That_girl Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 My latest ex decided to cheat on me while he was on a trip. We hadn't been dating long and he made me promise that I wouldn't cheat on him while he was away. Stupidly, I didn't...and he comes back and tells me that he fooled around with someone else. I am absolutely livid that I let him con me into believing that he actually cared about me. He even told me that he loved me after I told him it was over. Now he is begging me to take him back. He wants to buy me gifts to make it up to me. I am freaking out....I don't understand how this person that I cared about so much could turn around and do this to me. Moreover, I feel like his behaviour is borderline insane. He was already displaying controlling, insecure traits before this happened. Telling me to go with him instead of my friend who had no where to stay one night, and telling me what to wear to meet his mom. The worst part is that this is the second time that this has happened to me this year. My first break-up was a lot more difficult to deal with because I loved him and we'd been together for years. But this current guy is so beautiful, and is such a wonderful person one minute....and then a total **** the next. I know that if I take him he'll never respect me, but I'm so insanely attracted to him. It's actually making me sick.
Mutant Debutante Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Ugh, not a good scene. I'm sorry, that_girl. No matter how attracted you are to this guy, you need to run the other way, he sounds like a trainwreck. You might need to think about why you're attracting/attracted to scary meatheads, if this is turning into a pattern. But you know, we all make a mistake in judgment sometimes, and find out someone isn't who we thought they were.
redmelon Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I don't think he can be beautiful and wonderful any of the time if he is also a cheater. You deserve better, and you know it. Onward and upward.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 The worst part is that this is the second time that this has happened to me this year. My first break-up was a lot more difficult to deal with because I loved him and we'd been together for years. But this current guy is so beautiful, and is such a wonderful person one minute....and then a total **** the next. I know that if I take him he'll never respect me, but I'm so insanely attracted to him. It's actually making me sick. That sucks! TG, I think you deserve much better than this. I know some people are going to tell you that your attracting douchbags... but I don't think this is your fault. Sometimes crazy dysfunction can feel attractive, but I promise once you find real quality... these two relationships won't compare.
Author That_girl Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 It just sucks because now I am so totally jaded about everything in life. This year has completely run me into the ground. I'm only 24 and I'm the most pessimistic, cynical and jaded person I know. This whole situation didn't help matters much. Just re-affirmed my belief that you can't trust anyone, and everyone is only out to help themselves. It's not even the fact that he cheated, it's that I truly felt like we were falling in love. And to watch him bawling on the floor by my feet made me feel sorry for him. Why can't I just tell these *******s to screw off?? I shouldn't feel bad at all, but I do.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 It just sucks because now I am so totally jaded about everything in life. This year has completely run me into the ground. I'm only 24 and I'm the most pessimistic, cynical and jaded person I know. This whole situation didn't help matters much. Just re-affirmed my belief that you can't trust anyone, and everyone is only out to help themselves. It's not even the fact that he cheated, it's that I truly felt like we were falling in love. And to watch him bawling on the floor by my feet made me feel sorry for him. Why can't I just tell these *******s to screw off?? I shouldn't feel bad at all, but I do. That's exactly how it goes. You get cheated on once... and it hurts, but you bounce back... twice and you feel like humpty dumpty laying on the ground all in pieces... no way to be whole again. You probably feel bad because deep down you want to believe they loved you. It's a coping mechanism. It wasn't just a mistake, and bawling on the floor is just a way to manipulate. Once you come to terms that these guys are not worthy of YOUR love... because they are broken individuals... you will be able to focus your anger a bit better. Right now your left wondering why they couldn't love you enough... which is simple... they can't love anyone enough, it's really got nothing to do with you. Anyway... I hope you start feeling better. Take some time to get over it, I started dating too soon and the women I met were so crazy it made me feel worse. I spent a whole 2 weeks straight sitting on the couch eating raw cookie dough... Now I've met someone great and I'm really happy! I'm hoping the same for you!
Surrealist Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Not suggesting this guy is abusive but then he did cheat, not a great foundation to build a future on when this kind of behaviour is manifest so early in the relationship. But anyway, typical of abusive people, or otherwise those with behavioural or mental difficulties is: Normal > Abuse > Cry > Normal > Abuse > Cry repeat ad infinitum. There's little hope of redemption for this relationship.
Sivok Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 It just sucks because now I am so totally jaded about everything in life. This year has completely run me into the ground. I'm only 24 and I'm the most pessimistic, cynical and jaded person I know. This whole situation didn't help matters much. Just re-affirmed my belief that you can't trust anyone, and everyone is only out to help themselves. It's not even the fact that he cheated, it's that I truly felt like we were falling in love. And to watch him bawling on the floor by my feet made me feel sorry for him. Why can't I just tell these *******s to screw off?? I shouldn't feel bad at all, but I do.It's hard, that_girl. I know. I'm literally in the exact same situation and have a similar outlook. I'm 23, and was in two breakups this past year. The second break up involved promises and convincing of complete fidelity, and it ended up she was cheating on me the ~entirety~ of our relationship. Yes, she did tell me she loved me and all of that bull****. I felt I was falling for her too. It happened about a month ago and I'm still torn up about it. Like Untouchable said, those kind of people are completely broken. They don't love themselves - infact they're quite disgusted with whom they are. As such, they absolutely cannot fall in love with another person. They're so used to blaming themselves on absolutely everything that ****ing up by cheating really doesn't mean much to them. This girl was extremely beautiful too, and I've never been more attracted to a girl I was dating before. It's hard, but in the end... As hard as it is to emotionally believe, they aren't worth **** or an ounce of our sorrow. It all just takes time, unfortunately
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