Insanitylater Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I email a woman on a dating site. She responds. We email a few times back and forth over 2-3 days. All of a sudden she stops. But continues to be active on the site. You wait, and wait and wait to see if she responds. After maybe a week, you email her again asking if shes still interested, and then she uses your actions against you , saying something like " yikes, you seem too aggressive for me" or " wow you obviously dont understand that my life doesnt revolve around this site" I think many of these women use your actions against you, so they dont have to get their hands dirty. They already made the decision to cut ties, but if you question them, its gives them an excuse to make you look like you are entering stalker mode.
lovestruck818 Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Sorry but she probably just wasn't interested and was ignoring you rather than coming out and saying it. I don't mean that in a mean way, but it's often easier for people to just avoid the other person than to be honest about it. Don't take it personal. Online dating sucks anyway. Good luck!
Author Insanitylater Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 I know they are avoiding me. The point is that they use my questioning as a way to turn it around and make it seem like its MY fault they are ending it.
atlnay Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 What I am posting is based on the caveat that this is you emailing an unknown woman over a 2-3 day period. I email a woman on a dating site. She responds. We email a few times back and forth over 2-3 days. All of a sudden she stops. But continues to be active on the site. You wait, and wait and wait to see if she responds. What was your last email to her before she stopped? What was her last email to you? Um the fact that this continued (in your world) AFTER she stopped is a sign that you are entering stalker mode. They already made the decision to cut ties, but if you question them Huh? What is there to question? Woman (after 3 days of emails): "I've decided not to be with you." Man (after 3 days of emails): "Ok. You have a good life." *delete contact* The fact that you are questioning a stranger is what makes you *seem* stalkerish.
atlnay Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I know they are avoiding me. The point is that they use my questioning as a way to turn it around and make it seem like its MY fault they are ending it. Why are you pursuing people that don't want to be with you? Male or female that's not a good thing. Don't question why, unless you are finding that over and over you are not getting women, then you can ask women to be honest about what it is about you that is turning them off and use that information to your advantage. If you are questioning them for your own ego or like they owe you an explanation, you need to start moving on when you are rejected.
Scottdmw Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 You guys are being pretty hard on the OP, and more importantly missing the point. Of course the woman he was e-mailing has a total right to drop contact. No question. She also has a right to ignore him when he asks why. What she shouldn't be doing, as he rightly points out, is blaming him with an obviously BS excuse for why she did it. The right thing to do would be to simply ignore his e-mail again or tell him politely that she is simply not interested. I think it's completely legitimate for him to be _slightly_ upset that she didn't do that. Scott
atlnay Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 You guys are being pretty hard on the OP, and more importantly missing the point. Of course the woman he was e-mailing has a total right to drop contact. No question. She also has a right to ignore him when he asks why. What she shouldn't be doing, as he rightly points out, is blaming him with an obviously BS excuse for why she did it. The right thing to do would be to simply ignore his e-mail again or tell him politely that she is simply not interested. I think it's completely legitimate for him to be _slightly_ upset that she didn't do that. Scott Ok, you can't say ignore him in ONE setting is ok and ignore in in ANOTHER setting isn't. Using that logic....why stop at one more email...why not email daily? How would I know someone's email quotient of getting the hint? Lol Seriously tho... I beg to differ on what expected after 3 days. If this was a month long, maybe even week of emailing, then yes, I'd say she should've answered him, THEN ignore if he persists. But 3 days? And I haven't even exchanged phone numbers with you? We haven't texted? I personally don't feel I owe ANY body online a reply in that setting. Not saying I wouldn't reply with a reason, I actually would to be honest. But 3 days of email contact doesn't hold much weight in my world, so I don't fault her for going NC immediately. Besides, we really don't know what signs/tendencies turned her off from him and he says this happens to him quite a bit...so yea...I'd be leery.
alexlakeman Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 As was said you are getting to stalker zone. That happens allllllllll the time both ways , we can email back and fourth and I ask her for her #, den I never hear from her. I don't sit there waiting for jer and tracking to SEE when she's online! I do myself. If I email, for example 5 women, and 3 respond to me, my plate is full with those ph numbers or I want to focus on a particular woman, the ones that had been emailing back and fourth are just left there hanging. They'be never written back asking why I didn't write back or call them.
atlnay Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 As was said you are getting to stalker zone. That happens allllllllll the time both ways , we can email back and fourth and I ask her for her #, den I never hear from her. I don't sit there waiting for jer and tracking to SEE when she's online! I do myself. If I email, for example 5 women, and 3 respond to me, my plate is full with those ph numbers or I want to focus on a particular woman, the ones that had been emailing back and fourth are just left there hanging. They'be never written back asking why I didn't write back or call them. THIS! When you are online dating you're plate should be as full as you can juggle. And someone will always rank lowest. While I tend to have a decent amount of replies to my ads, I have had guys stop contact with me after a flurry of initial emails and *seemingly* mutual interest. *shrug* I usually let it go and move on to those still on my plate. Now if he was a guy I had HIGH interest in, in a week or so I'd reach out with a generic, "I hope all is well, hit me back when you're free" message. No response = he's not interested. I move on 100%.
Recommended Posts