I asked this girl on a date and I didn't only get rejected, I lost my best friend

[Kain Highwind]

I'm going to be honest with you: you are totally hung up on her. Her suggestion of space and the fact that she is doing a painting for you suggest she is willing to be your friend, but only that.

 

You need to take her up on the suggestion of getting some space or you will not even be her friend...if that's really okay to you... but from all your posts I think you still want more.

 

If you truely want to be her friend...then go NC until she contacts you for the birthday gift. Depending on how long you've had feelings for her this could take some time on your part.

 

But I would not go analyzing her unless you haven't told us everything here; otherwise you are heading torwards being rejected as a friend too!

that's what I was looking for and hoping someone would say (First paragraph. Hoping that someone agrees that she still wants to be friends). I may be still sort of hung up but it just happened a few days ago. It'll take a little bit longer for it to be completely gone. I'm taking her up on the space though (I agreed with her)

 

The main thing I was wondering is if the painting/present meeting would be a break of NC (I should have asked that but I guess I just waited for someone to say it >_>)

Edited October 13, 2010 by Kain Highwind
clarity

[VeveCakes]

I've been in this situation a few times and did the same thing as your friend. She is a good friend and you should listen to her.

 

You may not understand, but it is extremely frustrating to have a close friendship with someone only to have them throw it in your face and constantly try and turn it into more. She already told you she wanted to be friends ONLY, yet you decided to ask her again. I bet she is feeling disrespected and wondering if you actually care about her, or just getting in her pants. Please don't be so immature to suggest she is pmsing, she has every right to be upset.

 

I don't know how you could think she is using you, she is doing the exact opposite. Clearly you are hung up on her, you are on here all bothered and asking friends about it. Time to move on as she is not interested, you can be friends with someone you have feelings for, ever.

[Kain Highwind]

I've been in this situation a few times and did the same thing as your friend. She is a good friend and you should listen to her.

 

You may not understand, but it is extremely frustrating to have a close friendship with someone only to have them throw it in your face and constantly try and turn it into more. She already told you she wanted to be friends ONLY, yet you decided to ask her again. I bet she is feeling disrespected and wondering if you actually care about her, or just getting in her pants. Please don't be so immature to suggest she is pmsing, she has every right to be upset.

 

I don't know how you could think she is using you, she is doing the exact opposite. Clearly you are hung up on her, you are on here all bothered and asking friends about it. Time to move on as she is not interested, you can be friends with someone you have feelings for, ever.

I only asked her friend because my cousin was like "Hey... You know that girl may have just been using you for attention"

 

I think we could be friends again if she just lets us. NC isn't bothering me at all right now and I highly doubt it will. I was in total agreement with her

 

And I understand that she has a reason to be mad. That's why I apologized. After she sent a message, I sent one basically telling her I agree with what she said in it. If she replies, should I tell her that I actually cared about her as friends and I genuinely enjoyed our time as friends?

Edited October 13, 2010 by Kain Highwind
Adding to the post

[Weekender]

Stay NC.....Period.

[Left in a Lurch]

I am not sure you are being totally honest. You don't go from liking someone in a romantic way to only wanting to be friends over night. If you are honest with yourself you probably think in the back of your mind if you keep her around she will eventually fall in love with you.

 

You need to think about the next time you hang out, how will you feel if she is with another guy? If you are honest you'll probably look for things that "won't work" between them rather than think, "boy, they make a great couple, I'm so happy for her". That would be unnatural.

 

As far as being friends, how would she feel about talking to you about her BF or personal things now? She will expect you'll give her tainted advice which won't make for a very good friend.

 

Back off, stop analyzing the perfect thing to say to her and give yourself time to actually get over her.

[fabio10]

Kain, I can somewhat relate, I was best friends with a girl for 4years and I mean real best friends we did everything together, talked about everything love lifes, family lifes everything, randomly we got together last year it was great we had a good relationship which lasted 8months but we broke up in July and now our friendship is runied we both talked about what we were risking when we got together but we took the risk and to date it hasnt paid off I love her and part of me always will but we cannot be friends I have been NC with her for weeks she has tried to contact me but I have ignored her why??? .... cause I love her and friends aint enough you need to be honest with yourself you have stronger feelings than friendship and she can tell, if you saw her in love with someone else how would you feel in a bad way I'd imagine, respect her if you care for her and give her and yourself space !

[Kain Highwind]

I am not sure you are being totally honest. You don't go from liking someone in a romantic way to only wanting to be friends over night. If you are honest with yourself you probably think in the back of your mind if you keep her around she will eventually fall in love with you.

 

You need to think about the next time you hang out, how will you feel if she is with another guy? If you are honest you'll probably look for things that "won't work" between them rather than think, "boy, they make a great couple, I'm so happy for her". That would be unnatural.

