Kain Highwind Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Ok, I've had a crush on my friend for a while. Over the summer, we've been hanging out more and more and she slowly became like my best friend. I enjoyed spending time with her and while I had a small crush before, it went away but it just came back when it seemed like she had feelings for me too. I called her Friday night but she didn't answer. She texted me back Saturday morning saying that she was sorry for not answering because she was on a date. I was like "oh, k" and decided to make a move and ask her on a date. She said no, big deal, but since I asked her on one like four months ago, she basically told me that we had to talk She said we shouldn't talk anymore because she just wants to be friends and I want more. I told her that I was OK with that because she was my best friend and I didn't want our friendship to be ruined over something like this. She said it sounded like I wasn't listening to her (because I asked a long time ago) and that was making her mad. She said we may be friends again if we give each other some alone times. Should I believe that? If I knew this would have happened, I wouldn't have done it. She's always been there for me to talk to if I was upset, we've always had a good time together, we've been really good friends and I don't even have that anymore... I know I'm gonna see her one more time. She was working on a painting for me and she got me a birthday present that she has to give me (She told me yesterday), but I'm afraid I'll never see or talk to her again after that... How can I get my friend back? I don't even care about a relationship now... Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Ok, I've had a crush on my friend for a while. Over the summer, we've been hanging out more and more and she slowly became like my best friend. I enjoyed spending time with her and while I had a small crush before, it went away but it just came back when it seemed like she had feelings for me too. I called her Friday night but she didn't answer. She texted me back Saturday morning saying that she was sorry for not answering because she was on a date. I was like "oh, k" and decided to make a move and ask her on a date. She said no, big deal, but since I asked her on one like four months ago, she basically told me that we had to talk She said we shouldn't talk anymore because she just wants to be friends and I want more. I told her that I was OK with that because she was my best friend and I didn't want our friendship to be ruined over something like this. She said it sounded like I wasn't listening to her (because I asked a long time ago) and that was making her mad. She said we may be friends again if we give each other some alone times. Should I believe that? If I knew this would have happened, I wouldn't have done it. She's always been there for me to talk to if I was upset, we've always had a good time together, we've been really good friends and I don't even have that anymore... I know I'm gonna see her one more time. She was working on a painting for me and she got me a birthday present that she has to give me (She told me yesterday), but I'm afraid I'll never see or talk to her again after that... How can I get my friend back? I don't even care about a relationship now... I know it's hard to realise it now, but she actually did you a favor. She knows you want more than just friendship from her, and if you're honest with yourself, you will admit that you do too. It's really hard and hurtful to "just be friends" with someone you're romantically interested in. Hence the reason why most ex-lovers do not speak/share information for a while until they're both moved on totally, even though you were not involved with her physically, emotionally you are, you need time/space to get over her, like she says, maybe one day in the future you can be. I'd go NC and start from today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 I know it's hard to realise it now, but she actually did you a favor. She knows you want more than just friendship from her, and if you're honest with yourself, you will admit that you do too. It's really hard and hurtful to "just be friends" with someone you're romantically interested in. Hence the reason why most ex-lovers do not speak/share information for a while until they're both moved on totally, even though you were not involved with her physically, emotionally you are, you need time/space to get over her, like she says, maybe one day in the future you can be. I'd go NC and start from today. What's NC? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 Ok, I know what NC is now but for how long? I was thinking like three weeks or a month? Or just until she gives me that painting and go from there? Link to post Share on other sites
Leandro Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Go NC until you are ready to just be friends and no more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 I'm ready for that right now >_> She wasn't the only girl I have feelings for Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 I'm ready for that right now >_> She wasn't the only girl I have feelings for Seems she's not comfortable/believes you though, you can't change the way she feels, only yourself. I wonder why you're posting on this love forum though if you really have no romantic interest and are happy with friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 I did have a romantic interest but since that's not gonna happen and since we were friends before, I wanna keep at least that Link to post Share on other sites
