lilbunny Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I am new to the world of online dating and to be honest the whole dating game isn't something I've been involved in, as I've generally fallen into a R with someone I knew anyway. I had been emailing a guy for about a week and a half and things were going well. He asked me if I wanted to go out and I said yes and asked if he wanted to exchange phone numbers. He emailed back with his numbers and I sent him a text saying hi etc. We ended up texting each other all evening and he said he had enjoyed it. That was Monday and I haven't heard anything from him since. Firstly, would I expect to have heard something by now i.e. he isn't really that interested. Is he waiting for me to suggest a time and day etc to meet up? Would it not seem overly keen or pushing for me to get in touch? I really am clueless, any thoughts and advice appreciated.
Author lilbunny Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 Say hello, and see what he's up to. That is exactly what I would do left to my own devices I think. I'm just a bit lost in all of these dating regulations everyone else seems to understand! I tend to be very upfront. If I like someone I will just say so, if I don't want to see someone again I will be honest etc.
Author lilbunny Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 Doesn't anyone know how talk on a phone anymore? Yes but between two mobile phones it is extremely expensive to have anything more than a very brief chat. I can't really afford a £500 phone bill. I suppose I am assuming that if he hasn't been in touch to arrange anything then I am probably wasting my time. I would just contact someone in other circumstances, but I have always known that person already and this is a total stranger. I have no idea what is a reasonable amount of time is to wait and until I know what is going on I am not following up anything else because I don't believe in dating more than one person at a time.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 If it's been since Monday, I would infer that he's not really interested in going out at this point. In my experiences in online dating, guys generally want to get to the "meet" portion pretty quickly. Decent guys are willing to exchange a few e-mails/texts/calls, but after a week or two, they are going to be pushing to meet if they're really interested. I would just assume it's done at this point. I certainly wouldn't contact him. Chasing a guy who has little to no interest will either be fruitless or he'll stay in the picture in the off chance he'll at least get sex from you.
Author lilbunny Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 If it's been since Monday, I would infer that he's not really interested in going out at this point. In my experiences in online dating, guys generally want to get to the "meet" portion pretty quickly. Decent guys are willing to exchange a few e-mails/texts/calls, but after a week or two, they are going to be pushing to meet if they're really interested. I would just assume it's done at this point. I certainly wouldn't contact him. Chasing a guy who has little to no interest will either be fruitless or he'll stay in the picture in the off chance he'll at least get sex from you. I did think if he was interested he would have at least been in touch to set up a date of some sort. My only reservation was that I wondered if they were more likely to leave it to the girl because of the safety/meeting strangers issue. I am bemused as to why someone would spend rather a lot of time emailing, ask to take me out, give out their number and respond immediately, say unprompted how much they had enjoyed the chat etc then just not bother anymore. It seems an odd way of going on and wasting everyone's time including his own to serve no purpose. I'm not sure this online thing is for me at all.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I did think if he was interested he would have at least been in touch to set up a date of some sort. My only reservation was that I wondered if they were more likely to leave it to the girl because of the safety/meeting strangers issue. I am bemused as to why someone would spend rather a lot of time emailing, ask to take me out, give out their number and respond immediately, say unprompted how much they had enjoyed the chat etc then just not bother anymore. It seems an odd way of going on and wasting everyone's time including his own to serve no purpose. I'm not sure this online thing is for me at all. Honestly? Get used to it. It could be any number of reasons. He's actually married, he got back together with a girlfriend, he has a FWB and doesn't have the impetus to find someone, etc. You can't take anything personally in online dating or it will drive you mad. Anything related to online activity lends itself to flakes.
Author lilbunny Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 Honestly? Get used to it. It could be any number of reasons. He's actually married, he got back together with a girlfriend, he has a FWB and doesn't have the impetus to find someone, etc. You can't take anything personally in online dating or it will drive you mad. Anything related to online activity lends itself to flakes. I guess so, it isn't cheap though. I would feel agrieved to waste the money on just to be time wasting! It is not so much a case of taking it personally, but I find it baffling. It is certainly not my way of going about things.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I did think if he was interested he would have at least been in touch to set up a date of some sort. My only reservation was that I wondered if they were more likely to leave it to the girl because of the safety/meeting strangers issue. I am bemused as to why someone would spend rather a lot of time emailing, ask to take me out, give out their number and respond immediately, say unprompted how much they had enjoyed the chat etc then just not bother anymore. It seems an odd way of going on and wasting everyone's time including his own to serve no purpose. I'm not sure this online thing is for me at all. Just because I have a lot of experience with this recently. Typically as a guy you have to juggle 4-6 women at once to really have a chance at landing a good one. Once you get physical with one or start a relationship, you have to drop all the others. If you have not been on a date with one... you can just stop talking. I used Facebook to let everyone know I met someone awesome!
bac Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I am new to the world of online dating and to be honest the whole dating game isn't something I've been involved in, as I've generally fallen into a R with someone I knew anyway. I had been emailing a guy for about a week and a half and things were going well. He asked me if I wanted to go out and I said yes and asked if he wanted to exchange phone numbers. He emailed back with his numbers and I sent him a text saying hi etc. We ended up texting each other all evening and he said he had enjoyed it. That was Monday and I haven't heard anything from him since. Firstly, would I expect to have heard something by now i.e. he isn't really that interested. Is he waiting for me to suggest a time and day etc to meet up? Would it not seem overly keen or pushing for me to get in touch? I really am clueless, any thoughts and advice appreciated. Most men do not take online dating seriously. Before you invest your energy and time into a guy, make sure that he is serious about you.
welikeincrowds Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I admit that I agree with your sentiment and I am playing devil's advocate here. I think there's something to be said for people who are trying to make an earnest effort in checking you out. If one comes at an interaction with too pessimistic or cautious an attitude, that in itself will kill any chance at shooting sparks. So even if you're uncertain about a person, it's within your best interest to be into it -- mail, text, flirt, etc. -- until some moment arises where you're sure, for whatever reason, that there's no future. It would be nice to get a little closure, so that you at least know that it's over and not that someone in his family died or something, but the unfortunate standard is to break all contact without warning. Which is ****ty, but it's just something to expect in the wonderful world of online dating.
BobSacamento Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 You effectively want to get back on his radar. The risk in doing this is perhaps he is truly busy. I suggest texting him something harmless. You've spoken to him a lot. Let's say your watching TV and you come across a TV you BOTH like. Send a text like "Hey, I was just watching _____ , I forgot how truly hilarious it really is." If he responds back and he doesn't work in that he wants to see you then you have to move on.
Author lilbunny Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 Well he sent me a message tonight saying since he hadn't heard from me he really hoped I was ok etc and yet again seemed pretty enthusiastic so who knows! I am going to try not to over think and see what happens. Thanks for all of your comments and advice!
lovestruck818 Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 There really is no protocol or rules when it comes to dating. Most women say let the guy come to you....Every guy is different. if you want to contact him, do it. It'll show you are interest. Some guys actually like when the guy takes the initiative. My boyfriend for example. He is shy and that's not his style. If I hadn't taken the initiative to contact him, I don't know if he would have contacted me- and he WAS interested in me. Sometimes ya just have to cut to the chase.
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