paleblue Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I have a date with a new girl lined up for next weekend. She is smart, looks good. She is 37. I am 38. I am totally looking forward to it! Now I also have a “friend” that has played games with me for the last year. She is 30. First she was interested, than not. Then she was. Now she just wants to be “friends”. We have never done anything romatically, but she tries to ruin dates on me. What the hell? 2 months ago I told her, enough is enough, and I went NC. I planned on keeping it that way. 2 weeks ago she contacts me again. She wants to meet up. I do. I get a pat on the back (Whoa, don’t strain yourself), And I realize it’s the same old same. After our re-kindling, she doesn’t even bother to ask if I am dating anyone. Last weekend she texts me in a frantic state of mind over something ridiculous at 11:30 last Saturday night. Something about furniture. I don’t remember. How does she know I’m not out on a date or with someone? Its like the same old pattern. Like she is trying to be nosey and ruin things for me!! I hope she doesn’t go psycho on me when I tell her I am going on a date. Last time I did that, she became super obsessive and wouldn’t leave me alone. Why do women do this? Especially if they don’t want to be with you? Is it daddy issues?
gypsy_nicky Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 (edited) your letting her treat you badly. You are under no obligation to reply to her intrusive texts/calls when youre out doing private matters. Your dating life is none of her business too. Edited October 8, 2010 by gypsy_nicky
theBrokenMuse Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 The answer is simple. Get the woman and all the drama she brings with her out of your life FOR GOOD.
hellhathnofury Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 ....I also have a “friend” that has played games with me for the last year. .... 2 months ago I told her, enough is enough, and I went NC. I planned on keeping it that way. 2 weeks ago she contacts me again. She wants to meet up. I do. ....Its like the same old pattern. Like she is trying to be nosey and ruin things for me!! I hope she doesn’t go psycho on me when I tell her I am going on a date. Last time I did that, she became super obsessive and wouldn’t leave me alone. Why do women do this? Especially if they don’t want to be with you? Is it daddy issues? Gypsy's right. She's not doing this to you. You're enabling her. Read your signature....
Author paleblue Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 Good point. I didn’t look at it like that before, enabling her. I thought I was just being friendly since she was and there are no hard feelings. I hate having to be a d*ck unless it’s something huge. If this new chick works out, and she becomes intrusive, I’ll just tell her to knock it off. Just don’t get what kind of jollies she gets out of it. I am beginning to think some women get off on mind games instead of sex. Which seems slightly psychotic.
freestyle Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 How has your 'friend' ruined dates for in the past--is it just that she's texting you while you're out, or has she done other stuff?
Jannah Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 2 months ago I told her, enough is enough, and I went NC. I planned on keeping it that way. 2 weeks ago she contacts me again. She wants to meet up. I do. This was the mistake right here...
BobSacamento Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 This is a clear example of why women can't be friends. They can't wrap their mind around Bro Code.
Author paleblue Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 What she does when I tell her I am talking to someone new, she will first act like she doesn’t care, like hey, do what you want, go out and enjoy, etc., But then after a week or so, her interest level will suddenly sky rocket. Instead of hearing from her once a day or whatever, I will then start hearing from her allll day. Instead of meeting up once every few of weeks, she will want to meet up 1-2x a week. She will start texting and calling me when she knows I am on my date. My date is like who is that? Sometimes I forget to turn off my phone. I shouldn’t have to anyway.
freestyle Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Your friend is not being a true friend. True friends don't sabotage the love-lives of their friends. Ever. Period. She's playing a game of push-pull with you.She get her ego fed by knowing that you're at her beck and call. She doesn't want you , but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. My guess is that she sees you as the BBBF-the back-burner boyfriend. You're supposed to be waiting patiently for her in case she ever needs your attention--the fall-back guy. I've known women like that , and the chances are real good, that if you ever do get into a serious relationship with someone else-she'll try to create conflict, and stir up crap between you & whoever you're dating.It can become very toxic........... From my own experience, I dated a guy with a female "friend" like that--and she tried real hard to break us up, she pulled me to side and gave me an earful about what my guy was "really like":rolleyes:behind his back---none of it was true........And then she still pretended to be my guy's friend, after trash-talking him behind his back. This could very well happen to you, too, if you maintain this friendship. I think it's time to kick your friend to the curb---it sounds like she only cares about her own agenda.
hellhathnofury Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Don't tell her anything she has no right to know. And there's nothing wrong with turning your 'phone off. Especially when you're on a date with someone. That shows respect and attentiveness.
mortensorchid Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I don't know why you would even TELL her that you're going out on a date with someone else, let alone do anything else. You shouldn't waste your time with this woman, she's treating you badly. This is a rough lesson we all have to learn, even the most generous, most patient, most saintly person has to learn that there are bad people in the world. I trust that you will do the right thing and cut this person out of your life.
