question for guys

[yoga18]

Ok so I'm new on here but now its like I can ask people all the questions that have been building in me for a long time. So this is for the boys cause I have no earthly clue. I've been dating an amazing guy for a little over nine months and things are great, never expected someone with the majority of the things I'm looking for. So 9 months and he's never gone um south of the boarder if you get my meaning like NEVER, sex is fun and great. I go south enough that someone's gonna start asking for my passport soon. I happen to love that, but anyway after several months I finally got up the nerve to ask why not? I actually thought it might be me I mean wtf??? But trust me I'm like a seasoned gardner I take care my stuff and he's never been there to even have an opinion. So he got all weird and changed the subject. I'm not one to push much so I only bring it up now and again. So far what I got out of him is that he has done it before and he sorta alluded to the idea that he doesn't like it. Brought it up again today after I came back from the south and he jokingly said we didn't have enough time for such a lengthy conversation. Which we didn't. I in no way believe he is being selfish at all. Could it have been a bad experience? Could he just be bad at it and is afraid to do it? Or could he seriously just hate it? Do guys hate it? If he hates it do I ask him to at least try or is that being selfish

[Surrealist]

A little cryptic there. So what you're saying is sex is fine but he is not keen on going down there and lashing you with his tongue? Okay if this is the case, yes he may not like it. If he hasn't had much experience he may be somewhat scared to or had a previous bad experience because the dirty girl before didn't take good care of herself and turned the poor buggar off for life! Hope this helps.

[yoga18]

Sorry for being cryptic I was trying to keep it PG but yea you got it right. So what do I do I can't exactly force him there. I mean I don't mind if he isn't the best that might work out to be fun learning. However, how do I get him to at least try if he does and doesn't like it fine no big deal. He's awesome enough that I don't care if he hates it but can't he at least try?

[Surrealist]

As a guy myself, at least the last time I checked I was, I'd say he could at least give it a try. Depending on how good your relationship is with him, you could ask him outright if he's ever done it before or no, or if he just doesn't like it? Don't be critical as this may influence him to lie or continue behaving the way he is currently. Maybe you can watch some porn with him where there's plenty of tongue lashing activity and this may wet his appetite!

[Feelin Frisky]

I don't think you were cryptic at all. It was cute the way you put it. This guy may have had a bad experience but that's not an excuse to take it out on you. I lost my virginity to an older woman and her pubes smelled like a bucket of arm pits. I got to quickly hoping to not have to do her. But it didn't occur to me to withhold that from my next love interest. And I was so relieved when I found that "they all" don't smell like those sweathy meat flaps of the first one. I'm sorry you have to face this. It's not a good sign if you have to wonder at this point and he's not even trying for you. Apparently he's hung up about it and perhaps a selfish guy underneath. A woman should be eaten, eaten often and by someone who knows how.

[yoga18]

I know this much he has done it before he answered that question. Relationship is awesome sex is fun involving role play love my costume box etc but he seems to freeze up with this subject

[atlnay]

Sorry for being cryptic I was trying to keep it PG but yea you got it right. So what do I do I can't exactly force him there. I mean I don't mind if he isn't the best that might work out to be fun learning. However, how do I get him to at least try if he does and doesn't like it fine no big deal. He's awesome enough that I don't care if he hates it but can't he at least try?

 

Therein lies the rub OP. Yes he can try but does he have to? No. All you can do is express to him what your needs are in that area and see what he says. Then see if he's willing to try at least once or x # of times a week/month. And see what he comes back with. Then you determine if thats a dealbreaker for you or not.

 

What this will show you is how well you two can compromise and still meet each others needs.

 

Is he fairly generous in other aspects of your relationship or outside of the bedroom do you feel like you put more effort/pull more weight in certain areas?

[atlnay]

I know this much he has done it before he answered that question. Relationship is awesome sex is fun involving role play love my costume box etc but he seems to freeze up with this subject

 

But did he enjoy it? I've known guys that said their girlfriends blackmailed them into doing it (they'd only get reciprocal action if they did) so they grudgingly did it with no enjoyment and no particular preference, some stating they got nothing out of doing it.

 

And I know guys that LOVEEEEE doing it and have women beating them upside the head to stop...lol...

 

Find out which camp he falls into.

[brainygirl]

Here's my take, you like the sex over all -right?

He's a fun boyfriend to have - right?

 

To me, sex is very personal. It takes practice and the right attitude to get right. Asking him to do something he doesn't particularly enjoy or want to do would probably not add to the over all experience.

 

This is someone who enjoys getting oral but who is currently with someone who isn't into giving it. But, he keeps me "happy" so why should I complain?

[yoga18]

We'll I must say that he is giving in many ways I really don't have complaints he makes me super happy. I have never asked him to do it bc I don't want to make him uncomfortable my big issue is that he can't even talk about it I mean he gets al weird even when I ask him outright. I don't know what the deal is, but if you saw the way he acted you would feel really bad for him too. I really don't see him being selfish but I need to get him to at least try then when he's done he can say "yep still hate it" I won't be offended but man what a loss. I swear if he were not as great of a guy I'd say see ya but he's a total keeper

[atlnay]

We'll I must say that he is giving in many ways I really don't have complaints he makes me super happy. I have never asked him to do it bc I don't want to make him uncomfortable my big issue is that he can't even talk about it I mean he gets al weird even when I ask him outright. I don't know what the deal is, but if you saw the way he acted you would feel really bad for him too. I really don't see him being selfish but I need to get him to at least try then when he's done he can say "yep still hate it" I won't be offended but man what a loss. I swear if he were not as great of a guy I'd say see ya but he's a total keeper

 

If he's a total keeper then PLEASE don't bring trouble where there isn't any. If it's not a huge must for you, then let it go OP. Don't try to analyze his behavior or pressure him in any way to give it a try. What if he doesn't have the reaction you expect?

