Sleep with one women my whole life?

[davew]

hey Sig, I don't know if you are still following this discussion but if you are, I suggest you take a look at my post titled

 

Looking for Thoughtful Insight...Again

I'm not gonna tell you what to do but what I will tell you is that I am still stuggling with the thought that I missed out on something by marrying young and not sowing my wild oats. I got some really good responses to my post and the consensus was that I'd be foolish to throw it all away.

 

I haven't thrown it all it away, I'm still married. But I must admit, I am still struggling.....daily.

hey man

 

just wanted to say that I'm in the same situation. 35 married for 10 yrs, hav two kids, wife has had sexual partners b4 me. I didnt cos I wasnt confident, late develpoer ect so i was a virhin wen i met her at 21. have had great sex for 10 yrs and regular at that but wenevea we watch tv/films together and there's a story line about other dudes having sex/sleeping around/ one nights stands i get really jealous and angry at her!! it's like i feel trapped and want to have 'been there done tht' reading theses posts is helping... cheers dave w UK

[Seamless74]

So she said 5, you do realize that its probably like 7 or 8 right?? I mean shes gonna leave out the 2 or so that dont count but thats still pretty average i would say.. Dont sweat it just realize theres probably a couple other guys you dont know about........ yet.

[hART]

My first boyfriend and myself were virgins when we met. . One of my friends was like, "Don't you want to try out other men?" I didn't, I loved him. For all his faults, and there were many, I understood how to cope with him. He made friends with a woman, but I got super scared and pushed them together (It isn't my fault, I know). He got curious and chased after her years later, said he was in love with her, so we decided to break up. She was BPD and broke him emotionally. Now he found someone with similar issues to me, but who deals with it better. Trust me, if you have a good thing going, don't screw it up. The curiosity will come by to haunt you, but it passes eventually.

[hART]

So she said 5, you do realize that its probably like 7 or 8 right?? I mean shes gonna leave out the 2 or so that dont count but thats still pretty average i would say.. Dont sweat it just realize theres probably a couple other guys you dont know about........ yet.

That depends on the person, when I say I've slept with 4 men, I mean 4 men. I've dated more than that and probably kissed like 15 people max.

[dreamingoftigers]

You will always wonder whatever direction you pick....

 

If you don't break up with her and sleep around you will always wonder whether or not you had the "best sex" that you could get.

 

If you do break up with her and try to screw around, it will be nowhere near your expectations and you will always wonder what you lost.

 

You can't unleave someone easily. You can't unlove someone easily.

 

If the relationship fails, you can always discover it later.

 

I have had a much lower number of sexual partners then my husband. I had one bf when I was 17-19 (we were both virgins when we met) (limited experience and know-how on both sides of the equation) and one very disappointing ONS. I had a fiance who I did not have any kind of penetration with and we were together for 2.5 years. Then I met my husband.

 

I have always wanted to know what I missed out on. From my previous partners I could see certain parts of the puzzle (the enthusiasm and experimental attitude of my first ex, the crappy experience with the slutty guy, and the connectedness I had with my ex). Really there was not much to draw from and I look to other people my age and hear about their sex lives and how they have found/not found what they are looking for. I have been jealous of others that have had more experience.

 

My husband has had over 60 sexual partners (that I know of). It disgusts and upsets me, but he can't unmake his past and it is not fair for me to ask him to do so.

 

I have recently had the option to go down the road of having more sexual partners with the way my marriage was going. I found that sometimes I thought of it and wanted it, but for the most part I wanted my marriage and I did not want to open those parts of myself up to random people. To be blunt: the sex with my husband is unsatisfying and he does little to ever try to meet my needs, it still is not worth ending the marriage. Have I missed out? Yes. Is it the end of the world? No.

