Online dating gone awry

[ElleWoods]

Hi,

 

6 months ago I met a great guy online, he lives in my city but his mother is ill so he was overseas with her for the entire time and we actually never met in person. We spoke daily for 6 months, numerous times a day, emails, phone, texts, webcam etc. Over time we developed feelings for each other, and started to discuss being more serious. He is thinking about staying overseas so we discussed having a few visit and if all goes well then we will discuss a more permanent move.

 

After 3 months, we had started having problems because of distance and not being able to meet so I suggested a bit of a break just until he comes back here for good (at that time he was still sure he was coming back to my city)...he freaked out and accused me of threatening him etc. he got quite insecure...anyway the result was we became estranged for a few weeks and didn't talk at all for 2. Anyway, one day we had a big talk online and decided that we really liked each other and wanted to take the next step so that is when we began discussing the visits and permanent move.

 

Three weeks ago i signed into msn and he had left me this cryptic msg that i immediately interpreted as him dumping me, so of course rather then control myself I immediately sent him a million emails asking for him to please explain what he meant, was he dumping me, what was happening etc. I wasn't accusatory though, I was asking him to explain, but I was panicking and frantic. A couple of days went by and I continued to send these one line emails pleading (I am embarrased to admit that) for an explanation....this went on for 10 days, the whole time I would see him on msn but he would not respond to me, I was also sending him emails telling him he was cruel to ignore me. Then on the 10th day of silence I sent him a string of nasty emails telling him we are done, he is cruel, acting like a total jerk, wish I never met him. the next day I saw that he blocked and deleted me from msn. We had a situation earlier in the summer before the estrangement where I also sent him a slew of emails and that is sort of what led to the estrangement as well and he said it scared him and he hated it and made him want to stay away. So this time, I sent all those emails AND said we were done.

 

I wish I would have just composed myself rather then acting like a total psycho...I am beating myself up for all those emails. I did send one last one after not sendng any for a week, just stating I should have handled this situation better and I am sorry for losing control.

 

I feel like a total loser for losing control and I am wondering if I have driven him away forever.

 

Any advice would be appreciated....and no need for comments on how psycho I made myself look by sending all those emails....I know I made myself look needy, desperate and pathetic and I am not proud of that.

 

Sorry this is so long!! Thanks!!

 

P.S. the content of the emails was not psycho...they were a long the lines of "what happened", "whats going on", "whatever it is just please talk to me", but rather the sheer volume of them was insane.

Edited October 7, 2010 by ElleWoods

[BackUpOrGetStung]

I think you should look for someone who is available to you, and that should eliminate a lot of your insecurity and communication lapses.

[2sure]

I think that your out of control and somewhat irrational responses stemmed from the confusion and anxiety of having an in depth relationship with permanent expectations...with someone you have never met in person. You are stretching reality and reason. Not to say your feelings and emotions are not very sincere and real...but they are based on so many unknowns there is no way to find a comfortable secure place...because there isnt one.

[ElleWoods]

Hi,

 

thanks for the replies....I agree with both of you. I can't believe I stayed involved for so long....the whole time I kept telling myself this is silly, get out, but I just let it drag on and on. I think my expectations got the best of me.