desire sex with someone, you shouldn't marry them------that's just a set-up for disappointment. ^^ totally agree with the above. Sex is very important for a romantic relationship.
sanskrit Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 To play devil's advocate, sex has only been one of the key elements of male-female relationships, marriages in particular, relatively recently. I don't think many of the people of my grandparents' generation and before were so driven by sexual desire as a key component of building a life together. Overemphasis on sex for the last 40-50 years is one piece of the puzzle of why the divorce rate is so high in the U.S. Pre widely available birth control and abortion, sex just wasn't as important to people then, and they did just fine. OP, if you love her, and sex isn't that important to either of you, you may be compatible. Does she eat well and exercise? Is she willing to change habits to become more sexually attractive to you? or is her "thickness" medical, genetic or due to lifestyle choices?
musemaj11 Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I read that the healthiest relationships are the ones in which the couples have equally low sex drive. Many if not most failed marriages are due to sex-related affair. Often the marriages can be completely perfect in every way except that one party just cant keep it in her/his pants. So sometimes I imagine how many marriages can actually be saved by accepting 'open relationship'? I mean at the basic, sexual desire is no different than hunger or thirst. Its something that you crave because your body tells you and its gone after you satisfy it.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Sex is a total dealbreaker for me when it comes to relationships. I could not and would not be in a relationship with someone unless I found them very attractive, and they were good in bed.
Author CBR600RR Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 You sure it's something that cant be worked? She sounds a great person.I think you should be willing to work things out in the bedroom with her.Tell her what your expecations are,what you want her to do,let her know how can she better satisfy you sextually.There are a lot of ways to improve sex! She is an amazing person. Honestly a 1 in a million catch! I don't know what to tell her to do in the bedroom? I just don't think that we are sexually compatible?
Author CBR600RR Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 Are you in love with her?Is there a real connection? You said she's the girl of you dream,that you love her for everything she is, and that you could be with her for the rest of your life..And then you said you are not physically attracted to her?I just dont understand that...For anyone to feel those things, they must be attracted to that person.Or you didnt mean what you said but rationally you know you should feel those things because she's a good wife material.Is marriage what you are looking for at the moment? I am absolutely in love with her. I would literally take a bullet for this girl without any hesitation because that's how strongly I believe in her. Just physically, it's not there. I know the difference between my physical desires and emotional desires. She fulfills every one of my emotional desires, just not my physical ones. I think she would be the best wife and mother there is, but I feel like I need sex in my relationship to light that fire. I need that passion when I am with someone. I am honestly unsure of what I am looking for in my life right now?
Author CBR600RR Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 OP, if you love her, and sex isn't that important to either of you, you may be compatible. Does she eat well and exercise? Is she willing to change habits to become more sexually attractive to you? or is her "thickness" medical, genetic or due to lifestyle choices? Sex is very important to me. If I were sexually attracted to her, I would be on that 3 times a day. Me and this other girl that I was sexually attracted to would literally do it 2 to 3 times a day and we kept that up for about 5 and a half months straight. We would do it even more on weekends. The only reason I am not on top of this other girl right now is because I travel for work. The thing about her is that she is just too proper. I need a girl that is kind of a whore in the bedroom and loves to just go wild. The thickness thing is genetic, but I do think her diet and exercise could help it out a bit. I don't know how much though, to be honest. I know that if I were in an exclusive relationship with this girl, I would end up either going crazy, or masturbating 10 times a day. Near the end of our relationship, I really enjoyed masturbating more than sex with this girl.
LittleTiger Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 (edited) What you have with this girl is a close friendship, NOT a romantic relationship. If you wonder whether sex is important for the long term success of a relationship go over to the marriage forum, or the divorce forum. There are hundreds, probably thousands, of posts on there about what happens when the attraction isn't there. Read my post in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3097168#post3097168 You can't make yourself be physically attracted to someone if the attraction isn't there. Edited November 14, 2010 by LittleTiger
waynebrady Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I don't see any problem. Sex is not important to you and it's not that important to her either. So you could both have a sexless relationship without any problems.