 

If I were you, I'd have a serious conversation, not while we are in the middle of sex, about our sexual desires and at that time ask him non confrontational questions about his past experience doing it. How he feels about oral sex in general and express my needs at that point.

 

He's can't read your mind and it's not fair to expect him to do something he may have reasons for not wanting to do. And it's not fair for you to be frustrated if it's something you desire.

 

Just have a conversation with him, can you try that?

[yoga18]

I can talk with him no problem and I'm not one to pressure either. I can't talk to him until he has some time off of work. Its a crazy schedule for him only 2 days off each month, but when this job is over he will be off for awhile. He works nights I work days so when he's off we will talk.

[that girl]

I've known guys that said their girlfriends blackmailed them into doing it (they'd only get reciprocal action if they did)

That really isn't blackmail. The guys could have just chosen to go without blow jobs, no one was forcing them.

 

I don't think anyone should be pressuring into a sex act they don't enjoy, but it is reasonable to talk about. A guy who doesn't go down is more complicated than say, a woman who won't do anal because many women only orgasm from oral sex whereas I've never heard of a man who only orgasms through anal. If you're sexually satisfied but miss this particular act, you have to think about how important it is to you.

 

I'm also curious if he ever gets anywhere near it at all- like fingering you or kissing your belly or thighs.

 

Bring it up when you're not in the middle of sex and be open to hearing what he has to say.

[yoga18]

No he doesn't go anywhere near it other than with his disco stick lol no fingers nothing its odd to me but ok wait that's a lie the other day I had on yoga pants and I was laying in bed and he did use his finger on my you know....and was rubbing for a few seconds it actually caught me off guard and like an ass instead of just letting him do it I made a big deal about where his hand was and mentioned that it was the first time he's touched me there....yea I know I'm kickin my ass now

[brainygirl]

No he doesn't go anywhere near it other than with his disco stick lol no fingers nothing its odd to me but ok wait that's a lie the other day I had on yoga pants and I was laying in bed and he did use his finger on my you know....and was rubbing for a few seconds it actually caught me off guard and like an ass instead of just letting him do it I made a big deal about where his hand was and mentioned that it was the first time he's touched me there....yea I know I'm kickin my ass now

 

THAT I woulda taken full advantage of . . .

[yoga18]

Reenactment might be needed I think I can make it happen lol hey I was startled but damn what a missed opportunity on my part. I'm gonna fix that real fast to bad he's working maybe a naughty text is needed

[atlnay]

That really isn't blackmail. The guys could have just chosen to go without blow jobs, no one was forcing them.

 

I wasn't calling it blackmail, but using the word the guys used on how they felt. *shrug*

[that girl]

I wasn't calling it blackmail, but using the word the guys used on how they felt. *shrug*

They don't sound like very nice guys.

 

Atlnay, you should stop beating yourself up.

 

It is a little odd that your boyfriend never gets anywhere near your vagina unless he is about to penetrate you. So it isn't surprising that you would be caught off guard when for the first time in nine months he touches your vagina.

 

Something is going on. It is one thing to not be into oral sex, it is another thing to never get near your partner's genitals during sex. You need to brooch the subject in a non-judgmental way, but somehow you two have to talk.

 

Do you orgasm regularly with him?

[Ruby Slippers]

You have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you.

 

It would be for me.

 

I would never be in a relationship with a man who did not enjoy oral sex in both directions. I would just feel too deprived and unsatisfied, and I'm sure my mind would start to wander.

[yoga18]

Odd yes but not a reason to dump him. I have thought ood everything trust me just cause he's so awesome. I'm wondering if he just isn't sure what to do. Not making excuses but I've taught him how to be more adventurous in the bedroom role play, dress up, spanking, ( can't believe I just admitted that) but its all been by encouragement. However, I've never guided or helped that along. But I'm going to try not push but try I'll start with the hands. Really he's so awesome! Oh and yes to answer someone's question earlier I orgasm almost all the time. He's one of those guys that I get ummm excited just seeing him with his shirt off

[atlnay]

Atlnay, you should stop beating yourself up.

LOL, Just to clarify, I'm not beating myself up. Maybe you meant that for the OP?

 

They don't sound like very nice guys.

 

As for my male friends not sounding very nice, I know them and I wont even make that judgment call.

 

I would call them brutally honest when we talk about male/female relationships. All I can offer is from based on what they've told me.

 

Which is their POV when it comes to oral sex if a female does the "i'm doing you x amount of times you do me" or make it tit for tat (again from their POV)...they feel blackmailed or forced.

 

I accept that's how they feel and while not all my male friends have that POV (I posted also that I have some that LOVE it with no qualms) it's a fact that some men don't and resent being what they perceive as forced to do it and I don't see how that has any bearing on whether or not he's nice...*shrug*

[Jannah]

His disco stick...

 

Reminds one of a Lady Gaga tune.

[yoga18]

Yea little lost not sure if I can write male anatomy on here so disco stick came to me. Seriously Lady G is all they play around here drives me a little batty but no I can't do the whole I went south of the boarder for you for 15 your turn let's start the clocks. If that's the case not much around here would get done. I don't think you understand just how much I enjoy going south. It wouldn't be fair and well you get the point. Anyway I actually talked a little to him this am when he got home at 5:30 he said a reenactment sounded like fun.....wish me luck cause I'm trying today.

[Jannah]

Well you could try phrasing as such:

 

You love making love to his penis with your mouth.

[Sabali]

He just better get down there. Period! Next time, push his head down there and hold it down there like you are holding it under water. $#it, what's wrong with him...