Banega100 Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 I know it's hard to realise it now, but she actually did you a favor. Yeah, Many girls would have used this opportunity to feed you false hope and have you hanging around. She was actually really mature and un-selfish about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 Yeah, Many girls would have used this opportunity to feed you false hope and have you hanging around. She was actually really mature and un-selfish about this. So... You think that leaves me with good hopes of being friends again? Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 So... You think that leaves me with good hopes of being friends again? Hopefully one day, not now though, you need to leave her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 Hopefully one day, not now though, you need to leave her alone. Do you think a month may be long enough time? I mean, we were talking like every day )or every other) Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Do you think a month may be long enough time? I mean, we were talking like every day )or every other) Might be a month, a year, a decade, never, who knows. Just vanish, go NC, if she wants anything from you, she knows how to get hold of you, don't contact her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 Might be a month, a year, a decade, never, who knows. Just vanish, go NC, if she wants anything from you, she knows how to get hold of you, don't contact her. Well I already know she has to get back with me because she's painting me a picture and she still wants to give it to me (That wa sin the last text she sent) and that'll probably be like a month We have to talk then... I may bring up being friends then Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Well I already know she has to get back with me because she's painting me a picture and she still wants to give it to me (That wa sin the last text she sent) and that'll probably be like a month We have to talk then... I may bring up being friends then You can insist you're happy just being friends, but seriously you wouldn't be so bothered if this was the case. You need time to get over her, she needs time too. Wait 'til she gets in touch, don't initiate any contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 You can insist you're happy just being friends, but seriously you wouldn't be so bothered if this was the case. You need time to get over her, she needs time too. Wait 'til she gets in touch, don't initiate any contact. True, but the main reason I'm bothered is because she actually was my best friend that I just happened to get feelings for lol Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Yeah, Many girls would have used this opportunity to feed you false hope and have you hanging around. She was actually really mature and un-selfish about this. Yup, I can't count on my fingers the amount of girls I've had stringing me on after breakups over the years, it destroys you more than you'd ever know. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 True, but the main reason I'm bothered is because she actually was my best friend that I just happened to get feelings for lol Read my words: You cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for Simple as. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 Read my words: You cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for Simple as. I managed to stay friends with this girl throughout high school that I had a huge crush on and she didn't mind. I moved on and we're still friends :/ Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 I managed to stay friends with this girl throughout high school that I had a huge crush on and she didn't mind. I moved on and we're still friends :/ Why set yourself up for the pain of being her "gay best friend" while you watch her kissing other guys etc. It's a sure-fire way to drive you into depression. Either way she's made it clear, you need to respect her wishes or you'll just push her further away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 11, 2010 Author Share Posted October 11, 2010 Why set yourself up for the pain of being her "gay best friend" while you watch her kissing other guys etc. It's a sure-fire way to drive you into depression. Either way she's made it clear, you need to respect her wishes or you'll just push her further away. Its worked for me and other girls before. Sure, it sort of hurt at first, but we just became really good friends and soon it didn't bother me at all. I moved on but I was still able to be around them and enjoy our time together I'm respecting her wishes, I'm giving her time away from me and I sent her a message earlier on FB apologizing for how dramatic I was yesterday (since I was) and basically admitting that she was right about the time and that I agree and I support her decision. I'm just hoping that we can be friends again Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 11, 2010 Author Share Posted October 11, 2010 She got back to me "its cool and thanks for understanding. im not rly upset nemore but i so still feel tht the time to ourselves will still do rly well for the both of us. i worked on ur painting and its goin well jus so u kno." Good? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 12, 2010 Author Share Posted October 12, 2010 And just wondering, its a long shot, but is it possible that she just reacted so harshly because of her period? I can't think of a reason for her to actually be angry over this and she was apologetic today and she said that she wasn't upset anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kain Highwind Posted October 12, 2010 Author Share Posted October 12, 2010 My friend brought this up... Could she have been using me? Link to post Share on other sites
Weekender Posted October 13, 2010 Share Posted October 13, 2010 I'm going to be honest with you: you are totally hung up on her. Her suggestion of space and the fact that she is doing a painting for you suggest she is willing to be your friend, but only that. You need to take her up on the suggestion of getting some space or you will not even be her friend...if that's really okay to you... but from all your posts I think you still want more. If you truely want to be her friend...then go NC until she contacts you for the birthday gift. Depending on how long you've had feelings for her this could take some time on your part. But I would not go analyzing her unless you haven't told us everything here; otherwise you are heading torwards being rejected as a friend too! Link to post Share on other sites
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