sanskrit Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 The thing about her is that she is just too proper. I need a girl that is kind of a whore in the bedroom and loves to just go wild. Think really carefully about this. It's a double edged sword. Her being proper can likely mean that she is also -loyal-, a rare commodity in women these days. The ones who are really hot and hot in the bedroom are often also the ones with issues that make relationships with them a nightmare, and are also always looking for the "bigger better deal," either sexually or in some other way. By all accounts of my married friends, sex drops way down after marriage, and the relationship changes, so that it is not near the big deal it is when single. However, loyalty and a sense of propriety likely never change for life. OTOH, if the lack of attraction is that pronounced, you need to address it, as no one wants to be on either end of that deal. Unlike many here, I do not believe that sexual attraction is some immutable mystery of chemistry that is either "there" or "isn't there." It is a very fluid quality, and if you really do love this person, it can grow over time. Only you know whether there is potential that can be worked on together, or if it is a lost cause.
Mellisa Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 She is an amazing person. Honestly a 1 in a million catch! I don't know what to tell her to do in the bedroom? I just don't think that we are sexually compatible? So you've never talked to her about it?Does she think the sex is bad too?It's not fair when she doesnt even know what you want.You should at least give her a chance.You own her and yourself at least that.If she has to be more wild, or more slutty,tell her so and see if it'll get better.Let her see you masturbate,watch your fav porns together,go to sex therapist, or at least you can teach her how to give a good bj. How does she feel about you?Does she want to work this out with you?If she feels strongly about you,the breaking up and you ****ing other girls will break her heart!
Mellisa Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I am absolutely in love with her. I would literally take a bullet for this girl without any hesitation because that's how strongly I believe in her. Just physically, it's not there. I know the difference between my physical desires and emotional desires. She fulfills every one of my emotional desires, just not my physical ones. I think she would be the best wife and mother there is, but I feel like I need sex in my relationship to light that fire. I need that passion when I am with someone. I am honestly unsure of what I am looking for in my life right now? I dont know if i believe you when you said you are in love with her... If my man didnt do it right for me,i would tell him what he needs to do and i would not give upon on him easily knowing that he fulfills every one of my emotional desires and everything else we share is so incredible.And if my man broke up with me saying we were just not sexually compatible,i would not buy into those bs because if he was truely in love with me and me him, we could always work something out.At least we should give it a try. Or maybe you just dont love her enough?
waynebrady Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Please let her go and find someone that desires her in all ways. You also deserve the same thing- someone that everything you want plus the passion. If you stay with her, in the long term, you'll be doing the both of you a disservice. Take a leap of faith and try to find the 'whole package', friendship, trust and hot sex. Besides, you're sleeping with other women and if you stayed with her you would definitely cheat on her and she deserves better. Good Luck Himself maybe. But in what way is he doing her a disservice?
zengirl Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Himself maybe. But in what way is he doing her a disservice? Everyone deserves someone who wants them completely. And if he'd be potentially tempted to stray, that's even worse.
Author CBR600RR Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 Everyone deserves someone who wants them completely. And if he'd be potentially tempted to stray, that's even worse. I agree with you completely. This is why I have broken it off with her no matter how miserable it has made me.
Author CBR600RR Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 I dont know if i believe you when you said you are in love with her... If my man didnt do it right for me,i would tell him what he needs to do and i would not give upon on him easily knowing that he fulfills every one of my emotional desires and everything else we share is so incredible.And if my man broke up with me saying we were just not sexually compatible,i would not buy into those bs because if he was truely in love with me and me him, we could always work something out.At least we should give it a try. Or maybe you just dont love her enough? I just haven't told her because her body is a sensitive subject. I really believe that people should accept the partner the way they are so I don't want to try to change her. In terms of her feelings for me. I know she enjoys it because she orgasms every time we have sex. I do to, but I think for men, it's more of a mechanical reaction.
dreamingoftigers Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I just haven't told her because her body is a sensitive subject. I really believe that people should accept the partner the way they are so I don't want to try to change her. In terms of her feelings for me. I know she enjoys it because she orgasms every time we have sex. I do to, but I think for men, it's more of a mechanical reaction. Her orgasm is not a super-indicator of that. Sorry to say. If you are not attracted to her you should let her go and find someone that is attracted to her. I would not want to stay in a relationship where the other person is not attracted to me, very hard on your self-worth.
Recommended Posts