 

As far as being friends, how would she feel about talking to you about her BF or personal things now? She will expect you'll give her tainted advice which won't make for a very good friend.

 

Back off, stop analyzing the perfect thing to say to her and give yourself time to actually get over her.

I'll admit that I still have feelings for her but I think, given some time, that it will go away

[Left in a Lurch]

I'll admit that I still have feelings for her but I think, given some time, that it will go away

 

Take time off from thinking about the situation and talking about it. You will definitely get over it.

[WTRanger]

Wait until she introduces you to her boyfriend. Then we'll see how over her you are. If you greet the man, then go home and sleep like a baby then you are over her. If you greet the man, then spend the next 4 weeks chasing small forest animals around with a weed-whacker, then you clearly aren't over her.

 

Since you are posting so much, so often, you aren't over her. You are just using "friends" as an inside ticket. It happened twice already, do you want it to happen a third time? Where instead of her saying, "Let's work this out." She tells you, "I've told you before and you still didn't get it, so kick rocks!" Then she cuts you out of her life completely.

 

The only way to get over someone is time away. Do drug and alcohol addicts kick the habit by going to bars or sleeping in crack houses? Nope. They need full and complete distance. This is no different.

[Green]

I'll admit that I still have feelings for her but I think, given some time, that it will go away

 

Take time off from thinking about the situation and talking about it. You will definitely get over it.

 

Good reasoning. NC involves not thinking about it. NC hasn't started till this thread is over.

 

Wait until she introduces you to her boyfriend. Then we'll see how over her you are. If you greet the man, then go home and sleep like a baby then you are over her. If you greet the man, then spend the next 4 weeks chasing small forest animals around with a weed-whacker, then you clearly aren't over her.

 

Since you are posting so much, so often, you aren't over her. You are just using "friends" as an inside ticket. It happened twice already, do you want it to happen a third time? Where instead of her saying, "Let's work this out." She tells you, "I've told you before and you still didn't get it, so kick rocks!" Then she cuts you out of her life completely.

 

The only way to get over someone is time away. Do drug and alcohol addicts kick the habit by going to bars or sleeping in crack houses? Nope. They need full and complete distance. This is no different.

 

His idea of friendship is a little skewed. He obviously has romantic feelings for her and they will always come back. He needs to be honest with himself... and not persue girls with mixed signals. Acting like a friend and done one day confessing feelings for a girl is unlikely to work with a lot of women. It' s just no genuin, romantic, or confident to persue romances by way of friendship.

[strangeways]

You are heading for a world of hurt if you try and be friends with this girl now. When I was 17 I had the same thing, lasted 4 ****ing years. Fell totally head over heals for this girl, we became inseperable best friends. It was a nightmare, whenever she was seeing someone I was crushed. All my friends knew it, even she knew it.

 

I asked her out (more than once), she said no, I was a jibbering wreck.

 

I eventually had enough and broke off contact for three months (which was difficult as we had the same circle of friends), dated someone else I liked and the feelings went. After that we stayed friends and it was a great friendship, always there for each other.

 

We even travelled through India together for 4 months. Wouldn't have wanted to do that with anyone else.

 

I'm glad we never got together because it would probably would have ruined one of the best friendships I've ever had and looking back at it now without the fog of infactuation I realise she really wasn't the girl for me nor I the man for her.

 

I'm 41 now and we still see each other occaisonally, she was at my wedding and I was at hers. I look back now and laugh at what a d**k I was.

[Kain Highwind]

You are heading for a world of hurt if you try and be friends with this girl now. When I was 17 I had the same thing, lasted 4 ****ing years. Fell totally head over heals for this girl, we became inseperable best friends. It was a nightmare, whenever she was seeing someone I was crushed. All my friends knew it, even she knew it.

 

I asked her out (more than once), she said no, I was a jibbering wreck.

 

I eventually had enough and broke off contact for three months (which was difficult as we had the same circle of friends), dated someone else I liked and the feelings went. After that we stayed friends and it was a great friendship, always there for each other.

 

We even travelled through India together for 4 months. Wouldn't have wanted to do that with anyone else.

 

I'm glad we never got together because it would probably would have ruined one of the best friendships I've ever had and looking back at it now without the fog of infactuation I realise she really wasn't the girl for me nor I the man for her.

 

I'm 41 now and we still see each other occaisonally, she was at my wedding and I was at hers. I look back now and laugh at what a d**k I was.

But... I'm not a jibbering wreck right now. Even though she went on a date with someone, that really didn't make me upset. I was just thinking "Oh well"

[strangeways]

I was just thinking "Oh well"

 

Fair enough. When you think "That's nice" you'll be ready for a friendship.