CrestfallenNoMore Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 This happened to me again just today. Exchanged a couple of flirty e-mails with a guy on an online dating site. Guy then asks me what IM programs I use. In my e-mail response, I give him two options, flirt a little more, and then send it. He responds with the IM program he uses (which are not either of the ones I use), one sentence about how his day is going, and then tells me "he'll be available tonight" (despite me having told him I was going to a play tonight). So now we've entered the "I have this IM program/well, I have this IM program" stalemate. And now we'll never speak again because obviously we each think the other person should prove his/her level of interest by downloading one of the programs the other uses. Gotta love online dating.
atlnay Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 So now we've entered the "I have this IM program/well, I have this IM program" stalemate. And now we'll never speak again because obviously we each think the other person should prove his/her level of interest by downloading one of the programs the other uses. Gotta love online dating. LOLOL!! Classic & so true.
BobSacamento Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Solution: Do not use IM in online dating. Only use email.
Author CrestfallenNoMore Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 Solution: Do not use IM in online dating. Only use email. Yeah, unfortunately my quick wit lends itself well to IM; that's usually where I "seal the deal." Or, where I find out if he's illiterate and boring as a turnip. It's a nice step between e-mail and phone as I have a very uncommon last name and don't like giving my number out until just before a date.
theBrokenMuse Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Why not just download Trillian and be able to use all the major Instant Messaging systems all from off of one program? Then it will never happen again.
BobSacamento Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Yeah, unfortunately my quick wit lends itself well to IM; that's usually where I "seal the deal." Or, where I find out if he's illiterate and boring as a turnip. It's a nice step between e-mail and phone as I have a very uncommon last name and don't like giving my number out until just before a date. I usually do not even ask for a number until I meet the person. That has backfired though. I met one girl that sounded like a clown. Anyway, my point is, do you always have to go with some set chain of events? I know I have a system. E-mail for about a week or after about 5 or 6 exchanges and then ask her out to coffee. However, I have made some compromises along the way. Usually it's FB chat.
Author CrestfallenNoMore Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 Why not just download Trillian and be able to use all the major Instant Messaging systems all from off of one program? Then it will never happen again. Gah, I hated Trillian. Might have to reconsider that, though. Just never liked the interface.
alexlakeman Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I never I'm. We exchange a ouple of emails through match tthen either ask her for her # or give her my email & let her know itrs easier via email or phone for me. Once exchange one email via personal email if I didn't ask for d number by now, NOW is the time to ask for it. No time to be a couple of wks between email & I'm. I set up a misc email just for online dating, so no psycho can track my email to my personal life NOR do I give out my last name.
atlnay Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I usually do not even ask for a number until I meet the person. That has backfired though. I met one girl that sounded like a clown. Anyway, my point is, do you always have to go with some set chain of events? I know I have a system. E-mail for about a week or after about 5 or 6 exchanges and then ask her out to coffee. However, I have made some compromises along the way. Usually it's FB chat. LOLOL I always JOKE with guys, when we get to the phone call stage, yea let's make sure our voices sound ok. I'd hate to show up and meet you to find out you have a high pitch voice (likely) and I could sound like an airhead (slim to none)...lol...but I never truly thought the woman would have the effed up voice...lol...too funny!
Author CrestfallenNoMore Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 I usually do not even ask for a number until I meet the person. That has backfired though. I met one girl that sounded like a clown. Anyway, my point is, do you always have to go with some set chain of events? I know I have a system. E-mail for about a week or after about 5 or 6 exchanges and then ask her out to coffee. However, I have made some compromises along the way. Usually it's FB chat. I do have a "system," but I'm somewhat flexible. I do like to exchange a few e-mails at first (which is not negotiable for me, because this is where most of the weeding out occurs) and then move to chat, then a phone call. But I don't drag it out; this usually happens in a period of anywhere from 5-10 days before first meet. I can skip either the phone or the IM if there's definite interest there on both sides. I don't EVER add anyone I'm dating to FB. Too personal, too soon, so that's not an option for chat.
Author CrestfallenNoMore Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 I never I'm. We exchange a ouple of emails through match tthen either ask her for her # or give her my email & let her know itrs easier via email or phone for me. Once exchange one email via personal email if I didn't ask for d number by now, NOW is the time to ask for it. No time to be a couple of wks between email & I'm. I set up a misc email just for online dating, so no psycho can track my email to my personal life NOR do I give out my last name. Yeah, if he'd even said "You know, I don't have either of those IM programs; can we chat on the phone instead?" I would have proceeded forward with it. It was the fact that he asked for my IM information, I gave it to him, and when he evidently didn't have those programs, he gave me his IM knowing I didn't have it, so put the work back on me to reach out to him. He then made it clear that he didn't read my e-mail by suggesting we chat tonight when I'd already told him I wasn't going to be around. That's the problem with online dating, unfortunately. It's too easy to have a situation like this and extrapolate it into lack of interest.
atlnay Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I do have a "system," but I'm somewhat flexible. I do like to exchange a few e-mails at first (which is not negotiable for me, because this is where most of the weeding out occurs) and then move to chat, then a phone call. But I don't drag it out; this usually happens in a period of anywhere from 5-10 days before first meet. I can skip either the phone or the IM if there's definite interest there on both sides. I don't EVER add anyone I'm dating to FB. Too personal, too soon, so that's not an option for chat. I have a similiar system, I too am flexible with. Initial email/pic exchange. After an email or two, to make sure he gives good word chat. We move to texting or iming. Then phone call. Then casual meet & greet and THEN first date if at that point the real life chemistry is there. And it goes with the flow on each person. Some I've met within 2 days, some took a week or so. But always natural and at any stage I feel jittery, I stay there till I feel comfortable or realize it wont go further. In some cases, I've skipped stages and had GREAT results...others...not so much...lol...always in good fun tho AND I NEVER do FB thing till we've remained good friends post relationship. FB is too much period!
BobSacamento Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I have a similiar system, I too am flexible with. Initial email/pic exchange. After an email or two, to make sure he gives good word chat. We move to texting or iming. Then phone call. Then casual meet & greet and THEN first date if at that point the real life chemistry is there. And it goes with the flow on each person. Some I've met within 2 days, some took a week or so. But always natural and at any stage I feel jittery, I stay there till I feel comfortable or realize it wont go further. In some cases, I've skipped stages and had GREAT results...others...not so much...lol...always in good fun tho AND I NEVER do FB thing till we've remained good friends post relationship. FB is too much period! I agree with you all about the FB thing. I never initiate it. I guess some women want to make sure you are who you say you are or something.
Disillusioned Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I tried that IM thing once and found it utterly useless and stupid. The person at the other end acted totally clueless. I stick with IRL whenever possible. >:-)
Cee Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I've done IM in online dating. It has it's uses and it's often easier than texting. But very few people get access to my IM because it uses my real name. At the moment, I only have two people who I IM- a ex coworker & an ex dating partner. We use it to gossip during the day.
Recommended Posts