lilbunny Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 In the UK unmarried couples have the 50/50 split, but married couples have to take in to account the current circumstances, who put in what, who earned what. I know because I found out to my detriment that I'd have been MUCH better off had I married my POS ex. I could have taken away what I put in, instead I'm fighting for every goddamn penny. I think unmarried couples are in a far worse position. Unless your name is on it you are entitled to nothing. I got nothing from a flat I'd paid half for from the day we got it, he kept evrything we owned that was in it and a car I had also paid half the repayments on for nearly a year. I was lucky to walk away with the clothes I stood up in and legally didn't have a leg to stand on. There were practical reasons my name wasn't there FT student when we bought the flat therefore no mortgage worthy, I don't even drive, but it was meant to be a live improving purchase for us both. Won't be doing that again in a hurry! Fight for what's yours hun! I should have. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerLady Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 I am aware this subject has probably been done to death on this board, however I thought I would start a new thread on this specific matter... I was just thinking, what man would risk leaving his wife and losing everything he has ever worked for (amongst all the other major obstacles/problems that come with separation/divorce) to be with the other woman? I know this varies depending on the state but here in the UK, if a wife divorces her husband on the grounds of adultery then he is taken to the cleaners and loses everything. So let's just imagine a guy in his 40's who has been married for decades, he is a company director bringing home an ample salary, has a big house in the suburbs with 2 kids and a dog, his wife is a stay at home Mum. He is unhappy in his marriage for whatever reason and ends up cheating on his wife and falling in love with another woman. If he leaves he is liable to pay for the standard of living that his wife and kids have become accustomed to - meaning maintanence for the kids, still paying the mortgage/other bills etc etc. More than likely he will lose the house as well, probably not even be entitled to a percentage. On top of that, he will have to pay for a new place for himself with or without the other woman, plus a whole new set of bills, food, car, and all the other essentials. Therefore, how is leaving for the other woman even financially possible for most?! I think money has everything to do with why many men end up staying. I know that staying in an unhappy situation is futile and unfair on all parties, but which is the better option here??? Lose all material things and struggle financially yet be emotionally happy and honest with everyone, or stick with the status quo but be unhappy and unfulfilled? I actually disagree. Its def a factor but not the main factor in my opinion. If the married man really loved the OW he would leave his wife and give up the idea of the money issue. The problem I am hearing is cake eating really. Why leave and give up money if you can have your cake and eat it too, no reason to really.....You can have your money and have the OW on the side. No reason to change it up.. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Lil bunny Im afraid you are wrong. In UK divorce case there are legal obligations not just moral obligations and women who have no children have gotten significant awards if they have not worked and are contributing to their husbands careers. That being said heartbroken this man is a total loser. He has hurt you countless times. You have to assume every word that comes out of his mouth is a lie. The way he has treated you, left you hanging moved without telling you etc etc etc. Its so shameful it doesnt matter whether he stays for financial reasons or stays because he loves her. The fact of the matter is, hes bad news Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 I was just thinking, what man would risk leaving his wife and losing everything he has ever worked for (amongst all the other major obstacles/problems that come with separation/divorce) to be with the other woman? Because he loves her and values that above all else. I wouldn't even want to be with a man who thought money and security were more important. It's not one of my values. I value love and family and education and a great pair of shoes! Money is fleeting. But the breath of your lover telling you he loves you is worth more than a trillion dollars... It boils down to values. What are yours? And why stay with someone who doesn't share them? GEL Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Because he loves her and values that above all else. I wouldn't even want to be with a man who thought money and security were more important. It's not one of my values. I value love and family and education and a great pair of shoes! Money is fleeting. But the breath of your lover telling you he loves you is worth more than a trillion dollars... It boils down to values. What are yours? And why stay with someone who doesn't share them? GELWell said GEL....do you have a sister who is single?:love: Seriously I walked away from everything when I started my divorce. I thought or hoped the MW would have done the same but I also knew I could very well be alone too. Like GEL says it all comes down to VALUES. It would appear that my xW or my xMW didn't share them either. Link to post Share on other sites
drnitz Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 I am new to the forum. I am in a state of total mental confusion, and I fear a meltdown. I am the WM involved with an unmarried OW. She has gone NC cold turkey, and I am going nuts. I love my wife (or so I think), yet the idea of losing this woman destroys me. If I were single I doubt I would pair with her long term. I am a pig, and this whole affair has shown that to me. Amazing how selfish one can be. Talking about having your cake and eating it too! It hurts when you have to pay for the cake. I thought i was better than this. If you are considering an affair, be prepared to possible see a part of yourself that you would rather not. My father spent years in an unhappy M because of finances. In the end he did leave, it just took him much longer. He left for himself as he was unhappy but his OW, my stepmother, was there through it all. When I told her I met an MM, she strongly advised against it, saying there will be more pain than pleasure, that I could be waiting a long time. I did it anyway, and have been 'with' MM for 8 months. Whether or not MM will really divorce I don't know, but he and W are on good terms and civilised, and she has signed a pre-nup so at least that side of things is clearer than most I assume... MM also told me that a lot of the times men don't leave as they are really afraid of losing the kids, or hardly seeing them. Link to post Share on other sites
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