sherell Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 I posted back in November, after my H walked out on me and my son. It is now 4 months later, & we are in counseling finally (have had just 3 sessions). He has been in counseling for himself all this time. He thinks he has made some strides, I don't see it. He says he does not want to lose me, but is still confused about how he really feels. He wants to continue the counseling to try to figure it out. I just don't know what to do, do I give it time, or move on. I still have so much anger & hurt, that I am so out of touch with my own true feelings at this point. I just think if someone has to rack their brains to figure out how they really feel about someone, it doesnt make any sense. I think he wants to hold on to me for now (or the idea of me) because he is paralized with fear about letting go. Any advice out there? Link to post Share on other sites
curiousgeorge Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Can you tell me a little bit about how and why you split up? A little history because I did not read the post in November.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sherell Posted March 3, 2004 Author Share Posted March 3, 2004 We had become disconnected for quite some time prior to his leaving. He has an enormous amount of pressure at his job, works long hours and travels a bit. When he was home, he had nothing left to give to me or my son. He was either too tired or too distracted. I guess I became more resentful, & he more distant. When I finally realized I could no longer keep living in a dead marriage, I confronted him. But I chose my words very carefully, as not to blame, accuse, etc.. I told him we really need some help to try to get our marriage back on track, hopefully if he wanted it too. He could not answer, only to say he had been unhappy for a long time, and did'nt I realize that. He shut down after that, moved to the guest room for 2 weeks, I kept trying to talk to him, but he could'nt respond. He said he was going to make an appointment with a therapist for himself, but he was not ready to go together. I guessed i pushed too much, and he left. The beginning was sheer hell, but with time passing it seems to get easier, and in some ways I am happier and so is my son. He continues to go to therapy for himself, and after 3 months he said was ready to go together. So now we are in therapy. It is so frustrating, because communicating has always been so easy for me, and for him like pulling teeth. Even if this works, it will be a very very long process. I don't know if I can do it. Can love & trust really be rekindled? Link to post Share on other sites
curiousgeorge Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Yes I do think that it is possible. It takes a lot of work and will power. I think that you see that yourself. It is really positive that he is going to therapy and that you two are going together. But I kind of think that we americans put too much stock in therapy. We think it is like waving a magic wand and everything just gets better because you go. It often is not like that. I don't know if you believe in God. And I don't want to offend. But one thing that really helped me in a lot of tough situations was going to church, praying and reading the scriptures. Perhaps if you did this together it would help. I would also comment that you said that you sometimes felt happier when he was not around. Well that is also something you have to decide about. Because without 100 percent commitment to get back to where you were... you wont. HOpe that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Lived It Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 I hear ya...it was a while before I did anything. A book at this site helped me... http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com There's a few fairly decent articles here also... http://ww.deciding-on-divorce.com/divorce-articles.htm Hope it works out for you. Lived It Link to post Share on other sites
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