 

The idea as a fantasy sounds nice. If you have sexual addiction, then there is some payoff before feeling deep, depriving shame. In reality, it is empty and the thrill will wear off and it will just be lonely. It will also be complicated. When I was a virgin I could not comprehend the emotional attachment that came when I had sex with my boyfriend. It completely changed him to me. I didn't have that feeling again until my wedding day (and not again since unfortunately). If you have found that special sexual and emotional dynamic with your girlfriend, do not ever trade it in.

 

I think one of the hardest challenges we have as human beings is being happy with what we have recognizing when something actually will not serve us. We have trouble closing doors and eliminating options.

 

If you think about it, are you satisfied with your sex life? If yes, then why do you need a better one? Why can you not appreciate what you have? How many women would be enough to make your decision? You are as likely to meet five duds as you are five fantastic lovers. How do you know when you are done your discovery? What if you have the most craziest, mind-blowingness sex with one, one time? Does that mean more then the rest of your relationship? What would have more worth? Will having sex with others to satisfy your curiousity truly serve you? Or can you learn from the mistakes of others?

[Distant78]

Hey OP, I understand how you feel. I would feel the same way. I honestly think everyone's jumping down your throat because they've had multiple partners and are not willing to empathize with you being a "late bloomer." There are a lot of guys out there who are in your situation. Personally if you feel it's something you won't be able to get over then it's okay for you to step out of the relationship permanently and "sow your wild oats" and/or find someone who hasn't had so many partners. Good luck on whatever decision you make dude and make sure you're comfortable with it.

[OpenBook]

It's a big gamble leaving a loving , caring relationship because you want to experience different bodies and tastes. It's a big gamble staying and allowing idle thoughts to consume you until they turn into resentment and infidelity.

 

I agree with this - it's a really tough call either way. My sympathies to the OP!! In any case, I don't think it's a good idea for a person to get married while harboring these kinds of doubts.

[TheGrimSweeper]

All I can say is I dont think ive ever heard of a situation where leaving someone you truly love and care about to go sleep around hasnt ended up what that person feeling huge regret and realizing that being in a loving relationship actually means so much more.

 

Having slept with 3 people myself, one of them being my ex girlfriend of 2 years who I was/am still in love with, I can say the sex with her was far better and more passionate then with the other two who meant nothing. It's just different having sex with someone you love, it means so much more and almost feels better because of it.

 

But again this is something that people need to figure out on my own, and sadly I think this is part of what my current ex is trying to figure out as well.

[Sw3etdev1L]

Look... If she is 26, it is sure she is gonna have been dating other people, and surely she has a sexual past..

Every girl over 20 has had lovers, unless she is person with prejudice about sex, very religious, a mormon, or a sick mentally or physically person.

If she has had couples before you and you have good sex, that's great. It means she is normal, and you are fortunate to have someone in your life with whom you can enjoy that..

If you have chemistry with her in bed with her, that's great. Not all couples have it.

Now, if you are curious about other girls and are doubting you will be pleased by only sleeping with her. That's your own issue.

Do you think you will be pleased by being only with her?

If not, truly it would be better for you to have as many women as possible in your life until you get fed up and decide to be stable with someone you truly love..

Are you pleased in your life? or do you feel a void eventhough you are still with her? The void won't go. If you don't love her enough... or if you are not ready yet.... You can, restrict the void and stop questioning yourself those sorts of things, or.... get fed up of restricting the void, and start going out with other women behind her back.

[elysium23]

hey man

 

just wanted to say that I'm in the same situation. 35 married for 10 yrs, hav two kids, wife has had sexual partners b4 me. I didnt cos I wasnt confident, late develpoer ect so i was a virhin wen i met her at 21. have had great sex for 10 yrs and regular at that but wenevea we watch tv/films together and there's a story line about other dudes having sex/sleeping around/ one nights stands i get really jealous and angry at her!! it's like i feel trapped and want to have 'been there done tht' reading theses posts is helping... cheers dave w UK

 

 

You guys are freaking me out. Should I be worried about this with my fiance? He was a virgin before me but he is very content... But now I wonder if I'll be tying him down and we'll both regret it ...