brainygirl Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 So, let me give you a little history so this makes sense. I met the guy I've been seeing last april. At the time we lived in the same city and got along ok. We saw each other a few times but didn't get serious or exclusive at all. I was offered a job about 75 miles away and ended up moving in July, but I am still finishing my degree program and so I drive back to that town once a week and see him after class. We've "broken up" a few times but always one or the other calls and says "I miss you". It makes my day when he calls me. So, back and forth, no official title to what we are. My feelings are getting deep enough that I don't want to be friends who happen to sleep together. I don't want to get engaged or anything like that, I just want a title to what we are and what we are doing. So I told him, "I feel like we are a couple, what do you think" and his reply was "Your pushy". I explained to him some of the things I put in this thread, and I haven't heard from him since. This was yesterday night. More "info" - When we are together he holds my hand all the time. He will go days without contacting me and I tend to "break down" and text or call him first, but not always. He will talk about making plans to meet up on a weekend when we don't have our kids (both single parents who's weekends line up), but rarely follows through on that. He's said in the past that if he decides I'm his girlfriend he's afraid he will end up raising four kids (mine plus his). So, here's my question. 1) Is it pushy to want to know where the relationship stands after six months? 2) At what point would you (the answerer) call the whole thing off despite the feelings you have?
DontWorryBHappy Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 "You're pushy"....? He's not that into you. Guaranteed.
sugarmomma Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Maybe he's acting this way because you didn't establish exclusivity before you started having sex. I would become less available for him and start dating others.
yoga18 Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Ummmm no your not being pushing if your having sex with this man then you deserve to know if your a friends with benefits, a booty call, a girlfriend etc. By him saying pushy he bought himself time. If he said yes to your question he's screwed and stuck (he's clearly) not ready. If he said no then he's fu*ked bc he lost a good thing (clearly he's not ready to let you go) So by saying your pushy he bought himself time to allow you to think that you are indeed pushy get you on here asking all kinds of questions ect. When you see him after class if your both in the same class I would say hi but keep moving. Your feelings are going on a one way non refundable trip and your going to be the one person on the plan who crashes and burns alive. He clearly isn't interested in making you the one. Guess what then he isn't YOUR "one" either. You deserve better and more from this man. He makes time to jump in bed with you but not enough time to fallow through on weekend plan noooo wayyyy move on to better
Sabali Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 So Brainygirl, apparently we didn't settle this one several weeks back. That's okay. It's your life. If I recall this guy had nothing going for him but loser-type qualities. Why you would want to even put a title on this thing is beyond me. Really. Why do you want a title for this? What is so great about a title for this? Okay, let's call your relationship with guy "The Bad Idea." Okay, we have a title for this now but I know you were really hoping we could call it a "committed relationship." That is probably the only title you are really interested in and hoping he would say. Just be honest with yourself. Brainygirl, you live long distance which is the kiss of death for even very many strong committed relationships. You broke up many times with this guy which always is like the preview to what will eventually happen for good... you will eventually break up with him for good so you are likely wasting your time. After six months, this guy is telling you that you are "pushy" for asking him to define a relationship that is already clearly defined in my eyes but still, I am not the one you are sleeping with so it is up to him to say something with more substance. Too many people talk about self-esteem issues, bad past relationship experiences, the way their parents treated them, their height, their income, their weight and a lot of other BS when questioned about unwise relationship decisions that they make. When it comes down to it, we have to throw all that stuff aside and just take responsibility for the decisions we make. Don't blame anything or anyone else. What will you decide here? If you decide to stay in this Bad Idea, don't complain about the guy, his drinking issues, evasiveness, etc,. If you decide to leave, that would be great and I would be happy for you.
Author brainygirl Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 So Brainygirl, apparently we didn't settle this one several weeks back. That's okay. It's your life. If I recall this guy had nothing going for him but loser-type qualities. Why you would want to even put a title on this thing is beyond me. Really. Why do you want a title for this? What is so great about a title for this? Okay, let's call your relationship with guy "The Bad Idea." Okay, we have a title for this now but I know you were really hoping we could call it a "committed relationship." That is probably the only title you are really interested in and hoping he would say. Just be honest with yourself. Brainygirl, you live long distance which is the kiss of death for even very many strong committed relationships. You broke up many times with this guy which always is like the preview to what will eventually happen for good... you will eventually break up with him for good so you are likely wasting your time. After six months, this guy is telling you that you are "pushy" for asking him to define a relationship that is already clearly defined in my eyes but still, I am not the one you are sleeping with so it is up to him to say something with more substance. Too many people talk about self-esteem issues, bad past relationship experiences, the way their parents treated them, their height, their income, their weight and a lot of other BS when questioned about unwise relationship decisions that they make. When it comes down to it, we have to throw all that stuff aside and just take responsibility for the decisions we make. Don't blame anything or anyone else. What will you decide here? If you decide to stay in this Bad Idea, don't complain about the guy, his drinking issues, evasiveness, etc,. If you decide to leave, that would be great and I would be happy for you. Thanks. You're right. I'm an idiot. I can't pick men. Its true. There is something wrong with me and I just can't pick a good one, or attract a good one. Too many other issues with me I guess, and you spend enough time alone, and listening to some of the people on here, and you begin to believe that you really aren't worth better . . . .
sugarmomma Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 And she is totally blaming herself saying that SHE got impatient and messed things up. OP you are totally giving your power away in this situation. Things understood need not be explained. That's why there's no need to have a "talk". The message is clear by his behavior. You just need to read the writing on the wall, between the lines or what is clearly in your face.
Author brainygirl Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 And she is totally blaming herself saying that SHE got impatient and messed things up. OP you are totally giving your power away in this situation. Things understood need not be explained. That's why there's no need to have a "talk". The message is clear by his behavior. You just need to read the writing on the wall, between the lines or what is clearly in your face. Yeah, I was so much better at being tough when I was in a place where I was just not going to date period. guess maybe I should go back there
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