Left in a Lurch Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I have a feeling you are getting an ego stroke from her. I would guess it bothers you that she doesn't always show interest so you keep in contact and let her know about your dates so she will show you interest and you won't feel rejected. I think maybe if you accept the fact that you are not exactly being rejected but she may not be totally into you on a high level you could move on from this cycle.
Insanitylater Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Have the new girl kick the old girls ass, since you cant hit a girl yourself
Author paleblue Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 I have a feeling you are getting an ego stroke from her. I would guess it bothers you that she doesn't always show interest so you keep in contact and let her know about your dates so she will show you interest and you won't feel rejected. I think maybe if you accept the fact that you are not exactly being rejected but she may not be totally into you on a high level you could move on from this cycle. ehhhh not exactly. what i am getting at this point is a chucke out of it because she continually contacts me, but nothing ever comes from it. i really dont do much initating anymore. i accepted the fact a looong time ago that she is not romantically interested, which is why i go on other dates. it's no big deal if she isn't. ya win some, ya lose some. thats true for everyone. and life goes on. i just dont get why she continually keeps in contact if she never wants to actually do anything. why bother? its becoming annoying. and its wasting my time.
phineas Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 ehhhh not exactly. what i am getting at this point is a chucke out of it because she continually contacts me, but nothing ever comes from it. i really dont do much initating anymore. i accepted the fact a looong time ago that she is not romantically interested, which is why i go on other dates. it's no big deal if she isn't. ya win some, ya lose some. thats true for everyone. and life goes on. i just dont get why she continually keeps in contact if she never wants to actually do anything. why bother? its becoming annoying. and its wasting my time. Because she is bat-chit crazy. I had a "friend" like this. Holy cock-block batman. If I tried talking to any other women at happy hour she'd ruin it. It wasn't hard. she was hot. all she had to do was come over to me & do that territorial thing women do when they see another woman scoping out their man. I literally had to tell her to f-off & mean it. The first time I let her back in & she pulled the same crap again. I ignored her for like 8 months. Then she sent me a valentine. I kept ignoring her. LOL! life was good & drama free.
dispatch3d Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Good point. I didn’t look at it like that before, enabling her. I thought I was just being friendly since she was and there are no hard feelings. I hate having to be a d*ck unless it’s something huge. If this new chick works out, and she becomes intrusive, I’ll just tell her to knock it off. Just don’t get what kind of jollies she gets out of it. I am beginning to think some women get off on mind games instead of sex. Which seems slightly psychotic. she seems to lack any consideration for others. She appears to be very narcisstic. The whole freaking out at furniture thing at 11:30 on a saturday night. I think this girl is poison and you need her to get lost. If, hypothetically, you set boundaries and she stuck to them this could work. However, I'm somewhat doubt your ability to set boundaries, and I'm very very very doubting of her giving a **** about anyone else but herself.
BobSacamento Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Doesn't this prove to you that women can't be friends? They don't uphold the bro code. The only code they live by is misery loves company.
Author paleblue Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Because she is bat-chit crazy. I had a "friend" like this. Holy cock-block batman. If I tried talking to any other women at happy hour she'd ruin it. It wasn't hard. she was hot. all she had to do was come over to me & do that territorial thing women do when they see another woman scoping out their man. I literally had to tell her to f-off & mean it. The first time I let her back in & she pulled the same crap again. I ignored her for like 8 months. Then she sent me a valentine. I kept ignoring her. LOL! life was good & drama free. yup, this is round two and she hasnt wasted any time pulling the same crap. i hate having to cut people loose. why cant she just be cool and stop acting like an ayyyyy whole so i dont have to do that. guess you guys are right. this isn't friends :mad::mad::mad: the good news my date got bumped up to today, she doesnt want to wait and if that works out i wont have to worry about this situation anymore
Author paleblue Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 she seems to lack any consideration for others. She appears to be very narcisstic. The whole freaking out at furniture thing at 11:30 on a saturday night. I think this girl is poison and you need her to get lost. If, hypothetically, you set boundaries and she stuck to them this could work. However, I'm somewhat doubt your ability to set boundaries, and I'm very very very doubting of her giving a **** about anyone else but herself. Agreed. and you are right, I am not good at setting boundaries. The whole point of having a relationship with her is so we can have a relationship, not pussyfoot around with this garbage. Doesn't this prove to you that women can't be friends? They don't uphold the bro code. The only code they live by is misery loves company. I am beginning to think you are correct. Looks like my "friend" might be a non issue going forward anyway. Just got back from my date. It went well and she is real interested in seeing each other again. She kept touching my hands the whole time. She is pretty cute. She gave me cookies and I got a real hug not just a pat on the back. Score!
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