What the hell happend?

[tristanalterego]

Hey guys.

O.k, I’ve never tried anything like this before, but quite simply I’m confused and really hoping for some opinions from people who have either been through this before, or alternatively can give some sound advice on what some of the reasons may be.

I guess I’ll start right at the beginning… I attended a party about a month ago, just your normal every day party full of people drinking, dancing and chatting. I didn’t know anyone there as I’m new to the area and found myself lost in numerous conversations. As the night drew on I found myself engaged in conversation with a couple of girls, one of which caught my eye, at first I guess I just thought ‘yeah she’s cute’ but nothing too carried away.

As we chatted I realized she was flirting heavily, and I found myself starting to become attracted, in fact I found myself flirting heavily back, sharing drinks (they were becoming in short supply), we seemed to have serious physical attraction and it soon became apparent to everyone around us that we liked each other… her friends investigating my current relationship status and me likewise.

Throughout the rest of the night we were in separable, and I ended up staying the night. We lay in bed together and as soon as we were alone we began kissing and exploring each other’s bodies… breaking occasionally for conversation, we didn’t sleep together but stayed awake all night talking and kissing and well… other things.

That morning we went for breakfast and it soon became apparent that we had un-finished business… the sexual tension was un-bearable; and we hurried back and, well satisfied our urges… it was actually very beautiful, and then we lay there all morning staring at each other, talking, kissing and well you can imagine.This continued for the next three days, and it was perfect, the chemistry was so strong and physically we were unbelievable… I couldn’t believe how relaxed we were together, especially since neither of us had slipped into bed with someone so quickly.

After that third day (and night) I had to return to work for 2 weeks, we stayed in constant contact, flirtatious texting, talking for hours on a night time, not wanting to leave conversations… it was great getting to know her more just through talking, and I found myself even more attracted to her. We began counting the days down and making plans for my return.

When I returned I went straight around to her house and pretty much picked up where we left off, staring at each other, touching each other constantly kissing whenever we were alone. We ended up going out that evening for a very romantic date, she took me a very private special place of hers, secluded from society, she claimed she’d never taken anybody there before, we got a bottle of wine, a pizza and sat under the moonlight… just talking and kissing and cuddling… it was beautiful.

That week was pretty much similar, we couldn’t keep from contacting each other, and when we were together most of the time, I was becoming very excited about where this was heading!

On my last night, I assumed we would spend the night together as usual, I planned a picnic in a park, picked out a beautiful spot overlooking the city and we sat eating talking and being all over each other for hours… and then it all went wrong!

Out of nowhere she turned to me and basically said that she really likes me, but this was all more than she expected. Saying that she isn’t in a place in her life for this just yet. I was shocked to say the least, and really didn’t want to stop what we had started, but at the same time didn’t want to seem too pressurizing, I made it clear how I felt, but drove her home and hoped that whatever she was feeling would in turn run true.

Outside her house she kept grabbing my hand and looking at me, she seemed shocked by my reaction, and kept trying to kiss me I asked her not to leave but she insisted that she had to. She kept kissing me, and looking in my eyes she kept saying she really does like me, and said ‘her friends all really liked me’ (I found that bit odd). After about the tenth goodbye and kiss, she got out and left… I was gutted.

Since that moment communication has been little, she has given me a couple very bland messages and a couple calls, but not answering mine or replying when I text… I’m very confused as to what has happened.

 

Thoughts? And pls be critical i need to know!

Edited October 7, 2010 by tristanalterego

[Andy_K]

You scared the hell out of her by being way too romantic, way too soon. You let things move too fast. She expresses this to you, so instead of being a cool, calm guy, empathising with her feelings and adjusting the dynamic between you to match, you basically give her the cold shoulder. No surprise she's pretty much stopped talking to you.

 

Had you slept with her that last night, cut out the overly romantic stuff, and waited until *she* asked for things to move up a level, this story might have played out differently.

 

You can pretty much ignore the "isn’t in a place in her life for this just yet" - make no mistake, if she takes enough of a liking to you she'll move heaven and earth to make it work.

[welikeincrowds]

+1 to the above poster.

 

I realize that this was an emotional left hook for you, but what you did in response was throw a tantrum. Next time, roll with the punch. It's just romance, after all.

[Untouchable_Fire]

You scared the hell out of her by being way too romantic, way too soon. You let things move too fast. She expresses this to you, so instead of being a cool, calm guy, empathising with her feelings and adjusting the dynamic between you to match, you basically give her the cold shoulder. No surprise she's pretty much stopped talking to you.

Had you slept with her that last night, cut out the overly romantic stuff, and waited until *she* asked for things to move up a level, this story might have played out differently.

You can pretty much ignore the "isn’t in a place in her life for this just yet" - make no mistake, if she takes enough of a liking to you she'll move heaven and earth to make it work.

 

Where do you get that idea? I don't even see where he made a move to be exclusive with her.

 

In fact it's just as likely that her real BF came back from a trip so she had to end it with OP.

 

She backed off for a clear reason, and my bet would be that it has something to do with another guy.

[Andy_K]

Are you kidding? He was spending time with her constantly. There's no other guy in the picture... she doesn't have time to spend virtually all her spare time with him, talking to him, and texting him, AND have another guy in the picture, even one away on a trip.

 

He doesn't need to make a move to be exclusive with her to give that impression. They had long, romantic dates, were in each other's pockets constantly, and talked for hours. If that doesn't spell 'relationship mode' to a girl, nothing will.

 

She got cold feet because she felt pressurised by his actions and the amount of time they were spending together and emotional energy they were investing. She felt responsible for his feelings and couldn't handle it.

[alexlakeman]

Welcome to a man's harsh world of dating. Where women spit you out like chewing tobaco once they're done with you. The secret , which I have NOT mastered 100%, is to be strong, and accept being kicked to the curb many times in your dating "career" with no rhyme or reason. You'll never fully understand it. Lol

 

But next time, put some value in your time and do not spend so much time with her. Let her "want" to see you, let her ask when she can see you again.

[FL Lady]

Wow! This must be heart wrenching for you. The only thing I'm not sure of is our age range and what you both have going on professionally or school-wise.

 

She may have done some introspective thinking about her future and has something else in mind for the next 5 years and wants to enjoy dating other guys. Another scenario may be her friends told her to slow down. Another may be another guy somewhere or in her past she is hopeful for. Regardless, the feeling sucks.

 

I don't know. It is heartbreaking for you. It will make you smarter the next time around to guard your heart and feelings more closely.

 

I think we have all experienced the "what happened?"

 

I had this happen to me recently and have NO idea what switch flipped in his brain but he went NC and has never responded to my polite texts. Atnleast she was nice and open with you when she let you down.

[BackUpOrGetStung]

Just don't contact her at all, and she may start to miss you. Just don't be so lovey dovey next time.

[alexlakeman]

She may have done some introspective thinking about her future and has something else in mind for the next 5 years and wants to enjoy dating other guys.

 

.

 

In other words she wants to f.ck like a bunny rabbit, a lot of a guys. Lol